Turboguy & Turbodude's First Dream tour

[KenC]

This is old news to Turbo, he's been here and done that before.

Sorry, David, but an unsuccessful K-1 doesn't qualify as "been there, done that" to me.  I am speaking of what it takes to be successful, not just a good "try".
KenC

[David1963]

You were giving Turbo advice on the work that it will take to have a successful marriage with a woman 30+ years younger.  What I was implying was that Turbo has a lot of experience/relationships with women that much younger and I'm sure he knows what that all entails.

I'm going to one who does not join all the high 5's and back slapping going on in this thread.  I don't think this relationship will pan out.  If the two are happy together I hope it does but I doubt it.  Just going with the odds on this one.

[KenC]

You were giving Turbo advice on the work that it will take to have a successful marriage with a woman 30+ years younger.  What I was implying was that Turbo has a lot of experience/relationships with women that much younger and I'm sure he knows what that all entails.
I'm going to one who does not join all the high 5's and back slapping going on in this thread.  I don't think this relationship will pan out.  If the two are happy together I hope it does but I doubt it.  Just going with the odds on this one.

Sorry David,
But I am going to have to disagree with you again.  There is a huge difference between what skills it takes to woo a woman into a relationship and those traits necessary to maintain the relationship over a long period of time.  Turbo has not experienced the long term yet.

I also am very happy for the couple to have found each other and am glad that they are entering into a very exciting time in their budding relationship.  Their future success or failure will be up to so many things that are personal to only them, I think you do them an injustice to speculate at this time.
KenC

[viking]

Jet

AHA!! Got it. How did that slip by me? TNX.

[BC]

As exciting as this first RWD on-board romance is, I think I'm going to simply wish both Turbo and vwrw best wishes and give them a bit of privacy, discretion and time for their relationship to develop.

They seem both mature enough to do whatever they have to do.  Turbo has gained a ream of knowledge and wisdom by being here and his experiences zinging around the planet.  From the little I have seen of vwrw I must say I am impressed.  Whatever Turbo is still lacking I'm confident she will set straight. (gawd.. that sounds almost Freudian..)

KenC scripted some great finishing touches from the horse's mouth and quite honestly if it hasn't been said by now it probably ain't worth saying.

The challenges they face certainly will not benefit from micromanagement by a bunch of monday night quarterbacks..

I must admit though the temptation is great.. 

[vwrw]

KenC, thank you. I very appreciate your epitome of the most important things Turbo and I should think about if we want to have successful relationship. I am sure Turbo will be thankful to you for reminding about the important things when he reads it.
   

[viking]

vwrw

This is my first post to you directly. First my I say that your command of the english language is impressive. That is a major hurdle to overcome. My first meeting with an RW, who was quite a nice woman, was very uncomfortable because of her lack of english. Being able to communicate is the most basic of all functions in a relationship. With all the advice being given here, it still comes down to being able to talk, openly, about these topics, and you seem to have the necessary tools to do this. And by tools, ( and by no means inclusive) I mean your english capabilities, your maturity, your respect for yourself and others, your intuition, your caring, and the ability to listen. Alan Alda, a famous actor, once said " real listening is a willingness to let the other person change you". I think there is some truth in this. You have found yourself a really nice guy who has many friends who want the best for him and have spoken their minds, and opened their hearts, to both you and him, with the expectation that their thoughts will help both of you achieve happiness together. There are many, many changes in front of both of you. No one knows what will happen when you open your eyes in the morning. Just be honest about your feelings and speak up.

I personally wish you the best.

[PeeWee]

Virtual woman real wife. And if that is not it then it should be changed to be it because this is good, Baby! Gold I tell  you!

 Чебурашка is that monkey with the bug eye in her avatar, I think. A toy and an airplane by the same name. 

Peevee

[Michelangelo]

A relationship with a 30 (something) year age gap is far from a slam dunk.  In fact, the chances of long term success is rather slim.

Can you two:
Develop a relationship that has a rock core of trust and honesty? (The slightest amount of jealousy or mistrust will easily destroy your relationship)

Cope with the tremendous criticism others will openly display of your relationship? (Everyone will have an opinion of why the two of you are together and even strangers on the street will offer it up to you)

Develop a relationship strong enough where you both will have separate interests without drifting apart? (No matter how much in common you think you have, there will be big differences later)

Agree on the future decision of children?  (Also allow for the very good chance that the lady may change her mind on this subject in the future)

Develop a relationship strong enough to withstand being ostracized from both the younger and older circle of friends?  (With the age gap neither group of friends will understand)

Be secure enough in yourselves to always know you made the right decision? (The slightest insecurity will destroy a large age gap relationship in a micro-second)

Understand that no matter how successful and happy your time together will be, there more likely will be another phase of life ahead for the younger woman?  (This is more than just a financial plan, it also involves a future emotional adjustment)

Great insights, KenC.

