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Author Topic: Religion and Atheism in the FSU  (Read 916 times)

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Offline GenMish

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Religion and Atheism in the FSU
« on: April 24, 2019, 07:06:16 AM »
I found out this past weekend that the lady I have been conversing with is an atheist 'because she grew up in Soviet times,' whereas Faith in GOD is an important part of my life. What experiences of this type of 'mixed' relationships have you gone through or heard about? I remember ML posted a survey saying that religion was in the top 3 reasons for marital problems

25 years ago, a Christian Wife was a PRIORITY on my list for the benefit of our future children.

Offline krimster2

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Re: Religion and Atheism in the FSU
« Reply #1 on: April 24, 2019, 07:19:46 AM »
my situation is more complicated...
my mother was born in the UK, and was Church of England, or "C of E"
in the states she was Episcopalian,
father's family Jewish...
as a youth my sister and I accompanied our mother to church without my father, who was usually in his office on Sunday morning
me, I consider it laughable that there's a "sky daddy"
wife is an Orthodox "believer" complete with Icons, etc.
to me being a member of a religious organization is equivalent to membership in any other private "club"
so I go along for the fun while my wife is "networking"...
keeps the mizzus happy it does (just like it did me mum)
tryin to convince my wife without luck thus far to attend a Pentecostal church about a mile from us where they handle rattlesnakes as a sign of their faith
they don't know about rattlesnake pheromones, after I acquired some, I was really going to test their faith
it would have been fun to watch

I guess in your situation that means you're SOL partner...
my experience in Ukraine has shown me that plenty of people who spent part of their youth in the Soviet period have religious inclinations
if you're not familiar with the Orthodox church it's more like Catholicism than any of the Protestant flavors
so, I guess you have to ask yourself if the person's faith (i.e. their internal beliefs) is more important than "the person"
because in that situation, even the compromise of "maintaining public appearance" would not be compatible with the "job requirements" you have outlined

if you permit me to make a “gentle” observation of FSU women, based on my 19 yr of marriage to one, and prior to that having numerous “whirl-wind” romances with such a large number that if I told you the quantity, you’d think I was BSing you...

FSU women aren’t going to have the same ideas that you have about ANYTHING!
so finding one with beliefs similar to your own, “fuhgettabout it”

what you want to find is “compatible”

compatible means able to exist or occur together without conflict
my experience has shown me that opposites can sometimes be compatible because they “complement” and not “conflict”, and that makes the “attraction” even stronger

because of the ENORMOUS differences between the cultures, you HAVE to have flexibility in your relationship, or it’ll break....

this issue of flexibility is something you need to consider

you can't always get what you want
but if you try some time
you just might find
you get what you need








 

« Last Edit: April 24, 2019, 09:06:09 AM by krimster2 »
вы думаете, что любой из этих людей, даже российских, подозревает, что я русский?

Online Patagonie

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Re: Religion and Atheism in the FSU
« Reply #2 on: April 24, 2019, 08:55:35 AM »
It's up to you.
We were both atheist with my ex wife. And so we didn't have any fight around this topic. If i were a woman, being atheist meeting you, as you wrote "for the benefit of our children", i would consider that there are no benefit at all purely and simply.
I know that you would put our children (me being this woman) in faith while i would consider that they need to be adult to decide what they want to do by themselves with or without God. That would be a major concern for me and probably endless fights between us. However i would let you practice your religion on your own time as long as you don't take me and children in hostages.
And i would not let you put our children in a catholic church with priests for holy education as 6% of  priests rape their young audience (that's a fact)

So if we reverse and you were a muslim our childrens will faith in Allah, or X or Y, so religion is totally depending of birth, as it is sowed among the children time. Therefore it has nothing to do with the spirit but it's just human conditionning.



Read : "Operation white panther"
"Je glissais through the paper wall, an angel in the hand, s taboy. I lay on the floor, surgi des chants de Maldoror, je mix l'intégrale de mes nuits de crystal, i belong to the festival.

Online Faux Pas

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Re: Religion and Atheism in the FSU
« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2019, 09:34:09 AM »
My wife is also an Atheist and raised in the Soviet times. So is her mother. I'm a Christian. We've had many discussions on the subject but never an argument and we've been married 10 years. You maybe should lend her the same freedom in her non-religion as you expect in your religion?

Understand that her upbringing was that religion didn't exist although some still believed, many or most did not. If it's that important to you seek out a Christian although, you would be counting out many fine women who wouldn't have an issue that you are a Christian. My advice is to seek the woman, not her religion or lack of it.

