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Author Topic: Ladies who are divorced but no children, would they actually want children.  (Read 21854 times)

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Offline farmer.Al

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I would like to have children and I would like to find a partner who really wants children. I am  searching on Elena's for ladies who want to have children.   A lot of the ladies that come up are 30 to 35, divorced with no children which seems a little odd, if they wanted children and could get pregnant then why didn't they when they first got married?

OK, I  know it is hard to generalise but could someone explain the most likely explanation as to why?

I am selfish,obviously,but I  want to be sure of finding someone who really does want children not someone just saying that to cast their own net wider.

Online calmissile

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I would like to have children and I would like to find a partner who really wants children. I am  searching on Elena's for ladies who want to have children.   A lot of the ladies that come up are 30 to 35, divorced with no children which seems a little odd, if they wanted children and could get pregnant then why didn't they when they first got married?

OK, I  know it is hard to generalise but could someone explain the most likely explanation as to why?

I am selfish,obviously,but I  want to be sure of finding someone who really does want children not someone just saying that to cast their own net wider.

This is an interesting question.  I asked my UA wife her opinion on the topic. I will do my  best to transate what she said.

My brother in law in UA was faced with this issue.  His wife was unable to have children for several years.  They tried for a very long time before she conceived.  It was an medical issue the wife had.  My wife indicated that many of these cases are because of 'female' issues, rather than a desire to not have children.  Apparently, this problem is much more prevalent in the FSU than in the USA.

She has discussed this issue many times since coming to the USA.  A couple of UA friends that she met here in the USA indicated that they did not want children, but after becoming close friends they admitted that they are unable to have children.  Apparently there is a stigma to admitting that a woman cannot become pregnant and only admit it to close friends.

She also indicated that sometimes the problem is the male's ability to have children.  I asked her why and she made some loose reference to Chernobyl as well as being drunks, etc.  I doubt Chernobyl is a legitimate cause, but then it is not my area of expertise.   It is the culture in UA to have children in the late teens or early twenties.  She indicated that it is not common for women to put off childbearing in place of education and career development as is becoming more common in the USA.

I am not sure what to advise you but consider it not usual for women of this age group to not already have children.  I suppose you could ask them why and evaluate their answers, but as my wife indicated you may not receive the truthful answer.

We were fortunate in that my wife came with a wonderful 5 year old daughter, and I had no desire to add a newborn into the family.  You might consider looking for a wife with a young child.  It would indicate that she is likely to be able to have more children, but then you would be adding the responsibility to raising the existing child as though it were your own.

Hopefully some of our female members on the forum can add their opinions to the thread and get a more diverse response to your question.

Doug (Calmissile)

Online jone

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I know many women who are in their early thirties from FSU countries.  I can tell you that the great majority of them, if they don't have children, are planning to have them ..... immediately.





Imagine a giant sized alarm clock going off right next to you, ringing away, with the only way to stop it by jumping your man and getting pregnant.  That about sums it up.

Now, to be truthful, there are two types of women that are on the dating sites.  The first is not really into finding her man.  She might be a pro-dater or someone who has lots of experience dating.  She has made the choice not to have children because her active lifestyle does not include time for them.  Just for the fun of it, label her "American".

Then there is the other type of woman on the dating sites.  She has never found her man, or if she has, he has not lived up to her standards.  So when she finds someone that she likes, she is more than likely going to want to start a family with him.    This is true for most of the women from the FSU that have married men from the West.  See the alarm clock up above!
« Last Edit: December 26, 2015, 01:17:11 PM by jone »
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Offline Muzh

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Offline zooble

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Just bring up children early such as before you meet... but probably not in the first conversation.

Offline farmer.Al

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I know many women who are in their early thirties from FSU countries.  I can tell you that the great majority of them, if they don't have children, are planning to have them ..... immediately.





Imagine a giant sized alarm clock going off right next to you, ringing away, with the only way to stop it by jumping your man and getting pregnant.  That about sums it up.

