Relationship is on edge right now...How do I save it?

[ML]

Why don't you try to learn her language....you will score big points

The above is a waste of time . . . except for those who do the below.

I am telling you this from my own experience.....I gave up everything to live with my wife in Ukraine.

Very poor advice to suggest AM learn the language of the woman's country.

This man and most men in this endeavor NEED MONEY, NOT A LANGUAGE THAT WILL BE USELESS 99 PERCENT OF HIS LIVING DAYS.

Better to suggest the man get a second part-time job, start a business, learn some about investing, get an MBA, etc. 

This is the way to spend any spare time which will lead to a better future for the guy and his gal WHEN THEY WILL BE LIVING IN USA.

[Trenchcoat]

Thank you for understanding. That was a little hard to absorb.
I sent her an appology. We're at the 5 month mark here. I visited her once already. I dont want to lose this.
I still need to make her understand this very point.

When you're at the 2 year mark in the US, Green Card, cher ching! and wave good by to your FSW who will drop you like a hot plate and go off with her savings safely stashed, anything you bought her car, clothes, education, etc leaving your finances exhausted and in tatters. She wants to keep her 85K in the bank for after she leaves you and put all costs on you till then. Don't get too taken with the 'man pays everything for the woman' concept, yeah sure he pays for her, but not taken advantage off. Signing up to the paying for woman whole heartedly means you are on the rope for everything and a scammer will move with this - a rich foreigner they are not attracted to is easy pickings for them. She may just regard you as another joe along with all the others to milk from. Make sure there is definite attraction(affection) to you from her before you start paying for anything substantial. Anything more and she is going to go along with as she is getting something for nothing.

I am guessing when you say 5 month mark you mean in terms of messaging, any skyping and your one visit?

You got engaged during or after your first visit? - I assume as you put 'bride to be' you are not married yet.

Have you had sex with this lady yet? (during your first visit I would assume)
If not then the woman has in affect shown very little commitment or affection towards you and I would not get engaged to any woman unless sex had occurred first - many scammers will not want to have sex with a guy and/or show full on affection as they are not there for that, only for other purposes. Even still with sex I would be cautious of her - if she is demanding and giving little this is a sign of a scammer. Her loyalty is to her child at the end of the day not to you or your children. This makes it so risky when a foreign guy dates an FSW with kids, he never really knows until way after marriage and the 2 year visa for US if the woman is straight up or not. Life is hard in Ukraine/Russia, particularly for single mothers and foreign guys are a lucrative market to take advantage off. For all you know she could be secretly hiding a husband, you've only met her once!

This is why many men who are sex tourists go to the Ukraine or Russia and seek out single mothers; they know they are good for the sex (or a fair few should be) as they can dangle the green card or similar in front of them knowing the lady is desperate to get out of the hell hole she and her offspring are in. They have no intention though of marrying them and taking them to the US/UK etc as they lose the leverage they have over them and of course the risk/cost. One of the girls profiles on EM (dating site) I looked at, a single mother, explicitly stated for men who were just interested in sex not to apply as she was looking for a genuine relationship - works the other way men messing with a woman's chances of a real relationship if indeed that what she wanted and not just get one over on the man once her green card came through.

If I were you I would go over there some more once you've established whether she has real affection for you, because of cost of light from the US. This may take some weeks to work out or once your head is clear fairly quickly. If you do believe there is real affection there then go visit her and really get to know her a lot more before you  venture into marriage, otherwise disaster is likely written on the wall.

[Muzh]

This is probably irrelevant but she does have a sister in the US. She has a family she can fall back on if it doesnt work out. Her sister is her best friend.
 Im a future tripper. I worry about these things.
Maybe i do need help with long term plans. But my kids education is important too.  My divorce is recent. I was stupid for starting this early but it is what it is now.

I have money in mutual funds. But to meet some people point here i cant liquidate everything for the same point of it possibly not working out.

I highlighted this for you to read again and again.


If this is the way you feel now, I believe you are putting the horse before the cart. And trust me, she will see that miles away.


Good luck, you are going to need it.

[Trenchcoat]

Rereading the OP I find it even more disturbing that he has already spent 13K (on one woman?) - she has yet to set foot in the US - are you sure its not a VISA scam OP. To spend 13K on a woman you have only just met in a very short time period sounds lunacy to me. I think OP needs to wake up and gain some clarity on the situation, he has two of his own children to be looked after here to put first. Money in no matter how many funds he has will soon go at that rate and of course he has his chilrens education, start in life and inheritance he should consider. Do you know that your woman in the FSU has actually sold her apartment? do you know if she has one to sell or just renting it/government owned, with a child already she may not have had the money to buy one. I would be real cautious OP before spending as more serious money - research her background anyway you can - VK profile (i.e their version of Facebook), other dating sites she may be on. Remember have you tried setting up a fake dating profile and contacting her see if she is willing to entertain another man with similar demands? Try it out I would.

