Question for the Experienced.....divorce

[MandM]

I was trying to say that he wasn't violent because he was older, but because he was (and is) an a**** ! He's been violent towards his previous partners, too.
But having a young beautiful wife made him even more insecure.
You should have certain qualities to make a marriage like that work. If you are insecure or a jealous type - don't even think about it!

I think I know your age difference, have read it in another topic (won't mention which one). So why didn't it work out with the American girls? Because of the age difference?  (kidding!)

[TigerPaws]

[user=300]M&M[/user] wrote:

 So why didn't it work out with the American girls? Because of the age difference?

M&M,

 While I can not and will not try to speak for Turboguy, I can say from both direct and observed experience that the vast majority of attractive American women have a serous problem thinking that men should worship the ground they walk on and that a man is nothing but a free ride to fulfill all of the wants and desires. For men of means gold diggers are a serious concern and once an attractive American women discovers you would require a pre marriage contract specifying that they will not get an open invitation to spend as much as they want and get a 50-50 split of all of his assets should they decide to divorce him they want they suddenly loose all interest.

 While this may sound shallow, the vast majority of attractive American women are just this way.


 

[MandM]

Hello Tiger

My username supposed to be M&M but there are some problems with the board software. Dan promised to sort it out soon.

It is very unpleasant picture of AW you painted. I should warn my British friend who is dating a girl from LA! (but she is Chinese American - may be they are different?)

I think Enlish women can be like that as well. But Les probably knows more about the subject (I don't often get into relationship with a woman ) But it is obvious that marriage wows don't mean a lot to them. As soon as their love boat hits the rocks they want to get out, and quick (quite often they just jump into another boat). I must admit Russian women do tend to stand by their men in good AND bad (but is it because they depend on them financially?) It is normally a man who does the runner (and quite often with younger woman). What terrifies me in England is that women are having kids without getting married, from different guys. Some families would have three or four kids, all from different fathers. Half sisters, half brothers, step-sisters, step brothers. What a mess. Never seen anything like that in my homeland!  Is it common in the US?

[Son of Clyde]

AW and BW have absolutely zero to gain by marrying a nice fairly attractive AM or BM who makes a decent salary. What I mean is, these women may be career minded and making mega bucks and who needs Mister Nice Guy to hold up progress? Maybe they want us to clean the house or babysit while career woman is working. There is a lot of roles reversed here. I know of several instances. This is not to say a RW will not change when she moves here. We are placing our hopes on the fact they will still love us when they are here and get over the culture shock. I really believe the woman I have found is unique and different than the rest. But most of us feel this way. Why bother to search if we are hoping we fail from the onset?

[jb]

Clyde,

I have the feeling that your woman is going to be delighted with her catch.  Provided her expectations are not sky high, I'm pretty sure you will make her very happy once she gets over the shock of relocation.  

My gut feeling is that you are indeed, "Mr. Nice Guy".

[MandM]

I don't think you should give up searching. Because if you do then you definitely fail. We have a saying in Russia (as you all probably know) 'those who don't take risks, never drink champagne'.

And I don't think your RW will change for worse in your country, that is if she didn't have hidden agenda on the first place and you treat her well.

And isn't it just a human nature - we all have our dreams but scared that they might actually come true?

[Son of Clyde]

I posted my feelings about AW in general.

By the same token, it is unfair to generalize that 100% of AW are like the picture I have painted. There are exceptions.

Maybe I am just lazy and don't want to put forth a lot of effort any longer with AW.

I remember one time meeting a very nice woman through a Catholic dating service. there was something special about her but I knew from one dinner together that I was not what she was looking for. And there was the woman who looked like Candace Bergen who was also very sweet but very career minded and not into more than an occasional date. Some AW just aren't interested in long-term relationships.

My family is very "old school" Italian American and it seems as if my RW has some of these characteristics of family above career. Maybe I'm wrong but time will tell.

[jb]

My family is very "old school" Italian American and it seems as if my RW has some of these characteristics of family above career. Maybe I'm wrong but time will tell.

