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Author Topic: First timer, need some help  (Read 820 times)

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Offline nonamechamp

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First timer, need some help
« on: January 23, 2018, 09:29:10 PM »
I'll start out by saying I'm a total newbie. I was looking to mix it up with international dating and came met a girl from KZ. Because I have no idea how international dating works, I googled a bit and found this site. Hoping you guys can help me out.

When I first started talking to her, we briefly discussed why we were on the site. She said friends, I said dating. Since then, we haven't talked about that, but have been communicating near daily for a couple weeks. I'd like to fly over and visit her, but have a couple questions. Is meeting face to face better done sooner or later? Should I make it clear that I'm looking for a potential date, or just meet her and see where things go?

Maybe I'm overthinking this, but she seems like a nice girl and I'd like the best chance to start something with her. Any advice would be appreciated!

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Re: First timer, need some help
« Reply #1 on: January 23, 2018, 09:53:00 PM »
Are you speaking to her directly? Emails or on a phone app?
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Offline nonamechamp

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Re: First timer, need some help
« Reply #2 on: January 23, 2018, 10:05:49 PM »
Are you speaking to her directly? Emails or on a phone app?
Directly. Phone app and video call once.

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Re: First timer, need some help
« Reply #3 on: January 23, 2018, 10:13:32 PM »
Welcome noname!

What is the age difference? Which website?

Generally it's better to travel sooner but I wouldn't do so until you discuss the relationship more. If you're looking for romance and she isn't, it might not be worth the trip.
"We may have democracy, or we may have wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can't have both." - Louis Brandeis

Offline nonamechamp

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Re: First timer, need some help
« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2018, 10:19:55 PM »
Welcome noname!

What is the age difference? Which website?

Generally it's better to travel sooner but I wouldn't do so until you discuss the relationship more. If you're looking for romance and she isn't, it might not be worth the trip.
Thanks! She's a year older and the website was mamba. It's tricky because I see a first date as testing the potential for a relationship, so talking about it before then seems like jumping the gun. On the other hand, she's across the world so it's better to be sure.

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Re: First timer, need some help
« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2018, 10:29:05 PM »
gday no name champ

id ask you what your long term aim is ??  girlfriend ??  defacto or marriage somewhere into the future ??
understand what you want for you

read as much information about international dating /relationships/marrIage as you can ,do your research before you get too far in  then you will have a heads up on what to expect if you committ to it

most girls there want marriage ime

follow your nose and if it feels  like it may become serious  then go visit her within 3-5 months from meeting  , if that goes well then treat her the same as you would any other girl you have dated , as in dont  put her on a pedestal or  lavish money on her , dont succumb to ''cultural differences ''too much , respect her and behave accordingly  see where it goes from there

SX
« Last Edit: January 23, 2018, 10:37:03 PM by southernX »
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Re: First timer, need some help
« Reply #6 on: January 23, 2018, 11:12:42 PM »
Is meeting face to face better done sooner or later? Should I make it clear that I'm looking for a potential date, or just meet her and see where things go?





When you're talking to her, is she thrilled to hear your voice? Don't go until you feel she's "into you". Also let her know you can travel but you would only travel for a lady that could be a future wife. Going on a $4000 date for somebody who only wants to be your friend isn't smart.
Give a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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Re: First timer, need some help
« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2018, 11:36:35 PM »
Welcome  :)
mhr7 and SX have given great advice. I'll add a little regarding my experience, which is still conversing online, we have yet to meet.

mhr7 is correct. Don't rush if you're still in friendship mode and there's nothing wrong with this, it's a good thing. Use this time to get a feel for her personally, if her morals align with yours, do you have similar goals in life etc...

 I chatted for 4 months every day on a strictly friendship / pen pal basis, It gave us a chance to get to know each other without the pressure of trying hard to build  romantic interest. That being said it will occur naturally anyway if you're talking everyday exclusively.

After four months, we admitted that we started having feelings for each other and had built a great emotional connection. At this point the dynamic of our relationship changed.... lots of flirting, compliments etc... and talk of what our future might look like if we have the same feelings in real life.

Don't think she isn't interested if you carry the conversation more than her at the start. I was given the impression it was my job as the man to lead the conversation, while we were getting to know each other.

As SX said, don't treat her differently than any other woman, just do what you usually do when dating at home and be a gentleman. Early on don't talk about politics unless she brings it up and also sexual  discussions, until you have a genuine romantic  connection. Even now I limit it to humorous sexual innuendo. I like to make her laugh every day and her sense of humor is the same as most western women I've met.   

Keep it interesting by sending videos, pictures and also video chatting. We send each other  pictures every day, from the most mundane things like shopping to celebrations like birthdays.

Lastly get plenty of sleep, 4am Skype calls eventually get to you. Be prepared to receive more pictures of food than pictures of her and my most important advice is....when you're sick just agree with everything she says, even if she's making you take an unusual concoction of weird herbs.... She won't take no for an answer  ;)

P.S ... This is my experience talking to just one woman, obviously they are all different so don't take this as gospel ..... Good  luck!!



« Last Edit: January 24, 2018, 12:46:31 AM by Davo2 »

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Re: First timer, need some help
« Reply #8 on: January 24, 2018, 03:50:43 AM »

 I chatted for 4 months every day on a strictly friendship / pen pal basis, It gave us a chance to get to know each other without the pressure of trying hard to build  romantic interest. That being said it will occur naturally anyway if you're talking everyday exclusively.