Now, to be truthful, there are two types of women that are on the dating sites.  The first is not really into finding her man.  She might be a pro-dater or someone who has lots of experience dating.  She has made the choice not to have children because her active lifestyle does not include time for them.  Just for the fun of it, label her "American".

Then there is the other type of woman on the dating sites.  She has never found her man, or if she has, he has not lived up to her standards.  So when she finds someone that she likes, she is more than likely going to want to start a family with him.    This is true for most of the women from the FSU that have married men from the West.  See the alarm clock up above!

I have lived in Eastern Europe so I  know that they place great importance on having children. Every young woman that I know out there has had children within a year or two of getting married,in fact most have not married until they were pregnant.

That is why it seems so odd to me that they are saying that they want children when they didn't have them when they were married.

I fully understand the situation with never married ladies but not with the divorced ones.

Offline BC

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Despite disparity in age, culture, likes and dislikes, this was one desire we both brought into the relationship. - and it happened rather quickly.

One aspect might be that I find FSUW women quite pragmatic.. and that life choices may well depend on whether or not the ground they sow is fertile enough and can support a child.  I can imagine some may wait for that to happen.


Offline alex330

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I will echo what Cal posted upthread. The only FSUW women without children in that age range have had female issues and are unable to.

In most of the world the sperm count for men has gone gone dramatically recently as well. In Russia it is even more of an issue than elsewhere.

This study has more info on other reasons as well -  http://yaleglobal.yale.edu/content/russian-demographics-perfect-storm

Online Gator

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I know many women who are in their early thirties from FSU countries.  I can tell you that the great majority of them, if they don't have children, are planning to have them ..... immediately.





Imagine a giant sized alarm clock going off right next to you, ringing away, with the only way to stop it by jumping your man and getting pregnant.  That about sums it up.


Farmer Al,  you do not have to ask the question.  The woman who wants to have a baby will raise the subject and she will be as obvious as Marisa Tomei: 

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=My+Biological+Clock+Is+Ticking&view=detail&&mid=6A3F097B18EFDB79921F6A3F097B18EFDB79921F

Online 2tallbill

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Ladies who are divorced but no children, would they actually want children.
« Reply #9 on: December 27, 2015, 11:31:09 AM »
I am selfish,obviously,but I  want to be sure of finding someone who really does want children not someone just saying that to cast their own net wider.

Most FSUW will want to have children especially if they don't have any. Very few will
say that they want children if they don't. If they are going to lie about something
more likely it will be about smoking, since they plan to quit someday.

It's for more common for an FSUW to say that she doesn't want children then change her
mind, than to say she wants children and then decide that she doesn't.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
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Online LAman

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Re: Ladies who are divorced but no children, would they actually want children.
« Reply #10 on: December 27, 2015, 12:10:30 PM »
I think the presumption in Ukraine is to have a child before 30 because you are considered 'too old' to have a child after this. There could be many reasons a women in her 30's has not had children.....not only medical ones.
The women I speak with in their 30's( not kids) seem to want a family, who knows what they really mean. I wonder how strong the urge is for a women to give birth to a child( at least one)!!!!

 
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Offline GuppyCaptain

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Okay, this needs clarification. I thought that all FSUW want to have at least one child, but some of the things written up thread suggest there might be some who don't. Is that right?

I ask because honestly I'd be more than okay without having a child. I don't have any now and honestly the thought of a newborn is not appealing to me. This is one of the reasons why I'm very open to marrying a lady with a child already.

Also, I just don't see a woman leaving her family, friends, and everything she knows and is comfortable with if there isn't a child in the picture already (wants a better life and more opportunity for him/her). Are you folks saying that it's possible there are some that are willing to relocate, don't have a child, and genuinely don't want one? I never thought that a possiblity when it comes to FSUW.
« Last Edit: January 15, 2016, 07:21:04 AM by GuppyCaptain »

Offline Faux Pas

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Okay, this needs clarification. I thought that all FSUW want to have at least one child, but some of the things written up thread suggest there might be some who don't. Is that right?

