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Author Topic: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.  (Read 12354 times)

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Offline Sting23

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I am talking to some women and one has brought up the possibility of coming to North America to meet me at her own expense.  Or made some suggestions about countries in Europe.  Logistically it would be much easier as I wouldn't need to apply for a new Russian visa and she has a current Schengen/US visa.

But I've heard some posters say don't meet the woman on a vacation trip for the first meeting.  I am not sure if I agree.  I think the added fun of a new place brings excitement.

Having lived in Russia already I don't have a strong desire to return.  I would prefer to visit some warm place especially during winter months.

Now I"ve talked with this lady on Skype, feel it's mutual and her intention is to meet.  She never asked about money so I know it's not with an ulterior motive.

Anyone else had this experience?

Online CaptB

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #1 on: November 23, 2017, 04:38:35 AM »
Who does not  want to go on a vacation ????!!!!! But you are looking for a life partner here (yes/no ?). Everyone "can" have a lot of fun on a vacation. And it is easy to be "someone else"..................on a "vacation". No judgement here. If you want a vacation with a nice women.....do it. If you are looking for a "life Partner"......save a vacation for after you have found someone.


What you will get on a "vacation":  Fun (hopefully). The company of a nice woman.......who is on "vacation" (You know the advertising......."What happens in Vega......stays in Vegas." You will have the companionship of someone who needs a "break" from everyday life...............at your expense (in most cases).


What you will get.......if you visit her on her own turf:  A woman "not on vacation".....but in her normal everyday routine. How she is at work. How her co-workers regard her .....as a person. Meeting her family.....and how they regard her.......as a person. Meeting her friends......and how they regard her as a person. I met all of these folks.......and the "ALL" told me how lucky I was......to even get a second date with her. Her attitude about her work, life, friends, family Etc. Etc.


Vacations are fun! But life has its ups and downs. People are (generally) on "good behavior".........................when the on vacation (accept maybe in Vegas:-). You can go on vacation now......and have fun for a few weeks..........and then get serious. Or........you can do the serious work "first".........and possibly be on vacation..........the rest of your life.


I get a little tired of a few members saying I am "old" (65).......and that the advice I have to offer worked back in the "dark ages". But some relationship advice is timeless. You have to decide whether you want a vacation now.........or a partner. There are a few (very few).......who went on a vacation....."and"......ended-up with a (good....longtime) relationship. But most had a lot of fun vacations.......then drive that a full-fledged relationship did not ensue...........after the vacation.


Most guys who post a request for advice on this subject (vacation vs visiting her "local" environment).......have already made (justified) up their mind........to go the "vacation" route. Just don't complain when things (a vacation).........does not turn into a......."relationship.


For the record......my wife (of 14+ years)......is a very intelligent/educated person. She fully understood why I wanted to meet her in......"her"......city.........for a "first" visit.
She was never looking for a "foreign" relationship. We hit it off in the first few days. We made 2 overnight trips to visit her friends.......in the 3 weeks I was in her city. Because of the "company" I was keeping (her)........I had a blast. No resorts.......no beaches......or foreign countries. It is the "people" I meet.....that usually make/or break a vacation for "me".


Sometimes you are on "vacation"................................and don't even know it...........


Capt B

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Offline ML

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #2 on: November 23, 2017, 10:10:56 AM »
She never asked about money so I know it's not with an ulterior motive.

The smart and experienced ones never ask for money 'too soon.'
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online 2tallbill

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #3 on: November 23, 2017, 12:42:28 PM »
I am talking to some women and one has brought up the possibility of coming to North America to meet me at her own expense.  Or made some suggestions about countries in Europe.  Logistically it would be much easier as I wouldn't need to apply for a new Russian visa and she has a current Schengen/US visa.

But I've heard some posters say don't meet the woman on a vacation trip for the first meeting.  I am not sure if I agree.  I think the added fun of a new place brings excitement.

Having lived in Russia already I don't have a strong desire to return.  I would prefer to visit some warm place especially during winter months.

Now I"ve talked with this lady on Skype, feel it's mutual and her intention is to meet.  She never asked about money so I know it's not with an ulterior motive.

Anyone else had this experience?

There are a hundred threads on this already and every aspect has been
discussed to death.

