What you don't know about this venture!

[TagUrIt898]

So I titled this thread "What you don't know about this venture", because I can speak from experience.  To all the new comers and guys attempting this journey. THIS WILL NOT BE EASY!  I'm not saying it to be negative or discouraging, I'm saying it because it's true. The process in finding a suitable FSUW is not an easy one.  There are tons of threads here on what to do and what not to do.  What I have yet to see, is what do you do when you actually find the beautiful, wonderful FSUW?  Well, I'm here to tell ya, YOU MUST GO VISIT HER! This is not even an option, you need to know that this venture will NOT be an inexpensive one.  You will spend days trying to find the best airline prices.  You will politic, beg and plead to take time off from work. You will have to board your pets or find pet sitters.  There will be lodging that you will have to find as well.  There is also of course the money you'll have to spend while in country. Yes you will be paying for EVERYTHING, don't even think about allowing your woman to pay for anything, even if she offers. All of this adds up, so I warn that you should be financially prepared for what you're getting into.

The area that I really want to put emphasis on is the separation.  There are many ways to keep in touch. There is of course Skype, there's Viber and then there's the Whatsapp.  None of these will ever take the place of an actual visit.  Taking on this journey takes a tremendous amount of courage, patience and fortitude by BOTH of you!  The distance and time apart can literally destroy your bond. It is up to you both to sustain and keep your relationship nourished.  What you don't know and what no one really speaks of, is the loneliness and isolation you will feel. Not having your beloved near you will one of the hardest things you will endure.  I know for me, personally I have experienced all of this first hand.  This is one of the hardest parts of this venture.  I have sent my fiancé numerous letters of encouragement, not that she needs them.  My Polishka is so very brave and so very strong. She and I agreed a long time ago that we are a team!  That is where you will find the strength when you feel down. Always remember your reasons and why you're doing this.  My fiancé and I communicate everyday, I'm not exaggerating we literally talk or message each every day. It is vital to your relationship to that you stay present in each other's lives. 

Unfortunately, you may or may not have the support of those closest to you.  You will have people question what you're doing.  You will be judged and not necessarily in a favorable way either.  Trying to date/court/marry an FSUW is not a normal venture and there will be many of your friends and maybe even family that will harshly criticize you for even trying.  They're are some they may even ridicule you for not dating an AW. You may find that the only support you have is that of this forum.  I really hope that's not the case, but be forewarned that it's possible.  With all that being said, there maybe times where you question yourself and begin to wonder is this all worth it?  Say to yourself with ABSOLUTE certainty, YES SHE IS WORTH IT!  (Unless you have a bad one, in which case you should drop her like a hot rock lol). My point is stay strong and stay the course. This venture is NOT for everyone, some cannot handle the pressure, the distance, the constant judgement and lack of support. You will need to be stronger than strong and have the heart to see this thru.

I'm not for two seconds claiming to be an expert on FSU dating, I'm just sharing my experience and hoping I can help someone who might be in the same situation.  I have started the K1 visa process and I hope to have my fiancé here by the end of the year (I hope)

If anyone else has anything to add, please feel free to add to the thread. 

Tag

[BillyB]

What I have yet to see, is what do you do when you actually find the beautiful, wonderful FSUW? Well, I'm here to tell ya, YOU MUST GO VISIT HER!

As long as the woman is "into you". A lot of guys make the mistake of deciding to visit the woman based on photos and a few emails. A guy should Skype and call the lady to make sure she's into him. A quality woman would also appreciate the fact a guy is trying to learn more about her brain than buying a plane ticket based on the looks of her body.

[TagUrIt898]

As long as the woman is "into you". A lot of guys make the mistake of deciding to visit the woman based on photos and a few emails. A guy should Skype and call the lady to make sure she's into him. A quality woman would also appreciate the fact a guy is trying to learn more about her brain than buying a plane ticket based on the looks of her body.

Well said Billy, I agree.

[Miquel Westano]

Unfortunately, you may or may not have the support of those closest to you.  You will have people question what you're doing.  You will be judged and not necessarily in a favorable way either.  Trying to date/court/marry an FSUW is not a normal venture and there will be many of your friends and maybe even family that will harshly criticize you for even trying.  They're are some they may even ridicule you for not dating an AW. You may find that the only support you have is that of this forum. 