And it occurs to me that this list is for all AM/FSUW couples, not just those with a 30 year age difference.

In fact, most couples will have at least a 10 year age difference, and in terms of the relationship itself, I doubt if the stress on the relationship is that different, be it 10 years or 30 years.  Or at least in the beginning.

The challenge comes not now, but as the man grows older and woman is still in her 50s.... 

But no one knows how many years any of us have on this earth, so the most important thing is the closeness of the relationship and the love you have for one another.

[PeeWee]

The age difference between two should not make one bit of difference...if you subcribe to the "soul mate" agenda. How many of you have claimed to have met your "soul mate"? Some of you have because I hear the term. Do you understand the concept of what a soul mate is?

A soul mate is a spirt that you meet life after life after life...through out time. That one person who's spirt shares your soul. But for this to happen you first need to some how meet time after time after time. If your soul mate in a life 300 years ago died 10 years prior to you and then you met again 100 years later that soul mate could be 30 years older, or younger, than you are. You do not both die each time within 10 years of each other.

With this in mind and let's say that Turbo's soul mate is WVWR and they are now 25 years apart. Do they deny themselves this life together because their age difference it too great...in someone's opinion? No you do not. What if it takes two or three more life cycles until you meet again, somewhere? Will the age difference be more of less? Maybe.

How many of you guys have bought into this soul mate crap anyway? If you did and if you understand the concept then it should be clear to you that an age difference of even 50 years between two people should make no difference at all if they truely are soul mates.

peewee

[Moscvichka]

Moskvichka, a word of advice from a non-American : if you don't QUOTE or otherwise cite what you are referring to, it's hard for anybody to understand what you do not find funny.

парни, у меня вызывает огромное чувство недоумения, когда я читаю здесь множество восторженных отзывов. Пусть пример Кена не вдохновляет всех на такой же опыт. Счастливый пример Кена это редчайшее исключение.
Да, браки с огромной разницей в возрасте могут быть счастливыми. Могут как ОЧЕНЬ РЕДКОЕ исключение из правил. При условии, что муж является экстроординарной, волевой и яркой  личностью, с огромным запасом как физической, так и духовной энергии, т.е. если не смотря на свой возраст , вы можете быть лучше молодых парней во всех отношениях, то тогда да.  КАждому мужчине хочется верить, что именно он такое исключение из правил и вот наконец его оценили по достоинству. Но так ли это на самом деле именно в вашем случае ?
Кроме того, поверьте, его финансовое положение отнюдь не последнее в прочности брака.
Я могу понять желание Турбо верить в искреннесть девушки. Кто-то из русских великих писателей писал "ах, обмануть меня не трудно, я сам обманываться рад...."
МИр будет полон печальных историй о старых и наивных американцах и их неблагодарных почтовых женах, пока американцы не научатся смотреть на жизнь реально. Если хорошего английского, вежливости, знания психологических приемов для обрабатывания мужчин, симпатичной мордашки и умение быть хорошей актрисой достаточно, чтобы вы были обманутыми, то я могу винить в этом только вас самих, но не почтовых невест. Иногда очень полезно посмотреть на себя в зеркало, или вспомнить свой реальный возраст или спросить себя, А почему я не могу найти себе американку очень молодого возраста и с отличным образованием. .. Мужчины, помните, что русские женщины - такие же как и все остальные и они хотят такого же, что и другие женщины в мире. А именно, иметь молодого, симпатичного и обеспеченного мужа и отца для своих детей. А если молодая девушка схватилась за почти 60-летнего мужчину, то , наверное, стоит, задуматься.

ВСем пожелания удачи.

[Turboguy]

Moscovitcha,  Of course your comments are interesting and please feel free to continue.   There is another thread in "introductions"  the title is "hello" and they are a little less supportive there.   I don't think my gal is trying to deceive me, but yes, she has a pretty face.  I think far less about that than I do the beauty I see inside her.   

