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Author Topic: Children, stepchildren discipline  (Read 401 times)

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Online 2tallbill

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Children, stepchildren discipline
« on: October 04, 2020, 12:55:32 PM »
I don't think a stepfather should discipline stepchildren, unless the children
view him as their father.


I think that Boe's response is something that might have legs. So
I am going to reply here but also start a thread where the conversation
can go into different directions unrelated to the OP and this thread.

Conversations should just develop "organically".  If they don't, then she may
not be the woman for you.

Or you might not be able to pull this off online at a distance.

I'm not going to mention names because this thread is about the topic
in the OP, but there members here at the forum who have expressed
that they have difficulties having a conversation with a woman they
don't know well.

If you are interested in a woman then you need to communicate that to her
and get her interested in moving things forward. [Warning sports analogy alert]
You have to keep the ball moving forward or else punt and move on. [Analogy Over]


Conversations should just develop "organically".

They should but they don't always happen that way. Every single guy on the
forum has fumbled up conversations with a hot woman. I have. It's rare since
I got divorced but I remember it. I usually turn to humor and get them to
laugh and then suddenly everything is organic again.

Back when I was a school boy I fumble-butted conversations with cute girls a
million times.

I don't think a stepfather should discipline stepchildren, unless the children
view him as their father.

If a woman thinks that way then she probably needs to wait until her children
are raised before she gets remarried. If you mean spanking, then I mostly agree
with you, but if the child is 0-13 then they will definitely need guidance, rules,
boundaries and discipline including punishments.

You also DEFINITELY need to discuss how things are going to work BEFORE hand
and come to an agreement. This is not the type of thing to discuss in the first
conversation (or first ten) and it doesn't have to be the same when dating and
being married.
 
When dating a woman I would never think of disciplining their child. First of all
you are probably never going to be alone with them where they can't do it for
you, but when you live under the same roof then you inevitably will be and
kids will test you, the rules and the boundaries. I can't stress how important
it is to   

I don't think a stepfather should discipline stepchildren, unless the children
view him as their father.

Let me explain two different situations.
Smiley Girl was a very good girl 98% of the time and Angel Eyes almost zero help
from me. SG never considered my her father but she did respect me (almost always).

When Angel Eyes gave birth to Mini-me we made a rule that you had to take your
plate to the sink and rinse it off. One time Smiley Girl refused to take over her plate
so I told her I wouldn't drive her to school and that she could walk instead. (it was
winter in North Dakota) SG decided to take her plate over and rinse it off.

What that disciplining SG? Yes

SG was never a problem 99% of the time, but SG and Angel Eyes were arguing
about something in Russian and eventually SG was screaming at her mother and
after a while I said "That's enough! you can speak in a normal tone of voice"
She continued screaming at her without batting an eye, so I walked over picked
up her I-phone and put it in the trunk of my car.

SG did not require much discipline from me. He had more disagreements with her
mother (teenage girls tend to scrap more with their mothers).

A wife can't leave kids in your care if you can't discipline them. You don't send your
kids to school without the teachers having a few discipline tools to use if required.
A teacher can issue detention, extra work, a trip to the principal and other things
if a child doesn't follow the rules in their care.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Online 2tallbill

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Children, stepchildren discipline
« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2020, 12:58:04 PM »
Disagree, having worn the t-shirt.

If they live under your roof and you provide for them and their Ma agrees a united front on discipline..it can be a good thing...

But, I also asked for the biological Dad's permission.

It didn't occur to me to ask the biological Dad's permission. He was 9 time zones
away, we don't talk much and his English is close to zero.

A child living in your house, with you paying for their phone, clothes, food, school
supplies, vacations, health insurance, education, travel overseas and a million other
things. You need to have a conversation with the child mother before letting anybody
bring a child into your house to live and you need to have a certain level of authority
and a few discipline tools in your tool belt if this is going to work.

Definitions from Oxford Languages
Dis·ci·pline
The practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using
punishment to correct disobedience

« Last Edit: October 04, 2020, 01:04:50 PM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Online Gator

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Re: Children, stepchildren discipline
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2020, 01:42:20 PM »
Over 18 years, I have experience with two sets of stepchildren, two kids in each family.   3 of the 4 very young (7, 6 and 5) when I first started interacting with them.   


I consider children are a source of joy, so child-stepfather relationship was good in both.   Some differences, and I attribute that to differences between the mothers, not the children.     