Generally it's recommend that you visit the girl in her country
for the first visit. There are a zillion reasons for this. What happens
if you don't like each other? It's happened to me. A girl flew to Portland
Oregon to meet me (on her own dime) and there was no chemistry. I left
her in Portland and drove back to North Dakota. (I lived there back then)

Imagine taking a nice little cruise with a girl you have never met.
Sound romantic? Sun, warm weather lots of skin and bikini's, but
then again you could be trapped on a cruise ship with a girl who
may not be even remotely likable. Have you seen the size of the
rooms on a cruise ship?

Angel Eyes came to visit me twice, but I had already visited her 4
times first.

You have to decide what's the purpose of this?

If the purpose is to find a soulmate to spend the rest of your life with,
my advice is to get on a plane and go see her and after you have met
her and both of you wish to continue, then you can meet in different
locales.



« Last Edit: November 23, 2017, 12:47:02 PM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline Boethius

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #4 on: November 23, 2017, 01:13:56 PM »
I think if you both want to meet in a vacation destination, go for it.  Book separate rooms.  Mention to the woman the issue on what to do if you don't click romantically.  Even if you don't, if you go somewhere you both would like to see, you can continue to sightsee as friends.


I don't think you get the rhythm of another's life in their hometown, even if you go there, unless you are living with that person. 




To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

Offline Anotherkiwi

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #5 on: November 23, 2017, 05:25:40 PM »
I think if you both want to meet in a vacation destination, go for it.  Book separate rooms.  Mention to the woman the issue on what to do if you don't click romantically.  Even if you don't, if you go somewhere you both would like to see, you can continue to sightsee as friends.

Although I wholeheartedly agree, this does go against the general tenor of advice here!  I think the key point here is "somewhere you both would like to see."  That way, the trip isn't a total bust, and you may even come across someone else who may become an object of your romantic interest.

I don't think you get the rhythm of another's life in their hometown, even if you go there, unless you are living with that person.

Depends.  The woman I visited on my first trip to Russia was a self-employed dressmaker, so no workmates to meet.  However, she lived with her mother and daughter, both of whom were delightful (I was being shown baby photos within ten minutes of meeting the mother  ;D, much to my friend's embarrassment), and I met some of her friends during my time there.  They were unanimous that she was a good person.

Online Trenchcoat

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #6 on: November 23, 2017, 05:35:24 PM »
Agree with CaptB & 2tallbill 100 percent. I think CaptB advice is very valuable & it's great you took the time out here to put it across so well.

Sting, I've done the holiday route and while it's fun it can be very detrimental to establishing a long term relationship. In essence the hurdle of visiting her in her home town has to be crossed anyway at some point so it's best it's up first. If the girl later refuses to see you in her home city (my mistake) then a lot of money been spent but you're no closer to getting to a long term relationship/marriage. After my previous experience I would only agree to visit a girl in her home city, I've had fun with the girls I met but as far as establishing a LTR going the holiday route if a girl brings it up is a big no, no. It's essential to get to know how a girl really is in a domestic setting in her home city I feel otherwise chances are you'll never see this if you go the holiday route first, your just seen as the temporary good time dude, not the serious permanent boyfriend dude.

ML advice is also very good. Watch out for girls that get you to commit to a holiday by booking up and then come out with some story about needing money for this or that, flights, hotel cost, etc. If she knows you are committed and can't easily pull out you'll be in the position of go without her and have a holiday most probably by yourself or accept her expenses. FSW can do this a bit, she may not but I would be on my guard against it.
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Online BillyB

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #7 on: November 23, 2017, 06:07:44 PM »
But I've heard some posters say don't meet the woman on a vacation trip for the first meeting.  I am not sure if I agree.  I think the added fun of a new place brings excitement.



You should see her in her own environment. Check out if she has friends or if her family even likes her. You're looking for a wife, a person you can live with. Save the vacations for girlfriend and wives but first you need to determine if she is even worth getting into a relationship with.


Some guys travel to an exotic place for two weeks with a stranger they never met. First day it goes bad and you got to be with that person for 13 more days. If she and you were in her hometown, she could go home and you'd never see her again. You wouldn't have to feed her for 13 more days. You could meet and date other women, something you couldn't do if you had to take care of a person you didn't like or she doesn't like you.


