How do Russian Men typically treat their women?

[redking11]

Having lived in the USSR and observing relationships of both my and my husband's cousins' children now, I don't see much difference in relationships. Women in Ukraine have always controlled family money. That doesn't mean men are told what to do. It's just the way the society has always been structured. A man's role is more than just a provider of cash.  Roles in these societies are more structured, or delineated than in North America, partly because of feminism and partly due to traditions.

I think the difference is that women there will fight for their man, to beat his addictions or his infidelity whereas here, women may forgive once but will say to hell with you, I can find someone else. In addition, because the West is more egalitarian, women's options in life are not as restricted.

I don't believe there is more family violence there, but the attitudes toward it are different.

Is not letting a future FSUW control my finances going to cause martial problems? No offense but I'd rather leave my finances with my financial adviser/investor, I would never just hand over my monthly pay check to a future Mrs.  ___________. I have heard from people who have spent time in the Ukraine that people there don't have the "save and invest" mentality that many westerners do. He said that despite being poor they all have nice clothes, new phones ect. That if they want something and have the money they buy it, almost without thinking.  Which brings up a question, what some people's opinions here about the "typical" FSW attitude and mentality towards money and finances, how much experience do they have? Does their country value thriftiness or is it a society where people try to look better off than they are, a so called "keeping up with the jones" attitude?

[msmob]

Is not letting a future FSUW control my finances going to cause martial problems? No offense but I'd rather leave my finances with my financial adviser/investor, I would never just hand over my monthly pay check to a future Mrs.  ___________.

Sometimes it is perfectly clear who is 'still looking' and 'no trips, yet' ..

[redking11]

Sometimes it is perfectly clear who is 'still looking' and 'no trips, yet' ..

So you're a jerk that thinks its ok to go around and randomly offer personal insults. Great!, would you mind not making me the topic of any of your future posts? Thanks I appreciate that. 

[LiveFromUkraine]

Sometimes it is perfectly clear who is 'still looking' and 'no trips, yet' ..

You're engaged to one woman and not even divorced from your second failed marriage, correct?  You're right, it can be perfectly clear...

[JayH]

 

[msmob]

You're engaged to one woman and not even divorced from your second failed marriage, correct?  You're right, it can be perfectly clear...

LFU


You perfectly described my situation - save for omitting that I haven't lived with the ex for nearly five years and we hadn't divorced to ensure her son / my step-son could finish full-time education and not have to leave the UK on completion. 


SC was made aware of my commitment to my step-son at  'get go'..


Surely, you couldn't be suggesting some sort of impropriety on my behalf ?


I'd trust them to manage the family budget












 


 

[msmob]

All those trips and still looking?


 

[msmob]

So you're a jerk that thinks its ok to go around and randomly offer personal insults. Great!, would you mind not making me the topic of any of your future posts? Thanks I appreciate that.

I'm just a 'jerk' who read your posts - based on some AWFUL tips you've picked up about ( most) FSU women not being thrifty and your selfish attitude to the institution of marriage... 

[2tallbill]

Is not letting a future FSUW control my finances going to cause martial problems?

I think Bo was talking about Soviet Union life and times. I doubt that an FSUW is going
to try to control your finances. My wife never has.

[Gator]

I think Bo was talking about Soviet Union life and times. I doubt that an FSUW is going
to try to control your finances. My wife never has.

My wife is teaching me that money belongs not to the person who holds it but to the person who spends it.

[JayH]

All those trips and still looking?


 

Duh!
I can see you are channelling Trenchcoat  -  truly a pair !

[msmob]

Duh!
I can see you are channelling Trenchcoat  -  truly a pair !

No need to involve Trench in your obfuscations...   

[LiveFromUkraine]

Surely, you couldn't be suggesting some sort of impropriety on my behalf ?

More like you would be the last person redking should listen to if he wants a lasting marriage.  Now if he wants to get married 3 times (and counting) he should have you on speed dial.

[GQBlues]

Is not letting a future FSUW control my finances going to cause martial problems? No offense but I'd rather leave my finances with my financial adviser/investor, I would never just hand over my monthly pay check to a future Mrs.  ___________. I have heard from people who have spent time in the Ukraine that people there don't have the "save and invest" mentality that many westerners do. He said that despite being poor they all have nice clothes, new phones ect. That if they want something and have the money they buy it, almost without thinking.  Which brings up a question, what some people's opinions here about the "typical" FSW attitude and mentality towards money and finances, how much experience do they have? Does their country value thriftiness or is it a society where people try to look better off than they are, a so called "keeping up with the jones" attitude?

It's really tough for you newbs to be fully aware of all the pitfalls, quirks and nuances involved in this endeavor. Trust me, it's tough for those who's been in this a while. Especially when you try to find absolution in a world of generalities. To begin with, the women involved in this are classified as atypical. So all of us are already at a disadvantage in trying to find some semblance of normality in this subset.

I've been married almost 13 years to a wonderful woman who happens to be Russian. I married the woman for who she is, not what she is. She's wonderful and not because she is Russian.

My wife today is a senior tax manager in one of the top accounting firm here in the US. She's a heartbeat away from being a partner. By herself, she can live more than comfortably without an iota of support from anyone. A far cry considering 13 years ago, she couldn't even complete a sentence in English without getting worried she's not making sense.  My wife today would hesitate to purchase a dress that cost over $200.00. To a fault, she would instead purchase two costing $50-60/ea and believes she made a heck of a deal. I literally have to push her to indulge in herself for no other reason than knowing she deserves it. All our finances are handled by me despite her profession easily gives her superiority over me.

