Is our future fiancee or wife to be faithful???

[George_123]

I know the fact that all us men in here will have to wait a while before we marry a FSU girl. Long distance relationship is very hard on(Man and woman). Especially, when we don't see each other daily. Talking on the phone is not enough. To build a relationship we do need to have the real thing and more. 

During this long hard wait, i sometime wonder what really happen to our love? As you can imagine,the day when you call her at home, no one pickup the phone. I am sure you asked yourself many times that question  "Is she faithful or not?"

[Sohkay]

You can have this feeling if she lives in your city.
But, I understand what you're saying. My girl and I look at it this way. It is normal and healthy to be a little concerned about this. If she is worried that maybe I'm fooling around, she'll communicate that to me, and I'll work to alleviate her fears. And likewise if I'm worried, she'll do the same. But what if she's lying to me? I don't think she is and I've taken my time with her to get to know her, and I believe, reduced my risk and exposure to risk about this.But ultimately, there is risk and chance-taking involved. There is in any venture worth our time and effort. Know this though, if you develop a successful and loving relationship with each other, you will be able to, at some point in the future, look upon your worries with a chuckle. You'll say at that point, "Geez, why did I worry so much about that?"

[Albert]

A major factor will be the sex drive of the individual gal.  We all (mostly) think we want to have a gal with a high sex drive.  But a gal with a high sex drive will have a much harder time refraining from sex during the long waiting period than will a gal with a low sex drive.

So pick your poison.

[PeeWee]

I don't think that men do a very good job at telling other men how women think. How would they know? Everyone woman has a different thought process and different moral values. If your lady was a virgin and had maintained that she will remain so until she is married then would you give this question another thought? If your lady is or was a prostitute would you think about it the same way? And every possibility in between.

I don't think about it. I don't care about it. What I don't know about I don't care about. And so on and so forth. I dated a tall and attractive RW for a couple of years who liked to dance. She enjoyed the disco on occasion. One time, during one of our phone conversations, she was telling me about her past evening in at a disco when she had worn a short dress and toward the end of the evening a hammered Russian lad ending up kissing her, repeated, on her knees. This sounded pretty funny to me and it was nice that she had shared that with me. As I said, I don't think about this kind of stuff and as a result I get along with my lady just fine.


Peewee

[Turboguy]

I think it depends too on where you are in the relationship.   If you are interested in someone but not lets say officially engaged then I think whatever either does is ok.  I think if you are officially engaged and waiting for a K-1 visa to come through then I think you have some responsibility to behave and she does too.  Not that is is always going to happen but it is what should happen.  I can agree that the more highly sexed a gal is the harder it will be for her but I think most guys have a stronger sex drive then most gals and if we are behaving then I think we have a right to expect them to do the same.

[BillyB]

Don't be paranoid but use common sense. Of course she's not going to be home all the time but if she's NEVER home Friday and Saturday evenings and not working, she might be out partying, getting drunk and/or banging Igor. If you're a stay at home in the evenings kind of guy, find the same in a woman.

[Bruno]

If your lady was a virgin and had maintained that she will remain so until she is married then would you give this question another thought? If your lady is or was a prostitute would you think about it the same way?

Very funny that several will think that a ex-prostitute cannot be faithfull... usually, these women have good sex technic but are tired of sex... when they choice to marry someone, it is because she have find something more that a body, she have find a compatible spirit... When i was in Navy, a friend of me have marry a ex-protitute... they are now married more of 15 year, with 3 child and really happy together...

About virgin, who know... after the first taste of sex, maybe she will like to make some new exploration... a little like when you eat cake for the first time... if you find cake very good, don't you try to taste other one for find the best...

Faithfull or not is something who have to do with character... so, know your lady and you will know if she is faithfull or not.

[wiz]

Don't be paranoid but use common sense. Of course she's not going to be home all the time but if she's NEVER home Friday and Saturday evenings and not working, she might be out partying, getting drunk and/or banging Igor. If you're a stay at home in the evenings kind of guy, find the same in a woman.