[Faux Pas]

And of course, there is always some advice not worth considering. 

[Hammer2722]

When you're at the 2 year mark in the US, Green Card, cher ching! and wave good by to your FSW who will drop you like a hot plate and go off with her savings safely stashed, anything you bought her car, clothes, education, etc leaving your finances exhausted and in tatters. She wants to keep her 85K in the bank for after she leaves you and put all costs on you till then. Don't get too taken with the 'man pays everything for the woman' concept, yeah sure he pays for her, but not taken advantage off. Signing up to the paying for woman whole heartedly means you are on the rope for everything and a scammer will move with this - a rich foreigner they are not attracted to is easy pickings for them. She may just regard you as another joe along with all the others to milk from. Make sure there is definite attraction(affection) to you from her before you start paying for anything substantial. Anything more and she is going to go along with as she is getting something for nothing.

I am guessing when you say 5 month mark you mean in terms of messaging, any skyping and your one visit?



You got engaged during or after your first visit? - I assume as you put 'bride to be' you are not married yet.

Have you had sex with this lady yet? (during your first visit I would assume)
If not then the woman has in affect shown very little commitment or affection towards you and I would not get engaged to any woman unless sex had occurred first - many scammers will not want to have sex with a guy and/or show full on affection as they are not there for that, only for other purposes. Even still with sex I would be cautious of her - if she is demanding and giving little this is a sign of a scammer. Her loyalty is to her child at the end of the day not to you or your children. This makes it so risky when a foreign guy dates an FSW with kids, he never really knows until way after marriage and the 2 year visa for US if the woman is straight up or not. Life is hard in Ukraine/Russia, particularly for single mothers and foreign guys are a lucrative market to take advantage off. For all you know she could be secretly hiding a husband, you've only met her once!

This is why many men who are sex tourists go to the Ukraine or Russia and seek out single mothers ) they know they are good for the sex (or a fair few should be) as they can dangle the green card or similar in front of them knowing the lady is desperate to get out of the hell hole she and her offspring are in. They have no intention though of marrying them and taking them to the US/UK etc as they lose the leverage they have over them and of course the risk/cost. One of the girls profiles on EM (dating site) I looked at, a single mother, explicitly stated for men who were just interested in sex not to apply as she was looking for a genuine relationship - works the other way men messing with a woman's chances of a real relationship if indeed that what she wanted and not just get one over on the man once her green card came through.

If I were you I would go over there some more once you've established whether she has real affection for you, because of cost of light from the US. This may take some weeks to work out or once your head is clear fairly quickly. If you do believe there is real affection there then go visit her and really get to know her a lot more before you  venture into marriage, otherwise disaster is likely written on the wall.

WOW! Absolutely clueless..............

[jone]

OMG Trenchcoat! 

You are off on so many things.  More reading, less posting.

[GregfromGa]

I can pretty much guarantee that this lady wont be sharing any monies that will be coming her way. She'll expect you to pay it all. Also if she's anything like other situations I have heard she will be very jealous of what you spend on your kids. Of course she'll spend whatever she wants on hers. You have much more work to do before thinking about getting married. One time in 5 months, son you got to do better than that as far as visits are concerned.  I have to go ahead and disagree with ML as far as not learning her language. Why Not?  It certainly wont hurt.  I should've done that.

[Avatar72]

I am guessing when you say 5 month mark you mean in terms of messaging, any skyping and your one visit?

You got engaged during or after your first visit? - I assume as you put 'bride to be' you are not married yet.

Have you had sex with this lady yet? (during your first visit I would assume)
If not then the woman has in affect shown very little commitment or affection towards you and I would not get engaged to any woman unless sex had occurred first - many scammers will not want to have sex with a guy and/or show full on affection as they are not there for that, only for other purposes. Even still with sex I would be cautious of her - if she is demanding and giving little this is a sign of a scammer. Her loyalty is to her child at the end of the day not to you or your children. This makes it so risky when a foreign guy dates an FSW with kids, he never really knows until way after marriage and the 2 year visa for US if the woman is straight up or not. Life is hard in Ukraine/Russia, particularly for single mothers and foreign guys are a lucrative market to take advantage off. For all you know she could be secretly hiding a husband, you've only met her once!