Online Patagonie

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Re: Religion and Atheism in the FSU
« Reply #4 on: April 24, 2019, 09:42:30 AM »
My wife is also an Atheist and raised in the Soviet times. So is her mother. I'm a Christian. We've had many discussions on the subject but never an argument and we've been married 10 years. You maybe should lend her the same freedom in her non-religion as you expect in your religion?

Understand that her upbringing was that religion didn't exist although some still believed, many or most did not. If it's that important to you seek out a Christian although, you would be counting out many fine women who wouldn't have an issue that you are a Christian. My advice is to seek the woman, not her religion or lack of it.
+1that's wise
Read : "Operation white panther"
"Je glissais through the paper wall, an angel in the hand, s taboy. I lay on the floor, surgi des chants de Maldoror, je mix l'intégrale de mes nuits de crystal, i belong to the festival.

Offline JayH

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Re: Religion and Atheism in the FSU
« Reply #5 on: April 24, 2019, 09:50:29 AM »
. My advice is to seek the woman, not her religion or lack of it.

  Another +1 /

My long term Ukr  ex  was religious --  my current lady is too . I am agnostic .
I have often-- and still do -- attend  Church when invited with her . I do not have to go --but I am interested  in doing my best to understand  as best I can.
I could choose not to go -- and it would have no affect on the overall relationship.
SLAVA UKRAYINI  ! HEROYAM SLAVA!!!!
Слава Украине! Слава героям слава!Слава Україні! Слава героям!
 translated as: Glory to Ukraine! Glory to the heroes!!!  is a Ukrainian greeting slogan being used now all over Ukraine to signify support for a free independent Ukraine

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Religion and Atheism in the FSU
« Reply #6 on: April 24, 2019, 10:37:11 AM »
I found out this past weekend that the lady I have been conversing with is an atheist 'because she grew up in Soviet times,' whereas Faith in GOD is an important part of my life. What experiences of this type of 'mixed' relationships have you gone through or heard about? I remember ML posted a survey saying that religion was in the top 3 reasons for marital problems

25 years ago, a Christian Wife was a PRIORITY on my list for the benefit of our future children.

I would recommend finding somebody with similar beliefs if you are
going to have kids. If there will be no future kids, then I say do whatever
you are comfortable with.


FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline Boethius

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Re: Religion and Atheism in the FSU
« Reply #7 on: April 24, 2019, 12:33:14 PM »
I found out this past weekend that the lady I have been conversing with is an atheist 'because she grew up in Soviet times.

Churches were full in Russia and Ukraine from the 1960's on, despite the fact it was officially condemned and had adverse consequences to a person's job.  My husband used to go to church regularly, but he was already from the wrong class and had limited options in the society.  At Easter, where the service is at night, communists used to gather up worshippers in Kyiv and drive them 20 km from the city centre.  He didn't mind, he was young and could walk back, getting rides part way (no buses in villages on Sundays), but he said it was terrible for the old women.

My point is really that this woman isn't an atheist because she grew up in Soviet times  It is because she grew up in a Soviet family, one that absorbed Soviet ideals, including the fact that belief in God was viewed as a psychological abnormality (not suggesting she believes that).

No one can advise you on this.  Only you know if this is a deal breaker for you.

This post was composed without the aid of google.
« Last Edit: April 24, 2019, 12:48:24 PM by Boethius »
To love someone means to see him as God intended him. - Fyodor Dostoevksy

Online Gator

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Re: Religion and Atheism in the FSU
« Reply #8 on: April 24, 2019, 12:44:20 PM »
My advice is to seek the woman, not her religion or lack of it.

Best advice! 

I contend that exposure to religion when young does not hurt.   

My wife is 53, Orthodox, with faith in God.   Her faith developed in her Soviet youth due to her Russian mother's guidance.  She has a Cossack heritage, and was not the ideal Soviet citizen, never joining the Commie Party even though pressured. 

Today, she does not attend Orthodox services only because there is no church nearby, yet she maintains an Icon area in our home for private contemplation.  She has cards of Orthodox holy saints in her son's room, his car, her car, etc. She even slips me a card for concerning times such as my knee surgery.   

The rituals galore of the Orthodox faith differ from my upbringing when I became  imprinted as a Southern Baptist youth.  I haven't been a serious church goer in 50 years.   My  concept of heaven conflicts with Christian teachings  and certainly my wife's.  Nevertheless, I would say Jesus's teachings of LOVE and FORGIVENESS seem to occur more naturally to me.  She is definitely less tolerant.  Her excuse is that I make more mistakes than her.    Maybe true.