Totally agree with you and pewee.

You only have to start worying when you finally you get together under the same roof. Then you real relationship starts and not before.

If you start worrying what she is doing evry moment of the day and if she is having sex with another man, then do not bother with a long distance relationship. Look closer at home!

[Shadow]

Make sure you find a woman with equal values to the ones that you have. Then if you can stay faithful, she can as well. If you are not, chances are she is not either.

[David1963]

A major factor will be the sex drive of the individual gal.  We all (mostly) think we want to have a gal with a high sex drive.  But a gal with a high sex drive will have a much harder time refraining from sex during the long waiting period than will a gal with a low sex drive.

So pick your poison.

Alberts words are wise.

With mine I told her that I would be faithful and I would hope she was also.  She said that she would and we didn't talk about the subject again.  Of course it makes it easier on both people if you visit often during the engagement period this way you can take care of each other and hopefully grow the relationship.

[Elen]

Am I the only one here who think that for to have a sex with somebody woman ( males are another case as well as prostitutes who never could be "former" to my mind but just "out-of-date" ) should be in love with a man but not just have sexual "drive" ? 

[Michelangelo]

Am I the only one here who think that for to have a sex with somebody woman ( males are another case as well as prostitutes who never could be "former" to my mind but just "out-of-date" ) should be in love with a man but not just have sexual "drive" ? 

I agree with you Elen....love is the key. 

It may just be sex until you fall in love with the person, and then it becomes something much greater.

Such love is what we strive for, but sometimes we have to try out several models before we find the best one...or right one.

[Jumper]

As you can imagine,the day when you call her at home, no one pickup the phone. I am sure you asked yourself many times that question  "Is she faithful or not?

well, my first thought would NOT be -
"she's cheating on me or having sex with someone"
"shes being unfaithful"

more likely i would just think-
"she's not home",
 likely doing something routine,just  like myself,, out with  friends or a million other things to do in life.

If you noticed a pattern of behaviuor over some time., with unsusual explanations when you discussed it like adults,
, then you have something to worry about.

Yes long distance relationships are hard, if either party is a suspiciuos type by nature, it will likely undermine the relationship quickly.

Like sohkay stated it's normal to have some small concerns or reservations, but if they are a major concern , or someone is *sweating it* before they are even in a relationship, there is no reason to even start a long distance relationship.

[Albert]

Elen says:  "Am I the only one here who think that for to have a sex with somebody woman ( males are another case as well as prostitutes who never could be "former" to my mind but just "out-of-date" ) should be in love with a man but not just have sexual "drive" ? "

Elen, females with average sex drives for a woman (which means low sex drives compared to men), will never understand the forces which govern women who have high sex drives and which govern most all men.

And be thankful . . . . a low sex drive is something of a blessing.  I am hearing right now from a woman who says she is going crazy for wanting a stiff peter inside her.  Says she thinks she could jump any man . . . . no matter how old, how fat, how ugly.

Average women are spared such anguish that she suffers.

[KenC]

I don't understand the big deal here.  If you do not have an established exclusive relationship, then it is really none of your business where she is and why she is not home.  If you do have an established exclusive relationship, then you should have established a trustful relationship.  If you can't trust your partner, then end any type of relationship you think you had.  No trust, no relationship.  It is really that simple.

Now if your mistrust is unfounded, then it is you that has the problem.  Seek help for your insecurities.
KenC

[Todd]

Ultimately, it is all about trust.  If you don't have trust, then you really shouldn't be involved with someone anyway let alone marrying them.

[BC]

Ultimately, it is all about trust.  If you don't have trust, then you really shouldn't be involved with someone anyway let alone marrying them.

This is one of those 'facts of life' that is so complete and true it is impossible to argue against.

But we so often do just that around here.. 

 

[Albert]

"Ultimately, it is all about trust.  If you don't have trust, then you really shouldn't be involved with someone anyway let alone marrying them."

KenC, Todd and BC:  You are being too simplistic here.

