Ok guys here is a decent question for you..

[GreginGa]

We were never lovers so to speak.........I've met some decent guys that would've given their right testicle to be in the same room with this girl muchless try to date her. Doesnt mean I'm trying to rekindle anything. Doesnt mean I'm trying to cheat on my wife. Doesnt mean I ever want to lay eyes on her again. It doesnt mean alot of things. It does mean I hope she is doing ok and I would like to know. Thats it....Nothing more nothing less. If she isnt married then she will make some lucky guy a good wife one fine day.  If anything more can be read into what I've written then keep your thoughts to yourself because you're so way off it doesnt count.

[KenC]

We were never lovers so to speak.........I've met some decent guys that would've given their right testicle to be in the same room with this girl muchless try to date her. Doesnt mean I'm trying to rekindle anything. Doesnt mean I'm trying to cheat on my wife. Doesnt mean I ever want to lay eyes on her again. It doesnt mean alot of things. It does mean I hope she is doing ok and I would like to know. Thats it....Nothing more nothing less. If she isnt married then she will make some lucky guy a good wife one fine day.  If anything more can be read into what I've written then keep your thoughts to yourself because you're so way off it doesnt count.

OK Greg,
You asked the question and I will amend my answer from above slightly. If you have full disclosure to your wife, then it is fine to contact or check on your past girlfriend. If it is something that you wouldn't or won't share with her, then leave it alone. If there isn't anything wrong with it, then you should be able to share it with your wife. If you have to hide it from her, then there is something wrong with doing it.
KenC

[tim 360]

Hey Greg, Methinks you just got some sage advice from KenC. Thats the ticket.

[Albert]

quote = Elen
"How amazing Each time I read such boards I find out something new about our "morals" 

 I want to know about American morals in that matterr - no sex until marriage? what should be a number of date where sex ( if it happened) would be "moral" by American standard?"

- - - - - -

Elen, sorry but it is true.  FSU women are much more likely to have sex sooner than will an AW.  I am not sure that it has anything to do with morals.  I am not sure that sex itself has anything to do with morals.  Just different ways of thinking about something. 

AW aged 40 and up seem to feel it is not a good idea to have quick sex for many reasons.  Maybe it makes them think less of themself, maybe they use sex as a weapon or as a reward, maybe they use thoughts of future sex to hook a man . . . . . I just don't know.

But FSU women aged 40 and up do not seem to have these aversions to quick sex . . .  for whatever reasons.

I am very happy with the way many (most??) of the aged 40 and up FSU women think regarding sex.

[GreginGa]

OK Greg,
You asked the question and I will amend my answer from above slightly. If you have full disclosure to your wife, then it is fine to contact or check on your past girlfriend. If it is something that you wouldn't or won't share with her, then leave it alone. If there isn't anything wrong with it, then you should be able to share it with your wife. If you have to hide it from her, then there is something wrong with doing it.
KenC

   Now Ken, I think you're a smart guy and you're married to a beautiful woman,but I spit my gatorade all over the screen when I read your reply. I wont be taking your advice anytime soon,but thanks...Not the best analogy,but do you point out every nice ass you see on strange girls? If you say you dont look then you're lying. Telling my wife has absolutely nothing to do with being curious. There is alot of things I dont tell my wife. I like all her choice in clothes and all her cooking whether I do or not. Somethings are better left unsaid.

[Admin]

   Now Ken, I think you're a smart guy and you're married to a beautiful woman,but I spit my gatorade all over the screen when I read your reply. I wont be taking your advice anytime soon,but thanks...Not the best analogy,but do you point out every nice ass you see on strange girls? If you say you dont look then you're lying. Telling my wife has absolutely nothing to do with being curious. There is alot of things I dont tell my wife. I like all her choice in clothes and all her cooking whether I do or not. Somethings are better left unsaid.