Online BillyB

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Re: Children, stepchildren discipline
« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2020, 06:26:19 PM »

If you don't discipline your kids, the prison system may discipline them. Some discipline is better than none no matter where it's coming from. With step kids or biological kids, if they do something wrong, I give them a choice for a time out sitting in the bathroom to think about what they did or get a spanking. They always choose the time out. I tell them if it happens again, there will be no choice. It'll be a spanking. Kids get real smart right before doing something wrong when they know the punishment is painful.
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Online msmob

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Re: Children, stepchildren discipline
« Reply #4 on: October 04, 2020, 11:02:00 PM »
If you don't discipline your kids, the prison system may discipline them. Some discipline is better than none no matter where it's coming from. With step kids or biological kids, if they do something wrong, I give them a choice for a time out sitting in the bathroom to think about what they did or get a spanking. They always choose the time out. I tell them if it happens again, there will be no choice. It'll be a spanking. Kids get real smart right before doing something wrong when they know the punishment is painful.

BillyB,

tell us how this 'spanking'  applies to a 17 year old male who is sh*t hot at an martial art, of some sort ?

Using the threat of 'spanking' in the 21C ?  Are you a Dinosaur ?!


Online BillyB

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Re: Children, stepchildren discipline
« Reply #5 on: October 04, 2020, 11:46:31 PM »
BillyB,

tell us how this 'spanking'  applies to a 17 year old male who is sh*t hot at an martial art, of some sort ?

Using the threat of 'spanking' in the 21C ?  Are you a Dinosaur ?!

Don't care if my kids at 17 are martial arts experts. If they act like a 10 yo, they'll get treated like a 10 yo

Using the threat of 'spanking' in the 21C ?  Are you a Dinosaur ?!


I was at a store and this young boy kept knocking stuff off the shelves. His mother said "Johnny, stop it!!!" 50 times with no success. The store was trashed. Talking to the kids sometimes works, sometimes not. Little kids don't care what century we're living in.
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Online msmob

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Re: Children, stepchildren discipline
« Reply #6 on: October 04, 2020, 11:58:41 PM »
Don't care if my kids at 17 are martial arts experts. If they act like a 10 yo, they'll get treated like a 10 yo

'OK'.. So you STILL think the fear of being 'spanked' will suffice ?  :wallbash:

I was at a store and this young boy kept knocking stuff off the shelves. His mother said "Johnny, stop it!!!" 50 times with no success. The store was trashed. Talking to the kids sometimes works, sometimes not. Little kids don't care what century we're living in.

..and you STILL think 'spanking' a kid who might trash a store will 'help'? 

I'll bet at least one of the parents has threatened that kid with the punishment you suggest ..in desperation.. sounds like the kid has VERY special 'needs'..

Online BillyB

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Re: Children, stepchildren discipline
« Reply #7 on: October 05, 2020, 12:11:58 AM »
..and you STILL think 'spanking' a kid who might trash a store will 'help'? 


You're probably like the mother who'd try to talk their kid out of doing bad things and let the store get trashed because the kid doesn't listen to reason. If the kid has very special needs like you think he does, talking isn't going to help. Talking doesn't always work and physical action is necessary. In war, talk some calm words to the enemy to lay down their arms. Doesn't matter what century you're in, it's not going to work.
Do your part to limit the spread of COVID-19

Online msmob

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Re: Children, stepchildren discipline
« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2020, 01:58:11 AM »
Dear BillyB,

No kid of mine has ever behaved in such a manner.

My step kid tried to be a hero, when another lad was giving his gf a hard time and pushed over his motorbike, which then involved the police.

I hadn't brought him up...

I paid for a much reduced amount than initially claimed and sold his mixing decks to recover the money.

12 years on he is married, settled and owns his own successful firm and lives in Tokyo..

Guess what?.. His Dad said I could 'spank' him or send him back to RU to serve in the army?

« Last Edit: October 05, 2020, 11:56:35 AM by msmob »

Offline BC

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Re: Children, stepchildren discipline
« Reply #9 on: October 05, 2020, 02:10:46 AM »
Certainly, a very important topic to discuss with a prospective partner with kids.

Discipline only works if it is consistent and boundaries set together as a couple.  Otherwise, the child will have the upper hand and will learn to manipulate.

Violence begets violence.  There is absolutely no justification for punishment that is verbally or physically violent or otherwise abusive.

Online 2tallbill

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Children, stepchildren discipline
« Reply #10 on: October 05, 2020, 10:48:04 AM »
Certainly, a very important topic to discuss with a prospective partner with kids.

Discipline only works if it is consistent and boundaries set together as a couple. 
Otherwise, the child will have the upper hand and will learn to manipulate.

Exactly!

+100
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

 

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