Living in the FSU with your Wife/fiance

[Russophile]

The trials, travails and adjustments of the WM/RW moving to America (or Europe) have been well documented.  I would like to know from you expats who are living in the FSU with your wives/fiances what unique troubles and adjustments you have had to overcome.

[Rvrwind]

LMAO...You really want to know the truth, you can't hndle the truth!!! LOL
Forget that, seriously, in my case as I can't speak for anybody else, it hasn't been a big deal. My life here isn't a whole lot different than my life was in Canada.
The biggest & hardest for me has been learning Russian. My circle of close friends consists of other ex-pats or Russians who speak English. I do have a few friends (aquaintances) that don't speak English so with my limited Russian our conversations are very short.
I work a fulltime job & am trying to build a successful buisness, just like I was doing in Canada. The biggest difference with that is the buearucratic bu11shit one has to go through to accomplish anything. Even Russian buisness people are fed up with the bueaucratic bongdoogles.
The other thing I have been dealing with is the same as Phil has in SPB, trying to get a residence card. With aquistion of a residence card you are issued a Russian Passport but can retain your current passport. You no longer need a Visa to leave or re-enter the country. However the rules to aquire this card are quite stringent & convoluted & obtaining it is not easy. I am gaining ground though & getting closer to this goal.
Most of what irks me is the total disrespect of common decency involving the driving public. Thats my biggest pet peeve. Coming from a country where the rules of the road are inforced to protect pedestrians it has been difficult to adjust to a country that considers the pedestrian a target. There are plenty of cars locally with a size nine Cowboy Boot imprint on the rear quarter panel!
Other than that, living here for me has not & is not a big deal. I have lived in many countries & many places in those countries & I guess maybe I have just learned to adjust to my surroundings. I don't require much or demand much & tend to go with the flow. My Russian family is very tight & we get along well & they take good care of me if I find myself in a tight spot. For example when I was in Hospital last year. They were there everyday by my bedside without fail.
Living amoung the people & interactng with them has taught me much about Russian culture & the Russian mindset. Its a learning experience & in my opinion the best move I ever made.
By the way JFYI, I finally found out why Russian people 90% of the time don't make eye contact & are always looking down when walking the streets. Its not as some would have you believe that they are trying to avoid looking at you, its because there are so damn many potholes & heaves in the sidewalk that if you don't watch where you step, you just might trip & break your friggin' neck!!!

[Russophile]

Thanks for the valuable info!!

[Phil dAmore]

Living in Russia requires an extremely high tolerance for the absurd as virtually nothing here works as you expect it would or should. If you like things nice, neat, and organized this is most definitely NOT the place for you.

However if you are able to roll with the punches and are not particularly wedded to convention then living in Russia is one continuous adventure as you never really know what will happen from one day to the next.  This can be illustrated by comparing the following:

"Who knows what tomorrow may bring" (Western proverb)

and

"Who knows what will happen today?" (Russian proverb)

Like Richard the most difficult part of living in Russia for me was learning Russian.  Immersion isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sometimes you feel like you are drowning.  Other days you wake up and question your sanity.

Something that I learned right away after the move:  Do not compare Western and Russian life in a good/bad sense.  One is not necessarily better than the other.  What it is is different. Yes it can be frustrating but if you are patient -and that is key- things will eventually work out.  This is where many would-be ex-pats fail.  In the West, especially in America we are used to 'instant results'.  Pick up a phone and have anything from a pizza to a Plymouth delivered to your door in 30 minutes or less.  Over here things take time.  Lots of time.  Why?  That's a subject for another post.

The residency card Richard mentioned is an enigma. Everyone knows they exist but few have seen one and fewer still have one.  I am a bit further along in the process than Richard but not by much.  As I write this I am in the US for the sole purpose of obtaining a справка from the FBI (had to come here to get it!). This is the last document needed beforethe application can be filed.  Of course since it's Russia I fully expect to hit some snags in the document chain, for no matter how many documents you provide it seems that whatever you don't have is the one that is needed!

How well a foreigner fares here is largely dependent on their individual attitude.  Come here with you nose in the air and you won't last very long at all.  Russians are a no-BS people and won't hesitate to tell you exactly what they think of you.  Some find this offending.  I find it refreshing.

Living here with your chosen lady will also provide you with an opportunity to better understand her, and how she got to be as she is.  Always remember: she has the home field advantage.

