New to the Board

[AugustD]

Hello from the Midwest.  New to reading your board but have spent the year participating in the FSU culture.  I met Sveta last year online and have been to Odessa 3 times to be with her.  We are in the midst of our K1 Visa process (NOA2 received a week ago) and hopefully she will be here in December of this year.

My experiences are reasonably shallow with my trips to Ukraine as she is the only woman I know from there.  She has shared with me some interesting stories as she was an interpreter with some of the socials that go on so have third party participation maybe is a way to say it.

I wish all the best in finding what they are searching for using similar methods to myself and look forward to participating in this forum.

[KenC]

Welcome August!
You have a lot more to share with the guys than you give yourself credit for.  How did you meet Sveta "on line?"  How long did you communicate before you visited?  What did you do in the way of planning for the first trip?  Did you have a back up plan?  Was Sveta your first RW contacted?  Ages of you and Sveta?  Married before?  Why a RW?  Where in the midwest?  Come on Dude, spill it! 
KenC

[AugustD]

Thank you for the hello Ken.  I met Svetlana participating on Fiance.com last December.  I don't know if I was more fascinated or infatuated with women of the Former Soviet Union but found the site and started writing many women.  I was in the midst of a lengthy divorce and not dating as was married to my business so to pick up interaction outside of employees and clients I started writing and learning about women on this site.

The first thing I noticed in writing these women is all responses seemed very much the same canned answers...so nice to meet you....such a handsome man...how interesting...so I took down my professional photo and put a simple and plain snapshot.  My responses to the women quickly changed to true and shear honesty...I would write that I had many things going on in my life and many issues to deal with and just looking for friends...I found the responses slowed down immediately but still got many canned responses.  Then after Christmas, December 27th, 2005, I met Svetlana.  She responded to my distant "I am busy and just want to meet friends letter" with a even more honest response of "why are you wasting my time....dint you think I have problems too?".  Perfect response.  We started communicating heavily by the end of January and by mid February I was calling her daily.

Sidebar:  I resigned from the site on January 4th.  I believed I found my interest.

I flew to Odessa mid April with absolutely no back up plans.  If she was who I thought she was, I was going to marry her.  If not, then, well maybe I should have had a backup plan.  I asked her to marry me the night I met her on April 12th before dinner.  She fortunately said yes but I think it was because she was hungry.  Wonderful first trip of 2 weeks.  Argued a few times as she is tempermental when tired and I am also so we learned to deal with each other - good and bad.  She is extremely difficult and I love it. (She says the same as me but with a much prettier accent - maybe not the "I love it" part)

I have been back twice since with the last being for a month Aug/Sep.  We are both suffering out the last month(s) waiting for her arrival (NOA2 rcvd 1 week ago) hopefully in December. 

I am 45 and Sveta is 35.  We have both been married before and she has a grown son that is not coming when she does.  Maybe in the future as he is welcome but we will see...not my decision.  Sveta is very educated as many are in the FSU.  She has her Masters and teaches in the university and has published 2 books on Audit/Accounting.

I never planned on meeting a woman from Ukraine and really didn't even know where it was geographically in the FSU.  I just got really really really lucky.  I participated on the website for 2 months and met maybe 80-90 women.  No one was even close to catching my interest as she was.  Basically she wasn't going to put up with my crap and saw through it and had the courage to call me on it.

The only cultural issue I have had so far is wearing the Godforsaken houseshoes.  I am trying to get used to it waiting for her but my feet get too hot.  And superstitions...so many superstitions...I whistle inside sometimes which is a bad thing...BELIEVE ME.

I live in Indiana...did I answer all inquiries KenC?  Anyway, I am an open book about our adventure for the most part and happy to share as I know it.  I dint go for a lot of the stereotypes people use in trying to describe a woman from the FSU because my future wife doesn't fit most of them.  My biggest surprise:  I LOVE borscht (hate beets) but love borscht.  My favorite part of Odessa was Georgian restaurants where we could dance...I danced with the  men at the end of the evening (she said I looked like a big chicken)...so we always joke that I am Georgian in blood somehow and always protect my "countrymen" in conversation.  Georgian food is good....very good.

As I have said I wish all well but have never advised someone to use the site because I feel lucky.  I feel like a lottery winner and dint think there is more than one Svetlana in the world so I would do it again in retrospect but dint think I could be this lucky twice without believing in many many generations of reincarnation.