Greg,

I really took Ken's comment as a suggestion to examine your motives. What you are inquiring about is a natural question that I am sure many of us have. The question, in my mind anyway, is - what good can come of it? If the only good is to satisfy your curiousity, then - depending on the possible BAD consequences - it *may* be a self-centered motive driving you and then probably best left alone.

So to Ken's point - how does one make an assessment of the relative good or bad of a decision such as this. Ken suggests (and I happen to agree with him), a healthy marriage holds very few secrets (if any) from one another. If the marriage is healthy, and you are actively communicating with your wife about all of life's issues, challenges, struggles and successes - then the decision to contact an old flame, and keep it secret, is something which would be out of character and, quite possibly, indicative of an UNHEALTHY behavior - in context of the health of the marriage.

I don't know - just my perspective, but I think you should push those thoughts aside, and focus on the life you are building with your WIFE. Impossible to forget, perhaps, but you certainly have the ability to consciously push those thoughts away so that you are better able to spend quality time building a successful future with the one you chose - and who also chose you.

Just FWIW.

- Dan

[PeeWee]

OK Greg,
You asked the question and I will amend my answer from above slightly. If you have full disclosure to your wife, then it is fine to contact or check on your past girlfriend. If it is something that you wouldn't or won't share with her, then leave it alone. If there isn't anything wrong with it, then you should be able to share it with your wife. If you have to hide it from her, then there is something wrong with doing it.
KenC

Yep.

Peewee

[tim 360]

No bad vibes here Greg. I think discussing it with your lovely wife would be a good idea,  like Ken C's amended post stated.  If the shoe was on the other foot and she was sureptiously trying to contact a former male friend,  and.... just how would you like that if you found out???  What would your reaction be no matter how she justified her intentions???  Honestly.

Now,  lets be a little logical here.  Most wives don't want THEIR husband nosing around seeking info about some past female friend.  It will pppeeeee them off and you get to pay.  Maybe the wise course is for you to simply provide what old info you have about the girl to that "interested" friend and let him do the legwork---not you.  Just my humble take on it all.  Tim360

[milestogo]

Well you know AJ thats what I hope has happened. I would really like to know she married and is doing well. She would be about 31 or 32 now. She lived with her mother. Her father had died when she was younger. She had a really good mother as well.  I know she is still very intelligent,very innocent,very humble and very much so still sticking to her values. No doubt about that. I could go into things that made me think she was crazy,but as it turned out she was about normal I guess.  I'm as happy as a pig in slop now,but I do wish her well.   Maybe it's because without her I never would've met my wife. I should really just send her a check every month and I'd still be way ahead and not feel just a little bit guilty as to how it ended.

Greg, if her name is Irina and she has dark hair, I probably know her and have some interesting information to share   I agree with many of the posters not to stay in touch.

[Markus]

Greg,

You asked for suggestions and you got mine. Perhaps you should have included in your thread that you didn't want any opinions that didn't support the real answer you were looking for. Your personal attacks only show that you don't have any substance to support the real answer you wanted. If don't want my opinion, there's an ignore button that you can utilize. Just click it and you won't see what I post.

Mark

[rose]

From what I've read, all comments here are about Greg and his wife. I wonder if anyone thought about that lady in Ukraine? Maybe she was heartbroken, maybe it took her some time to forget him. Maybe she finally moved on and here Greg will come out of the blue with his curiosity. And maybe her wounds will be open again...

Just a thought.

