RED FLAG???

[FSUrookie]

One thing really caught my eye on this -

"I’m a musician: graduated from Russian Academy of Music named Gnesin’s, play the piano and sing."

If this is true and she graduated from this place

http://www.gnesin-academy.ru/index-en.php

Then she is an EXCEPTIONALLY talented musician.  Think top 0.01% !!

I am married to a classical musician (Kiev Conservatory). 

Believe me - exceptionally talented musician and emotional gelignite are very common partners.

In FSU it is VERY common for a young professional musician to be a rich older guy's mistress.  A foreign boyfriend is but a small step from there.

Dating a girl like this is easy.  Spend your money!  Winning her heart and building a long term relationship is an entirely different matter.  A woman like this has a lot of choices - unlike a poverty stricken but pretty devushka (shop girl).  You have to ask yourself if you have what it takes.  Or are you going to be just a sponsor?

If the above is true, I am probably NOT interested. I am not looking for a mistress, but a good woman to be my wife. I earn a good salary, but if this is what this woman wants then i say adios amigos. Anyway, ok, heres the link to this lady.... See what you think....
http://bride.ru/ph/htcgi/ladies/519/519184P1.html?il=3090147

P.S. By the way, in my younger days, I used to play violin, guitar and piano, but that was back in the day. Now, I prefer a 40" HDTV in my living room, ha. Seriously, if she wants a piano in the living room that would not be an issue, however, I am thinking now that there are other RED FLAGS (ok, maybe PINK or YELLOW FLAGS) in regard to the mistress stuff, so, I may just pass this hand on to the next guy, but then again, this was to be my PLAN B. Hmmmm, so many choices..... I love this FSU adventure.......

[BC]

My whole point began asking for feedback on the age and appearance issues.
Oh, and back to my original post; Are there any examples on the successes and failures of marriages with FSU women (with age differences) over the long haul? Thanks again for all feedback.

There are a lot of examples... All I can say is that men who strive to be exceptions fare the worst.  Need I say more?

btw.. Looked a the pics.. profile said never married.. is she a wedding dress model that rides around in wedding limo's?

[LenaC]

There is nothing important that you can learn about a woman from any profile on line. The information is very basic and it does not tell you anything about woman's personality. Based on  personality and behavior we create a better understanding whom we are dealing with. It is also important to find a true motivation that brought a woman to the agency. DO NOT PAY TO MUCH ATTENTION TO A PROFILES. They can be extremely  misleading!!! Do not listen to much what a woman says either (and I am a woman too). To learn better about her  you need to learn her behavior in a different situations and try to understand her true motivations. It is not easy, but it is a right thing to do in my opinion. RED FLAGS are in the way she might look at you or talk to you  but not in a PROFILE!

LenaC

[FSUrookie]

Thanks for the info Lena. Good points. By the way, what is your opinion of the one-woman approach vs. having a Plan B or meeting several women on a trip to the FSU countries? I have been writing a woman from Ukraine for 5 weeks, and I learned more about her in our letters than in her profile. Sometimes a profile can be a deal-breaker, just as a bad or good initial photo can be, but the reality is, that behind the initial profile and photo can be the greatest woman in the world, or the biggest scammer. But, on the other hand, without the initial profile and photo, what starting point would we have to choose from thousands of profiles?

[Turboguy]

I know you asked Lena but I will give you my two cents worth.  I have made a lot of trips to meet one gal.  In all but one trip they went bad.   Sometimes I made trips to meet two gals I felt I had great raport with and visited one other gal I did not expect much from but they were in the right spot when I had a day or so and they turned out to be the special ones.

In 9 days I leave on a trip to Russia to meet a gal who seemes to be the closest thing to a soulmate I could ever hope to find.  We have talked about everything from the meaning of life, to religion, to ghosts, clarvoyance and reincarnatinon.  Even as much as I think and belive she will be the one for me, I am visiting two other good cantidates on my trip.  I have had enough trips ruined by the plan to visit one girl only.  We all believe in things and need to make our own mistakes to learn but making a trip that far it is good to use your time wisely.

