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Author Topic: Going the distance  (Read 483 times)

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Online Trenchcoat

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Going the distance
« on: January 28, 2020, 10:01:43 PM »
Is 18-20 years a long time to go in a relationship?

My thoughts are in terms of having children. Apparently nearly half of relationships end during that sort of period and of course if there are children involved matters can turn very unfavourable to the man with the woman often taking all and the man being left alone and impoverished. Myself I am wondering if it would be a reach for me to go the distance unless of course I found the right sort of woman.
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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2020, 10:54:46 PM »
Before thinking about going the distance, you got to get to first base with a woman. If you find the right woman, go the distance. If you don't find the right woman, date a lot of women to where you're still happy as a single man. Don't let years go by pondering. Hook up with girls now.
« Last Edit: January 28, 2020, 11:45:52 PM by BillyB »
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Online msmob

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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #2 on: January 28, 2020, 11:18:41 PM »
Trench,

This 'game' really isn't for you ... save yourself a fortune


As someone who HAS been part of a failed 'team' that brought two kids into the world and ( based on your criteria) not done as financially 'well' out of the deal - I am glad the girls exist and get on with MY life .. 

Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all ..




We'll be back, EU ..and as a certain 'gentleman' couldn't accept my offer to 'bury the hatchet' .. Don't trust a clueless Californian 'business owner' who cannot even quote me, honestly ..

Online Trenchcoat

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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2020, 12:18:41 AM »
Trench,

This 'game' really isn't for you ... save yourself a fortune


As someone who HAS been part of a failed 'team' that brought two kids into the world and ( based on your criteria) not done as financially 'well' out of the deal - I am glad the girls exist and get on with MY life .. 

Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all ..

I've no doubt you are glad your girls exist Mobers and I'm sure I would be glad to have any children exist even if I did not see them. The main thing I guess is to see them for as long as possible but if it does become that the guy gets locked out completely then I can imagine it surely being a real wrench.

Have you managed to keep in contact and see your girls since the split Moby?
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Online msmob

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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2020, 01:04:23 AM »
First wife saw to it that the' snaky side of the family' didn't get to enjoy their evolution from girls to women ..

Still, I did ask her to marry me, thinking being a Mum would calm her down ..

She was size eight UK - USA 4 - and now akin to a Heffalump - so got off light 


We'll be back, EU ..and as a certain 'gentleman' couldn't accept my offer to 'bury the hatchet' .. Don't trust a clueless Californian 'business owner' who cannot even quote me, honestly ..

Online Trenchcoat

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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #5 on: January 29, 2020, 02:11:18 AM »
First wife saw to it that the' snaky side of the family' didn't get to enjoy their evolution from girls to women ..

Still, I did ask her to marry me, thinking being a Mum would calm her down ..

She was size eight UK - USA 4 - and now akin to a Heffalump - so got off light

Very sorry to hear that Mobe, it must be difficult for you her doing that to you. I think it's totally wrong that the law allows women to isolate a guy from seeing his children and it's really time action was taken to make visitation mandatory to avoid the woman deliberately trying to turn the kids against their father out of spite I feel.
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Online msmob

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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #6 on: January 29, 2020, 03:33:30 AM »
Trench

The law doesn't allow it..

Judges even back then threatened 'contempt of Court', prison time and even my having a Residency order for the girls...but I could not wreck my kids life.

Going to Court was weaponised by the Mum as me 'ruining their lives'..


It was more important the girls had stability than my 'winning' ( again and again) in Court.

 
We'll be back, EU ..and as a certain 'gentleman' couldn't accept my offer to 'bury the hatchet' .. Don't trust a clueless Californian 'business owner' who cannot even quote me, honestly ..

Online Trenchcoat

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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #7 on: January 29, 2020, 04:25:46 AM »
Trench

The law doesn't allow it..

Judges even back then threatened 'contempt of Court', prison time and even my having a Residency order for the girls...but I could not wreck my kids life.

Going to Court was weaponised by the Mum as me 'ruining their lives'..


It was more important the girls had stability than my 'winning' ( again and again) in Court.

I understand. That's really bad of your ex-wife to do that, it just makes life horrible when it need'nt be. Do you ever think you would have truly ever won access if you had continued to fight it?
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Offline GenMish

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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #8 on: January 29, 2020, 06:57:39 AM »
Is 18-20 years a long time to go in a relationship?

My thoughts are in terms of having children. Apparently nearly half of relationships end during that sort of period and of course if there are children involved matters can turn very unfavourable to the man with the woman often taking all and the man being left alone and impoverished. Myself I am wondering if it would be a reach for me to go the distance unless of course I found the right sort of woman.


