communication question

[JayH]

So far we have mixed views on this guy continuing contact-
If you think your view is incorrectly assessed  - please say so-
Those on the fence = Miquel Westano,  ML


Those in Favour= LiveFromUkraine, BillyB, Trenchcoat, Hammer2722,  Nightwish,  LAman, Gator, JayH, southernX

Those against = Larry1, jone, BorisS, Boethius, Mr Boethius, 2tallbill, Faux Pas

[Boethius]

It's like the two of you don't even need to talk.  You just sit there and nod.    

Yeah, LOL.  We still talk a lot, though.  Or maybe I just talk a lot, and he listens LOL.

I found that really interesting.  Another reason to not allow behavior like that slide.

That was the reason I said drop her.  I would not have posted if the tardiness were the only issue, but one needs to know who he is dealing with.  Not that, for some men, it matters much, until they come back complaining when they're about to divorce.

[HoundDaddyLee]

I have to agree with Jon, Boe, Larry, FP and others that say to move on. Once the "real man" talk starts, then she will pull out the "I am just a weak woman" manipulation. Better to have discovered this early then after he has invested in a trip and possibly gotten more emotionally involved.


HDL

[LAman]

So far we have mixed views on this guy continuing contact-
If you think your view is incorrectly assessed  - please say so-
Those on the fence = Miquel Westano,  ML


Those in Favour= LiveFromUkraine, BillyB, Trenchcoat, Hammer2722,  Nightwish,  LAman, Gator, JayH, southernX

Those against = Larry1, jone, BorisS, Boethius, Mr Boethius, 2tallbill, Faux Pas


I am not really for or against, I just wanted to point out the poor communication, lack of parameters and as Gator pointed out, the inconvenient in speaking times. Sometimes we get busy in life and we run late on schedules...that is the time to communicate our thoughts/schedule better.

If anything, the girl should dump him.

[Boethius]

I just wanted to point out the poor communication, lack of parameters and as Gator pointed out, the inconvenient in speaking times.

The miscommunication was a non issue for me.  The insult when he was offline, and especially one which has a very particular meaning in Ukraine, was the basis for my view.

[treadmilldude]

I have found, that in my life, if I stand up for who I am and what I want, people respect that.  But the corallary to that rule is that if something presents itself which is undesirable, you may terminate things too early.  All in all, I can tell that I have not made this mistake many times. 

For those FSUW apologists, I can tell you that this type of behavior will go on and on with this woman.  She is single for a reason. 

Again I say that if a woman is really into exploring you as a mate, she will not be prickly on Skype or any other communication.  If she is, do not pass go.  Do not collect $200.00.  It ain't happening.

I almost married twice. Both times, something very deep inside my gut told me the particular girl was not 100 year marriage material and I was taking a risk by following through with a marriage proposal. I have way too many friends (male and female) who have gone through bitter divorces to not be darn close to 100% convinced I am marrying the right woman.

Your post is not completely fair Jone. I am not a bad person. I am a good person. I have a lot of kindness and empathy in my heart. I am single.

[BorisS]

If she is insulting you now and are having other issues this early you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt. Find someone who is really into you and is excited to talk to you and treats you well. Trust me it is worth it.

[Gator]

So far we have mixed views on this guy continuing contact-
If you think your view is incorrectly assessed  - please say so-
Those on the fence = Miquel Westano,  ML


Those in Favour= LiveFromUkraine, BillyB, Trenchcoat, Hammer2722,  Nightwish,  LAman, Gator, JayH, southernX

Those against = Larry1, jone, BorisS, Boethius, Mr Boethius, 2tallbill, Faux Pas

I am for continuing only if 1) he takes control and 2) she provides an acceptable explanation for missing an appointment. 

Clearly, the UW is a strong woman.  Nothing wrong with that, and in fact I prefer strong women.   The man, however, must be equally strong.  Inevitably, two strong people will butt heads.  The key question is whether the two can work together to resolve their conflicts productively.    Some strong people must win every argument, even though the matter is trivial or a compromise is possible.  Worse, they may carry a grudge into the next conflict.  Don't spend much time with such people.    Certainly don't marry them.

Larry's friend does not yet know whether the woman is  reasonable, or whether she considers herself always right.  It is something he needs to determine before deciding to meet her.  And if he meets her, he needs to confirm she is reasonable.   

[Faux Pas]

I almost married twice. Both times, something very deep inside my gut told me the particular girl was not 100 year marriage material and I was taking a risk by following through with a marriage proposal. I have way too many friends (male and female) who have gone through bitter divorces to not be darn close to 100% convinced I am marrying the right woman.

