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Author Topic: Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?  (Read 5126 times)

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Online 2tallbill

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Go back and watch Eddie Murphy's RAW standup routine.  He thought he would go get a b#*ch from the African bush and she'd be different...lol.  You do understand they will get used to America and talk to American women at some point.  I lived in Texas 11 years myself.  If you're in BFE Texas (ex had relatives in Odessa, Tx and Longview, Tx and they both qualify) then she's going to get bored quick.  Not to mention the long hours that doctors work.  You need substance over flash!!

He needs to find a woman who likes many of the same things he does. If he likes to
golf, horseback ride, garden, karaoke, ball room dance, play bridge or pinochle,
backpacking, fishing, hobbies* etc,  then he can find a woman who likes those
things too and they can be happy in BFE**.

If he doesn't have any hobbies except work then he needs to find a medical doctor,
put her though medical school and bring her into his practice. However, it would be
smarter to find some hobbies* and find a girl who likes them as well.

Who wants to live a life of all work and no play? not me and probably not many
FSUW.

Udachi!

Bill

* you need at least three of these to be happy in BFE** in my opinion AND you need to
do them weekly not once a year on a two week vacation.

** BFE = bum fookee Egypt where there is nothing to do but count the grains of
sand for recreation. If you live in such a place then you need to get some freaking
hobbies.
« Last Edit: July 10, 2016, 02:18:01 PM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline dragonkid

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Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2016, 02:47:28 PM »
He needs to find a woman who likes many of the same things he does. If he likes to
golf, horseback ride, garden, karaoke, ball room dance, play bridge or pinochle,
backpacking, fishing, hobbies* etc,  then he can find a woman who likes those
things too and they can be happy in BFE**.

If he doesn't have any hobbies except work then he needs to find a medical doctor,
put her though medical school and bring her into his practice. However, it would be
smarter to find some hobbies* and find a girl who likes them as well.

Who wants to live a life of all work and no play? not me and probably not many
FSUW.

Udachi!

Bill

* you need at least three of these to be happy in BFE** in my opinion AND you need to
do them weekly not once a year on a two week vacation.

** BFE = bum fookee Egypt where there is nothing to do but count the grains of
sand for recreation. If you live in such a place then you need to get some freaking
hobbies.

My dad and mum share no interests, yet they been married for 25 years, my dad pushed above his weight physically speaking. I don't understand what you mean...... He is just kind hearted, can talk and pierce a woman's heart, sometimes that is enough.

OP's only issue is he is comparing fsuw he wants to meet to the ones he met in US. The ones he met in the US wanted his money, which he didn't want to part with, so if he repeats the same method, why would he get different results? I seen some guys say i could get this back home so why can't i get that in russia, which is fine, as long as you weren't getting sugar babes and now expecting to get something different.
« Last Edit: July 10, 2016, 02:49:22 PM by dragonkid »
Not all of us Brits have terrible teeth, right Msmoby?

Offline Boethius

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Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #2 on: July 10, 2016, 02:50:28 PM »
My parents shared almost no interests either, and have been married over 50 years.



« Last Edit: July 10, 2016, 03:07:04 PM by Boethius »
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

Online 2tallbill

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Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #3 on: July 10, 2016, 06:36:32 PM »
My dad and mum share no interests, yet they been married for 25 years

My parents shared almost no interests either, and have been married over 50 years.

Did he take her away from her home in the FSU, away from all her family and friends
to a land with a new language and culture to Bum Fookie Egypt? While I think it's a
great idea to have similar interests, I think it's critical in BFE. My advice was in
reference, to a foreign marriage relocation to BFE.

However if they did, please tell us how they managed this.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline dragonkid

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Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #4 on: July 11, 2016, 02:20:05 AM »
Did he take her away from her home in the FSU, away from all her family and friends
to a land with a new language and culture to Bum Fookie Egypt?

In matter of fact he didn't take her away, but she had no intention of staying in the UK, she hated it here, and missed her family. He was Muslim she was a catholic, they had culture differences. Guys come here and moan about culture barrier,language barrier, mutual interests barrier, they miss they key barrier, actually making a woman feel valued. If a woman leaves you because of the above barriers, you simply can't sustain a relationship, failure will meet up with you eventually, be in the 1st year or 10th, it will be around the corner to greet you.
Not all of us Brits have terrible teeth, right Msmoby?

Offline Boethius

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Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2016, 08:22:19 AM »
Did he take her away from her home in the FSU, away from all her family and friends
to a land with a new language and culture to Bum Fookie Egypt? While I think it's a
great idea to have similar interests, I think it's critical in BFE. My advice was in
reference, to a foreign marriage relocation to BFE.

However if they did, please tell us how they managed this.