I really thought were going the distance, but after 23 yrs we called it quits. Children were grown, so no fight there. Men aren't impoverished, we get to keep around 50%. And the money you send will eventually end up in the hands of your own children. But Im still peeved at the legal fees, and at $850/hr(425 for each attorney) it adds up and that is money that leaves your family


  Its worth the risk if you don't make any foolish mistakes, like adopting their kid(s), or put up too much money up front and she rings the cash register after a few years. I would suggest you study the divorce laws in your Country/State etc..., because women do

For any lurkers, Alimony and asset division vary State to State in the USA, and broadly. And then you have to keep on of it, because laws change. Alimony awards in Texas are like 1/3 of some States in the West and NE. Here is a new one... if you live with a woman, it can be considered marriage in some States. Its not marriage in my State (yet), but lets say I live with a woman 5 years , then they change the law, boom that's a 5 yr marriage, and cha ching
« Last Edit: January 29, 2020, 07:09:51 AM by GenMish »

Online Trenchcoat

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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #9 on: January 29, 2020, 08:17:09 AM »

I really thought were going the distance, but after 23 yrs we called it quits. Children were grown, so no fight there. Men aren't impoverished, we get to keep around 50%. And the money you send will eventually end up in the hands of your own children. But Im still peeved at the legal fees, and at $850/hr(425 for each attorney) it adds up and that is money that leaves your family


  Its worth the risk if you don't make any foolish mistakes, like adopting their kid(s), or put up too much money up front and she rings the cash register after a few years. I would suggest you study the divorce laws in your Country/State etc..., because women do

For any lurkers, Alimony and asset division vary State to State in the USA, and broadly. And then you have to keep on of it, because laws change. Alimony awards in Texas are like 1/3 of some States in the West and NE. Here is a new one... if you live with a woman, it can be considered marriage in some States. Its not marriage in my State (yet), but lets say I live with a woman 5 years , then they change the law, boom that's a 5 yr marriage, and cha ching

Not so in the UK, a woman can claim 100 percent of the house if there are children involved, married or not. They would of course have to be the guys kids or be adopted or for the guy to have taken up 'parental responsibility'. It's why like you correctly say Gen Mish be VERY careful about any adoption, etc as the woman may just be setting you up for one or you inadvertently put your foot in it. Basically the least possible done in all that front the better. Better to be living with kids who aren't yours but avoid and legal or parental responsibility sign up as otherwise it can leave the guy in the sh*t.

I recall Mobe managed to put a case to the divorce court that the matrimonial home should be sold off once the kids reach adult age and I believe the judge agreed. This is a smart move and o e no doubt other guys in the UK will increasingly seek. It makes it more fair but of course can incur the wroth of the woman and she can retaliate by weaponising the kids, though of course she may do that anyway.

Without kids involved the woman needs to be married with the guy for at least 5 years before she can claim some of what is his. If there were joint assets upon marriage then that is a different matter.

So overall it's still pretty risky in the UK, moreso if kids are involved. If a woman goes to the divorce courts/family courts she will nearly always gets full custody of the kids. That's unfair and against all the motions of equality floating around these days so much so that it makes a mockery of it. Only if the woman is on hard drugs or is neglecting the children in a big noticeable way would she likely lose custody of the children. A woman in the UK knows that if she has control of the kids then the rest cones with that. The man on the other hand could very likely be facing isolation & estrangement from his family and a bland bedsit with just work, work, work being the only thing left for him. Worst case scenario he may even end up homeless and that's a miserable plight that I prefer not to imagine. A few who end up bringing in enough money can have life better but for many men their life is in effect essentially over.
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Offline ML

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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #10 on: January 29, 2020, 08:59:45 AM »

I really thought were going the distance, but after 23 yrs we called it quits. Children were grown, so no fight there. Men aren't impoverished, we get to keep around 50%. And the money you send will eventually end up in the hands of your own children. But I'm still peeved at the legal fees, and at $850/hr(425 for each attorney) it adds up and that is money that leaves your family



It is really hard for most couples to go the distance.

People change over time, and while one party is changing in one direction, the second party might be  changing in another direction.

Thus compatibility is completely shattered.

And, as I have posted before, even with what is claimed to be 50/50 splits, the reality can be much different.

For instance, one party (usually the wife) gets liquid assets, while the other party (usually the man) gets illiquid assets which have to be worked hard to obtain spendable cash.

