What would you do if this happen to you? Pt 1.

[Wild Orchid*]

I’m glad I skipped 3 pages.. What was the purpose of this thread?  Endless what would you do?… 

[calcowboy1]

I read this one yesterday and this is my first thoughts...

"Another Western guy racing to SAVE the poor FSU girl" 

After I had my wife read this, she called the whole situation  "BOOOOLLLLSHIIIIIIITTTTTE"  and "it looks like the girl wanted "her cake and eat it too" and "what girl who is getting ready for marriage runs off to Cream" and "silly little girl who wants some last minute sex with ex B/F" and "poor silly little man who has no idea what type of woman she is marrying" and "how come she could not leave, it is stupid"

Anyway, just my 2 cents

[andrewfi]

OK, Kevin, so why did you not just get in the car and go sort this out?

I appreciate that this is a long winded advertisement for you, your ethical/moral stance and your agency but really. If true this could have been dealt with better, faster and at less overall expense simply by getting in a car, asking some questions and using your common sense.

Do I detect the tap-tap-tap of two people using white canes, one leading the other?

I now see that one can rely even less upon the good offices of a marriage agency if this is what happens when dealing with one of the self-professed 'good guys'!

Truth tends to simplicity, lies tend to the complex and here we have a pile of complexity, part yours and part in your 'true reporting'.

As another posted, this is not a trip report. But for sure it does not reflect well upon any of the reported participants.

[Kevin]

Andrew
 I see you didn't read it all cleary. If we had known where she was we would had gone to her. But we had no ideal where she was until we finally made contact. And I also made 3 trips with the client to find her. (village, Father work and beach).   

Update.
The couple is still together. They recently spent a weekend together in Kiev and she should be heading to the USA the first of next month.  No problems at home and no sign of the other guy.  She is staying in Kherson while taking English lessons and getting ready to leave.

They appear just as happy as any of our other couples in Kherson.  It was a strange situation but I think its going to work into a good marriage. I'll continue to update after she arrive in America.

Keviin

[acrzybear]

Bluebell. The X boyfriend (or friend)  works in the same resort area the prior year when they meet. They meet again this summer when she arrived. she claims not to have any interested in Him and they where never dating but he was someone who liked her allot.  This could be the real truth or it could be a lie. Only she knows for sure.  Again she wasn't aware of the date and after leaving her family after a conflict she wasn't in contact with the agency to get his letters. 

Well as a cop and having at least some common sense, my "Spidey" sense is on overload on this situation-here's why;

1) She claims to not have any interest in him and never dated; Why didn't she seek help from her Father? Her employer? A cop on the street? Use Ukraines version of 911(such as a regular number or the operator)? Ask any stranger to help her?  This must be the quickest case of Stockholm syndrom I've ever heard of

2) Any women (or man) truly in love remembers the wedding date, I don't care what country you're in.

3) Could she have called you collect Kevin? (At least the Ukraine version)



I have met some women in not (not with me) and women in general  can be very resourceful, but a women in love is like a pit bull that tastes blood-she won't let anything ruin her special day.

  My feelings are she went to either meet and update her boyfriend about the wonderful life she's creating for them or went for a last fling before getting married.

I've learned over the years both professionally and personally to trust my "Spidey Sense" went it goes off.  Either way this client of yours is more forgiving then I would be since her disappearance raises too many questions and I would have no trust in or with her.


After I had made sure she was physically ok I would tell her to have a nice life and then move on.

[jb]

I'd sure like to see a visual of this couple.  I have to wonder if they are as visually mismatched as Viking and his St. Pete gal were.  A picture would sure answer a lot of questions in my mind.

[Kevin]

I'm going to ask you guys to read everything again before posting.

acrzybear... 

1. As stated their was a family fight and she left. Her father had no knowledge of where she was working. Neither did her step mother. She basically ran away from home.  1a. Police don't really care about domestic issue in Ukraine. 1b. It not American no 911.  1c. She could leave the apartment but without money and her mobile she had no way of calling anyone long distance. Nor would a taxi driver take her anywhere with the promise of payment when she arrive.  Again many people think western when talking about Ukraine. It is a very different world here.

1 "BUT" I do agree that if she tried very hard she might had been able to reach a internet cafe and email the office.   
At the same time this lady had no ideal how the internet works as she has never used it. (village girl).

2. Also the wedding date had not been set only a month that he would come back in.  It wasn't until after his return that he decided to set a wedding date and by this time we were out of communication with the lady.

