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Author Topic: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?  (Read 3040 times)

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Offline GenMish

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #75 on: September 11, 2018, 02:44:41 PM »
Humour Break

This is an old Babushka Tale I remembered when the OP detailed the bathing ritual his fiancée required


It seems there was an older wealthy Russian gentleman that went to Paris for his summer vacation. When he returned , he brought back the most beautiful young French Girl to be his future wife. She was the talk of the village for weeks, her beauty was stunning, manners perfect, and dressed finer than any lady in the region.
  After 3 weeks, the Russian gentleman sent her back to France. The Village was perplexed. His friends asked WHY did he send her home. His reply, "She was too dirty"

His friends were shocked. They said that she looked very clean, how can you say she was too dirty? His reply, "She bathed 3 times a day. Anyone that bathes three times a day must be dirty"

Offline ML

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #76 on: September 11, 2018, 03:34:56 PM »
Actually this would not be the bathing routine for typical French woman.
Remember Napoleon to Josephine.
I still like Ike.

Online BillyB

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #77 on: September 11, 2018, 04:16:26 PM »
he had decided about this before he even left her in Russia, now he is just being a selfish coward seeking approval to end this in distance, and I wont give that to him.


 Is he a coward or simply scared of what will happen after he dumps her? He was staying in her apartment. I don't think he could safely sleep at night the rest of his visit if he dumped her.

He met her mother for the first time last visit. He then learned  she yells at her mother and has a temper worse than the Greeks. That scared him. Nobody should marry a person that scares them.
Give a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #78 on: September 11, 2018, 04:53:06 PM »
she loves the beach and I live only 20 minutes away..
  Maybe in part because of her daughter,  My heart tells me stick it out, but my brain tells me to cut and run. Don't know what to do
Where is this beach?
Where do marriage vows state 'Do you take this woman and her entire family...'?
'Don't know what to do'?...not ready for marriage anyway.
The future is certain...it's the past that's unpredictable.

Offline GQBlues

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #79 on: September 11, 2018, 05:27:34 PM »
Where is this beach?
Where do marriage vows state 'Do you take this woman and her entire family...'?
'Don't know what to do'?...not ready for marriage anyway.


It's italicized and in between *To have and to hold' and 'In richness and in health*. It's really tiny. You almost have to squint your eyes and view it in a well-lighted room.

Of course it also depends on which edition your certificate is written on - opposite page from the signature line. Tough to find if you're not looking for it.
« Last Edit: September 11, 2018, 05:30:51 PM by GQBlues »
My wonderful rebuttal to the Prague Sprint thread is now *relocated* again (being actively hidden, lol) in *Anything Goes* section, titled: Willy Waving. Hurry before they delete it altogether. LMAO! Enjoy.

Offline Nikolos

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #80 on: September 12, 2018, 04:18:47 AM »

Maybe he is not affected or hurt by any of this. Then if he doesn't care about this woman, because he is not hurt, why would he need validation? I am trying to figure this out.

I don't need validation, I'm think what I'm looking for is a way to end it, to lessen the pain as much as possible, I have feelings for her, if I didn't it would be a lot easier to do.

Online Maxx2

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #81 on: September 12, 2018, 04:52:32 AM »
I don't need validation, I'm think what I'm looking for is a way to end it, to lessen the pain as much as possible, I have feelings for her, if I didn't it would be a lot easier to do.


Up thread from my quote it was speculated that you needed validation and you were not hurt by any of this. To me this didn't make sense. These are two contradictory ideas if they came from one source. People are trying to figure you out. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. Others often don't. Others are biased towards RW/UW and I have been accused of being biased towards Western men. I tend to stay out of these types of discussions and discussions of politics.


Somebody said your fiancee would scream at her mother. I was engaged to an American woman when I was quite young. Nineteen to be exact. She was 23. Once I asked her why her voice was hoarse. She said she had been yelling at her mother. My parents had gotten into several arguments over the years that I remember. But they never got to the volume of making either one of them hoarse. Dad went out and took a walk or went to the movies with me along. Anyway it made me wonder about my fiancee. I married her anyway because you're pretty dumb at 19. She's an ex now, so you can figure it out.
« Last Edit: September 12, 2018, 04:55:30 AM by Maxx2 »

Offline Nikolos

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #82 on: September 12, 2018, 04:57:39 AM »
I agree with Pitbull. Don't bring her friend into this. Don't bring anybody she knows into this. Your breakup with her after 2 years of being in a relationship and now engaged with a visa interview coming up is humiliating. Let her tell the story to her friends and family the way she wants.