And, the liquid assets the wife gets is often after tax money, while the illiquid assets are often before taxes.  Judges are ill informed about finance in general and taxes in particular, and they do NOT want to try to learn.  They just say: "Dollars are dollars, let's just leave it at that and not try to complicate this."
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online John Gaunt

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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #11 on: January 29, 2020, 09:01:46 AM »
Not so in the UK, a woman can claim 100 percent of the house if there are children involved, married or not. They would of course have to be the guys kids or be adopted or for the guy to have taken up 'parental responsibility'. It's why like you correctly say Gen Mish be VERY careful about any adoption, etc as the woman may just be setting you up for one or you inadvertently put your foot in it. Basically the least possible done in all that front the better. Better to be living with kids who aren't yours but avoid and legal or parental responsibility sign up as otherwise it can leave the guy in the sh*t.

I recall Mobe managed to put a case to the divorce court that the matrimonial home should be sold off once the kids reach adult age and I believe the judge agreed. This is a smart move and o e no doubt other guys in the UK will increasingly seek. It makes it more fair but of course can incur the wroth of the woman and she can retaliate by weaponising the kids, though of course she may do that anyway.

Without kids involved the woman needs to be married with the guy for at least 5 years before she can claim some of what is his. If there were joint assets upon marriage then that is a different matter.

So overall it's still pretty risky in the UK, moreso if kids are involved. If a woman goes to the divorce courts/family courts she will nearly always gets full custody of the kids. That's unfair and against all the motions of equality floating around these days so much so that it makes a mockery of it. Only if the woman is on hard drugs or is neglecting the children in a big noticeable way would she likely lose custody of the children. A woman in the UK knows that if she has control of the kids then the rest cones with that. The man on the other hand could very likely be facing isolation & estrangement from his family and a bland bedsit with just work, work, work being the only thing left for him. Worst case scenario he may even end up homeless and that's a miserable plight that I prefer not to imagine. A few who end up bringing in enough money can have life better but for many men their life is in effect essentially over.
Complete and utter tosh.

You’ve been in those incel chat sites again, haven’t you?

Online Patagonie

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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #12 on: January 29, 2020, 09:10:08 AM »
Not so in the UK, a woman can claim 100 percent of the house if there are children involved, married or not. They would of course have to be the guys kids or be adopted or for the guy to have taken up 'parental responsibility'. It's why like you correctly say Gen Mish be VERY careful about any adoption, etc as the woman may just be setting you up for one or you inadvertently put your foot in it. Basically the least possible done in all that front the better. Better to be living with kids who aren't yours but avoid and legal or parental responsibility sign up as otherwise it can leave the guy in the sh*t.

I recall Mobe managed to put a case to the divorce court that the matrimonial home should be sold off once the kids reach adult age and I believe the judge agreed. This is a smart move and o e no doubt other guys in the UK will increasingly seek. It makes it more fair but of course can incur the wroth of the woman and she can retaliate by weaponising the kids, though of course she may do that anyway.

Without kids involved the woman needs to be married with the guy for at least 5 years before she can claim some of what is his. If there were joint assets upon marriage then that is a different matter.

So overall it's still pretty risky in the UK, moreso if kids are involved. If a woman goes to the divorce courts/family courts she will nearly always gets full custody of the kids. That's unfair and against all the motions of equality floating around these days so much so that it makes a mockery of it. Only if the woman is on hard drugs or is neglecting the children in a big noticeable way would she likely lose custody of the children. A woman in the UK knows that if she has control of the kids then the rest cones with that. The man on the other hand could very likely be facing isolation & estrangement from his family and a bland bedsit with just work, work, work being the only thing left for him. Worst case scenario he may even end up homeless and that's a miserable plight that I prefer not to imagine. A few who end up bringing in enough money can have life better but for many men their life is in effect essentially over.

The rational decision is to leave your real estate and rent it to protect it and take away from the criminal organization that stands up in the courts.
 
I see now that the misandry holocaust and nazification already rampant in Canada starts to fire some states in USA to rob and rape men from their assets considering them as married (without their consent) as soon as they have a relationship of four or five years.
This is a reconnaissance of women as official prostitutes with the agreement of the law, what a victory for the feminism! But don't need any yes from the men.
 
Feminism considers that women who are not married are disadvantaged because they don't have benefit from how the courts are screwing up men. THerefore they have came to the conclusion that's better to consider any long term relationship as a marriage, so every man become a looser, and every woman involved in a serious relationship becomes a winner.
 