The point is, a person is never really sure about another person.  We can think we are sure and we can choose to tell ourselves that we are sure, but we never are.

So really what you are saying is . . . . just push this issue out of your mind and trust the other person.  This is of course, assuming you see no big red flags.

A naive person will tend to be a more trusting person.
A trustworthy person will tend to be a more trusting person.

[KenC]

"Ultimately, it is all about trust.  If you don't have trust, then you really shouldn't be involved with someone anyway let alone marrying them."

KenC, Todd and BC:  You are being too simplistic here.

The point is, a person is never really sure about another person.  We can think we are sure and we can choose to tell ourselves that we are sure, but we never are.

So really what you are saying is . . . . just push this issue out of your mind and trust the other person.   This is of course, assuming you see no big red flags.

A naive person will tend to be a more trusting person.
A trustworthy person will tend to be a more trusting person.

Albert,
No, that isn't what I said at all. I said:
"If you do have an established exclusive relationship, then you should have established a trustful relationship.  If you can't trust your partner, then end any type of relationship you think you had.  No trust, no relationship.  It is really that simple.

Now if your mistrust is unfounded, then it is you that has the problem.  Seek help for your insecurities"

To further clarify, I will say that in order to be in a committed relationship, a certain element of trust should already have been established or you are a fool.  I would never trust someone blindly without reason.  In fact, I think just the opposite.  Trust needs to be earned over time.  What we are really addressing here is the caliber of character.  Character is shown in many ways and is rather easy to spot.

But there is also a correct time to expect exclusivity and that is where many a guy involved with this process goes astray.  They tend to put all their eggs in one basket (their chosen RW) and hope and pray that she feels the same.  They come home from their first trip and if they are not already engaged (gag me), they are madly in love with their new "soul mate." They spend the rest of their time pinning about "the one RW" until they can afford to go see her again.  This all is a little sick to me.  Life goes on after you leave Russia.  The RW will pick up her regular social habits that she had long established before you met her.  And your social life should go on too.  At least until the two of you can reach a point where you both voluntarily enter into an exclusive relationship.
KenC

[Markus]

I want to respond to Kenc in saying thanks for bringing some relevance to the subject. Kenc, you may not remember your past words, but I can say that you said you made a decision to trust your lady. Those words have stayed within my memory. That decision is something a man must determine before his lady arrives to his home. 

My 2-year marriage anniversary will be next month and my wife is with me, but, I had to endure the waiting period. During that waiting period, I did think about what "she could be doing." The fact is, she could been doing anything she wanted with respect to being unfaithful, and I would not have known. But, I made the decision to trust my wife while in the waiting phase. It's amazing how that trust is like breathing after your wife arrives, but it's trust that is established before the lady comes to live with him.

I think it's natural for a man to evaluate his trust while in the waiting stage. But, if a man cannot trust his lady in the waiting stage, there's a good chance that the lack of trust will be the same after she arrives to the man's home.

I think the long distance relationship builds trust because there's only 2 choices: I trust or I don't trust. We cannot fool ourselves. The man is the only person who knows if he trusts or not.

Mark

[PeeWee]

Man, you guys can go nuts thinking about this stuff. I have known my lady for 4 or 5 months now. Not long at all but not once have has any of these thoughts come to my mind nor do I think they will. As you know I dated an Aeroflot crew member for 3 years. If anyone would have an opportunity to find trouble in any city in the world, much less advances from an amourous Russian airline pilot it would be her. Once again, in three years not on thought about this. I figure is she wants to be around me then she will be around me. if she wants to be with someone else then she will be with someone else. Nothing I can do about that. Either me or he. It seems to me that if she is commited to you and if she is still not faithful then you have a scammer on your hands. You should have noticed some red flags somewhere along the way.

If you can take the out of sight out of mind approach to this then you will remain sane. If you are so suspecious and your suspecions manifest into a unwarranted or unnecessary confrontation with her then you most likely will run the risk of ruining your relationship for no reason at all. Gotta be careful with this one.