I ask because honestly I'd be more than okay without having a child. I don't have any now and honestly the thought of a newborn is not appealing to me. This is one of the reasons why I'm very open to marrying a lady with a child already.

Also, I just don't see a woman leaving her family, friends, and everything she knows and is comfortable with if there isn't a child in the picture already (wants a better life and more opportunity for him/her). Are you folks saying that it's possible there are some that are willing to relocate, don't have a child, and genuinely don't want one? I never thought that a possiblity when it comes to FSUW.

IMHO, this type of general stereo typing will only hinder your chances of success. Free your mind of that "in the box" thinking. I've heard that hundreds or even thousands of times on the boards. It's bullshit. Yes, FSUW generally have a different outlook towards having a child but no. All FSUW do not think alike, nor want alike. They are not alike just as their Western sisters are not alike. They are women just like women the world over. Some want babies, some want a few and some want many yet some do not want any.

Some like red, some like black, some like blue. The culture is somewhat different toward having children and beating the biological clock but how they react to it is as different as woman you've known everywhere else.


Offline GuppyCaptain

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IMHO, this type of general stereo typing will only hinder your chances of success. Free your mind of that "in the box" thinking. I've heard that hundreds or even thousands of times on the boards. It's bullshit. Yes, FSUW generally have a different outlook towards having a child but no. All FSUW do not think alike, nor want alike. They are not alike just as their Western sisters are not alike. They are women just like women the world over. Some want babies, some want a few and some want many yet some do not want any.

Some like red, some like black, some like blue. The culture is somewhat different toward having children and beating the biological clock but how they react to it is as different as woman you've known everywhere else.

Thanks. Good advice and I'll try to take it into consideration.

Offline ML

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Yes, don't think they are totally alike.

But still, best to go with the odds.

The odds say that most women will want to have a baby at some point, even as they express the desire not to earlier in their life.

The odds also say that FSUW will be somewhat more desiring of having a baby at some point, compared to WW, even as she also expresses desire not to.

If you really don't want a child, then post that you only want responses from women who have a certificate of sterility.  That should go over big.
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Offline GuppyCaptain

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Yes, don't think they are totally alike.

But still, best to go with the odds.

The odds say that most women will want to have a baby at some point, even as they express the desire not to earlier in their life.

The odds also say that FSUW will be somewhat more desiring of having a baby at some point, compared to WW, even as she also expresses desire not to.

If you really don't want a child, then post that you only want responses from women who have a certificate of sterility.  That should go over big.

 :ROFL:  It's not that I don't want a child. I'm very accepting of women with a child. And for the record it's also not a health issue where I can't physically have one. I do appreciate your advice ML. I think I'll pass on the Certificate of Sterility Part. Spasibo.


Offline Faux Pas

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Yes, don't think they are totally alike.

But still, best to go with the odds.

The odds say that most women will want to have a baby at some point, even as they express the desire not to earlier in their life.

The odds also say that FSUW will be somewhat more desiring of having a baby at some point, compared to WW, even as she also expresses desire not to.

If you really don't want a child, then post that you only want responses from women who have a certificate of sterility.  That should go over big.

It's a hodgepodge. Probably true up to a point. What I've seen from the women in my life intimately and other wise but mostly observation 18-24 year old women all seem to want children. Then as the age progresses and the clock is winding down, it either accelerates or declines from 24. I've known many women that previously wanted children that reached later 20's without them and then decided not to and women hit their 30's without and got on a fast track to make it happen.

Just more reason to stay away from the stereo typing. I've never known what women were thinking. Anyone who says they do know are lying or are delusional. Those believing they know what they want are even more so.