In this context of frustration and injustice I would be not surprised that suicides, violences will drop. But WHO CARES ?A man is just 200 pounds of bad meat, doesn't matter if he is dead. But the best is to financially enslave him, in the name of the justice and equality, what a bad joke!
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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #13 on: January 29, 2020, 09:35:54 AM »
Judges are ill informed about finance in general and taxes in particular, and they do NOT want to try to learn.  They just say: "Dollars are dollars, let's just leave it at that and not try to complicate this."

Financial information can be rather complicated.  There are simply too many divorces for the limited number of Family Court judges to spend the necessary time.  So judges use a broad brush, and do it quickly.

A problem occurs when there is a lot of money and two contentious parties not willing to negotiate.  Judges do not like the latter.   

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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #14 on: January 29, 2020, 11:52:00 AM »
to go the distance unless of course I found the right sort of woman.

That's the key to this equation. You need to find the right woman,
you need to find a good girl. 100% of everything else cluttering up
your mind is secondary and tertiary to that.

You are wasting vast amounts of times worrying about things that
are nearly almost worthless and not spending the proper amount
of time and resources with the important stuff.

Stop worrying about losing your house. Your house is just a thing.
Things can be bought and sold, your future soulmate has an infinite
value. 

Spend all your time trying to find a good girl. That's all that matters
right now. If you want secondary things to work on, then you need
to make more money at least double what you are making now.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #15 on: January 29, 2020, 02:01:32 PM »
Trench,

My divorce was 17 years ago and I doubt the law has changed much..

Ex-wife was a 'home-maker' with 2 young children, so the best I could ever expect was 40 percent on completion of the full time education of the youngest)
We'll be back, EU ..and as a certain 'gentleman' couldn't accept my offer to 'bury the hatchet' .. Don't trust a clueless Californian 'business owner' who cannot even quote me, honestly ..

Offline Boethius

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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #16 on: January 29, 2020, 02:03:16 PM »
I see now that the misandry holocaust and nazification already rampant in Canada starts to fire some states in USA to rob and rape men from their assets considering them as married (without their consent) as soon as they have a relationship of four or five years.

I know you and I discussed this in the past, so if I misled you, I apologize.  Your statement is a little inaccurate in that in Canada, unlike married spouses, unmarried spouses do not have the right to seek equalization of net family property, unless that property is held jointly.  They can seek a share of assets, but unlike marriage, they need to prove they are entitled to a share. What the legislation in the common law provinces (all but Quebec) does is provide common law spouses with the right to seek spousal support.  In Canada, most spousal support is restricted, in terms of time limits.  Over a decade ago, the Department of Justice drafted guidelines which are not binding, but are used as a base in negotiations -

http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/fl-lf/spousal-epoux/spag/p3.html

This post was composed without the aid of google.
« Last Edit: January 29, 2020, 05:16:08 PM by Boethius »
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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #17 on: January 29, 2020, 06:36:19 PM »
Trench,

My divorce was 17 years ago and I doubt the law has changed much..

Ex-wife was a 'home-maker' with 2 young children, so the best I could ever expect was 40 percent on completion of the full time education of the youngest)

That's pretty harsh of her to cut you off from seeing your kids all that time Mobe. I didn't realise it was that long, just thought it was the last few years. I just think it's so bad when women put themselves ahead of their children and don't think of others around them.
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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #18 on: January 29, 2020, 06:55:49 PM »
Trench,


My first wife simply weaponised my kids. There is numerous independent  documentary evidence to support that  in reports ordered by the family Court and a letter written by a Crown Court Judge to the Family Court re lies told to ensure 'non contact'


She is not typical...


Do you see me blaming women in general or the law?)








We'll be back, EU ..and as a certain 'gentleman' couldn't accept my offer to 'bury the hatchet' .. Don't trust a clueless Californian 'business owner' who cannot even quote me, honestly ..

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Re: Going the distance
« Reply #19 on: January 29, 2020, 10:14:55 PM »
Trench,


My first wife simply weaponised my kids. There is numerous independent  documentary evidence to support that  in reports ordered by the family Court and a letter written by a Crown Court Judge to the Family Court re lies told to ensure 'non contact'


She is not typical...


Do you see me blaming women in general or the law?)

No but if you look at the 'Fathers4Justice' website online it appears that your case is far from the only one. Many cases on there of the father being locked out of their children's lives, a high percentage it appears. Looks like it's all too easy for the woman to take such a path.

I know of others, family relations etc where the guy in the relationship has been kicked out of house, taken from him & minimal to no contact with his kids. I just seem to get the impression it's become almost default when a marriage/relationship breaks down unfortunately.
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