That seems to be true with everything in life.  So many people want to make themselves feel better by pulling others down instead of trying to raise themselves up.  It is so hard not to let negative things into your life.  I suspect, based on this forum and documentaries I have seen, this journey makes it even harder since the ones you share your happiness with appear to be the ones that throw out the most critical comments.

Tag, you are a good dude.  I know this based on your stories, comments, your job and your interaction in the chat room.  A lot of others here believe that too.  Not meaning to be talking out of school, but I have seen very many positive comments about you and your quest in chat.  You are well liked and respected and I assure you that you are right.  You do have a lot of support here.

MW

[Noch1]

Good topic.

   This is why, this search is not for everyone.
It takes several levels, time, money and mental strength.
For some it takes several trips to even meet the right one, then the process
begins, the waiting, trips, Skype sessions and documents are only one part.
When she comes, there is more, much more and in some ways more difficult.
Language, jobs, driving, the difference in food, cloths and way of life.
Then she/ you may have to deal with separation from her friends and family.
Which means expensive trips home. Those who do not think of all these things
in advance and truly try to understand are in for a rude awaking.

I am sure I have only touched on a few things, the list is long.
Some big things and some smaller. Each is a challenge.

[TagUrIt898]

That seems to be true with everything in life.  So many people want to make themselves feel better by pulling others down instead of trying to raise themselves up.  It is so hard not to let negative things into your life.  I suspect, based on this forum and documentaries I have seen, this journey makes it even harder since the ones you share your happiness with appear to be the ones that throw out the most critical comments.

Steve I agree a 100%. There are some people who thrive off injecting negativity and woe into others lives. The saying "misery loves company" has never been more true. Hey thanks a lot for the kind words too, that means a lot to me. I have gotten to know some of you via the chat room and also through threads and I definitely include you in as part of my support system.  It's nice to communicate and share with others who understand your plight.

Good topic.

Language, jobs, driving, the difference in food, cloths and way of life.
Then she/ you may have to deal with separation from her friends and family.
Which means expensive trips home. Those who do not think of all these things
in advance and truly try to understand are in for a rude awaking.

I am sure I have only touched on a few things, the list is long.
Some big things and some smaller. Each is a challenge.

Very good points Noch and I completely forgot to mention the trips back home. Yes those count as part of the expenses as well.

Tag

[2tallbill]

The area that I really want to put emphasis on is the separation.  There are many ways to keep in touch. There is of course Skype, there's Viber and then there's the Whatsapp.  None of these will ever take the place of an actual visit.  Taking on this journey takes a tremendous amount of courage, patience and fortitude by BOTH of you! 

Getting on a plane and leaving the girl of your dreams is a feat that words can't
accurately describe. Every instinct inside you is to take her with you but you can't.
She cries with giant tears streaming down her face because she misses you already.
You have to put on your brave face and leave her behind knowing it will be months
before you see her again. This pursuit is not for everyone.

Udachi!

Bill

[Nightwish]

And exactly this is what makes my life so much easier.. Ukraine and (half of) Russia is a two hour flight away from here, total of 5-6 hours after I step out the door at home I am touching down in one of these countries if I want to.. and quite inexpensive also, tickets range from $100-$200 depending on day of departure. 

[alex330]

Getting on a plane and leaving the girl of your dreams is a feat that words can't
accurately describe. Every instinct inside you is to take her with you but you can't.
She cries with giant tears streaming down her face because she misses you already.
You have to put on your brave face and leave her behind knowing it will be months
before you see her again. This pursuit is not for everyone.

That was one of the toughest parts of the whole ordeal. The ups and downs of seeing each other is like a roller coaster at times.

[Photo Guy]

Good topic.

   This is why, this search is not for everyone.
It takes several levels, time, money and mental strength.
For some it takes several trips to even meet the right one, then the process
begins, the waiting, trips, Skype sessions and documents are only one part.
When she comes, there is more, much more and in some ways more difficult.
Language, jobs, driving, the difference in food, cloths and way of life.
Then she/ you may have to deal with separation from her friends and family.
Which means expensive trips home. Those who do not think of all these things
in advance and truly try to understand are in for a rude awaking.