Romantic interest maybe, but will that result in actual chemistry? or will it all dissolve upon meeting? I only chat to a girl about three months before visiting, messaging & Skype but I find on meeting the chemistry is either there or it is not, more often not. If it were me I would go visit her and spend at least a couple of weeks over there so Noname can call up more women out there is she does not work out and keep flights and accommodation as flexible as can be and booked by himself so he can bail or change plans as needed. I've heard more than a few stories of guys spending ages sometimes years chatting to a girl before meeting only to find there was no chemistry on meeting. Though by the same token I know some guys feel they they have a more sound chance of a deeper relationship with a girl out of a lot of messaging.

Online msmob

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Re: First timer, need some help
« Reply #9 on: January 24, 2018, 05:23:16 AM »
Welcome, 'noname'

KZ is one heck of a trek to meet a lass on a date ))



International dating works the same as at home .. you just have a chance to know each other a little more - before meeting for real

Are you interested in going a long way for a 'date' or seeking a long-term relationship / marriage ? ..and WHY ?

You don't need to answer these question on the forum ... they are for yourself ))  ('sanity check')



Skype ( other video calling services exist) is an excellent way to build up a picture of the other persons life - but ultimately you'll need to visit and know WHY you've visiting and what you (both ) want from such a visit  ;)

Whatever you do - do NOT send money to a person you've never met - no matter how 'close' you feel.. 

IF you wish to indulge in such a venture it will be costly. 


Please be aware that some of us are actually IN long-term relationships with women from one of the 'Stans (me) and others - well they aren't in (and never have been in a long term relationship) with such a lady -  yet persist in offering 'advice'








« Last Edit: January 24, 2018, 05:29:25 AM by msmob »
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Online Davo2

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Re: First timer, need some help
« Reply #10 on: January 24, 2018, 05:26:14 AM »
Romantic interest maybe, but will that result in actual chemistry? or will it all dissolve upon meeting? I only chat to a girl about three months before visiting, messaging & Skype but I find on meeting the chemistry is either there or it is not, more often not. If it were me I would go visit her and spend at least a couple of weeks over there so Noname can call up more women out there is she does not work out and keep flights and accommodation as flexible as can be and booked by himself so he can bail or change plans as needed. I've heard more than a few stories of guys spending ages sometimes years chatting to a girl before meeting only to find there was no chemistry on meeting. Though by the same token I know some guys feel they they have a more sound chance of a deeper relationship with a girl out of a lot of messaging.

I'm in a different situation. I never consciously decided to date a foreign woman. I'm only going down this path as I met a wonderful woman. It doesn't concern me where she's from, she just  happens to be Russian. We shared the same traumatic events in past relationships and bonded over this, then realised we have very similar personalities, the same goals in life and parenting styles. She ticked every box that I was looking for when I decided to start dating again 3 years ago. If it doesn't work out, I don't see it as a waste of time, i feel richer for the experience. I have no interest in looking for other foreign women... I'll go back to dating locally and remain friends with her, which we have already discussed. 
« Last Edit: January 24, 2018, 05:37:07 AM by Davo2 »

Offline GQBlues

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Re: First timer, need some help
« Reply #11 on: January 24, 2018, 11:52:45 AM »
I'll start out by saying I'm a total newbie. I was looking to mix it up with international dating and came met a girl from KZ. Because I have no idea how international dating works, I googled a bit and found this site. Hoping you guys can help me out.

When I first started talking to her, we briefly discussed why we were on the site. She said friends, I said dating. Since then, we haven't talked about that, but have been communicating near daily for a couple weeks. I'd like to fly over and visit her, but have a couple questions. Is meeting face to face better done sooner or later? Should I make it clear that I'm looking for a potential date, or just meet her and see where things go?

Maybe I'm overthinking this, but she seems like a nice girl and I'd like the best chance to start something with her. Any advice would be appreciated!


Allow me then to depart with likely the best advise ever given in this fora:

Stay home and date your local women. If you have Slavic (Kazahks, in your case, or even an Asian hybrid American) persuasion, then date one close to where you live.

Second best advice, if the first one above doesn't fit your fancy - then avoid lingering too long and become part of the *collective*, as when the avalanche of 'opinions' and 'advice' come flooding your way with your personal situation, you'll find yourself less learned than when you first started. By then, you just had your ticket punched and officially entered the world of the MOB.
Hail the Boys of Summer!

Offline mendeleyev

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Re: First timer, need some help
« Reply #12 on: January 27, 2018, 01:46:10 AM »
Mamba and other local Russian based free services allows members to post the kind of relationship they seek. You would be wise to see what she has listed. If not marriage, then take her at her word and move on.

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Re: First timer, need some help
« Reply #13 on: January 27, 2018, 03:33:02 AM »
'best advice' for our GQBlues is to practice English:)

Fora might be plural.... But you referred to this...meaning  singular...forum..

Your 'advice' to the OP was akin to your English..!

I might have said, " get on a plane and see for yourself", but that hasn't helped a certain poster..

Perhaps he's never actually been?

As for Mamba....  Mendy, may be trying to make a point I've been trying to make .... Mamba has a reputation as a site to have a quick liaison, rather than anything lasting ....well, as far as the RU ladies *I* know
« Last Edit: January 27, 2018, 06:14:45 AM by msmob »
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