3.  It took me a while to find a answer as nobody in my office knew the answer so I'm sure the lady didn't either. The answer is NO. They don't offer collect service or CC service in Ukraine.

My spider sense tells me this lady has a very strong "village mentality" and has no ideal how the real world works yet.  But she does seem to care allot for the men she married.

JB.  I client has ask that his name and photo be withheld for now. But when I do post it you will see they look like any other happy couple wedding photo's.

[PeeWee]

So this plays out like a Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan movie. Two people meet, fall in love, one disappears for some reason, the other tries to find them, they meet again and are happy there after.

I can somewhat relate to the events of this story. I had a woman friend who lived in Moscow. I would call her home about three times a week. One day I called but I did not receive an answer. Day after day same thing. After 10 days I decided that she must have lost interest and moved or something had happened to her.

I quit calling. Another month passed and then I get an email from her. Her story was that her father had become seriously ill and she had traveled to her native city to care for him. When he recovered she returned to Moscow and then contacted me to tell me what had happened. I believed her because she was an honest woman and I did know that her father was old and had not been in good health during the time that we were dating. We did not resume our relationship, however, because I had meet another Moscow lady by then.

Peevee

[Ryan]

Like most here I would probably never ask her to get engaged on the first visit.  These things take time and if she is the one she will have no problem waiting.  The second visit should most always be to her home gives you a better idea of what she is like as well as meet her friends and not just one family member in a different city.   As far as learning that you can’t get a hold of her this is a red flag.  A good FSU woman would tell you everything before she does it you are involved in everything.

I am (2) sit back enjoy and wait for her call then no mater what the answer make her wait longer to get married so that you can build trust something that should be there from the beginning. 

Ryan
Married 2 year to a woman from Russia

[KenC]

Ryan,
Are you the Ryan from Michigan that relocted to FL?  If you are, how the heck are you?  It has been a while, dude!  I hope everything is good for you.
KenC

[Ryan]

Hello Ken,

Yes this is the one and only Ryan, is it really KenC it's so unlike you to post a photo. 

I am well, moved to West Palm from Michigan then up to Jacksonville.  Jacksonville reminds me of Detroit.  My wife and I are doing great.  It is still the best thing that I ever did in my life.  We just purchased a condo very cool.   We are off to Russia for a family visit in about a week.  It has been two years since she has been home.  We need a vacation.

[Ryan]

P.S. Glad I never purchased that K-mart Stock...

Hello Ken,

Yes this is the one and only Ryan, is it really KenC it's so unlike you to post a photo. 

I am well, moved to West Palm from Michigan then up to Jacksonville.  Jacksonville reminds me of Detroit.  My wife and I are doing great.  It is still the best thing that I ever did in my life.  We just purchased a condo very cool.   We are off to Russia for a family visit in about a week.  It has been two years since she has been home.  We need a vacation.

[KenC]

Ryan,
Very cool to catch up with you.  I know I never posted photos before, but this forum is different.  A lot of nice guys here though(and a few buttheads).  I am happy for you, man.  These RW have a way about moving you to where they want to live, don't they?  I love San Diego too though.  Has your wifey got her greencard yet?
KenC

[Ryan]

Yep, the wife has the Green Card, she is driving, working, taking some college classes.  I have stayed up on all the papework and we are having no problems.  Just got my Visa for travel yesterday I always get an invitation so it make things run smooth. 

The wife wants kids so that will be next.  My dog of 15 years just passed a couple months back so I guess and ready for kids..lol

I have been reading the posts, looks similar to the stuff we always used to talk about years back when I started this. 

[KenC]

Ryan,
Sorry to hear about your dog.  I know from experience you can get pretty attached to those mutts.

Dan has put together a very nice forum here.  I hope you enjoy it and contribute.  There seems to be an abundence of married guys here, so some of the subjects will be more relevant to where you are now in your relationships and not all newbie type questions.  You might want to check out "posting photos of your lady" in the married section.  A lot of guys got into it and it was nice to see everyone's photos.

It sounds as though everything is going well for you two.  I am happy for you.
KenC

[andrewfi]

Kevin, you had her home address and could have made contact through that, if not with her then her parents, siblings, whatever, instead you prevaricated and messed around. You gave credence to obvious falsehoods and allowed a misguided swain to become even more heavily embroiled. A little good advice and clear action at the outset would likely have had a beter effect - a good result is not ALWAYS a marriage.

Just ask yourself, what was she 'running away' from? Why did her parents do nothing? If all this cobblers is true is this a woman who is likely to be able to survive the rigours of life in another country? Complex stories are rarely true and you do yourself no favours by giving them credence, nor in asking us to swallow the same tripe.