Agree with ML. Nikolos is already back home. Nothing good can come from a face to face meeting now. Only bad. Giving her some financial support before she finds a job is proof enough Nikolos is being a gentleman. She'd prefer the money he would've spent on the trip to see her anyway.

In the FSU, when a person breaks up with you, it's abrupt and quick. Being sensitive and compassionate to the person that is getting dumped rarely happens. I don't feel sorry for Nikolos's finacee. She failed to make him happy and/or failed to prove she's wife material after two years of knowing him.

I didn't think of the humiliation factor, The only reason I thought of bringing her friend into it is to be there for emotional support, not to do my talking for me or anything like that, but your right, it's probably not a good idea overall.. When she got upset with the way I was talking to my friend on the phone, how happy and talkative I was, I went into the shower and could hear her crying out loud to her friend on the phone, She's definitely knows their trouble and she's worried, The day before I left she asked for the support money of $500 one week early and I gladly gave it, (I send her 2 payments of $500 a month), and later she asked what the next step is for the visa process, and I told her.. She's been through 2 divorces and her Mother has raised her daughter since birth so she could work, quite common is Russia.. She wants a better and easier life, plain and simple and I wish I could give it to her but I know the marriage would fall apart soon after she's here, I know her and I know myself, no way it's going to work.. My biggest mistake was not taking more time to get to know her, to live with her like I just did before proposing marriage, looking back it was stupid on my part, and I brought all this on myself.


Offline Nikolos

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #83 on: September 12, 2018, 05:16:06 AM »
I could agree with your opinion if it wasn't for that small fact that he had decided about this before he even left her in Russia, now he is just being a selfish coward seeking approval to end this in distance, and I wont give that to him.


Let me clear, I'm not seeking your approval or anyone else's here, I'm seeking advice and I received plenty of it here, which has been extremely helpful.. As for the coward label? YES! I'd much rather be labeled a coward as opposed to potentially having a butcher knife stuck in my back 7000 miles away from home, I'm sure my 2 kids wont mind that label either.

Online Maxx2

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #84 on: September 12, 2018, 07:48:36 AM »
Let me clear, I'm not seeking your approval or anyone else's here, I'm seeking advice and I received plenty of it here, which has been extremely helpful.. As for the coward label? YES! I'd much rather be labeled a coward as opposed to potentially having a butcher knife stuck in my back 7000 miles away from home, I'm sure my 2 kids wont mind that label either.


Is her temper that much?
« Last Edit: September 12, 2018, 08:09:31 AM by Maxx2 »

Online Nightwish

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #85 on: September 12, 2018, 07:58:07 AM »

"Hear ye, hear ye!"

An continuations "excuse" I read here not to do it in face to face is to be exposed to the woman's anger and risk bodily harm the next night  - seems like hotels are a new concept to you....
:cluebat:

I can give a tip to all you about a great site: booking.com

Or simply go out on the street, I'm 100% sure that there are a large number of hotels even in Moscow that can be found withing walking distance or by taxi.

Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

Online Maxx2

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #86 on: September 12, 2018, 08:13:41 AM »
"Hear ye, hear ye!"

An continuations "excuse" I read here not to do it in face to face is to be exposed to the woman's anger and risk bodily harm the next night  - seems like hotels are a new concept to you....
 :cluebat:

I can give a tip to all you about a great site: booking.com

Or simply go out on the street, I'm 100% sure that there are a large number of hotels even in Moscow that can be found withing walking distance or by taxi.


I've seen men who have confronted women, spoke their words and wound up in jail. If she has a white hot temper then it would be best to drop the news on her with an ocean and 8 to 11 times zones in between.

Online BillyB

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #87 on: September 12, 2018, 10:15:56 AM »
I'm 100% sure that there are a large number of hotels even in Moscow that can be found withing walking distance or by taxi.