And as to the difference about RW and AW mentality regarding sex... Right, all RW are sluts, and all AW are super religious... Give me a break...  If you want the truth, look around: who wants sex, has it, who doesn't want - doesn't have it. Regardless of the borders and mentality. And please, tell me that AW are more moral, and I'll consider it as a best joke of the month.
What you, foreigners, know about RW? You meet someone online, who is in a search of whatever they are looking for. When you meet them, all those meetings are considered to be dates. Several days in a row, almost 24/7. You both realize that you'll see each other for a relatively short, but intensive period of time, and after that, assuming that you both will like each other, who knows when will be the next time you'll meet. So, why not to take the chance and have a sex, which is a very important part of the life. What if you both like each other, spend many months on e-mails, phone talks, etc., but you will not be happy in sex? You guys try to find out about ladies you visit as much as you can, right? Why don't you think that ladies try to find out as much as they could about you? And since you guys not 18 years old any longer (sorry to point it out), there is a reasonable desire of women to be sure that you still can function in all meanings of this word. 
On the other hand, if you date someone here, you know that there is no rush. And she knows. There is no time pressure... Don't you think it's about a time to start thinking by bigger categories and get rid of stereotypes?

But what can I know? I never dated a guy from the Internet, it was just a guess...

P.S. Seems, I was pretty straight forward, so those who got offended to hear the truth - you got bad luck.

[Elen]

- - - - - -

Elen, sorry but it is true.  FSU women are much more likely to have sex sooner than will an AW.  I am not sure that it has anything to do with morals.  I am not sure that sex itself has anything to do with morals.  Just different ways of thinking about something. 

AW aged 40 and up seem to feel it is not a good idea to have quick sex for many reasons.  Maybe it makes them think less of themself, maybe they use sex as a weapon or as a reward, maybe they use thoughts of future sex to hook a man . . . . . I just don't know.

But FSU women aged 40 and up do not seem to have these aversions to quick sex . . .  for whatever reasons.

I am very happy with the way many (most??) of the aged 40 and up FSU women think regarding sex.

You see I'm that very  Russian woman and I'm surprised to hear what I am "thinking there"  Though I guess if you were dealing only with FSU women involved in dating business ( a tiny persent of all FSU women) you just had nothing to compare with .                 

And you know what I'm sorry but here is a sad truth for you as well - All males who come to FSU are seaking for nothing more than "quick sex"  thinking that each FSU woman is supposed to jump in their bed because she likes that, has "such morality" ( a result of dark communist years  for sure) and males have paid such money for this trip after all for to return back with "nothing" 

[Shadow]

Greg, if her name is Irina and she has dark hair, I probably know her and have some interesting information to share   I agree with many of the posters not to stay in touch.

You probably know her if her name is Irina and she has dark hair ?  That would mean you met almost all women named Irina that have dark hair...  :noidea:

[Turboguy]

Well Elen, you don't see any topics about the mentaliy of American women do you.  It is because most of us spent a lifetime looking for some sign of a mentaliy and gave up.   Persoanally I have not observed that much difference in the time before either RW or AW hop in the sack.  Perhaps I am in the minority with this observation but to me it is pretty similar.

[milestogo]

You probably know her if her name is Irina and she has dark hair ?  That would mean you met almost all women named Irina that have dark hair...  :noidea:

Of course not but he also talked about her father, her age, and her location.  Add that to a few other clues as well as the fact that she was from an agency and...

[KenC]

From what I've read, all comments here are about Greg and his wife. I wonder if anyone thought about that lady in Ukraine? Maybe she was heartbroken, maybe it took her some time to forget him. Maybe she finally moved on and here Greg will come out of the blue with his curiosity. And maybe her wounds will be open again...

Just a thought.

And as to the difference about RW and AW mentality regarding sex... Right, all RW are sluts, and all AW are super religious... Give me a break...  If you want the truth, look around: who wants sex, has it, who doesn't want - doesn't have it. Regardless of the borders and mentality. And please, tell me that AW are more moral, and I'll consider it as a best joke of the month.
What you, foreigners, know about RW? You meet someone online, who is in a search of whatever they are looking for. When you meet them, all those meetings are considered to be dates. Several days in a row, almost 24/7. You both realize that you'll see each other for a relatively short, but intensive period of time, and after that, assuming that you both will like each other, who knows when will be the next time you'll meet. So, why not to take the chance and have a sex, which is a very important part of the life. What if you both like each other, spend many months on e-mails, phone talks, etc., but you will not be happy in sex? You guys try to find out about ladies you visit as much as you can, right? Why don't you think that ladies try to find out as much as they could about you? And since you guys not 18 years old any longer (sorry to point it out), there is a reasonable desire of women to be sure that you still can function in all meanings of this word. 
On the other hand, if you date someone here, you know that there is no rush. And she knows. There is no time pressure... Don't you think it's about a time to start thinking by bigger categories and get rid of stereotypes?