No, but I did all of those things with the better half.  I don't live in "BFE", but I do live in what the BH describes as a "cultural wasteland", as he was used to attending world class symphonies and ballets, and taking the train overnight to Moscow to see art exhibits from other countries (which tend to be across the country here).  So, he got used to buying CD"s of great orchestras and symphonies, and made do with that.

The BH and I have very different interests, other than books.  We are both voracious readers, though he is better read than am I. 

I don't think having similar interests is a requirement of a successful marriage.  I think that is a very subjective criterion.  What I do think is important is similar values.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2016, 05:38:36 PM by Boethius »
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Online 2tallbill

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Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #6 on: July 11, 2016, 11:40:07 AM »
I don't think having similar interests is a requirement of a successful marriage.  I think that is a very subjective criterion.  What I do think is important is similar values.

I agree 100% that you must have similar values.

You and your husband moved together after having a fully formed relationship
and knowing each other for years. I didn't say that having similar interests is a
requirement for a successful marriage. What I recommended was that he find a
girl with similar hobbies and interests IF he moved her to BFE.

I've lived in BFE. During my senior year of high school the school I attended had
48 students and there were 16 in my graduating class. We were over a hundred
miles from the nearest doctor.

There are different levels of BFE. Nearly anyone would call Western North Dakota
BFE. I lived in a camp trailer 5 miles down a dirt road in the middle of a field outside
of Watford City ND which according to google has 3,284 people but it's probably closer
to 12,000. We named our man camp Hooptyville

Then I moved into the big city of Dickinson actually lived in a house with both hot
and cold running water. Angel Eyes agreed to move from Voronezh population
approx 1 million to Dickinson ND population 20K.

If I had left her at home and went to work for 12 hours she would have gone nuts.
We found a thousand fun things to do together. We visited every museum, landmark
and place of interest within hundreds of miles. Mini-me was born and then we had
a hobby that would wake you up at night.  ;D



FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline Boethius

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Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #7 on: July 11, 2016, 01:35:12 PM »
I moved in with my husband the first week I met him.
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

Offline ML

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Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #8 on: July 11, 2016, 01:38:47 PM »
I moved in with my husband the first week I met him.

And he still can't get you to leave ??  :-)
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Offline dragonkid

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Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #9 on: July 11, 2016, 02:09:56 PM »
Bill you assume a man will only do anything if he is interested in it. My dad is not interested in a lot of things my mother likes, but he makes an effort to show interest, visits places my mother likes to see, he hardly does anything he wants, he is selfless, his motivation is just doing what his kids and wife wants.
Not all of us Brits have terrible teeth, right Msmoby?

Online 2tallbill

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Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #10 on: July 11, 2016, 03:57:47 PM »
Bill you assume

No, I didn't assume anything. I was responding to something that the OP said, and one
of the other posters about living in BFE. I married a girl and took her to BFE and survived.

Since the OP hasn't started his search yet and there are literally millions of FSUW,
I recommended that he find one that corresponds with a number of hobbies that
they could do together if he lived in BFE. It's good advice based on my experience
with a very similar situation.

I'm not here to speculate on how non FSU people made their marriages work in areas
that aren't BFE. I do encourage others like Boe to contribute their experience and lessons
that they've learned that can be of benefit to the forum.

My parents (my Dad and Stepmom) have been married for 48 or so years. If I can think
of a lesson from their marriage that would benefit the forum, I would surely post it.

Udachi!

Bill
« Last Edit: July 11, 2016, 04:01:07 PM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline dragonkid

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Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #11 on: July 11, 2016, 04:11:11 PM »
No, I didn't assume anything. I was responding to something that the OP said, and one
of the other posters about living in BFE. I married a girl and took her to BFE and survived.

Since the OP hasn't started his search yet and there are literally millions of FSUW,
I recommended that he find one that corresponds with a number of hobbies that
they could do together if he lived in BFE. It's good advice based on my experience
with a very similar situation.

I'm not here to speculate on how non FSU people made their marriages work in areas
that aren't BFE. I do encourage others like Boe to contribute their experience and lessons
that they've learned that can be of benefit to the forum.

My parents (my Dad and Stepmom) have been married for 48 or so years. If I can think
of a lesson from their marriage that would benefit the forum, I would surely post it.

Udachi!

Bill

You did assume, I just gave you an example of where it didn't work out, and why it wasn't required. You could both like visiting the zoo, but if you don't treat a woman right, what is the point? Get my drift? Just boils down to you, and her, if you both share the same ideals, humor, and outlook that is more important than you don't like salsa and but she does, so she leaves you for a professional salsa dancer.
Not all of us Brits have terrible teeth, right Msmoby?