I am sure I have only touched on a few things, the list is long.
Some big things and some smaller. Each is a challenge.

I agree- except I don't think you can think of these things too much in advance. Before these issues actually present themselves, it's just all theory. As an analogy, a person may want to join the Peace Corps, then do training, and then go out in the field in say, Ethiopia. Those three stages can evolve in many different unexpected ways that are very difficult to predict and measure in advance. In many ways, we have to follow our instincts along the way. If bombs fall along the way, a change of direction might be in order. I think you have to keep in mind the core elements, like ..Do you love each other? Are your plans feasible? Do you have similar core values? Can you both be flexible and able to compromise where needed? Do you have the necessary strength to do what ya gotta do?   

[2tallbill]

I agree- except I don't think you can think of these things too much in advance. Before these issues actually present themselves, it's just all theory.

Hey Photo Guy, it appears that over the years some of the advice KenC and others
gave you sank in. I remember reading some of your posts where you were wondering
if you should ask a girl to go steady with you after your first phone call. 

Udachi!


Bill

[TagUrIt898]

I agree- except I don't think you can think of these things too much in advance. Before these issues actually present themselves, it's just all theory. As an analogy, a person may want to join the Peace Corps, then do training, and then go out in the field in say, Ethiopia. Those three stages can evolve in many different unexpected ways that are very difficult to predict and measure in advance. In many ways, we have to follow our instincts along the way. If bombs fall along the way, a change of direction might be in order. I think you have to keep in mind the core elements, like ..Do you love each other? Are your plans feasible? Do you have similar core values? Can you both be flexible and able to compromise where needed? Do you have the necessary strength to do what ya gotta do?   

I agree with you to a certain extent. I was more so writing this in the thoughts of once you've found her.  I debated on putting this thread in "Starting Out" or "Experienced". It somewhat falls under both, but think it applies more to a guy who needs to know what they're getting into and how to prepare and deal with this.

I appreciate the responses and everyone's contributions on this.


Tag

[Lily]

TagUrIt898,

Nice first post. I like it.

It almost inspired me to draft something similar, like 'What I didn't know about dating Canadian men in Canada' 

[2tallbill]

TagUrIt898,

Nice first post. I like it.

It almost inspired me to draft something similar, like 'What I didn't know about dating Canadian men in Canada' 

That would be a cool blog 

[BillyB]

It almost inspired me to draft something similar, like 'What I didn't know about dating Canadian men in Canada' 

Lily, I think a lot of guys here would be interested in learning what kind experience on dates you had with Western men and the differences you had with them compared to Russian men. What is better and worse about the average Western man you dated compared to Russian men?

[Photo Guy]

Hey Photo Guy, it appears that over the years some of the advice KenC and others
gave you sank in. I remember reading some of your posts where you were wondering
if you should ask a girl to go steady with you after your first phone call. 

Udachi!   

Bill

Huh? LOL. I don't know who you're thinking of, but it's not me. That's hilarious...
...and good advice from KenC? Really? I guess it's possible... 

[Photo Guy]

Actually, I bet KenC would NOW be able to give great advice, at this time in his life, but
unfortunately he's not here at RWD very often...

[Lily]

Lily, I think a lot of guys here would be interested in learning what kind experience on dates you had with Western men and the differences you had with them compared to Russian men. What is better and worse about the average Western man you dated compared to Russian men?

Very hard for me to draw a comparison. It was in about 2000 when I last dated a FSU man. In Chicago

[BillyB]

Very hard for me to draw a comparison. It was in about 2000 when I last dated a FSU man. In Chicago

True, so the question now is simply "What's it like to date a Candadian man?" Is it true, because they live further north, that they are colder than American men?

[TagUrIt898]

TagUrIt898,

Nice first post. I like it.