But what can I know? I never dated a guy from the Internet, it was just a guess...

P.S. Seems, I was pretty straight forward, so those who got offended to hear the truth - you got bad luck.

Rose,
Thanks for another thought provoking post. It is so nice to have your point of view. I never considered the emotions of the ex girlfriend. I also like the point about the urgency of the couple meeting as a reason to have quick sex. It makes sense that some will put aside their typical morals because they think that they must live months worth of life in just a few days.

I would also like to comment on Albert's comment regarding RW in their 40's.

"But FSU women aged 40 and up do not seem to have these aversions to quick sex . . .  for whatever reasons".

I dated a lot of AW in their late 30's and 40's while I was single. The women I dated had no aversion to sex either. At times I was very surprised at their willingness to jump into the sack so quickly. I am not making this comment to pass judgement, just to point out that it may be the age group and not the nationality that matters.
KenC

[Muj]

Greg,

I really took Ken's comment as a suggestion to examine your motives. What you are inquiring about is a natural question that I am sure many of us have. The question, in my mind anyway, is - what good can come of it? If the only good is to satisfy your curiousity, then - depending on the possible BAD consequences - it *may* be a self-centered motive driving you and then probably best left alone.

So to Ken's point - how does one make an assessment of the relative good or bad of a decision such as this. Ken suggests (and I happen to agree with him), a healthy marriage holds very few secrets (if any) from one another. If the marriage is healthy, and you are actively communicating with your wife about all of life's issues, challenges, struggles and successes - then the decision to contact an old flame, and keep it secret, is something which would be out of character and, quite possibly, indicative of an UNHEALTHY behavior - in context of the health of the marriage.

I don't know - just my perspective, but I think you should push those thoughts aside, and focus on the life you are building with your WIFE. Impossible to forget, perhaps, but you certainly have the ability to consciously push those thoughts away so that you are better able to spend quality time building a successful future with the one you chose - and who also chose you.

Just FWIW.

- Dan

Dan,

Good point of  view.  Greg I think your setting yourself up for a future problem if you call her secretly.  Maybe asking your wife to help a former friend find a nice guy is a course you already know the answer to.

[Albert]

First to Elen.  If you will review my past posts you will find that I have dated a very large number of FSU women.  And these women were not all involved in 'dating business' as you put it.  I met many women at their jobs (where I was doing business), in elevators of my apartments, in grocery stores, as introduced to me by my other friends, etc.  I found no difference between the FSU women regardless of how we first met.

Second to Rose, let me note that I never said that RW lack morals concerning sex or anything else.  It was Mike who said: "Morals are different there so it's ok to them..."  But even he was not implying any lack or morals, just that there was a different viewpoint.

But I do agree that you made some very good points about why FSU women might have less aversion to quick sex in view of the shorter time period that the man and woman might have to spend together.  I also think it is very wise for a woman to want to find out the capabilities of the man regarding sex before she wastes a lot of time with him.  I think most women do not give this much thought until it is too late.

Third to Ken.  I have also dated many AW in the 40 plus age group.  So I am comparing apples to apples when I state my findings.

[GreginGa]

Greg,

You asked for suggestions and you got mine. Perhaps you should have included in your thread that you didn't want any opinions that didn't support the real answer you were looking for. Your personal attacks only show that you don't have any substance to support the real answer you wanted. If don't want my opinion, there's an ignore button that you can utilize. Just click it and you won't see what I post.