Your post is not completely fair Jone. I am not a bad person. I am a good person. I have a lot of kindness and empathy in my heart. I am single.

Nobody is 100% marriage material including you. No matter what woman you find or where you find her, someone else is tired of her shit and it's generally for good cause. You state you cut it off with two women who were close but couldn't cut the muster, how many cut it off with you? At least be honest with yourself. Everybody has flaws and some of us has serious ones

[alex330]

or whether she considers herself always right.

Rule #542 in the "Married to a Russian Woman" rule book. She is never wrong.

[BillyB]

Clearly, the UW is a strong woman.  Nothing wrong with that, and in fact I prefer strong women.   The man, however, must be equally strong.  Inevitably, two strong people will butt heads.

The same woman can react differently with different men. My wife can be sweet and kind with me but if she got involved with a weak immature man, she'd run him over. A strong man can bring out the best in a woman or at least contain the beast within her.

One reason I would give this woman more of my time if I were single is because my world doesn't revolve around her. I got other options and she'll remain an option. I've had women at home cancel a date with me. Their excuse may be they're sick or something came up and not being specific about the reasons. I don't get mad. I can either stay home and relax or pick up the phone and ask somebody else out.

There is more harm hanging around a woman that is potentially rude or inconsiderate if the woman is the only thing going for a man and he could be wasting his life. If this missing appointments turns out to be a little test, no big deal. The guys should pass the test with an A. If she continues to be tardy then he's got his answer she's probably late to everything in life or doesn't think much of him.

[jone]

Nobody is 100% marriage material including you. No matter what woman you find or where you find her, someone else is tired of her shit and it's generally for good cause. You state you cut it off with two women who were close but couldn't cut the muster, how many cut it off with you? At least be honest with yourself. Everybody has flaws and some of us has serious ones

I resemble this remark.....

[jone]

I almost married twice. Both times, something very deep inside my gut told me the particular girl was not 100 year marriage material and I was taking a risk by following through with a marriage proposal. I have way too many friends (male and female) who have gone through bitter divorces to not be darn close to 100% convinced I am marrying the right woman.

Your post is not completely fair Jone. I am not a bad person. I am a good person. I have a lot of kindness and empathy in my heart. I am single.

Chill, TMD.  It wasn't directed at you.  It was directed at someone across the ocean and someone it takes $3000 to visit.  Very important for all readers to understand that the trip across the big pond has zero dollars invested by the FSUW.  So the only thing she has invested is her conversation and personality.  If the man has to scrape by with less than stellar results in the conversations, then either 1. She isn't serious (or he is not seen as the ONE.) or 2.  She has a less than approachable personality. 

This dating thing with FSUW is supposed to be fun.  You are supposed to be making the trip across the big pond because you are excited to meet someone - that she thinks you're the one.  I would judge my commitment based on her desire to demonstrate that I was the one in her mind.  Of course, if you are doing a WMVM then there is a different level and lower level of commitment then is requireed for a WOVO.   In either situation, this woman still does not reach the threshhold.

[Gator]

Rule #542 in the "Married to a Russian Woman" rule book. She is never wrong.

 

For sure, on the small and even the medium issues.  Yet, a line needs to be drawn on the large issues.  The real challenge is to navigate through that minefield to the other side with both parties in agreement.  I am still waiting for that part. 

So it is better to somehow defer the large issues.

[Jumper]

My husband (who is a "real man"), would have said after that "Well then, go find a real man." 


It would have been the end of communication.  It is manipulation, and that would continue in the future.

LOL!

I have had that said to me, (long ago,in person) and my response was almost to the letter.

I think it went  * Then you should perhaps go find one? * -
I wasn't frustrated or angry, simply matter of fact, as it's what I truly believe.
(if you don't view me as *good  for you*-which is exactly whats being said,  then you should certainly find someone that is,
no hard feelings.)



This woman seems 28 , going on 18 to me.
That's High school level drama/ manipulation.

 I wouldn't have fretted the missed call much (as she did call back)
I would have assumed she had other interests which is fair since we hadn't met yet.
No big deal at all.

What would turn me off is the immediate assumption (a trait seemingly many RW have that i avoid like the plague)
that I was offended when I was  simply returning to work.
Why? well after  talking everyday for 2 weeks i'd be sure she knew I was working during those hours and the situation at work.
 ( i would have made the constraints of talking during my work day clear by then, and how I might have to up and abruptly leave the conversation or be unavailable)

Add in the manipulation to make him feel bad, over her forgetfulness of the time and time constraints,    meh.

 


 I see viber mentioned , and yes that's likely the best new way to do contact as most RW are quite familiar with it.


I'd add that my perhaps hard line approach could lose you a good person, *could* being the key word.
 