Most importantly, challenge yourself to win the woman over based off who you are. Some guys try to get the edge by using money and vacations to get a woman to like them. They may never learn if the woman actually likes them based off their personality and character. If you get involved with a pro dater or vacation whore, don't be surprised if she gets wild and rebel when you try to get her to settle down and play housewife.
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Offline calmissile

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #8 on: November 23, 2017, 06:20:54 PM »
A couple comments on the topic...

I don't think it is a good idea to go to somewhere other than her hometown for the first visit.  By the same time, put yourself in her shoes.  She is not going to want to introduce you to her friends or family until she has determined if there is a spark between you and if she finds you suitable to meet her friends and family.

My suggestion is to meet for a couple hours for lunch or dinner and then both decide whether to proceed to a next date.  This gives both of you an opportunity to not go forward if the chemistry does not gel in the beginning.  If things do not work out in the beginning you can always have some backup contacts to try or simply take a vacation and learn more about the culture, etc.
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Offline JayH

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #9 on: November 23, 2017, 07:11:49 PM »
A couple comments on the topic...

I don't think it is a good idea to go to somewhere other than her hometown for the first visit.  By the same time, put yourself in her shoes.  She is not going to want to introduce you to her friends or family until she has determined if there is a spark between you and if she finds you suitable to meet her friends and family.

My suggestion is to meet for a couple hours for lunch or dinner and then both decide whether to proceed to a next date.  This gives both of you an opportunity to not go forward if the chemistry does not gel in the beginning.  If things do not work out in the beginning you can always have some backup contacts to try or simply take a vacation and learn more about the culture, etc.

I agree with Doug's comments here.
One comment I would make-- girls tend to work long hours -- and you( ie a guy visiting) needs to respect that and be prepared to work around her schedule . For me -- that is how real life is anywhere-- the biggest difference is she will have less free time than in the west.
Some girls will take time off--either a day or a few hours etc and once again ,my view is roll with it.
Guys get the idea that they are the ones putting themselves out,spending time and money to visit -- but-- it is an inconvenience for girls too.
A potential plus is seeing her in her world -- although-- guys should not expect to be included too fast .Meeting friends and family can be a big step-- so -- do nor presume it or expect it.
I am not in favour of going away to early --it only adds an unnecessary pressure. It may be the girl prefers to meet away from her home city -- the potential reasons have been discussed many times.I can accept that too as being valid.
If you think about it-- this first meeting should be about seeing someone in real life and deciding if another meeting is warranted  -- and not being locked into spending 5-10 days with each other!
That is a realistic approach,
SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
Слава Украине! Слава героям слава!Слава Україні! Слава героям!
 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

Online Trenchcoat

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #10 on: November 23, 2017, 09:35:08 PM »
Hmmnn, I know I asked the question on here a few months back about why a girl is not keen for a guy to visit in her hometown and various responses were forthcoming. Sometimes a girl may tell you a reason such as there is nothing much there and/or better entertainment in other city, etc. I agree with the advice given earlier here though and go and visit the girl, if she says she wants to meet somewhere more exciting for both of you she probably has more herself in mind. Explanations have been made on here that its awkward for the girl to meet a foreign guy as the town talks. There may be some grounding to this but again I wonder if its more the town talks if they see a girl whoring herself out to a foreign dude for material gain.

I've seen comments on other threads when this topic has come up on here and they say that if a girl does not want to meet in her home town/doesn't want to risk being seen with him to her friends then she doesn't think much of/enough of the guy. Idk, I think any suggestion of a meet away from her home town is potentially because she does not want to meet you there - probably ever. So that to me is a real big red flag. I would ask her about the possibility of meeting in her home town and see how she responds. I personally think that the majority of the time if a girl rejects the idea of visiting her home town she most likely has insincere motives, i.e she does not view you as worthy for a real serious relationship.
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Offline ML

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #11 on: November 23, 2017, 09:45:50 PM »
FSU gals from smaller towns do have a very valid reason for not wanting to meet a western guy in their home town.

This has been discussed here several times in past.
All has to do with the various degrees of 'shame' or some such or at least extreme embarrassment that would befall them when nothing panned out from the relationship.

This reasoning however, does not apply (in general) to gals from the larger cities.
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Offline JayH

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #12 on: November 24, 2017, 12:28:26 AM »
FSU gals from smaller towns do have a very valid reason for not wanting to meet a western guy in their home town.

This has been discussed here several times in past.
All has to do with the various degrees of 'shame' or some such or at least extreme embarrassment that would befall them when nothing panned out from the relationship.