Mark

Dude you are so off on this that I am really wasting my time by replting but here goes..Show me where I said I was going to call...I can show you where I wrote I would never call..Now you said I would call,you said I was an idiot for wondering how she was doing and you said I wasnt commited to my wife for being curious. Like I said without ever being involved with more than one girl should've warranted you from forming such a BIG opinion of me and the situation at hand. Like I said guy show me where I said I was going to call this girl...No need for the ignore poster button. We're all big boys and girls here. Just read and think and reread and rethink before you hit that post square at the bottom of the page.

[Jumper]

Greg-
Seems you have some buddies you feel are decent guys..
that are traveling to Ukraine.
 You have good intentions,  and its natural to wonder
a bit about "whatever happened with,...svetlanakova "
 (if you dont wonder too much lol)

 I'd just give the quality single guys you know, the number or contact info..
if they have any "game" they can get past the question of "how they came by her number " when she asks..and if shes still availble get a date with her..
if shes not youd have your answer,,
if she is available and still looking to the west..
, youd be helping her , thats what it seems you want to do?

and it would also keep any old wounds (of you maybe ) out of the picture for her..
and if she has moved on its easy enough for her to just tell them so...

no reason to make more out of it, and it would only asking for trouble if you did, is what most guys are pointing out?


I well say i know how ya feel..maybe too well.
one RW i met , a travel agent /tour guide with great english..and a very very cool person.seems her estranged local b/f decided to catch her in an alley and pound her into the hospital .When he found out that after she had left him , she decided to meet foriegn men. I happened to be the only foriegn guy she had met..(it should be noted her main reason for ditching the guy months earlier , was his abusive /threatening ways..)
anyway I had heard thru the grapevine she was in the hosp,. and called.
(yes i was still single dude ) she told me she fell in front of a train, her mother told me the real deal..months later.
but yea, i wonder whatever happened ..and if she ever met some decent guy..local or abroad..

at the time  I did give a guy i thought was a good guy -and serious about this venture-   her number and he started calling her,emailing..
 but i never did know if he got off his a$$ to get on a plane or not..
if not, then he was a dumba$$, 

and i've  left it at that.
 

[GreginGa]

You're right AJ and it's good to hear someone weigh in thats been there and done that. I would never give anyone from my little town her number,but I've met a few what seemed like decent blokes that might be interested...Man thats pretty focking sad about the whole falling in front of the train thing...To answer the other question posed her name wasnt Irina, it was Diana....I dont have any of her pictures anywhere and if I did I wouldnt post them here,but I guess I could give them to someone. Like I said I just hope she is doing well. Hell I hope she has won the Ukrainian lottery. ...Playing cupid is not my cup of tea though. I've had bad luck. I guess thats why I would like to hook two up and it work. I hooked my friend with one of the best looking woman I have ever layed my eyes on in  Yalta. He was with another girl and she was a bitch from the word go. So I take a picture of him,give it to the girl working at the desk at the hotel we were staying and a month or so later she calls.

He gets on a plane within days. He couldnt even remember what she looked like. He went to Yalta and spent 12 days with her. The focking guy said he was inlove. He never slept with her. She was a great girl. very modest,very humble,very good English,very very beautiful...He gets back,starts the paperwork....My wife is talking to her on the phone on a regular basis,they kinda become friends and then all of a focking sudden he ups and starts dating a girl with 3 kids and marries her within 3 months...I'm like WTF????...As far as looking back at past girlfriends or whatever,all I can say is the same thing that Garth Brooks fellow said"Thank God for unanswered prayers"....