PeeVee,  I think many in their search for a RW look for chemistry, a mutual attraction, someone is is into them and build their relationship on that.   I think there is something else that is harder to find.   I will call it a connection.  The ability to really communicate and the trusting and openness that is the thing soulmates are made of.   Personally, I think VWRW and I have that.   I think if we do, as I believe that it will help a lot to transend the differences in culture, age and the other obstacles that couples face.   I am not saying that it alone will make things a slam dunk.  Perhaps I am saying that age is many things.   One is a state of mind. 

I think one part of the reasons people with wide age differences have such a poor track record is they are often newbies listening to the claims of agencies marrying someone who is looking for a mule.   I don't think that applies with the two of us.  I think another is a difference in life goals.  I think that also is not a case here.   I think a third is a lack of realism about the difficulties the couple will face.  The two of us have talked about most of these issues.  Perhaps it won't work.  Honestly I think we have a better chance than many couples with little age difference.   Time will tell.   If no one ever tried anything that did not have much of a chance we would have no light bulbs, no telephones and lots more.   

Viking,  Thank you for your post to VWRW.  That was very nice and very touching.

BC,  Nice post.  I have learned a tremendous amount here.   Sometimes I wish I had found this years before.  I think I would be one of the old married guys now.  But of course if that had happened, I would never have met VWRW, so I am glad I wasted all those years wondering around blindly without the guidance of RWD.

KenC, David,   I agree that a failed K-1 does not qualify me as having been there and done that.   I do have a fair amount of experience with relationships with much younger women and never found the age difference to create a problem.   Time will tell.  There is another thread right now that would give us about a 2% chance of success even without the age difference.   Frankly, I think VWRW and I will have a great relationship and do just fine but I am sure everyone getting into a relationship thinks that.

KenC,   You made some very good points in your long post.  That was great and very insightful.   I think we both know we will face the challenges you talk about and are both ready to deal with whatever the future holds for us.   

There was another post further back that won't show on this page.  I don't remember who said it but it was that they hoped I would not be a one week wonder.  If I was going to be a one week wonder, the paper work would be started.  It is not.  I will go back to Barnaul soon for a longer visit and then we plan to make a trip together probably to Rome since Barnaul in the dead of winter seems like a nice place to escape from.   When the time is right we will start the paper work but we have not even talked about it yet.   I am sure that will happen but we will have a lot of face to face time before she arrives here.   We both have no doubts that we want to be together.

[Sohkay]

Turbo,
I want to share with you what my intuition is saying.

It's been great to read your story, exciting to hear the possibilities and share in your excitement. But if this thing with vwrw is really worth exploring, is it time to take it off the board?

I say this because a relationship is such an intimate and private thing. You and vwrw need to focus your energy on each other at this point. Are yours and her posts somehow diluting the energy you and her should be focusing on each other? No doubt, there's some good and knowledgeable guys out here. There's people here you call your friends. But again, I wonder if yours and her energy should be focused on each other at this point.

As I stated before, I wish you and vwrw happiness and the fulfillment of your dreams.

Sohkay

[Michelangelo]

Turbo,
I want to share with you what my intuition is saying.

It's been great to read your story, exciting to hear the possibilities and share in your excitement. But if this thing with vwrw is really worth exploring, is it time to take it off the board?

I say this because a relationship is such an intimate and private thing. You and vwrw need to focus your energy on each other at this point. Are yours and her posts somehow diluting the energy you and her should be focusing on each other? No doubt, there's some good and knowledgeable guys out here. There's people here you call your friends. But again, I wonder if yours and her energy should be focused on each other at this point.

As I stated before, I wish you and vwrw happiness and the fulfillment of your dreams.

Sohkay

Ray and VWRU, I agree with Sohkay.  It's time to take your relationship private. There are a lot of great posters here who wish you well. And others.  But you don't need to respond to the negative ones; it's your relationship.  And no one but you truly knows you.

Some American men (and other RWD posters) are a bucket of crabs, too...

[Turboguy]

Thanks Michaelangelo.  I think it is a good point.  There have been some good points brought out here that have helped VWRW and I have some additional ideas about things we needed to discuss.   Age difference has been hashed around so much that more talk about it probably serves no purpose.

I will likey take it back to it's original topic a little tommorow.  I have a few photos to post from the first dream tour that some people may enjoy seeing. 

I have been back from Russia for about two hours now and I am heading for bed.

[PeeWee]

Ray and VWRU, I agree with Sohkay.  It's time to take your relationship private. There are a lot of great posters here who wish you well. And others.  But you don't need to respond to the negative ones; it's your relationship.  And no one but you truly knows you.

Some American men (and other RWD posters) are a bucket of crabs, too...