Offline Boethius

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Re: Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #12 on: July 11, 2016, 04:55:03 PM »
I think different people want different things in a partner.  For Bill, having common interests was important.  However, Bill, I believe your wife's age and likely her personality also played a role in her being happy to live in a remote location.  There is a former poster here whose wife insisted they move into the city because she was "bored".  They lived in a suburb of that city, but even that wasn't good enough for her, so they moved.  She tried 3 careers, all of which he funded, each less satisfactory to her than the last.  They are now divorcing.  Would common interests have saved their marriage?  I doubt it, though they were married over a decade, I believe.


I think most girls in their 20's, unless they are exceptionally introverted, would want to be somewhere where they can go out.  Not necessarily to clubs, but to restaurants, shopping, etc.   That is largely a function of age.


Your wife cooks, sews, cans her own fruit and vegetables, gardens, etc., and was a single mother when you met her.  I suspect even if you didn't have those common interests, she would be a woman devoted to family and you'd be fine.
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #13 on: July 11, 2016, 07:06:24 PM »
I moved in with my husband the first week I met him.

You and your husband moved to Canada together after having a fully
formed relationship and knowing each other for years.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline Boethius

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Re: Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #14 on: July 11, 2016, 08:16:32 PM »
No, we didn't move together, as the Soviet government refused to give him an exit visa. They also booted me out of the country and refused to give me a visa.
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #15 on: July 12, 2016, 03:15:12 PM »
I think different people want different things in a partner.  For Bill, having common interests was important.  However, Bill, I believe your wife's age and likely her personality also played a role in her being happy to live in a remote location. 

Your wife cooks, sews, cans her own fruit and vegetables, gardens, etc., and was a single mother when you met her.  I suspect even if you didn't have those common interests, she would be a woman devoted to family and you'd be fine.

You make excellent points and we don't actually have that many common interests
but the common interests that we do have, I definitely capitalize on them.  I also had
the advantage of working out of my home at least a couple days per week and I can 
also take her, Smiley girl and Mini-me along on business trips. While I often work long
hours my family sees me and I rarely away from home more than 4-5 nights per month.

A doctor usually works long hours and can't bring his wife into the room with him to
talk to Mrs Peters about her bunions or Mr Trout about his gout. Those types often
are workaholics and often don't have much time for spending with family.

Since he hasn't gone searching yet and he lives in BFE searching for a girl with at
least a few common interests along with interests that are transferable to BFE 
could be helpful. Taking her out line dancing once a week and playing bridge at
the club every other Friday along with tending to a flower garden could in my
opinion really help a city girl not miss city life nearly so much.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline jmiller62

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Re: Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #16 on: July 12, 2016, 03:24:58 PM »
I also live in BFE and I purposefully do not message women that are in big developed cities but focus more on small cities. I also tend to only get unsolicited messages from women that like the country side and come from smaller cities. I also ask them first and foremost where they prefer to live, in city or country side. I am too early in this to know if this is a successful strategy so take it with a grain of salt.

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #17 on: July 12, 2016, 03:40:33 PM »
You did assume, I just gave you an example of where it didn't work out, and why it wasn't required.

No, I was talking about an unrelated situation. Your parents aren't from the FSU, your
father didn't try to relocate your mother to Bum F#ck Egypt and they weren't involved
in a relationship where they kindled it while living thousands of miles apart. In other
words, your situation had almost nothing to do with what I was talking about or the
advice I was giving. 

You are trying to insert yourself into a conversation that you know little about while trying
to argue with somebody who does. I have actually done all these things that I am talking
about. I've held and comforted, my wife and daughter who had tears streaming down
their faces who were homesick missing family and friends.

You are more than welcome to participate. 

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline Boethius

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Re: Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #18 on: July 12, 2016, 03:57:01 PM »
No, I was talking about an unrelated situation. Your parents aren't from the FSU,


Do FSU individuals corner the market on feelings of alienation?  Don't you believe those who have these feelings find such feelings of nostalgia, and loneliness, of lack of your language/culture around you universal?

Quote
your father didn't try to relocate your mother to Bum F#ck Egypt and they weren't involved
in a relationship where they kindled it while living thousands of miles apart. In other
words, your situation had almost nothing to do with what I was talking about or the
advice I was giving. 

This, I believe, is an illusion.  You cannot kindle a relationship when you are living thousands of miles apart. 
Quote
I have actually done all these things that I am talking
about. I've held and comforted, my wife and daughter who had tears streaming down
their faces who were homesick missing family and friends.
See above.  This is not unique to FSUW emigres.  BTW, my husband has not once missed Ukraine.  He was surrounded by informants, so he never missed his so called "friends".  He calls his mother weekly, and goes back to see her (he is there right now), but he has told me that once she is gone, he will never go back.  He said the nature is beautiful, the cities are beautiful, the people are not.
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

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Re: Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #19 on: July 13, 2016, 05:24:02 PM »

Do FSU individuals corner the market on feelings of alienation?  Don't you believe those who have these feelings find such feelings of nostalgia, and loneliness, of lack of your language/culture around you universal?