From what you've posted about your lady I think she will have all those qualities and more.  After all, she stuck it out in an abusive marriage far longer than most women would have.  She's probably thanking her lucky stars that you have come along at this time in her life.

Clyde, I have been hard on you in the past, perhaps it was a result of your Barney17 days, but I'm sensing you have come a long way forward since then.  Please remember that each stroke of the clue bat was delivered with love, brother.

I wish you great happiness in your new married life.

[BC]

Funny you should mention it Clyde.. The first thing that hit me sitting at the kitchen table in RU was how similar it was to sitting at a kitchen table here in south Italy, both in volume and lively emotions..

In fact the only stark difference I detect is that in RU emotions are quite 'private' whereas southern Italians will vividly express themselves anywhere anytime..  

Also wish the best for you two.

[Leslie]

Hi M&M,

When you said

"But having a young beautiful wife made him even more insecure.
You should have certain qualities to make a marriage like that work. If you are insecure or a jealous type - don't even think about it!"

Is absolutely true.  Your wife stays with you because she loves you...

Your other quote

"What terrifies me in England is that women are having kids without getting married, from different guys. Some families would have three or four kids, all from different fathers. Half sisters, half brothers, step-sisters, step brothers. What a mess. Never seen anything like that in my homeland!"

There are two factors here.  Working women are economically independent in most Western countries so there is no need to marry a guy because you want a child. 

The situation you describe in UK is different.  Benefit payments are very high in UK. Most Americans would not believe how high.  If a woman has no qualifications and has to work at around minimum wages she will be way better off if she has a couple of illegitimate kids because then the government will provide a rent free house, pay the council taxon it, pay benifits for each child and a monthly income to live on.  This is going to be substantially more than she could ever earn by working.... 

The fathers don't pay child support as it is impossible to collect payments from poor people.  The government has spent billions of pounds on the Child Support Agency and it still collects less than 10% of the money it is owed...

Of course this does not happen in Ukraine or Russia poverty prevents it.  Such child poverty is unacceptable in Britain....


 

[Son of Clyde]

M and M,

I was looking at your situation and this happens quite often in the US but many of the women stay with the abusive guy. I think the laws are getting better but there is a long way to go.

Bringing a RW 4,000 miles (to the US) for this sort of abuse is serious and the man should be made to suffer.

Sometimes there is the verbal abuse that leaves no visible scar but is felt from deep inside. I know of men who never raised a hand to their wives and left emotional scars these ladies will never get over.

The problem about life in general is that you can't ever be 100% sure of anything.

SOclyde,

 

  So life goes on... Win some, lose some.  

  Do you like to play poker, or blackjack?    

  All is at risk, every moment.  What do you do to eliminate risk?  Nyet..

  My point is that we go way out to meet, and then we commit.

  Is no guarantee.  We took the risk, and that is life...................

[Turboguy]

[user=300]M&M[/user] wrote:

So why didn't it work out with the American girls? Because of the age difference? (kidding!)

No M & M  I don't think the age difference was ever a factor.    Not that my personal life is that interesting but I was married for 18 years to a gal 4 years younger than me.   I suppose since I was 19 when I met her that dating a gal that was 15 years younger would have had me in big trouble then.

Two years after we split up I was 45.  I met and lived for 3 1/2 years with a gal from New Jersey who was 21 when I met her.   She was very pretty.  One of my good memories was walking down a street in Toronto with her.  She was very striking.  One guy was driving down the street and rubber necking, watching her walk down the street in her white dress with a slit up the side and ran right into the car in front of him.  

In some ways we had a great relationship however she was insanely jealous.   I could tell stories about this for hours.  A simple one was that she would go through my business magazines such as Forbes with a black magic marker and if there were any ads with photos of ladies, she would black them out.  The one I will never forget was when I was taking her to London and Paris.  When we took off on the Brittish Airline flight they made the inflight announcements.   Good evenining Ladies and Gentlemen.  We will be flying to London today.  We will be flying at 37,000 feet.   Our flight will last 6 hours and 20 minutes.  Our dinner will be chicken Kiev and our inflight movie will be the James Bond thriller Living Daylights.   When I heard them announce the movie I thought to myself I wish they had picked a different movie because James Bond movies have attractive women in them and I new Vickie would not like thier choice of movies.  When they started the opening credits for the movie, she looked over at me and said.  "You picked this flight because you wanted to see that movie" and she reached up and clawed my face.  I was sitting there in a coat and tie with blood pouring down my face.  I have hours worth of Vickie stories that to me are funny but were not so funny when I was going through them.