The point I'd like to make with you is this...women are women the world over. To try and encapsulate a society of women in one category will be your single biggest mistake. Do not make that mistake. It won't matter whether you're dating here at home or abroad.

The answer you seek in any woman will almost always be found in 'you'. Elusive as it may seem to be. There will be women in all types, and from a very broad of variety, here and everywhere. You know the woman you seek.

So do that.

[LiveFromUkraine]

I'm not denying I wanted to be able to move on.

What was MOST important was the lad's future and securing the financial settlement agreement - whilst waiting for his future to be secure - was the compromise

It didn't seem important at the time which is why Brass posted the link.

You seem to have forgotten how you and I got here..  You were suggesting I couldn't advise a poster as I was "still married, whilst being engaged to someone else"

No, that isn't what I said.  You can advise anyone of anything.  Even nuclear physics.  It doesn't mean you know what you're talking about.

Even if it wasn't clear to you, before - it surely is now...

Yes, it is clear.  That is if I believe what you are telling me.

[Trenchcoat]

Well news report out today on Russia now re-allowing the commencement of beatings to their woman:

Link: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-38794677

[redking11]

Thanks for the info guys, I was just got the impression from previous posts that FS culture dictated that women predominately handled the finances as the norm.

[GQBlues]

Well news report out today on Russia now re-allowing the commencement of beatings to their woman:

Link: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-38794677

I can never agree to any degree of physical violence or abuse against women.

But I believe this 'law' was targeting degrees i.e. a slap on the face, etc...and between relatives only, IINM. Russia governing over Russians, rightly or wrongly, is their business..

I suppose in some ways it's better than beheading 

[GQBlues]

Thanks for the info guys, I was just got the impression from previous posts that FS culture dictated that women predominately handled the finances as the norm.

Culturally speaking, you're likely close with your assumption to the *prevailing* attitudes there. But the point I tried to make is that, as with any culture or society, there still the matter of individualism.

[GQBlues]

I just wanted to make sure everyone understands I'm not reading this thread.

Okay?

[redking11]

I'm just a 'jerk' who read your posts - based on some AWFUL tips you've picked up about ( most) FSU women not being thrifty and your selfish attitude to the institution of marriage...

Everything is relative and based on perspective. You call me selfish, I'd call you a chump that has let women use him. Look at the facts. Despite your superior generosity you still have two failed marriages.

People are more than willing to use their spouses that goes for men and women, but women don't respect men for being "overly generous" to the point of being used. Many Women probably see it as weakness. Women respect a man that exercises control and power in the right ways. Every marriage requires a lot of work. You by not having these women sign pre-nups give them an economically easy way out when things get tough. That might or might not have something to do with you having 2 failed marriages. If however a woman knows that leaving you puts them in a financial bind they might be much more inclined to put more effort into working things out with you or at least learning to ignore your verbal attacks, criticism & constant judgment. (I assume you treat your spouses similarly to how you treat strangers on here). As the saying goes, date with your eyes wide open but go through marriage with your eyes half shut.

Call me selfish, but I have two goals. 1. I do not want to be one of those men that has a new marriage every 2-5 years and 2. I don't want to be one of the many men I see working past the age of 70 because of several expensive divorces. I have an A-type personality, it doesn't make me selfish, and there are plenty of women that find it attractive.

[LiveFromUkraine]

I just wanted to make sure everyone understands I'm not reading this thread.

Okay?

Finally a story I can believe.

[redking11]

Culturally speaking, you're likely close with your assumption to the *prevailing* attitudes there. But the point I tried to make is that, as with any culture or society, there still the matter of individualism.

of course, but it is not a bad thing to understand the cultural norms. Not bad to understand how most women will see an issue. We really are very much products of our environments to a large degree.

[ML]

I have heard from people who have spent time in the Ukraine that people there don't have the "save and invest" mentality that many westerners do. He said that despite being poor they all have nice clothes, new phones ect. That if they want something and have the money they buy it, almost without thinking.  Which brings up a question, what some people's opinions here about the "typical" FSW attitude and mentality towards money and finances, how much experience do they have? Does their country value thriftiness or is it a society where people try to look better off than they are, a so called "keeping up with the jones" attitude?

Yes, it is true that many FSU people (at least 10-15 years ago) had the mentality of spending every spare kopek they had.  The reason mostly had to do with monetary instability and loss of value of the currency.

And, there is more of a 'keeping up with Jones' there than in current USA; although the same could be said of USA in 1950s and earlier.

Many people lost money in FSU who had it in banks, so there is more of a distrust of financial institutions.

And, they never believe that money will be there in future if in some sort of financial retirement plan.

It has been reported here that when man shows his FSU wife statements of his retirement plan, she says . . . you must get the money out now . . . it won't be there later.

Now, I think attitudes are changing somewhat, but I cannot be certain.

I, for one, have an FSU spouse who does believe in saving and who does not have to have all the latest in clothing, electronics, etc.  Just how much of a rarity she is . . . I cannot say for sure.

[Trenchcoat]

I can never agree to any degree of physical violence or abuse against women.

But I believe this 'law' was targeting degrees i.e. a slap on the face, etc...and between relatives only, IINM. Russia governing over Russians, rightly or wrongly, is their business..

I suppose in some ways it's better than beheading 

Yes of course a gentle slap on the face or smack on the bum should put her in her place, shear brutality just totally un-manly would never condone that.