This, I believe, is an illusion.  You cannot kindle a relationship when you are living thousands of miles apart.  See above.  This is not unique to FSUW emigres.  BTW, my husband has not once missed Ukraine.  He was surrounded by informants, so he never missed his so called "friends".  He calls his mother weekly, and goes back to see her (he is there right now), but he has told me that once she is gone, he will never go back.  He said the nature is beautiful, the cities are beautiful, the people are not.

I don't know what you are arguing about or why.

I told Dragon Kid that his parents had a different situation. They do.

My point was about BFE and relocating a spouse. If you aren't talking about BFE
then you are talking about something else. Dragon Dewds parents met each other
in country and they didn't relocate to BFE.

If you want to say that living in BFE is the same as living in a regular place. For example
in BFE, I ran over a giant nail. The tire store wouldn't repair the tire and it took a week
to get a tire that would fit my car. That is BFE. I went to a store and they didn't have
bread, not a single loaf of any type, nor any muffins, rolls or anything else that could
be used to make a sandwich.

To get a package weighed to mail out was an average of two hours waiting in line
at the post office. Fax lines didn't work with their phone system for all of McKenzie
County.

Now tell me how Dragon Dewds parents meeting in the same city and having a
good marriage is somehow similar to a person moving from a different country
and culture and moving to BFE. They aren't similar.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline dragonkid

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Re: Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #20 on: July 13, 2016, 06:01:00 PM »
I don't know what you are arguing about or why.

I told Dragon Kid that his parents had a different situation. They do.

My point was about BFE and relocating a spouse. If you aren't talking about BFE
then you are talking about something else. Dragon Dewds parents met each other
in country and they didn't relocate to BFE.

If you want to say that living in BFE is the same as living in a regular place. For example
in BFE, I ran over a giant nail. The tire store wouldn't repair the tire and it took a week
to get a tire that would fit my car. That is BFE. I went to a store and they didn't have
bread, not a single loaf of any type, nor any muffins, rolls or anything else that could
be used to make a sandwich.

To get a package weighed to mail out was an average of two hours waiting in line
at the post office. Fax lines didn't work with their phone system for all of McKenzie
County.

Now tell me how Dragon Dewds parents meeting in the same city and having a
good marriage is somehow similar to a person moving from a different country
and culture and moving to BFE. They aren't similar.

I think you are missing the most crucial thing, if someone is upset over mundane things you listed, then they are not right for the person. Both of my parents hated the idea of living in the UK, neither of them ever thought they would live here for decades, till they met each other. Their love changed their perception of their environment. I already told the Dr guy about his profession in pm, and how his wife will need him at the start, i think i told him that his wife should open a coffee shop or something like that, anything to keep her busy. if they both enjoyed the salsa, it wouldn't help him, because he would be at work, she needs to do something herself. His situation is different from you, his wife will need a profession, i planted the idea that my ex should be a personal trainer or yoga instructor, something fun for her to do, nothing about the money.
Not all of us Brits have terrible teeth, right Msmoby?

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Re: Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #21 on: July 13, 2016, 06:54:00 PM »
I think you are missing the most crucial thing,

You are entitled to your opinion.

Udachi!

Bill
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline ML

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Re: Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #22 on: July 13, 2016, 09:32:41 PM »
We have had a very successful relationship by following the policy of going out to dinner and dancing twice a week.

She goes on Tuesdays and I go on Thursdays.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Offline Boethius

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Re: Are Common Interests a Prerequisite to a Long Term Relationship?
« Reply #23 on: July 13, 2016, 10:50:34 PM »
I don't know what you are arguing about or why.

I told Dragon Kid that his parents had a different situation. They do.

My point was about BFE and relocating a spouse. If you aren't talking about BFE
then you are talking about something else. Dragon Dewds parents met each other
in country and they didn't relocate to BFE.

If you want to say that living in BFE is the same as living in a regular place. For example
in BFE, I ran over a giant nail. The tire store wouldn't repair the tire and it took a week
to get a tire that would fit my car. That is BFE. I went to a store and they didn't have
bread, not a single loaf of any type, nor any muffins, rolls or anything else that could
be used to make a sandwich.

To get a package weighed to mail out was an average of two hours waiting in line
at the post office. Fax lines didn't work with their phone system for all of McKenzie
County.

Now tell me how Dragon Dewds parents meeting in the same city and having a
good marriage is somehow similar to a person moving from a different country
and culture and moving to BFE. They aren't similar.


Both his parents moved from different countries, and to different cultures, to a third country.  But, that's irrelevant to my point.  My point is, I don't think that whether you move to a big city with lots of things to do, or to the middle of nowhere has much to do with the success of a relationship.  The difficulties in accessing goods and services makes life in general more difficult, but it should not really be a stress on a relationship.  I know this one first hand.



To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

 

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