It almost inspired me to draft something similar, like 'What I didn't know about dating Canadian men in Canada' 

Hey Lily, not quite my first post, but thanks tho!  It's so ironic that you mentioned posting your experience. I actually told my Polishka about this thread. I asked her to read it and then to write me a response based on her experience with all this so far as an FSUW.  I will post what her reply is here in the thread. I thought it would be interesting for everyone to see the other side/perspective of international dating is.

Tag

[Donhollio]

 A decade ago I took a 4 month trip to UA, I had a visit one trip with no back up if it tanked...and it did!
The girl I met up with told me a few times how there was simply no comparison to her local guys. I tried to get some comparisons from here but she just said WM are different on all levels.
 The problem with Lily's situation is she is in the GTA (Greater Toronto Area). There is a higher demand on your income, the car you drive, and if you own your home. I've heard this from a couple of guys in the GTA, and I've always been happy to not be in their shoes. Now of course it can't be like that for every working stiff (or can it)?
 Having met the lovey Lily on two occasions, I can say with confidence that she can with her personality and bod afford to choose whom she wants to date. She will make some guy very happy one day!

[Photo Guy]

Yeah- she definitely comes across as a high-quality individual. 

[BillyB]

Having met the lovey Lily on two occasions, I can say with confidence that she can with her personality and bod afford to choose whom she wants to date.

Who cares about personality? Photo evidence please! What were you doing looking at her bod anyway? Don't worry, I think Lily knows all eyes are on her when she walks in a room.

[Photo Guy]

I don't think Lily's bod should be discussed.
Of course, a photo would be acceptable.

[TagUrIt898]

So for those of you that have been following this thread I posted earlier that I would ask Polina to write her response and her side of being an FSUW and being engaged to an AM. I copied and I am pasting her email response, so that the words of an actual FSUW.

"First of all I want to thank to my man for his courage, attentivnes and constant efforts. Yes, for the efforts he is making every day! Despite his workload, fatigue and a natural desire just to relax and make time for himself. Everyday he finds time to please me with his messages! And not only messages! Many times he has new ideas, gifts and plans for the future. He is always focused on me and thinks not only about me, but also about all my family and even my friends!!!. Yes, he is the best, and I am not exaggerating! I can keep writing the compliments to about my adorable man, but I want to say now about the importance of making efforts.

Dear men (those who are really looking for their woman, their partner), thank you! Do not give up and do not "play games". I'm not saying anything new.  It would appear that being with 10 women easier than finding the ONE, BUT DONT, FIND YOUR ONE!  I appeal to those, who don't give up and I urge you to keep making an effort.  Yes, we need a lot of strength inside to find time for the beloved (if you have met her), to think about what she might feel when you are so far. You need a huge efforts to court your woman everyday, not a laying on sofa, or drinking a beer, or having fun with friends, etc....But I am begging you do not throw your hobbies! I'm talking about priorities! If you already have your woman, do not miss this chance and please make efforts. I know that your woman will be appreciate this concern and will be happy to pay you back.

Of course, there is the risk of getting caught by the hunter-women for money, gifts, or visa in the end! But the responsibility is on you, dear men! You must remove the rose-colored glasses and see things realistically. I believe that if you are not deceiving yourself, you will never be deceived. In addition, ukrainian/russian women also may be afraid of crazy guyor a deceiver. They also have no guarantee. It happens a lot ... Of course, all individually.I am a lucky woman, I have the best man in the world!!! But even I have some bad thoughts. For example, what if he suddenly becomes bored (when I tell him about everyday things that happen to me)? Or the fear of language (I have this). I think what if he will not understand me? .... But then it was gone and I understood it was nonsense. You can hardly call me a boring person and I am sure I will learn the language in a perfection !;)))  So, I'm smiling to myself and say to: "All fear - it is an illusion". FAITH and LOVE - that's what's important! And of course the EFFORTS! Dear friends, do not forget to make an efforts and then fate will give you the best gift - your friend, partner and lover in one person!

Sincerely yours,
 Polina"


So there you have it folks, I did little to NO editing at all of her post.  I corrected a few things grammatically (please be kind and don't criticize her words/post English is not her first language) I truly wanted her post to be her words, not mine.

Tag and Polishka.