The woman screams at her mom the first time she introduces her man to her parent and cries when her man is on the phone happily talking to a friend. She's got mental issues. How do you think she's going to react when her man is packing his bags before going to a hotel? Finding a hotel is not the problem here. Just trying to get out without further drama is.

I've seen men who have confronted women, spoke their words and wound up in jail. If she has a white hot temper then it would be best to drop the news on her with an ocean and 8 to 11 times zones in between.


Guys go to jail for confronting a woman. I heard their stories too. I tell them walk away without saying a word. Don't escalate any situation. Never go back to those women.

There's nothing good that can come if Nikolos flies back to his fiancée to have a one on one talk with her about breaking up, only bad. If she can explode on her mother for something little, I can imagine her ripping Nikolos's eyeballs out, kicking him in the balls when he's not looking and having the police rid her apartment of the "problem".
Give a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Offline GenMish

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #88 on: September 12, 2018, 12:48:45 PM »
IMHO
Even if it is the noble thing to do, Nick isn't flying back to Moscow to break up with her. It would be foolhearty to try to convince him to do so. I dont think it helps to make him feel guilty. He had his chance when he was there, and didnt.

 Nick not only proposed too early, but WORSE let it develop to such a late stage that his fiancée structured her whole life for him after the K1 Visa process began. I will speculate that she 'lost' her job because she thought she was going to leave Russia and live the Orange County dream in a city like Irvine or Mission Viejo only '20 minutes from the beach' with a husband that has a good income(per his admission) to support her and her child


I am guessing Nick initially had good intentions, and is making the right choice in ending it. Its the right choice for both people and their children. An unhappy marriage would devastate the children.

But I think what Nick is asking is, What are his obligations to her to break it off? And we cant say because we don't know what promises he might have made, or if she was too foolish to gamble on Nick following through


Lets be rational...If Nick breaks up with her, will he continue to support her till the end of the year as he has claimed he would?

Doesn't his fiancée have some burden? Nick seems to feel that the relationship is not compatible, cant she see that too?

imo
If Nick follows through and supports her till year end, a breakup over Skype is OK
« Last Edit: September 12, 2018, 01:22:12 PM by GenMish »

Offline Nikolos

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #89 on: September 12, 2018, 02:41:29 PM »

Is her temper that much?

The times that she was angry with me, she venting for over an hour, If she drinks wine, it will last as long as 4 hours.

Offline Nikolos

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #90 on: September 12, 2018, 02:58:11 PM »

Lets be rational...If Nick breaks up with her, will he continue to support her till the end of the year as he has claimed he would?


You're very attentive, spot on in a many areas.. I have no problem supporting her until she finds a job, but I wouldn't carry it into the new year, she's highly educated and theirs no reason she couldn't find a job in that time.. You are right though, when I returned after the first trip and proposed, she started crying about her job, the metro and wanting to quit.

I care for her daughter very much, I couldn't abandon the financial support, this is not about money for me, it's about making things right and achieving my goal of finding happiness.

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #91 on: September 12, 2018, 03:25:25 PM »
The woman screams at her mom the first time she introduces her man to her parent and cries when her man is on the phone happily talking to a friend. She's got mental issues. How do you think she's going to react when her man is packing his bags before going to a hotel? Finding a hotel is not the problem here. Just trying to get out without further drama is.

Guys go to jail for confronting a woman. I heard their stories too. I tell them walk away without saying a word. Don't escalate any situation. Never go back to those women.

There's nothing good that can come if Nikolos flies back to his fiancée to have a one on one talk with her about breaking up, only bad. If she can explode on her mother for something little, I can imagine her ripping Nikolos's eyeballs out, kicking him in the balls when he's not looking and having the police rid her apartment of the "problem".

I think this is very true Billy. She is likely to not react well to losing the financial support either even if it is carried on for three extra months. Probably best to have a computer screen dividing  Nikolos from her in that circumstance lol.

Online msmob

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #92 on: September 12, 2018, 03:27:14 PM »
Note how many 'experts' haven't even been to Russia or have a FSU partner ... :wallbash:
The internet, in the end, was not designed to give people the information they need. It gives people the information they want.