This is why many men who are sex tourists go to the Ukraine or Russia and seek out single mothers   ) they know they are good for the sex (or a fair few should be) as they can dangle the green card or similar in front of them knowing the lady is desperate to get out of the hell hole she and her offspring are in. They have no intention though of marrying them and taking them to the US/UK etc as they lose the leverage they have over them and of course the risk/cost. One of the girls profiles on EM (dating site) I looked at, a single mother, explicitly stated for men who were just interested in sex not to apply as she was looking for a genuine relationship - works the other way men messing with a woman's chances of a real relationship if indeed that what she wanted and not just get one over on the man once her green card came through.

If I were you I would go over there some more once you've established whether she has real affection for you, because of cost of light from the US. This may take some weeks to work out or once your head is clear fairly quickly. If you do believe there is real affection there then go visit her and really get to know her a lot more before you  venture into marriage, otherwise disaster is likely written on the wall.

Thank you for this advise.
Allow me to respond to your questions.

I am guessing when you say 5 month mark you mean in terms of messaging, any skyping and your one visit? This is correct

You got engaged during or after your first visit? - I assume as you put 'bride to be' you are not married yet. Sorry for the confusion. I was jumping way ahead. We are not engaged.

Have you had sex with this lady yet? (during your first visit I would assume): Absolutely. first morning together. We had conversations about sex even before I arrived which she started. Zero problems here.

I think she is very sincere and affectionate. I've met her mother, daughter. Not her sister in US but we've talked. She's never asked for money and any and all warning signs for scammers, she has done the opposite. Your point about coming here is concerning for the reason that she DOES have family in the US. It would make it easier to pull a scam off. But she is not rushing anything or putting pressure on me to marry.

However, your point about her protecting her money is exactly my point and when I share that on here, I get skinned alive. IF she was scamming me, you are right, she wouldn't spend any of it or minimize it. This is why I was making the point that it would be nice if she helped. To show me she's not using me. In my heart I believe she isn't. So I'm probably worried over nothing. But you dont know someone 100% like you said unless you spend more time with them. But out of possible 85K...taking 5 K from that and putting it in an account just for herself (not school money for daughter) is not asking a lot. I don't want the money or to control it. It just means she doesn't have to come to Daddy Warucks for everything. Because at some point, I'm going to have to say "no" to some things and it would be nice to have a backup plan.

[Avatar72]

Rereading the OP I find it even more disturbing that he has already spent 13K (on one woman?) - she has yet to set foot in the US - are you sure its not a VISA scam OP. To spend 13K on a woman you have only just met in a very short time period sounds lunacy to me. I think OP needs to wake up and gain some clarity on the situation, he has two of his own children to be looked after here to put first. Money in no matter how many funds he has will soon go at that rate and of course he has his chilrens education, start in life and inheritance he should consider. Do you know that your woman in the FSU has actually sold her apartment? do you know if she has one to sell or just renting it/government owned, with a child already she may not have had the money to buy one. I would be real cautious OP before spending as more serious money - research her background anyway you can - VK profile (i.e their version of Facebook), other dating sites she may be on. Remember have you tried setting up a fake dating profile and contacting her see if she is willing to entertain another man with similar demands? Try it out I would.

I didnt invest 13K so far. Here is what I said, "Right now I've estimated to be putting in about 13K for everything from trips to see her, all Visa documentation, status changes, travel for her and her daughter to come here and some other short term costs. "

As I've said in other comments, We are not engaged yet. I've only paid for one trip to see her. The rest comes from more, trip, applications, change of status, travel from Russian to US. And I'm being told there is a lot more to go. My investment so far has been around 2500 so far. ...The context is I'm just comparing what I'd be putting into it from first visit to change of status...

you are of the opinion too that my kids come first. Others here look at it more philosophically and say she and her daughter are your family and child and must also be treated the same. She even said herself we all come first, not her daughter. wonderful statement, but don't all of us parents kind of always think of our own blood first?
Yes, I have my own kids education to save for. If she used most of that money for her daughter's education, she almost has enough for a 4 year in state degree already. Light years ahead of what I have for my own kids. And her daughter is only 6....Lots of years to make 10% in a 529 education financial plan. I think she is golden.

I believe the apartment is real. It hasn't been sold yet. There is a tenant. She has pictures, I know how she got it. Her Ex has his own business and had a lot of money. Frankly, if she was scamming me....better off to keep those investments secret anyway.