[BC]

I dunno Turbo but the term 'gal' just sticks in my throat..

Heck, I couldn't even find a wiki that described 'gal' in fenimine terms.

I do know I have a gal bladder.. is that close? 

Yeah I do know that gallbladder is spelled with two L's.

[Leslie]

Have you actually talked with this woman or is she just a profile you pulled off a catalog?

I cannot add much to BC's comments based on the profile.  If she is working in a professional theatre company then my comments are very likely true.  There is no shortage of "stage door John's".  You can increase your scope a bit when you go to FSU.  You have an economic advantage.  Have you been to FSU yet?

You really need to think very carefully about your future because this statement is ludicrous -

"So, I understand this and feel that the 23 - 25 age group offers the best choices."

Err You are a 41 year old teacher !

Here is a short 101 on the FSU education system:-

School finishes at 16.

College is for two years most often following school (until 18)

University to first degree is 4 years.  So a Graduate will be at least 22

Young women who finish education at 16 or 18 ARE thinking about settling down at 25.  The vast majority of the university educated women are NOT.  They are just like recent graduates in western countries.  They want to have fun!  Late 20's is when these girls look to settle down.   The sell by date in FSU is lower - around 30.

If you want an educated woman you must look 27+.  Have you thought about dating women with a young child? You should if you are serious.

In any event you need to make your first trip?  Pick a destination and date several women.  Learn the ropes.


 

[LenaC]

Lets assume that I am looking for a man. I go to the agencies site and start looking at profiles. I will definitely pick the best looking guys. That is normal. Then I might put them on my list to meet if I like their letters. But only after I will meet them will it be more clear whom I am dealing with. I will strongly advise you to use "Russian logic" while looking for a FSU woman: EXPECT THE WORST. So if you go there and you SENSE (you have to develop this talent with woman) that your lady acting shady (and that is a different subject to discuss) you are easily moving on because you did not expect to much out of it anyway. However if she proves you wrong and you see her eyes are sparkling when she looks at you then CONGRATS!
  Some tips to detect a scammer (S):
S do not care about your past. They will be uninterested in the events of your childhood, youth etc. They will not ask you questions about it and will listen your stories without an enthusiasm. Always check the emotion on a woman's face when telling he about things that lets say: hurt you in the past. (Sharing sad moment make people closer because it is all about trust) If a woman is not interested to know those things and does not share back she is not for you!!! Remember that you should not talk about it the first time you meet her, third or fourth meeting could be a good time to do so.
  S might make a flirtatious suggestions for you to make a gift for them. They might purposely take you to the shopping areas just to play on you being a gentlemen, hoping that sooner or later you will want to test your gentlemen skills. That is one of the most common things with a S. If you do want to make a gift is has to be something inexpensive but personal. Flowers are always nice, but I will suggest a cute teddy bear named after you.  It is touchy and personable and valuable for someone who is really interested. I  preferred a HALLMARK souvenirs. My husband (AM) deeply touched my heart when he gave me an angel and said that that was what he sees in me. WOW it is still so touchy for me.
  S always want to dine in the restaurant. You might see that eating out is constantly suggested. Ask your woman to go to a movie, go to a play or concert or better a museum. S will not hang out for to long if a restaurant will not be included.
 
My list can be much longer. Let me know is you are interested to know more.
LenaC
 

[FSUrookie]

