Feelings when you fly back to your country...

[docetae]

There are not a lot of people around me who can understand what I feel now, so I'm posting this message. I have just spent 12 days with the most fantastic woman I have known. She is smart, beautiful and I love her. This is about 7 months now that we are corresponding, we have just spent a total of 17 days together and I just fly back from Ukraine. Since my departure, we do not stop to exchange sms, and write email. My russian is bad, her english a little better but we were able to communicate despite this (thanks to a pocketpc dictionary).

I would like to be back in Kiev now to tell her everything I do not say to her, we were saying again and again we do not want to precipitate anything and inside us we were struggling to respect this ... I have the feeling to miss a part of myself, I will see her again in 4 months ... this is short and long and I don't know how to deal with the distance after these days togethers ... Any advice is welcome.

[Voyageur]

docetae,  I think that you are wrong, that others in this forum have also experienced the same feelings as you have. My advise is to stay close with SMS, emails and telephone when you can. Take each day one at a time. Time will pass and you may even find that your forced separateness will enhance your relationship. You will find out how dependable she is, how much you can depend on her. Involve her as much as possible in your life and your life decisions and you will become even more close than you were when you left her.

I know that this is not much help, but believe me the time will eventually pass and this time apart, while painful, can tell you much about each other.

[groovlstk]

Doc,

I think I know exactly what you're going through. The only way to mitigate the situation is to communicate with her constantly. Sure it's not the same as being together, but it's the closest you can get. One thing that's helped my fiancee and I is that she buys calling cards so she can phone me from Moscow whenever she wants. It's very valuable to her because earlier she had to be fairly passive, waiting for my phone calls, sms, and waiting for me to wake up and come online to chat with her. For me, it really improves my day to arrive home and find a message from her on my answering machine (only problem is I can't bring myself to delete them and I'm not sure how much more storage I have). I don't know what your girl's economic situation is, but if she can't buy calling cards than buy some yourself and send to her. It will make her feel more "in control" of her role in your relationship, and I'm sure you'll appreciate surprise calls from her!

[catzenmouse]

For me, it really improves my day to arrive home and find a message from her on my answering machine (only problem is I can't bring myself to delete them and I'm not sure how much more storage I have).

Groov,

 I did the same thing. Finally bought one of those little micro-recorders and recorded all of Elena's messages onto that. It was funny when she listened to them and told me that I should delete her terrible English. No Way! Those are very precious to me and I will never get rid of them.

Doc,

 What the others have said is exactly how to get through this time. You'll make it even though right now it does not feel like it.

Ken

[docetae]

That was a misunderstanding with my bad english ... I post here because I know that people here had the same feelings at one time, but there are nobody I know in my life who can understand this ...

Constant contact is what we do. SMS and email for now, she has emptied her sms account in two days ...  I will send her around 100$ per month for all her expenses related to our relation, her salary is about 300$/month, she has a son and can not afford to support this directly. I have given her a laptop, I have found today someone to setup the internet connection for her.

I have two jobs, one is my own business, which was a sideline, now I will try to make it my only job to be able to have more freedom to travel. I have a few months but very clear objectives to fulfill.

[Bruno]

I have given her a laptop, I have found today someone to setup the internet connection for her.

And now, send her a good headphone with a mic... you and her install skype on both computer and you will be able to speak a lot of hours for almost nothing... These last Sunday, i have speak during 4 hours with my girlfriend from Odessa ( 06h00 - 10h00 belgium time )... the quality of conversation was good, same with her 56kbts modem.

I don't know what internet connection you have setup but my girlfriend use prepaid card at night tarif ( previously used between 00h00 and 10h00, since last month, between 00h00 and 11h00 )... these system of card is a call back system... she call the provider, log and stop the communication... the provider call back and the connection is make... During the day, she make like a lot of RW, she use the computer at work 

EDIT : if you have setup a enough fast internet connection, like ADSL or Cable, you can maybe add a webcam for your communication.

[Jet]

docetae,
The best cure I ever found for what you are feeling now, is to start planning another trip, especially if you involve her in the proccess 
It may be four months off, but if you do a little bit at a time, the wait goes much faster...

As  the others stated, communicate as often as practical!

[beattledog]

communication is the key

beattledog

[Gator]

LIFE IS GREAT!  Love is a glorious feeling.   Congratulations.

This separation is good.  It is a time for thinking.  The geographic separation accelerates the progress of these RW romances, yet because of language and cultural differences we typically have much less information than for AW romances that progress at a normal pace.  You need to fill in some blanks.

You can think about what is involved in making this happen, especially if and when she arrives to your home.  You can talk this over with your friends and family; they know your personality and situation – we do not.  Use them as a devil’s advocate and think about what they say rather than reacting quickly.  As time moves along, make sure that this is more than infatuation (which is hormonally driven and does not endure).

And then get back on the plane and spend more time with her.  Do you plan to take an engagement ring on your next trip?

Not wishing anything bad, but it would be revealing to have a disagreement with her.  How the two of you reconcile your differences will say a lot about your future.

Wishing you the best.

[docetae]

Not planning at all engagement ring for now ... We just spent a total of 15 days together, this will take at least 3 or 4 times this before this happen. Me and her want to precipitate nothing. The goal for my next travel is to spend time in Kiev to learn russian in one language school. After will be vacation with her and if everything still ok, next one will be travel to Paris on the Eiffel tower