[Boethius]

However, your point about her protecting her money is exactly my point and when I share that on here, I get skinned alive. IF she was scamming me, you are right, she wouldn't spend any of it or minimize it. This is why I was making the point that it would be nice if she helped. To show me she's not using me. In my heart I believe she isn't. So I'm probably worried over nothing. But you dont know someone 100% like you said unless you spend more time with them. But out of possible 85K...taking 5 K from that and putting it in an account just for herself (not school money for daughter) is not asking a lot. I don't want the money or to control it. It just means she doesn't have to come to Daddy Warucks for everything. Because at some point, I'm going to have to say "no" to some things and it would be nice to have a backup plan.

The point is that in leaving and selling her property, she is taking all the risk.  She has to learn a new language, uproot her child (assuming the ex will let her leave), learn a foreign culture, retrain for employment, and hope her relationship works out.  None of these things are trivial.  So, I understand fully her desire to retain her assets.   I don't think she is being selfish at all, and she is thinking like most women do.

Money issues is one of the major causes of divorce.   If this is an issue for you at this early in the relationship, perhaps you should stick with an AW who is already economically self sufficient.

[dragonkid]

This man and most men in this endeavor NEED MONEY, NOT A LANGUAGE THAT WILL BE USELESS 99 PERCENT OF HIS LIVING DAYS.

I wish i got the chance to talk to you when i first got here. So true, the only reason i am learning russian is i want to go there and actually approach women. Language is no way to help me bond with her on a deep level, or communicate with her parents. Nor do i need to know about her countries history, it will be nice, but not essential. Essentials are money, attraction, and respect.

[Trenchcoat]

Thank you for this advise.
Allow me to respond to your questions.

I am guessing when you say 5 month mark you mean in terms of messaging, any skyping and your one visit? This is correct

You got engaged during or after your first visit? - I assume as you put 'bride to be' you are not married yet. Sorry for the confusion. I was jumping way ahead. We are not engaged.

Have you had sex with this lady yet? (during your first visit I would assume): Absolutely. first morning together. We had conversations about sex even before I arrived which she started. Zero problems here.

Well done there  Having sex and affection is a good sign, however, it doesn't mean that she is definitely legit, scammers are moving away from the old blunt demands for money from someone they hardly or never met as word spread and guys wise up to more softer scamming techniques. If she is receiving anything much of monetary value from you or is talk of it happening then beware. Also, beware if she is just after a green card, her sister already lives in the US for whatever reason - is she just using you as a mule so she can get in and be with her. RW can say all sots of phrases that sound honest and sincere, I had one do similar phrases yet they are worth little if the girl is after something other than you. I think you need to see more of her and make the whole plan to move to the US straight away less on the cards and less straight forward for her (I don't mean real awkward though) and see how she reacts if she goes cold on you chances are she was just in it for that. With the 13K make sure you don't rush into spending it, spend more time with the girl otherwise that money will be easily wasted and you will not see any of it back.

Worth adding that anyone can say anything - i.e say they have 85K when they don't, Sister in the states story, etc - just because someone tells you something doesn't mean its true because they've said it - check out as much as you can to see if she's straight up or trips herself up.

[dragonkid]

Well done there  Having sex and affection is a good sign, however, it doesn't mean that she is definitely legit, scammers are moving away from the old blunt demands for money from someone they hardly or never met as word spread and guys wise up to more softer scamming techniques. If she is receiving anything much of monetary value from you or is talk of it happening then beware. Also, beware if she is just after a green card, her sister already lives in the US for whatever reason - is she just using you as a mule so she can get in and be with her. RW can say all sots of phrases that sound honest and sincere, I had one do similar phrases yet they are worth little if the girl is after something other than you. I think you need to see more of her and make the whole plan to move to the US straight away less on the cards and less straight forward for her (I don't mean real awkward though) and see how she reacts if she goes cold on you chances are she was just in it for that. With the 13K make sure you don't rush into spending it, spend more time with the girl otherwise that money will be easily wasted and you will not see any of it back.

Worth adding that anyone can say anything - i.e say they have 85K when they don't, Sister in the states story, etc - just because someone tells you something doesn't mean its true because they've said it - check out as much as you can to see if she's straight up or trips herself up.

just ease up trench, just take some time out.

[Morty]

75 grand is about right in my book.

As others have stated she has to start again from nothing, Russian women are very hard working but being realistic you have to support her to just get her in the position she was in at home before she can pull her economic weight. That's the cost of importing.