[Jumper]

Playing cupid is not my cup of tea though. I've had bad luck. I guess thats why I would like to hook two up and it work. I hooked my friend with one of the best looking woman I have ever layed my eyes on in  Yalta. He was with another girl and she was a bitch from the word go. So I take a picture of him,give it to the girl working at the desk at the hotel we were staying and a month or so later she calls.
 He gets on a plane within days. He couldnt even remember what she looked like. He went to Yalta and spent 12 days with her. The focking guy said he was inlove. He never slept with her. She was a great girl. very modest,very humble,very good English,very very beautiful...He gets back,starts the paperwork....My wife is talking to her on the phone on a regular basis,they kinda become friends and then all of a focking sudden he ups and starts dating a girl with 3 kids and marries her within 3 months...I'm like WTF?

amazing.

 just curiuos, friend or no friend,  did you  kick his a$$ ? he needed one? lol

Greg, ive had bad luck in the cupid dept as well.
guys i think are seriuos,,
or have made a zillion trips and never met a good girl-
 asking if i know any..
or constantly whining they cant find a decent RW writing...
give them a number and they either completely blow it off,
 or never follow thru,,
or decide *she* isnt a ten, or too old for them..
..or other lame crap..

honestly i got so tired of it that  i never would entertain the thought of trying now,,
although my wife does occassionally, usually to the same dim results..

i've decided ,
(perhaps a bit judgmentally and from too small a sample group)
that a lot of the guys are self destructive in relationships anyway,,
are not sure of what they want ,
or who they are,
and lack of any real true confidence, etc

and maybe the underlying truth is ,
there is a dang good REASON they are single.

sorry if that offends anyone,,
 just my small experience.
and its enough that i gave up on any of my buddies who were interested..
and yea some of them still go there..with no results.

[GreginGa]

No AJ I didnt kick his ass. I'm letting that new marriage do that and it is doing that. The guy is a doctor and I still consider him a friend,but we dont hang much after that.  I also know what you mean about a guy that would be considered to be hard favored only wanting a supermodel for a wife....The thing is he would call this sweetheart of a girl and she would be in the fields with her dad tending to their potatoes or whatever...She never asked him for a dime,he really liked her mom and dad and sister....I talked to her the otherday and she is still single. She invited me and Katy to Yalta and to stay with her family instead of paying for a hotel. ..If I were single I believe I would take the word of someone and take a chance going to meet someone that someone knew to be a good girl rather than fall inlove with a picture...I got lucky. My wife is a hellava lot better looking than me,more talented than me,smarter that me,taller than me,younger than me and alot of other things that could be considered better than me...The only thing I got on my wife is I will give someine the benefit of the doubt. She trusts no one....

[jb]

i've decided, (perhaps a bit judgmentally and from too small a sample group) that a lot of the guys are self destructive in relationships anyway,,are not sure of what they want, or who they are, and lack of any real true confidence, etc.

And maybe the underlying truth is, there is a dang good REASON they are single.

sorry if that offends anyone,,

My cupid experience has been similar.  Some of my wife's friends are truly wonderful women, wayyyyy above average in both the looks and brains department, but were passed over by potential suitors because of purely superficial BS, a little to old, brunette instead of blond, too tall, brown eyes instead of blue, has a daughter instead of a son, or vice-versa. 

I think most of us married men make the mistake of thinking any other men would be delighted to have a woman as beautiful, intelligent, and wonderful as our own wives are, while in actual fact, most of these nut cases are hung up on nothing more serious than what her bra size might be.  I've given up on the idea.

[GreginGa]

JB you hit the nail on the head....I've heard the same stories and the same old reasons why things didnt work.. The way I see it is,a guy needs to go for the first time just to get over the shock and awe..The second trip doesnt need to be a year later and in January either. I spent the entire month of January in Ukraine once. I keep thinking I'll meet some decent guy oneday that wants to meet a good girl. I know 3 or 4 that I think are about as good as they get...I've given some guys their numbers,but most never call. Of course I would never give a number to just any ole snapperhead. I would like to think they might be somewhat compatable..Some guys think this is as easy as going there,picking a pretty one from a book,asking her to marry and and living happily ever after.