This reasoning however, does not apply (in general) to gals from the larger cities.

Agree --even a little embarrassment is to be avoided .
Some years ago in a not so small city a girl nominated a meeting place some distance from the city centre on the outskirts of the city.After meeting -- she got in her car and left. I got in my car and headed for my hotel -- which was right across town .I found my self behind her -- as there was basically a main way to get to my destination -- which was about 30 minutes or so.
When I realised it was her -- I eased back some distance so it would not appear that I was following her !!
 She drove right past my turn off -- and there is only about 5 minutes more of city in that direction.

She had chosen a meeting place as far from her world as she could think of !  This is a city of 700,000 people -- so no small "village"

That is an extreme example --but I have seen the same principle a few times .
SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
Слава Украине! Слава героям слава!Слава Україні! Слава героям!
 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

Offline Sting23

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #13 on: November 24, 2017, 02:27:58 AM »
I can see the pros and cons of both.  Having lived in Moscow and dating there normally, all the "pros" mentioned really don't apply.  I don't need to meet their family or friends, that can come after.  Also most girls will be working full time and have an active social life.  They aren't going to drop everything just to cater to me.  I'd rather it be a vacation and you have extended time together. 

Sure there can be little chemistry but I wouldn't even consider it unless I felt there was a strong connection built up by online communication.
If they are willing to fly and meet you somewhere at their expense, they will be commiting some effort and emotion into it. 

The downside is if it doesn't work out then you are stuck with her for a week with no options.  Considering the extra expense to get a Russian visa and the added cost of flying to Moscow, it would be cheaper to meet say in Paris even if you are paying for the girl.






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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #14 on: November 24, 2017, 09:08:54 AM »
And people say I don't listen ;D

CaptB you were right when you said, "Most guys who post a request for advice on this subject (vacation vs visiting her "local" environment).......have already made (justified) up their mind........to go the "vacation" route. Just don't complain when things (a vacation).........does not turn into a......."relationship."

Seriously though I think sometimes some of the basic mistakes guys usually make regardless as until you're in that situation you don't really realize the score and that everything everyone has been saying on here is true. I know like CaptB said earlier a few have come good on the holiday front, but most don't. On EM at least one of the so-called success stories is a guy who invited girl on holiday over to see him. This is coming from a MOB site and a lot of these sites and agencies tend to promote doing this to thew guys as their girls are of course all up for it.

As you all know I've spent some money on the vacation side on this search, fun times but it was the experience gained that proved more of value. I think sometimes the allure of a fun get away for a week is too enticing :P
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Offline Boethius

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #15 on: November 24, 2017, 09:46:34 AM »
As you all know I've spent some money on the vacation side on this search, fun times but it was the experience gained that proved more of value. I think sometimes the allure of a fun get away for a week is too enticing :P


But you paid for the girl's vacation too.  That will not be the case for the OP.


There may be a myriad of reasons the woman wishes to meet on neutral territory, and most of them are not nefarious.
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

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First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #16 on: November 24, 2017, 11:15:39 AM »
I can see the pros and cons of both.  Having lived in Moscow and dating there normally, all the "pros" mentioned really don't apply.

If things don't work out with Girl A in Moscow you can easily go on to
girl B, C, D etc. On a vacation type trip to Madrid for example you will
have no back up plan. It either works or it doesn't. If you decide on a
visit one strategy, you should always have a backup plan.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #17 on: November 24, 2017, 11:17:53 AM »

But you paid for the girl's vacation too.  That will not be the case for the OP.


There may be a myriad of reasons the woman wishes to meet on neutral territory, and most of them are not nefarious.

Not 'yet' ;)

Well the girl I was dating worked in retail so there was no way she would have had the money for it, I thought she was the one so I thought be nice, big mistake. There might well be valid reasons that are not nefarious why a woman would want to date on neutral territory, but importantly the affect can all amount to the same, it messes up many a relationship for a long term deal with the girl.