 Some women might not like the mentality.
Most prefer confident men though ,
so you wont be shunned over it, that's for sure!
 Another bus comes by every day for a single man with
options, no need to fret losing *the one that got away*.
 

[Jumper]

Rule #542 in the "Married to a Russian Woman" rule book. She is never wrong.

I have a recording of my wife telling
* My husband was correct * yes she knew she was being recorded.
In fact the phrase is so uncommon from wives in general, it is why i asked her to repeat  it so i could record it.

(it's happened a couple times actually)

My wife has a good sense of humor though,   
 so don't try this at home.

 

[2tallbill]

Rule #542 in the "Married to a Russian Woman" rule book. She is never wrong.

Rule # 4 In pursuing an FSUW is make sure you are driving the bus. 

Rule # 63 of FSUW being pursued by a Western man is "Let him think he is
driving the bus"   

[alex330]

I have a recording of my wife telling
* My husband was correct * yes she knew she was being recorded.
In fact the phrase is so uncommon from wives in general, it is why i asked her to repeat  it so i could record it.

You caught a unicorn with that recording 

Rule # 4 In pursuing an FSUW is make sure you are driving the bus. 

Rule # 63 of FSUW being pursued by a Western man is "Let him think he is
driving the bus"   

Pretty much. The old Russian saying about the man is head of household, but his wife is the neck that tells him where to look comes to mind.

[BillyB]

This woman seems 28 , going on 18 to me.

Surely the guy in question didn't make the decision to spend thousands of dollars to visit an immature woman. We are not getting the whole story. We are not getting what was said in the previous Skype sessions. Hopefully the guy decided to meet this woman because he felt she's a quality woman who liked him and not just because of what's between her legs. Maybe Larry can enlighten us how the previous Skype sessions went. Was it fun and did she seem like an intelligent, mature woman who was into the guy?

[ML]

I have a recording of my wife telling
* My husband was correct * yes she knew she was being recorded.
In fact the phrase is so uncommon from wives in general, it is why i asked her to repeat  it so i could record it.

I have had a least a couple of FSUW say this.

Ochka has said it a few times, but not really over something serious.  e.g.  I told her she should or should not put something in her class syllabus, she ignored my suggestion and later said that I was right.

Another woman that I spent a lot of time with insisted that she put a lock on her suitcase when flying.  I told her the authorities or bad guys would just cut it off, but she ignored me.

Later, when she got home, she told me I was right because her lock was cut off at Borispol and items stolen.
But again, she would never admit she was wrong about  some serious issue.

[Larry1]

Here are the girl's last words today:

[12:47:12 PM]: if u dont want speak-say about this as a normal man
[1:18:45 PM]: ok-so goodbye-wish u good luck

I have a recording of my wife telling
* My husband was correct * yes she knew she was being recorded.
In fact the phrase is so uncommon from wives in general, it is why i asked her to repeat  it so i could record it.

(it's happened a couple times actually)

My wife has a good sense of humor though,   
 so don't try this at home.

 

It happened with me in May, 2010. That is the only time though. At the time it happened I didn't realize what a rare event it was.

[southernX]

Here are the girl's last words today:

[12:47:12 PM]: if u dont want speak-say about this as a normal man
[1:18:45 PM]: ok-so goodbye-wish u good luck

so it would appear from his further contact with her their communication is getting stuck over this very small issue about when /how they will meet and communicate ,

thus between them they have revealed to each other they are not that compatible or that at the very least at this early stage their is a sticking problem between them that appears to be growing negatively
and has possibly cut their contact

is it her temperamental nature ??is it his lack of confidence , security issue ??
does not matter imo
so be it  , he wont be left wondering and he now can make a better judgement that he had reason to question her personality , it should also reinforce his own self belief to trust his gut instinct more into the future

be happy and move on 

the right lady will bend over backwards to meet with him and move all manner of things in her life  to make that happen , this lady was not the'' one ''

so he gained some experience , use that and play on imo

SX

[LiveFromUkraine]

Here are the girl's last words today:

[12:47:12 PM]: if u dont want speak-say about this as a normal man
[1:18:45 PM]: ok-so goodbye-wish u good luck


It happened with me in May, 2010. That is the only time though. At the time it happened I didn't realize what a rare event it was.

I'm confused.  haha   Is this guy ignoring her now?  It's difficult to figure out what is happening and why she is responding the way she is.  I can't tell if this girl is whacko or the guy got pissed over something small and took it it out on her.  Or maybe a little of both?

[jone]

Don't think that the guy is pursuing her any more.  Pretty sure.

[Larry1]

Don't think that the guy is pursuing her any more.  Pretty sure.

Correct