Offline Slumba

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:ROFL:  It's not that I don't want a child. I'm very accepting of women with a child. And for the record it's also not a health issue where I can't physically have one. I do appreciate your advice ML. I think I'll pass on the Certificate of Sterility Part. Spasibo.

If you are accepting of a woman with a child, then I think you can have the best of both worlds.

1. She already has a child, so she may be OK with having only one.

2. In the event that you decide to have another, she has proven that she can get pregnant already. There is some evidence that suggests that women who have had a kid before 30, can either get pregnant more easily, or be fertile for a longer number of years, after 30.

As well, women with an existing child are not as highly sought after; so you will find them more open to you, I think.
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Offline Faux Pas

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:ROFL:  It's not that I don't want a child. I'm very accepting of women with a child. And for the record it's also not a health issue where I can't physically have one. I do appreciate your advice ML. I think I'll pass on the Certificate of Sterility Part. Spasibo.

Sounds like you're open to possibilities, which is good. I haven't been on the soap box in quite a while but there are many threads here where I've preached to "find the woman" that you are looking for. Then, if she has children, doesn't want children, has and want's more, all of those things either get melded into the relationship or kill the relationship.

Find the woman, date her, build a relationship and if love develops, all of other requirements/logistics/baggage will take care it themselves. Somethings you think important to you now, will look completely different when you are on the inside of a loving relationship looking out. Knowwhaddameen? You know what you want "now" but with the right woman those things have a way of changing and you probably won't even see it coming.

Offline GuppyCaptain

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Yeah, I know what you mean. Been there before. I know that sometimes I just worry too much about the details. Yeah, I'm open to possibilities. I just don't think being a Dad to a newborn in my mid 40s is one of them (I'm 41 now).

Offline Faux Pas

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Yeah, I know what you mean. Been there before. I know that sometimes I just worry too much about the details. Yeah, I'm open to possibilities. I just don't think being a Dad to a newborn in my mid 40s is one of them (I'm 41 now).

Understandable. You wouldn't be doing the newborn any favors, either.

I was 43-44 and an empty nester when I started traveling East. I had already raised 2 as a single dad and put them through college. Not only was I not looking for a newborn I wasn't looking to raise more children but, I wouldn't have discounted the idea. The thing to keep in mind is the age group of the women you are dating. Personally I did want a woman at the same stage in life that I was at so, I dated those closer to my age. If you are dating younger women the idea of children or more children will likely arise with every single one. The older the age the less likely but probably never completely.


Offline Faux Pas

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We've had some real doozies through RWD over the years. I remember some, one in particular that it didn't really matter much about the woman, it mattered more that she "did" have a child and it be a girl. His claim was that he wanted her to have one the same age as his so they would have someone to play with. I thought that was way too creepy on so many levels. He was very serious

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Ladies who are divorced but no children, would they actually want children.
« Reply #22 on: January 15, 2016, 12:20:23 PM »
I will echo what Cal posted upthread. The only FSUW women without children in that age range have had female issues and are unable to.

In most of the world the sperm count for men has gone gone dramatically recently as well. In Russia it is even more of an issue than elsewhere.


Many FSUW have used abortion over many years as a form of birth control. I've
talked to FSUW who've had 4 abortions.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

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I would like to have children and I would like to find a partner who really wants children. I am  searching on Elena's for ladies who want to have children.   A lot of the ladies that come up are 30 to 35,



Are women ages 30-35 what you're targeting to bear your children? I wouldn't go much older. The older the women are when having kids, the greater the chances are for birth defects, especially mental defects.


There are people that will pass info about you and your family. Do not share info about yourself or share photos as they can search for you on the internet and distribute what they found since they are allowed to participate here.

Offline alex330

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Many FSUW have used abortion over many years as a form of birth control. I've
talked to FSUW who've had 4 abortions.

I was speaking of the women in my wife's circles that we know. Like you mention I have heard statistics that the abortion rate in the FSU was quite high, but it is not something I am familiar with or that has been personally shared with me.

 

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