Online tfcrew

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #93 on: September 12, 2018, 03:27:55 PM »
Never did say where "the beach 20 minutes away" is.
North of Charleston SC?... Will receive a bj from Florence in a couple of days.
The future is certain...it's the past that's unpredictable.

Online MarinaSirena

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #94 on: September 12, 2018, 10:22:08 PM »
Nikolos
There are too much of gossip about your story)
I am sure that you are good person) :-*And big boy) of course you can make a decision without any advice, opinion, morality. What is right/what is wrong
Nobody can say exactly. We just go our own way. We all do mistakes and good things in this life. And @not yours experience@ cant be useful for you
And every coin has two sides

Financial support?
From one side: its very gently! You were engaged. And its your fault that you ruined all her hopes.You should support her and her family until she find a job
From other: is it well doer? Or you are just trying to minimaze your guilt?instead of an honest conversation You prefer to buy her forgiveness)) like great robbers doing a charity/ ex drug takers became too religious persons/ parents who work too much and cant gift their attention so the they  buy too expensive toys for child
Or even: disservice! dont forget 1000 doll is about 6 monthly salaries in small russian city . Even in Moscow its not bad easy money for her) After The end she will be stressed. So if you give her money she will suffer...Will drink a lot...Will yell to her family..)If you dont give the money she will not have the time for this bullshit cause she will have to work and earn money)

Moral and ethic is flexible thing)

I cant give you @perfect advise@
I just know that its good to listen to your own voice of heart and mind. And to learn though mistakes.
If to call or meet her is difficult for you (money reasons/ avoiding her hysteria and complaining and manipulation/ too long and not aduquate flight/or any)- just dont do it. Send her a letter. Why not?Not fair? Or rational? who knows.... You shouldn blame yourself. Feeling guilty didnt make anybody happy!

One thing i know exactly: after difficult long-term relationship everyone needs the time for some reflection. If you can - dont try to start new search in 1 week after this love story*s end. Let you be alone some time)))

Offline GenMish

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #95 on: September 13, 2018, 11:40:42 AM »
Note how many 'experts' haven't even been to Russia or have a FSU partner ... :wallbash:


When I read your post Ms, I looked back to see what might have prompted it. I see you were the one that was coaxing Nick to fly to Moscow to break up with her. It aint happening, so why are you trying to make him feel guilty? Ten guys out of ten would break it off by phone/skype, AND 9 of 10 would stop sending support payments


BTW- Yes, I have been to the FSU, but it didn't take me 10 trips to find an incredibly beautiful, intelligent, highly educated, moral, well cultured spouse. It took me one trip. My profile shows 0 trips, because I am considering going out again and my experience was 25 years ago. And I must say, I am now very disappointed with the women I have chatted with so far. They have looks, but not much else. Perhaps the current pool of women explains how a well incomed man from Orange County CA almost settled for a 2 time divorcee, drinker , bad tempered, and too lazy to keep her job until her Visa was a done deal.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2018, 11:49:25 AM by GenMish »

Online msmob

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #96 on: September 13, 2018, 01:47:46 PM »

When I read your post Ms, I looked back to see what might have prompted it.

Thank you for updating your profile to read accurately ......and your appraisal of FSU women

The internet, in the end, was not designed to give people the information they need. It gives people the information they want.

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #97 on: September 13, 2018, 09:44:20 PM »
It took me one trip.
+1 You know what you want and go find her.
I went back and got her...visited a couple of times and I think we are finished going back.... flying is now difficult and the area has become unsettled....too bad.
The future is certain...it's the past that's unpredictable.

Offline ML

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #98 on: September 14, 2018, 12:44:43 AM »
Quite funny how a few folks here are trying for early admission to Sainthood status with their holier than thou advice to make the trip just to break up.

Not one of them would actually do it themselves.
I still like Ike.

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Re: How do I end relationship with my fiancée?
« Reply #99 on: September 14, 2018, 01:34:10 AM »
Not one of them would actually do it themselves.
Not all of them would propose after two weeks either. But if you get yourself in a mess, you need to find a clean exit. Or not.



It's a matter of choice. You make your bed, you lie in it.

 

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