Personally I would tell her not to sell her apartment but keep it as a rental asset, in the event things don't work out she has a home to go back to, it will make for a cleaner settlement and you'll have a home in Russia when trump sends America to the apocalypse (kidding).

You only met once so I doubt you have the comfort to have frank discussions over reality vs fantasy yet. Really you need to slow the choo choo train down, sit down with her and make a business plan of your life together. It's all well and good giving a 6 year old a college fund but pretty useless if you go broke to do it. You need to be a man and show her you have charge of the family finances. In terms of 'skin in the game' she is uprooting her settled life and putting all her trust in you not to screw up her life. Think about how it would be if you went to Russia with no language, no job, no car etc and she asked you to sell your us home, then left you - you come back to the USA with a suitcase.

This isn't a cheap endeavour. If children are involved do all your sums on all the costs very carefully projecting forward all expenses for 3 years minimum. If you can't afford it with some buffer stop here and get off. If you don't you will fight constantly over money, ruin your marriage and end up economically ruined and divorced.

[Gator]

Welcome Avatar!

Your woman seems nice, and she must really like you to introduce you to her family and friends. 

Based on the tone of your comments, it is clear the two of you have not yet reached the "true love" stage.  Discussion of money at the beginning phase will seem odd to your woman, yet it is prudent considering you have some constraints.   Some men call this "converse in reverse," i. e., discussing upfront those topics normally reserved to when you are planning marriage.  Somehow you will have to finesse this seeming more like a business deal rather than romance.

Here are my general observations about FSUW and money: 

1.  A FSUW generally expects her man to provide for her.  Its their tradition, and we want a traditional woman, yes?

2.  FSUW are not lazy and most will want to work.  I know of a few women who managed to find work quickly , e. g.,   a teacher's assistant (if they have advanced degrees), interior decorator, etc.  However, most FSUW will have trouble working once they enter the US.  Few professions are transferrable from the FSU to the US.  For example, a MD can not work as a doctor and after some training and testing could possibly work as a nurse.   Language is also a barrier except for minimum wage jobs.  Thus, your lady will be totally dependent upon you for two years, maybe longer.  Her sister may confirm this. 

3.  Any money the woman has is for her emergencies and her long range plans.  Your money covers everything else including all living expenses.

4.  If committed to their man, FSUW will do their best to make the marriage work.


I have had money discussions with FSUW.  IMO, the best you can hope for is 1) a commitment to follow a budget and 2) perhaps using some proceeds from the sale of her flat to buy a car for her (you will have to pay for gas, insurance, etc.) or to pay for educational courses to obtain a license to work.    BTW, is the $85,000 the current value of her flat?  If this is a value form a couple of years ago,  currency devaluations will mean she would receive much less than $85k.   The economy should improve in a few years, so it is perhaps better as someone mentioned  to rent the flat until the market improves. 

Finally, Avatar, please recognize that marrying a FSUW may not be the best option for you.  If marrying her means you must deprive your children of things important to their lives such as college education, orthodontics, etc., I suggest you walk. 

I wish you the best!

[alex330]

What do you feel are the financial responsibilities of the husband when your Bride To Be arrives in the US?
Is he expected to pay for everything for the wife and child? Including leasing/buying her a car, paying for her re-education, daycare for child, gymnastics for daughter, hair appointments, manicures, all entertainment 100% of groceries etc.?

You are on the hook for that and a whole lot more. You are the man and need to provide. She will probably not be able to work for the first year or two when she arrives. Expenses will go up and it can get tough.

That 85k for her apartment is hers. Just forget about it. She is probably a smart FSUW and will put aside 5k for her own expenses without you needing to ask her. But she will only use it if she is in a bind.

If she loves you and is a good woman she will help as best she can. She will work hard once able to, help contribute what she feels is fair, and stick through the hard times with you. But she will probably never fully give in to her culture that you are the man so must bring home the kill.

[Fashionista]

Am I out of line here? I think she should have some skin in the game. Our relationship and love is real otherwise. She's not a scammer. I asked her if she thought I was selfish or cheap. she said "no". BUT  she's coming off as selfish to me. I need some fairness here. i'm not asking her to pay 50%

Thoughts?

There is an easy solution for your doubts. Sell/cash-in everything you own, resign from your job, move to Russia, learn Russian while supporting yourself and find a decent paying job. I am sure it will turn out just fine then. Let us know of your emotional experiences. Good luck.

