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Author Topic: Hello! New member here  (Read 1822 times)

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Offline ML

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Re: Hello! New member here
« Reply #50 on: December 01, 2020, 08:35:25 PM »
  I think we will be around them a lot and they will introduce us to the small community here.  There is a slim chance I get a position in Atlanta, which surely has a larger community, I just don't know any Russian/Ukrainians in Atlanta like I do here.

That would be a mistake.  Check with Doug (Calmissile) who posts here.
Winston Churchill.  The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

Offline Atlguy39

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Re: Hello! New member here
« Reply #51 on: December 01, 2020, 08:54:16 PM »
That would be a mistake.  Check with Doug (Calmissile) who posts here.

What exactly would be the mistake? Moving or introducing them to a community? And why?

Online Faux Pas

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Re: Hello! New member here
« Reply #52 on: December 02, 2020, 07:04:09 AM »
What exactly would be the mistake? Moving or introducing them to a community? And why?

There are numerous threads on the forum on just this subject. My suggestion to you is to not move in this direction for a number of reasons. She is going to be solely dependent on you to help her adjust and adapt. The relationship seriously is going to likely be at it's weakest point (unless it all goes down hill from there). Let her make her own friends and chose her own company. Help her to do so but don't get involved otherwise you'll come off as controlling. You need to focus on facilitating her adjustment for her, not you.  There is a fine line in helping her adjust to life in the US and being controlling. Help her succeed but give her room to fail, too.

My wife shied away from expats living in the US yet they found her. In over a dozen years we've probably had 15 or so friends/couples  East/West, who we met various ways (many where they sought my wife out). All of them are no long married to each other. It sounds like bad odds and it is but it's what you'll be up against. Forget the expat community or finding her friends. She'll find those on her own if she is adjusting

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Hello! New member here
« Reply #53 on: December 02, 2020, 09:21:41 AM »
What exactly would be the mistake? Moving or introducing them to a community? And why?

There are some excellent members of the Russian community and then
there are some who are not. My advice is to let her find and make her
own friends. She knows how to spot dubious Russians and you probably
don't. 

I do recommend finding a Russian food market and bringing her there to
buy some things that she misses from home.

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline Atlguy39

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Re: Hello! New member here
« Reply #54 on: December 02, 2020, 10:22:47 AM »
There are some excellent members of the Russian community and then
there are some who are not. My advice is to let her find and make her
own friends. She knows how to spot dubious Russians and you probably
don't. 

I do recommend finding a Russian food market and bringing her there to
buy some things that she misses from home.

The Russian woman Ive already introduced her to views marriage as a partnership, at least financially, so shes in my corner.  Shes also convinced my fianc to start listening to my suggestions.  Life saver, really.  But to your point I dont know her friends and if they view things the same.  The issue is this is in motion.  I have found a Russian grocery store and purchased a few things to try myself.

Online 2tallbill

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Hello! New member here
« Reply #55 on: December 02, 2020, 11:29:47 AM »
The Russian woman Ive already introduced her to views marriage as a partnership, at least financially, so shes in my corner.  Shes also convinced my fianc to start listening to my suggestions.  Life saver, really.  But to your point I dont know her friends and if they view things the same.  The issue is this is in motion.  I have found a Russian grocery store and purchased a few things to try myself.

Back when I lived in the Bay area in California, I had a Russian girlfriend who lived
in Redding California 3 1/2 hours away. I took her to a Russian market and she
bought this dry salted fish and she smelt like cat food when she kissed me but
it was worth it, because she missed it so much and it made her so happy.

Angel Eyes doesn't care for American sunflower seeds, but LOVES Russian
sunflower seeds. So she buys a huge bag in the Russian market for about $7
and is happy for hours.

Personally, I think Russian sour cream (smetana) tastes better than American
but Angel Eyes loves American sour cream just as much.

If you want to try something tasty and simple, I recommend pelmeni. You
can buy them frozen and pour them into a pot with some water and heat
them up. Add sour cream and enjoy. 

FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline msmob

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Re: Hello! New member here
« Reply #56 on: December 02, 2020, 12:53:50 PM »
IGNORE those that tell you not to introduce your lady to FSU expats ..  Trust her to make informed decisions

IGNORE those that tell you not to get her her own language TV channels


IF this lady loves and trusts you she will appreciate it ..She has come a long way from home and if you haven't lived in a country where English isn't the first language, then believe me..I have ... hearing something in your mother tongue can relax

IGNORE those who speak of 'immersion' ...   if she wants to learn to enjoy her new life, she'll try to learn English









Offline Boethius

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Re: Hello! New member here
« Reply #57 on: December 02, 2020, 02:33:06 PM »
Your lady will know with whom she wants to associate.  In your shoes, once she arrives, I would ask if she wants to meet that Russian woman.  Leave the decision to her.


My better half arrived here shortly after the collapse, long before the "MOB" industry was established.  But, over the years, he has never wanted anything to do with anyone from the FSU.   
True love begins when nothing is looked for in return.  Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Offline Atlguy39

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Re: Hello! New member here
« Reply #58 on: December 02, 2020, 02:48:10 PM »
IGNORE those that tell you not to introduce your lady to FSU expats ..  Trust her to make informed decisions

IGNORE those that tell you not to get her her own language TV channels


IF this lady loves and trusts you she will appreciate it ..She has come a long way from home and if you haven't lived in a country where English isn't the first language, then believe me..I have ... hearing something in your mother tongue can relax

IGNORE those who speak of 'immersion' ...   if she wants to learn to enjoy her new life, she'll try to learn English

She does know English, it just exhausts her to have to speak it all the time.  I think that will get better in time, but she is what I would consider fluent.  Just needs advanced English classes for the grammar piece so she can find a job.

Offline rwd123

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Re: Hello! New member here
« Reply #59 on: December 02, 2020, 07:18:13 PM »
Pre-marital counseling?

WTF?!

Train wreck in the making. Marriages are 99% over if they require counseling. Abort!

Offline Atlguy39

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Re: Hello! New member here
« Reply #60 on: December 02, 2020, 08:18:52 PM »
Pre-marital counseling?

WTF?!

Train wreck in the making. Marriages are 99% over if they require counseling. Abort!

Get your facts straight.  Premarital counseling leads to 30% lower divorce rates! I need help with the cultural differences and we both need help in learning how to resolve conflict.  Its a growth area, not a negative thing.

 

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