Some men come to live in Russia just for a short time. Others like Richard and I plan on living in Russia indefinitely.  Living here will teach you things about yourself you never knew and perhaps didn't want to know.  It's not for everyone but for those that function -even enjoy- living in a place that has a thin veneer of civilization over a society that is in near-anarchy it could be the best move you ever make.  I know it was for me! 

[Michelangelo]

Living amoung the people & interacting with them has taught me much about Russian culture & the Russian mindset. Its a learning experience & in my opinion the best move I ever made.

Ukraine was a big adjustment over time....it wears on you. 

But I kept getting emails from an old friend in Russia (Tver actually) who was worried about my safety in Ukraine, with the "political unrest."  Apparently the Russian press was reporting very biased and untrue news.  In truth, democracy is making it's first steps in Ukraine, and all is peaceful.

But that leads me to my question for you Richard...as a journalist, how are you dealing with a state press that censors and only presents one view? Do you get your real news online?  Just curious...

[Rvrwind]

But that leads me to my question for you Richard...as a journalist, how are you dealing with a state press that censors and only presents one view? Do you get your real news online?  Just curious...

This is a little but in away not so much I guess.
Actually the news I get is not so much sensored as it is biased, but then I could also say the same about any newspaper anywhere in the world. They all have their own slant on things & tend to write what they believe their readership wants to read about.
I have read a few articles online out of Canada & the US about things that are going on over here which are total Bull. They twist them to make it sound way worse than it actually is.
I tend to look at it this way - My wife likes to watch the news on TV every night after work, me I find it totally depressing. You very seldom get 'good news', good doesn't sell. What you do get is to see the worst of mankind at all levels. It doesn't matter if its Russia, Canada or the USA it all sucks in my opinion because all you ever hear about is the bad & every once in awhile but not very damn often they will throw you a bone, a piece of 'good news'.
Actually the stuff that I deal with is mostly dealing with Military matters, financing & buisness. I don't get much outside those 3 spheres. The only time I read about death or murder is when it is related to the military. Thats because my biggest client is Defence & Security. The people I edit for are a very select group & the papers are not widely read by the general public. They are for the most part government employees of English Speaking countries, not your ordinary everyday Joe Working Stiff. Everything I read I take with a grain or 12 of salt. The Russians berate the US, the US berates Russia, its all a political game with no winners & lots of losers, the general public.
But the stuff I deal with is not in any way sensored & after it crosses my desk it goes direct to print without any stops in between.

[Albert]

Richard says: "Most of what irks me is the total disrespect of common decency involving the driving public. Thats my biggest pet peeve. Coming from a country where the rules of the road are enforced to protect pedestrians it has been difficult to adjust to a country that considers the pedestrian a target. There are plenty of cars locally with a size nine Cowboy Boot imprint on the rear quarter panel!"

I too get very disgusted re the drivers in FSU.  And during my recent long stays in Kyiv, I get very upset at all of the fancy cars that are parked on the sidewalks in what otherwise could be a very beautiful city of sidewalks.

Here is my suggestion for those (both foreigners and locals) who live in the FSU.  Carry a small can of spray paint (white would be best since they prefer dark colored cars) and encourage others to do the same.  Each time someone endangers you as a pedestrian, try to spray some paint on their car.  Do the same for cars parked on sidewalks.  If enough people would do this, I think the situation would dramatically improve.

[SANDRO43]

Considering pedestrians legitimate targets is not limited to Russian drivers. The rules of hunting etiquette may be different, though.

Many years ago in Rio de Janeiro I was leaving Copacabana beach with a Carioca friend to return to my hotel. As you can see from the photo, the beach is flanked by a 6-lane avenue (Avenida Atlantica), at intervals providing pedestrian crossings with traffic lights. I was stepping down from the wavy sidewalk onto the crossing shortly before the light would turn green for cars (unbeknownst to me, but perceivable by savvy Cariocas) : the drivers of 2 of the 3 cars in the front row gave me a short beep on their horn. I looked quizzically at my local friend, who drew me back hastily to the sidewalk explaining : "That means : you're crossing at your own risk, as soon as I get my green, I'm pressing ahead regardless".

Days later in the same area we heard a yelp and saw that a big dog had been run over by a car : what was very instructive was that the knowledgeable Carioca dog got up quickly and made for the safety of the sidewalk running on its 3 remaining good legs. He knew what loitering on the road would have entailed .