As a result of this I've completely revolutionised the way I go about dating these girls, I now formed a list of girls to work my way through and any that are non co-operative on the meeting in home town, well they get put on the back burner. What I've learnt is not what the opposite sex thinks of how I should go about my dating process as important but what best serves me as important because as self serving as that sounds no girl really cares if I end up wasting my chances/time/money or get I used so long as whatever the situation is suits them. I would far rather ensure that the situation suits me :)
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First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #18 on: November 24, 2017, 11:36:14 AM »
The downside is if it doesn't work out then you are stuck with her for a week with no options.  Considering the extra expense to get a Russian visa and the added cost of flying to Moscow, it would be cheaper to meet say in Paris even if you are paying for the girl.

I can't imagine Paris being cheaper than most places in the FSU.
If you are pursuing a Russian girl you need to get a three year
multi entry visa anyway.

If you want the girl to meet you, then have the girl fly to
Canada. You can show her the sites, go skiing and she can
see a little bit about how her life will be.

If you've already made up your mind then go ahead with your
plan and let us know how it works out.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #19 on: November 24, 2017, 11:40:42 AM »
They aren't going to drop everything just to cater to me.

Then dump them. With only one exception all the girls I visited dropped
everything so they could cater to me. I dumped that one exception on
day two.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #20 on: November 24, 2017, 01:12:28 PM »
I can't imagine Paris being cheaper than most places in the FSU.
If you are pursuing a Russian girl you need to get a three year
multi entry visa anyway.

 

Did Canada start receiving three year multi entry visas for Russia??
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Offline Boethius

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #21 on: November 24, 2017, 02:16:20 PM »
Not 'yet' ;)

Well the girl I was dating worked in retail so there was no way she would have had the money for it, I thought she was the one so I thought be nice, big mistake. There might well be valid reasons that are not nefarious why a woman would want to date on neutral territory, but importantly the affect can all amount to the same, it messes up many a relationship for a long term deal with the girl.

As a result of this I've completely revolutionised the way I go about dating these girls, I now formed a list of girls to work my way through and any that are non co-operative on the meeting in home town, well they get put on the back burner. What I've learnt is not what the opposite sex thinks of how I should go about my dating process as important but what best serves me as important because as self serving as that sounds no girl really cares if I end up wasting my chances/time/money or get I used so long as whatever the situation is suits them. I would far rather ensure that the situation suits me :)

So you will go to some "zadrepane selo" because it "suits" your "dating strategy"?  Sorry, but it's a stupid strategy for finding a wife.

The reason the advice to meet in a woman's town rather than a vacation destination is given is largely so you're not paying for a woman who wants a vacation, rather than you. 

So you go to her hometown and meet her friends and family, and they all tell you how wonderful she is.  Would she introduce you to anyone who would tell you she isn't wonderful?

I don't think there is one right answer in matters of the heart.
« Last Edit: November 24, 2017, 06:29:31 PM by Boethius »
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Offline Boethius

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #22 on: November 24, 2017, 02:36:27 PM »
I can't imagine Paris being cheaper than most places in the FSU.
If you are pursuing a Russian girl you need to get a three year
multi entry visa anyway.


Paris likely is not more expensive than Moscow.  Plus, it didn't seem that Sting's decision was about cost, at all.  It was that he's lived in Moscow and isn't particularly interested in going back if he has other options.
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

Online Trenchcoat

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #23 on: November 24, 2017, 06:29:19 PM »
So you will go to "zadrepane selo" because it "suits" your "dating strategy"?  Sorry, but it's a stupid strategy for finding a wife.

The reason the advice to meet in a woman's town rather than a vacation destination is given is largely so you're not paying for a woman who wants a vacation, rather than you. 

So you go to her hometown and meet her friends and family, and they all tell you how wonderful she is.  Would she introduce you to anyone who would tell you she isn't wonderful?

I don't think there is one right answer in matters of the heart.

The reason for meeting her family is to interact with her family and so be a part of her life. The idea being that you are not then just some random guy who shows her a good time but someone they all know. It's about being part of her inner life rather than an outsider who she is likely to treat differently - likely not as well.

From what I have seen on this venture matters of the heart can become skewed by making fundamental mistakes some I admit I have made myself including holidaying with a girl. Fun but nothe great for a LTR.
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Offline Boethius

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Re: First meeting- Woman coming to your country or a neutral country.
« Reply #24 on: November 24, 2017, 06:33:53 PM »
You're not going to be a part of her life on a first visit, unless you have made significant inroads by skype or such beforehand and she views you as a potential long term partner.  In your case, as I understand it, you don't want to build anything online, so what is the probability of a woman making you a part of her life on a first visit?
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

 

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