Something I aluded to several pages ago. I will agree with Angelo and Sohkay. Nothing will screw this up for you quicker, Turbolad, than a troll or some such. Time to take your bow and take it off stage. Just my opinion because you be one of my main boys, you and Clydie and Angelo...nothing gay here, folks...go on about your business. As a result I'd hate to see something get fugged up. I think the same about Wiz...he seems to say too much, in my opinion.

Peevee

[Muj]

Good going TG   Good luck!

[Bruno]

Do you understand the concept of what a soul mate is?

A soul mate is a spirt that you meet life after life after life...through out time. That one person who's spirt shares your soul. But for this to happen you first need to some how meet time after time after time. If your soul mate in a life 300 years ago died 10 years prior to you and then you met again 100 years later that soul mate could be 30 years older, or younger, than you are. You do not both die each time within 10 years of each other.

Peewee, your definition is the religious one, these related to concepts of reincarnation and karma.

Why not use the classical one inspired from the Greek Mythology : Originally humans were combined of 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head made of 2 faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spending their lives searching for the other half to complete them. This theory was presented as a half-serious story by Aristophanes in Plato's Symposium, after all the participants at the Symposium ("drinking party") were charged to philosophize on the topic of love.

Modern definition is : Soulmate (or soul mate) is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, and/or compatibility.

[PeeWee]

Peewee, your definition is the religious one, these related to concepts of reincarnation and karma.

Why not use the classical one inspired from the Greek Mythology : Originally humans were combined of 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head made of 2 faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spending their lives searching for the other half to complete them. This theory was presented as a half-serious story by Aristophanes in Plato's Symposium, after all the participants at the Symposium ("drinking party") were charged to philosophize on the topic of love.

Modern definition is : Soulmate (or soul mate) is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, and/or compatibility.

Zeus describes the soul twin...different than a soul mate. You can get an identical or a paternal "twin"at birth. You get a room "mate" when  you go to college. You chose to note only half of the definition.

"Soulmate (or soul mate) is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, and/or compatibility.

A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join.

However, not everyone who uses these terms intends them to carry such mystical connotations; they are sometimes used simply as an expression of strong emotional feeling for someone."

I was referring to the second definition. With that in mind my premise was that if one subcribes to the notion that they have found their "soulmate" then they might also understand that the age difference between the two people can be great indeed.

Peewee

[vwrw]

Dear Moscvichka, I would write a second letter to you to explain that our relationship with Turbo is especial. But I cannot see any sense to do that. You will not believe me. And generally speaking there is only one person I should prove anything here or somewhere else. The person is Turbo only.   

[SANDRO43]

Moskvichka, when I wrote that I am not American, I did not imply I was Russian (see my flag at left) . The official language here is English, and a long post in Russian is not a courtesy to many non-Russian speaking RWD members.

[Jet]

А именно, иметь молодого, симпатичного и обеспеченного мужа и отца для своих детей.

Moscvichka,
Are you sure you aren't imposing YOUR views, on vwrw? This was certainly not what my wife was looking for. I know this, not because she told me, but because I know of her Ex-husband who's age matched mine very closely. He was Russian and grew up in her town. They married for love, and she had very little interest in boys who were her age. Most of her friends who were women were also 8-10 years older than herself, including her best friend Irinka, with whom she is still very close, even though they now live 6000 miles apart. Her friends at work here, in the US are also my age, and she has little time or tolerance for those in her own age group. From the little bit that vwrw has shared here on this message board it is impossible for you (or anyone else) to KNOW what vwrw seeks, or finds acceptable in a man.

[Moscvichka]

Dear Jet ,
age didfference 8-10 y. is not the same as 30 age difference.
I think, you agree with it.

[Moscvichka]

Moskvichka, when I wrote that I am not American, I did not imply I was Russian (see my flag at left) . The official language here is English, and a long post in Russian is not a courtesy to many non-Russian speaking RWD members.

SANDRO43,
you are right. I am sorry that my post was written in Russian

[Bruno]

age didfference 8-10 y. is not the same as 30 years of difference.

All is relatif... last week, Thuesday, it was the birthday from a woman at my work ( rest house )... She was 103 year old, her husband is only 80 year old... 23 year between the two... and they are young couple, not yet ten year married...

Some people find the age difference be a problem... for some other, it is the skin color who is a problem... for some other, it is the religion who is a problem... and a very few have no problem with difference...

Big age difference is not the real problem since usually the couple accept it... the more difficult is how other people comment it, the regard that they have about these difference, the acid remarks...