Peewee

[bobs12]

Assume she's not. It would be crazy to think she was. A good few of the relationships I've started have been when a girl was already with/leaving another guy. Girls who look for love on the net don't want to be alone. Girls who don't want to be alone, usually, don't.

If you can't live with the idea that your online love isn't faithful (hell, she might be writing to other guys for all you know, waiting to see who turns out best) best to forget it. The uncertainty will torture you and leave a bad taste in your relationship.

Assuming a person has a normal sex drive, going without for a long time is unnatural and probably unhealthy. Undoubtedly women are generally slightly better at it than men, given that it's supposedly harder to detach the emotional side of it.

If she's out getting drunk with friends on a Friday/Saturday, chances are she's not too worried about what someone is doing on the other side of the world. If she wants it and she can get it, you bet she'll take it!

On hte other hand, once you're in a committed relationship, expect the opposite in most cases. The spoiled-bitch type will screw everything that moves when you're not looking, but the one that loves and cares for you and not your wallet won't. That's from experience 

[TheHorseman]

Hell, I was married for 17 yrs.  I found out that my wife was screwing around on me for a long time.. I told three of the four guy's wives about it.   (She's German, well half, her mother was German, her father is an Idiot)  You can never tell when the mood is going to strike them.  If they want to, they will. Married or not.

If you catch them at it and she gives you the story "I didn't think you loved me anymore"  Or "You haven't been paying any attention to me lately".  It is time to move on.  She is just making excusses for getting caught.  YOU had nothing to do with it.

The problem is that we let them do this to US.  We as men need to start acking like men and and stop kissing their asses.  We need to adopt the attitude "If you want to be with me --"  not "What do I have to do to be with you."

I notice in Russia that the men use this tactic when dealing with their women.  It seems to work for them.

[PeeWee]

Hell, I was married for 17 yrs.  I found out that my wife was screwing around on me for a long time.. I told three of the four guy's wives about it.   (She's German, well half, her mother was German, her father is an Idiot)  You can never tell when the mood is going to strike them.  If they want to, they will. Married or not.

If you catch them at it and she gives you the story "I didn't think you loved me anymore"  Or "You haven't been paying any attention to me lately".  It is time to move on.  She is just making excusses for getting caught.  YOU had nothing to do with it.

The problem is that we let them do this to US.  We as men need to start acking like men and and stop kissing their asses.  We need to adopt the attitude "If you want to be with me --"  not "What do I have to do to be with you."

I notice in Russia that the men use this tactic when dealing with their women.  It seems to work for them.

I suppose it relates back to the age old question, whose got yer nutz. Those women that want to be in charge will seek and find those men who don't. The reverse occurs as well. Everything is fine but where the fireworks begins is when the in charge woman meets the in charge and man the a battle insues. Could it happen that two people meet and neither want to assume the role of family head?

AW are being trained to be the ball busters. Chief ball buster Hillary Clinton and her ilk will see to it. RW all seem to have the catalist to be ball busters but for some reason they would rather defer that to the man. If he shows no sign of leading the clan then she easily moves into that role. He is then doomed to be her money machine and sex slave forever more. I think it is time that men stood up for themselves and quit this sitting down when you pee crap.

I am embarrased for the men of my Washington State. Those poor woman dominated metorsexuals had the collective strength to vote not one but three women into office. Our governor and both of our Democrat senators. All three Democrat and all three women. Oregon is just as bad but then they get the tree huggers and Granola eaters to join in down there. "Where's my Burkenstocks? I've got some trees to hug today, if it is ok with you, Honey."

Peewee 

[Sohkay]

PeeWee,
I visited Seattle one time. Oregon, too. To be honest, I was completely shocked at the great numbers of truly unattractive women in that region. Is this an accurate observation or did I just happen to catch some bad days?

Yeah, Maria Cantwell was one the bozos behind the IMBRA legislation. Strange bedfellows on that one. Feminazi Cantwell and right wing wacko Sam Brownback from Kansas.

Sohkay