Yes, I have been there (to UKR & RU) a few times. No bad feelings, just picked a bad route, but had a variety of experiences with young & old women there. I used the CC agency, so I was handicapped to start. I often date here in the USA women between 21 - 35. I prefer 25 - 35, but I want a single woman, and that only seems to be possible at under 25 or over 35 (divorced). My friend is 39 and he married a Ukrainian woman who was 25 and they have been married for a few years with no problems. Anyway, I understand the logic here, and the girl who I have hit things off with is also from Bride.Ru. (not mentioned in these posts) We are both clear about the age issue (she is 23), and it is not a problem for us. We talked about kids, career, our goals. And she passed the money test so far. She respectfully refused to accept any money from me for English classes or for anything. The critical step is coming in December when we meet in person. Unlike many American men and women, we are placing and building our foundation on our inner qualities and faith and religious beliefs (I know, how crazy, placing faith in God, right? Actually, wrong, because it DOES make sense to me and her, and we do believe our faith is important to our success as a couple. Sorry to bring religion into this, but it IS a important factor for us.) . Bottom line to me, there are common sense rules, yes, but there is no fixed recipe for success. Just look at all the divorces in this country and around the world. Anyway, I really do appreciate everyone's comments and suggestions. To be continued.....
P.S. Thanks for the comments Lena.....And yes, we (my original woman, not the PLAN B lady I have mentioned in these posts) have discussed hurtful things in our past.... We have built our relationship on trust, and if you talked to me long enough, you would see that I am not like most guys, because, the inner beauty of a woman is very important to me also. No offense to all the guys on here, because I know there are others who care about this also, but I mainly refer to the typical American man or many men in Europe and other countries for that matter as well.....You hit on some good points Lena...Thanks!

[LenaC]

Turboguy,
You are not fishing to catch a fish, you are fishing for a sport.
Lena

[Turboguy]

I don't want to say too much in someone elses thread but no, I am totally tired of trolling and want to reel in a keeper.  I would love to never have to write another letter or go to meet another new gal again.

[LenaC]

Turboguy,
I don't believe you.

[FSUrookie]

THANKS Olgas! You made great points! Yes, I am planning to meet one woman, and perhaps some letters to sort out a #2 and #3 choice. The fact is, if we have chemistry then the 2 weeks I will be there will seem short. If we have no chemistry, then it is time to call #2 or #3 to perhaps kick off another attempt. To me it seems impossible to meet many women on one trip travelling from city to city or from Ukraine to Russia. Travel in that part of the world can be a hassle, so I like to settle on one woman (after many letters, photos and phone calls) and give it our best shot at success. This is my 3rd trip this year. The first 2 were failures because of my selection of CC as the middle-man. Now I hope the third time is a charm. Thanks again, I believe you are right, attraction and chemistry do play a part......

[BillyB]

Could some of you ladies give your opinion in the "Adult Children" thread in the married section?

Click here: http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=2811.0

[Michelangelo]

I dunno Turbo but the term 'gal' just sticks in my throat..

Heck, I couldn't even find a wiki that described 'gal' in feminine terms.

I do know I have a gal bladder.. is that close? 

Yeah I do know that gallbladder is spelled with two L's.

Ha, BC!  I see you have not been to the southern states of the US, where "gal" is the commen informal name for women or girl.  Very friendly :-)  And BTW-- it's pronounced in the south to rhyme with the name "Sal."

Not at all like gal bladder.

Now back to the thread-- Rookie-- I think you have a green light with this gal, but keep in mind, you likely have less than a 10% chance the two of you will have chemistry.  So I still think you need to have her, the other gal, and 8 more ready to visit when you make the trip.  Better safe than sorry.....

Good luck!
Michelangelo

[Albert]

I dunno Turbo but the term 'gal' just sticks in my throat..

Heck, I couldn't even find a wiki that described 'gal' in fenimine terms.

I do know I have a gal bladder.. is that close? 

Yeah I do know that gallbladder is spelled with two L's.

Have you been out of the country too long?

There are several matched pairs.  Just a few are:

Boys - girls

Men - women.

Gentlemen - ladies.

Guys - gals

Does 'guys' stick in your throat?  It is virtually as common as OK.  And guys is even becoming accepted to refer to both female and male.  But here, better to use gal to make clear which gender we are referring to.  I prefer gal because it is the shortest of the titles.

[Albert]

Lena and Olga, it is good to see some FSU women who can think logically about this undertaking rather than strictly emotionally.