Whilst we do not know the outcome, really, as a shining star, you and your agency are not a very good example here. This kind of self promotion is only effective if you actually do stuff right.

Well meaning bumbling hardly cuts it as you might now be noticing from the posts on this thread.

I wish both the unfortunates who star in your tale the best of good fortune and hope that they wake up one fine day with a dose of smarts.

[Kevin]

andrewfin
If you read it closely you would had seen that the only contact we had was with the father and this was when he was a work. No home phone.  When we spoke to the father he did not know where she went and we spent a lot of time trying to locate her.   

You must also remember the ladies age. She was an adult and when she left home after the argument she didn't maintain contact with home.

This was a very weird situation and was a first for us.   

Today the couple are getting ready for her exit interview and making flight arrangement for her to leave Ukraine for America.

[Albert]

Quite an interesting story.  And, although it probably sounds far fetched to those with little experience in the FSU, it is quite believable to me.  Some very, very strange things happen there and getting info on anything is like pulling teeth.

I have been with gals who spend 20-30 minutes talking to some clerk or official about something . . . and the end result is that they learned nothing about what we needed.  I am going crazy trying to get some logical 'this therefore that' type of conversation going between them, but it is all in vain.

And mostly the people there don't insist on logical or fruitful interactions because they are simply used the accomplishing nothing or getting the run around on a regular basis.  And they almost seem to enjoy it.

Example:  It took one gal weeks, many phone calls, many trips to agents, etc., to get a plane ticket for our vacation trip.  After she finally got her ticket, I used internet here to get my ticket in about 10 minutes.  When I reported this to her, she replied: "You have not an interesting life in USA."

Back to the main thrust of your story Kevin; I realize you are dealing with adults whom you cannot completely control.  However, with your experience, I would hope we would hear about fewer and fewer of these cases where the man falls for gal on first meeting, and then gets engaged after a second one week get together with her and her father.

Better to be reading about men who talk with several women on first trip, comes back for second visit and spends a month 24/7 in an apartment with his preferred gal, then brings her to USA on Fiancee visa and marries her on day 89.

[neigedesalpes]

I love detective stories and role playing games...
At first i believed that "father" could be the boy friend...
unfortunetly the end of  the story was not very original!

Anyway thanks to khersongirls for effort and creativity!
True or not true it helps a new member like me to imagine problems that can occur for my first trip...and such stories are common in the wild, wild world even in western country (like a girl killed by her  brothers (even in an european country) for dating a non muslim)

[Kevin]

Here is the latest on this couple. They are still married and living in the USA.  The lady is still learning English so it has been a hard relationship. But things seem to be working out between the two of them. 

Kevin

[SilverBUllet]

Ok, what I would have done.  ??? ???
If being newly engaged to a Ukrainian lady I would have first bought her a new 3G mobile phone so she had a spare one just in case. Then I would have suggested her to get free e-mail accounts; mail.ru, yahoo etc. Then at least if loosing contact one could easily re-connect via the internet from an internet cafe which are located all over Ukraine and not expensive to visit even for locals. Perhaps more importanly when engaged, I would have sent my fiancee enough money so she wouldn't have to work or go out of town for another job.  Makes sense? SB

[SANDRO43]

Ok, what I would have done.  ??? ???If being newly engaged to a Ukrainian lady I would have first bought her a new 3G mobile phone so she had a spare one just in case. Then I would have suggested her to get free e-mail accounts; mail.ru, yahoo etc. Then at least if loosing contact one could easily re-connect via the internet from an internet cafe which are located all over Ukraine and not expensive to visit even for locals. Perhaps more importanly when engaged, I would have sent my fiancee enough money so she wouldn't have to work or go out of town for another job.  Makes sense? SB

Perchance archeologist ? This is ANOTHER 2-year old thread .

[SilverBUllet]

Perchance archeologist ? This is ANOTHER 2-year old thread .

The topic is still valid, why not kick it back to life?

[Kevin]

I guess it is time for an update on this old story.  It didn't work out with the lady. After a few months she returned back home and the men started to look again.

Kevin

[SilverBUllet]

I guess it is time for an update on this old story.  It didn't work out with the lady. After a few months she returned back home and the men started to look again.

Kevin

Kevin, What do you mean by didn't work out with the lady? Was it because of the hasty decision after just a few meetings, because she didn't like the place of her finance, a culture chock, home sick, big age difference? Any clues that could help other members in this matter and similar situations? Why did it go wrong? Thanks. SB