After Vickie, I dated Molly for a while.  Molly was 21, I was 49.  I also dated a gal from Pittsburgh who was 27 with a 15 year old daughter.  (interesting math).   Then I met one gal who was one of the bigger loves of my life.   She was from South America and was 30. I was 49/50    I gave up the other gals for her and I remember one time that she got upset with me because she asked me what I would say if she asked me to marry her.   Without any time to think about it I said that I would probably say yes.  She got very angry because of the "probably" word.   She sounded like she really wanted to get married and for her birthday I bought a ring, got down on my knees and proposed.   That was the first I knew there was a problem.  She said no.  I was really shocked.   At the time I did not understand it because we seemed to have the type of relationship everyone dreamed of finding.   I was starting a new business and was going through some things getting it off the ground.  I think now that was the problem.   I was a mess for a couple of years after that. 

After her I dated Audrey a few times, she was 23 but then I met  Andrea.  Andrea was 21.  I was 51.  She was from Wisconsin and was on the rebound.  She was supposed to get married and the guy left her at the alter.  She took her mother on the cruise that was supposed to be her honeymoon.     We had a nice realtionship and I probably would have been content to stay with her but she and her fiancee got back together and I beleve actaully made it to the alter that time.  Hopefully she lived happily ever after. 

There were a few others in there younger or older.   I really goofed after that when I met gal 5 years younger than me.   She was crazy and I had to get a PFA so she could not come near me.  (That was after she pulled a knife, etc etc, etc.   The stuff I had to go through to get rid of her would take hours to tell.    I seem to have a fatal attraction for crazy women.

I decided since I had really liked the one gal so well that I would join a service that had ladies from South America and wrote some gals there.   I had a friend who was doing something similar and he showed me a catalog of Russian Ladies and it did not take long till I lost all interest in the latin ladies.   Perhaps if I had never met the gal who said "NO", I might not be here right now. 

I have dated a lot of younger women.   I really don't think the age difference ever was a factor in any problems in the realtionships.   I do find it harder to find American women interested in dating older guys than it used to be.     Actually what I really was looking for in a Russian gal was one a little older than what I found, but I don't feel the age difference will be a problem.  

I have no doubts that there are issues with larger age differences.   I think there are a lot of marriages with AM & RW that are over in 5 years.   I have hopes that my gal and I may get 20 years together and if we do, I don't think she will have been short changed.    I may not have TigerPaws money but I don't think she will ever have to worry about money either.  No one can forcast the future.  Someone 20 can be run over by a car tomorrow.   Life has no guarantees.   Romances between AM & RW also have no guarantees.

 

 

[MandM]

God, Turboguy!

I am speechless! Your love life is like 'Santa Barbara' or something! (not the place, but the TV series). You sure did date some craazzzy women!  You like living dangerously, don't you? Have you got any kids?

I hope it will all work out for you and your Russian lady! I think you deserve some peace and quiet after all your dating disasters!:D

[MandM]

[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:

Sometimes there is the verbal abuse that leaves no visible scar but is felt from deep inside. I know of men who never raised a hand to their wives and left emotional scars these ladies will never get over.

 Couldn't agree more! Physical abuse is probably more humuluating at the time, but it is easier to get over (unless it is very severe). The emotional abuse has much more painful and lasting results. Even now, nearly three years after the events, I pulled my life back together, and now have a good job, friends, and amazing boyfriend, but I am still suffering from depression.

[Turboguy]

Hi M & M,  

Thanks for the sympathy and the good wishes.   Yes, I have two kids.  They both work for me in my business and we have a good relationship.   I hope this all brings some happiness and peace of mind too.   I plan to do my best to make it work.