Lena tells the men to be ready to move on at the first sign of trouble, so I guess she is allowing for the situation where man has come to see more than one woman.

However, Olga cannot yet bring herself to accept the VM approach.  She says:  "On your other question. I think it is best to correspond with a lot of women but only visit one at a time."

Olga, let me take your thoughts to a little extreme to try to help you overcome this understandable feminine feeling you have!  :-))

OK, lets go with your plan to correspond with many, but only visit one at a time.  The guy flies from Omaha to Smolensk via Chicago, New York and Moscow.  After about half an hour he knows the visit is doomed.  Following your idea of one at a time; he now flies back to Omaha via Moscow, New York and Chicago.  He then re-boards the plane the same day to fly back to Smolensk to visit gal number 2.

The visit with gal number two is also a bust, and the guy prepares to repeat the entire round trip to Omaha and back to Smolensk, so he can visit number 3 on a VO trip.  But then people, perhaps even you Olga, hear of what he has done and say:  "This is stupid, don't go all the way back to Omaha . . . just go back to New York.  Then when you fly back into Smolensk, you can honestly tell gal number 3 you have come all the way from USA to see only her.

After another fruitless visit, the guy decides he isn't going to go all the way back to USA at all.  He will only fly from Smolensk to Moscow, and then take a return flight from Moscow to Smolensk.  Now he can still tell the next gal he came to Smolensk on this trip to see only her.

After another wasted meeting, the guy finally says, "I think Olga is in cahoots with travel agencies to bankrupt me with air flights."  So he decides to just take a bus to the nearest town and then come back on another bus to Smolensk.  He can still say that he made this trip to Smolensk to see only her.

For the next gal on his list, the guy decides that he will simply move to another hotel or apartment in Smolensk . . . convincing himself that he can still say this trip (across town) meets the requirement of only meeting one gal on each trip.

Finally the guy gets totally tired of this procedure and says, "the he!! with it."  Next year I am going to make one flight from Omaha to Volgograd, I am going to stay only in one apartment, and I am going to meet all the gals that I want to.  If any can't abide by that, then they are just off the list.

[SANDRO43]

Guys - gals

Aaahh, how times change, and language "couples", too .

[PeeWee]

The write to a few and visit one has worked well for me to date. I agree with Olgas for this reason. I think it works for me because I spend the time to determine if she is the one that I want to visit before I plan the trip. The difference between hunting with a shotgun or a rifle with scope attached. Not to say I think anyone should follow my recommendation, it works for me so that is what I do.

After the emails and the phone converstations I know whether or not I want to meet her. I don't pay much attention to the photos that they send because I have found that they seldom look much like the photos that they have sent me. Not their fault because I don't know of too many women that will look the same photo after photo after photo anyway. As long as she is reasonable close to the weight and height that she told me then I am ok with that.

Test the waters on this one, guy. See where it leads you.

Peevee

[smartcat]

However, Olga cannot yet bring herself to accept the VM approach.  She says:  "On your other question. I think it is best to correspond with a lot of women but only visit one at a time."

Olga, let me take your thoughts to a little extreme to try to help you overcome this understandable feminine feeling you have!  :-))
 

Albert, I rather agree with you at this point. I have heard (and read in Internet) many times that Russian women define such a visit-one-at-a time man to be a gooooooood, honest man. Ok, at one hand it's a good intention - to be devoted to an image of a woman you created in your mind, never having seen her.  But don't forget it's still imagination!

The idea goes from selfishness of a human nature. Plus effect how do you like her/him in a real life.

Just imagine that you came to see one woman and you get know but chance that the next day after your visit she is meeting her plan B, in one more week - plan C and then she decides, what to do with all you guys. Many of you can really get furious or frustrated about. Yes, but... if you like her in real life! Let say you found she absolutely not your type of woman - not matching photos, even smells different that you imagined, whatever. If you don't care about her - you don't care about her backups. But you would do much care if you knew about backups until you met, while you are in virtual love!

Women do the same. It's easy. But they mostly express it with more emotions.