Online tfcrew

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Re: Religion and Atheism in the FSU
« Reply #9 on: April 24, 2019, 02:04:14 PM »
  a Christian Wife was a PRIORITY on my list ...
Go with that.  I did. They're there.

Offline GenMish

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Re: Religion and Atheism in the FSU
« Reply #10 on: April 25, 2019, 06:13:42 AM »
Thank you for all the good answers, I will have to think of my response. There is one added issue, her 3 yr old. If it was just her, I think I would be fine with it. But its a package

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Re: Religion and Atheism in the FSU
« Reply #11 on: April 25, 2019, 07:40:43 AM »
There is one added issue, her 3 yr old. If it was just her, I think I would be fine with it. But its a package

Yes, it is a package and inseparable at that.   Children can be frosting on the cake.  A 3-yo is perfect age IMO, young enough that he/she will consider you father and old enough to be a conversant, little person. 


Your FSUW may be an atheist, but more important are her values.  It takes time together for her basic values to manifest.  Discuss with your FSUW that if the two of you decide to marry, you will introduce her 3-yo to church.  Her interaction with her child will reveal much about her priorities and family values.   

Offline ML

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Re: Religion and Atheism in the FSU
« Reply #12 on: April 25, 2019, 07:03:23 PM »
From my experiences with both men and women, friendships can develop and endure where each party has a completely different viewpoint with respect to religion and/or politics . . .

but only if those topics are not discussed.

If one or both parties want to continually push their viewpoint, it will never work.

I am agnostic.  Spouse is Orthodox, but doesn't attend.

She likes to prepare all the traditional foods at the appropriate times and follow all the 'rules' concerning what cannot be done (manual work) on certain religious holidays.

None of that bothers me at all; particularly the restriction against yard work!!
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online 2tallbill

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Religion and Atheism in the FSU
« Reply #13 on: April 26, 2019, 02:56:59 PM »
Thank you for all the good answers, I will have to think of my response. There is one added issue, her 3 yr old. If it was just her, I think I would be fine with it. But its a package

I don't know either of your ages, but what happens if you make
a baby (or seven) together? Do you have different rules for the
3 year old? "Sally, you need to get ready for church because we
don't want you to burn in hell, but little Mila can still play with her
dolls because we don't care if she spends all of eternity in fire and
brimstone." 

That was an over-dramatization but you want to have a consistent
message for kids. I wouldn't do it and if I did I would get a vasectomy.
This is a decision that you have to make for yourself. Most of the guys
giving you advice here are done with making babies.

Udachi!

Bill
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline GenMish

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Re: Religion and Atheism in the FSU
« Reply #14 on: May 06, 2019, 03:52:04 PM »
I don't know either of your ages, but what happens if you make
a baby (or seven) together? Do you have different rules for the
3 year old? "Sally, you need to get ready for church because we
don't want you to burn in hell, but little Mila can still play with her
dolls because we don't care if she spends all of eternity in fire and
brimstone." 

That was an over-dramatization but you want to have a consistent
message for kids. I wouldn't do it and if I did I would get a vasectomy.
This is a decision that you have to make for yourself. Most of the guys
giving you advice here are done with making babies.

Udachi!

Bill

Hi Bill
I dont know about 7, but 1 at the outside 2 could be possible. We have been talking, but language barriers have kept me from understanding where she is flexible in faith and religion and where she might not be. She is still active with me, so I am guessing she is leaning towards flexible.
  Next issue is profession, she is goal driven. And as I said before she wants to work here, but I am getting hints that she might follow a path that Boston steves wife has taken. She might want to follow up loose ends in Russia before a permanent move. I dont know if it would be the same way as Steve, but that 1.5 yr plus visa program might not work for me. While I might be OK with it, I think my best friend would hit me over the head with a bottle of drambuie and lock me in his cabin in the mountains if I legally entered into wedlock with a woman I knew for less than a year that wanted to do that

Offline Darth_Budda

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Re: Religion and Atheism in the FSU
« Reply #15 on: May 26, 2019, 08:05:09 PM »
My wife is Orthodox Christian...  But to me it seems more Cultural....  Than the more "intense" like christianity practiced in the usa...

I am an Atheist....  This did not seem to be a problem with any people I have meet in Ukraine....
We need a government of action to fight for working families!
Caleb Maupin

 

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