[Noch1]

Some great advice out there so far. But reality is after one visit, you are no where near
the end game, if i were her friend and she asked me about you wanting her to set up some of her
money ( This is her safety net) for odds and ends in America, I would tell her to lose you and fast.

Dating and several trips back and forth are the cheap part of this.
Picture when she and child comes, they are bringing 2 suit cases each.
Most everything else is getting left behind. You will need to spend several thousands
the first few weeks. They will need help ( 100% help) for some length of time.
English lessons, school, driving lessons, car etc, etc, etc.
You will pay for all of it, and less than 100% from you is not enough.
You need to plan this like she may never have a job or supply and income.
Anything she contributes ( when ready, could be a long while)
Is a bonus, don't plan on it.

Personally I think the cart is so far in front of the horse here, the horse can't see it.
you need to back up, read here as much as you can. Understand what is really involved with this.
If you don't, you will lower your odds of success. This is not cheap, not easy and the road is difficult.
this is when you get the right lady, if she is even a little difficult, it could be hell,
that doesn't end well for no one.

Do you have any idea what women spend on cloths, make up, hair salons?
quality shops are 4 to 5 times the costs in the US. You think she should have less?
You want a wife who sits home, cleans cooks and supplies sex? you can have it, but thats more expensive.
You want a wife, partner and someone to truly share life with, then you have to be the man, do everything
 that needs to be down to make this happen ( yes means you pay for all) for as long as it takes.

You need several more trips and far more self education, before you think about her money.

[BC]

It's not just money.. there is a lot of time involved during the first years to get everyone settled in.  Orientation, traveling a bit, getting up to speed with driving and other bureaucratic hurdles, language courses, other educational needs, job hunting.. the list goes on and on.  If you are an employee you may have already wiped out your vacation time and need more.. If you're self employed you likely won't be able to be as productive and might even take a few financial hits along the way.  Expect some additional difficulties/conflicts/time if kids are involved.

[2tallbill]

This is why many men who are sex tourists go to the Ukraine or Russia and seek out single mothers; they know they are good for the sex (or a fair few should be) as they can dangle the green card or similar in front of them knowing the lady is desperate to get out of the hell hole she and her offspring are in. They have no intention though of marrying them and taking them to the US/UK etc as they lose the leverage they have over them and of course the risk/cost.

I am sure that there are sex tourists who prey on Single Mothers, however the vast
majority of them go to the pros. Trying to trick a single mother is likely to blow up
in a sex tourists face and look at all the time they had to invest. I'm not an expert
at finding or procuring Ukrainian prostitutes but there are plenty of them and the
cost is cheap.

I could get keeeled for Googling prostitutes or escorts in Ukraine, it's not worth it
to me to do it, but sex tourists can. My guess is that with a little shopping that a
sex tourist can find a limitless supply of prostitutes to line up for $200 per night.

[2tallbill]

It's not just money.. there is a lot of time involved during the first years to get everyone settled in.  Orientation, traveling a bit, getting up to speed with driving and other bureaucratic hurdles, language courses, other educational needs, job hunting.. the list goes on and on.  If you are an employee you may have already wiped out your vacation time and need more.. If you're self employed you likely won't be able to be as productive and might even take a few financial hits along the way.  Expect some additional difficulties/conflicts/time if kids are involved.

+100

Money, time, energy, emotions, and more than a few tears

[Trenchcoat]

just ease up trench, just take some time out.

You could be right DK I get a bit heavily involved sometimes.

Still she's planning to sell up after just one visit from OP  how long was he out there for? Worth OP checking her out further and spending more time with I think.

[Boethius]

I moved in with my husband (unofficially) after knowing him one week.  You'd better warn him that I could be a scammer.

[dragonkid]

You could be right DK I get a bit heavily involved sometimes.

Still she's planning to sell up after just one visit from OP  how long was he out there for? Worth OP checking her out further and spending more time with I think.

with my russian ex we got talking about lots of stuff, from money, kids, my family, her family, what she wants from a man, her spending habits, my problems with marriage, possible solutions, she suggested that she could get a visa for Germany,future visits, this is within a week of me staying with her. It was talking, i more than her, wanted to know if she was right for me. i didn't want to spend my time with a person who was on a different page. You missed out on this talking, you should of done with your woman, you would of maybe spotted something. My point is plans does not mean it is set in stone, me and my ex planned to live together in russia for a year or 2, it was important for me to live with her for a long period of time, even if i got paid peanuts in russia working in recruitment to get the work visa to stay for a few years.