My advice:  Be honest and hang it out there early.  Dont be so concerned about scams.  From the beginning Sveta could not steal from me as I gave it to her.  I wired $100 for internet and watched as days passed before she even ever went to get it.  Also we did not live some fake lavish lifestyle while in Odessa.  We stayed in a simple apartment and prepped our own food, did our laundry together, shopped, cleaned and lived normally.

Thanks for letting me participate here.

[KenC]

Now that's more like it August!    Great story too.  Usually I and others will bust some balls about a "One week wonders" let alone a first date proposal, but you certainly have done your due diligence even if it is "after the fact."  My wife also speaks highly of Georgian cuisine.  Don't fret about the house shoes too much as my wife has adapted to my going barefoot in the house!  I'm an ol Michigander so I wondered about your location.

My story is a little different but I basically married the woman I went to meet too.  What's up with these other guys, August?  They seem to make a big deal out of finding the love of their life when it is so damn easy!?  But you better ready yourself, because the "hard part" is about to begin for you once she arrives!  Does Sveta drive?  How's her English skills?  Does she plan on working once here?  We have a guy here (jb) who's wife is teaching here at the university level, you might want to scout out some of his posts about it.  I know his wife is a science PHD (I think) and I don't know if accounting is as easily transferable.  Best of luck to you!
KenC

[GregfromGa]

Good job man.  I love hearing stories like this. Hope all works out for you. There will probably be a few times after she gets that you are going to think you are married to the antichrist but that shall pass if you are patient. Sounds like you met yourself a great girl. I loved the part about not being in a hurry to get the cash. My wife was the exact same way.

[prince_alfie]

Wonderful tale of romance. Best of luck and I really do think that everything will be awesome!

[ConnerVT]

What's up with these other guys, August?  They seem to make a big deal out of finding the love of their life when it is so damn easy!?  But you better ready yourself, because the "hard part" is about to begin for you once she arrives! 

I don't wish to derail this post, and send it on a tangent, but I have to expand a bit on what you wrote, Kenc.  If a mod wishes to split this off, feel free.

I must agree wholeheartedly with you on this.  People change over time.  Why spend all of the time and effort to find someone who is a "perfect match" for your life right now?  In time, both of you will change.  What is needed is to find someone whom both of you will change together, and compliment each other.

I've always been a proponent of asking right at the beginning why a person feels that they would be successful at marrying someone from another country and emigrati there.  For the trait that is probably most necessary is the ability to change and adapt.  And it needs to happen from both people, both the man and the woman.

Look at the posts from the OMB (Old Married Bastards) here.  As much as we like to complain about the frustrating times, each has made major changes in their lives in order to accommodate their new family.  In some cases, the change has been almost as great as the changes that the woman goes through.  Different, of course.  But still great.  All of us can make a long list of these changes.

My wife was married for 14 years before she met me.  We haven't spoken in great length about it, but I believe she initially loved her first husband very much.  Their marriage fell apart as they both changed, but in different directions.  No different than what happens anyplace in the world.

Even with the talk of the high and early failure rate of RW-WM relationships, the ones that last are the ones that both people change to find a happy middle ground.  One that is acceptable to both people.  It takes a lot of effort, and a lot of sacrifice.

I fear that those who are searching for a "plug-and-play" answer will find only a short term solution...

[KenC]

Conner,
I was really making a joke because it was so easy for me to find Lena.  Not to say, that I dated and discarded many an AW before her!  But what you posted is also true.  Falling in love and staying in love are two different things for sure.  People are always in a state of evolution and they sometimes do actually grow apart.  My ex wife certainly was not the girl I dated 25 years later when we divorced.  I also do not look at all marriages that end in divorce as "failures" either.  I have two great young adult children to prove otherwise!
KenC

[ConnerVT]

Most jokes are based in some amount of truth.  I was just agreeing that the falling in love part is easy, the staying in love part is where the real effort is.

It's just a matter of luck (or fate, depending on your beliefs) how people meet up.  How many marriages have there been between people who, by the luck of the draw, ended up meeting just by circumstance?

One would think that seeking a mate, in the manner people here do, folks would be more successful.  For it's not a "Ah, what the hell, let's get married" decision, but one made by people who are actively seeking each other for the sake of marriage.  But finding each other really does come down to luck, regardless of the searching done.

As you may know, technically I am also a "One Week Wonder" as I met my wife the first week I ever ventured to Russia.  But there was a 12 month period afterwards where we both did our due diligence, where our relationship grew and we decided that marriage was what we wanted.  It took lots of time, travel, and hard work on both of our part to reach that decision.

So, for those who think the hard part is finding the right woman, it's only the beginning, not the end...