Large age difference

[anono]

richard, we met so you know me a little. i just printed out your post so i can read it and discuss it with the lady i am going back to see in three weeks. we have a 27 year age difference and this is the number one thing on my mind when i think about moving forward with this lady. what the hell is she going to do when i am 69 and she is 42?

this lady, as far as i can see and i have a very jaundiced eye, is not spoiled, she is sincere and seems, from all indications, to be the real thing. it could be one of the one in a million but dang! it is a crap shoot no matter what the age difference.  it does add to the odds being against us.

if there is a reason not to go forward with this lady, this is the reason.

with your post, i will be able to bring it up from a third party point of view of a AM who lives in russia and has the experience to go with it.

fortunately, i do have the time (hardly the money but i'll manage) to spend a good deal of time with her in ukraine.

[Rvrwind]

 point of view of a AM who lives in russia

That would be CM my friend, don't confuse me with the riff raff, LMAO.

I never said that she might have been dropped on her head as a child. 

 

I never said that either, Ken. But you still got lucky;)

It is all about the choices a man makes.

 

You too are a lucky man but believe me it has nothing to do with the choices you made. It has everything to do with the choices & sacrifices she made.

She stepped out of her own per group to be with you. She probably lost some friends & family over it. She also quite likely stands up to much ridicule on an almost daily basis. If not spoken, silently acknowledge, a look, a stare. It is not easy for a young woman to be with a man old enough to be her father. The fact that she is & has been for some time testifies to the strength of her character & her solid commitment to you.

I ain't saying I wouldn't have liked a younger woman. Hell I dated an 18 year old in SPB when I was 49 & she would have married me in a heartbeat. I ain't saying it wasn't fun, it was a blast & I enjoyed her company immensly but in the end all it was was an ego trip. My ego trip to have that hot young tight body hanging all over me. I could have made it last for probably 10 maybe 15 years but after that it would have gotten real hard to hold on to her. I damn near did go for it, but then I woke up & thought of the future & that scared me to death.

By the way itstime - she was good in bed, no doubt about that & a very quick learner!!!;)

In a way I envy those who can make it work with a large age difference & a young hotty but like I said it don't happen all that often. When it comes right down to it I don't regret the choice I made, I have a friend, a partner, a wife, a lover & a concubine all rolled in to one. I still maintain that women over thirty are more mature & able to make a more informed decision on there choices in life.

What more can a guy ask for?

RVR

Canadian Cowboy

[TigerPaws]

It is all about the choices a man makes.

 

You too are a lucky man but believe me it has nothing to do with the choices you made. It has everything to do with the choices & sacrifices she made.

She stepped out of her own per group to be with you. She probably lost some friends & family over it. She also quite likely stands up to much ridicule on an almost daily basis. If not spoken, silently acknowledge, a look, a stare. It is not easy for a young woman to be with a man old enough to be her father. The fact that she is & has been for some time testifies to the strength of her character & her solid commitment to you.

I ain't saying I wouldn't have liked a younger woman. Hell I dated an 18 year old in SPB when I was 49 & she would have married me in a heartbeat. I ain't saying it wasn't fun, it was a blast & I enjoyed her company immensly but in the end all it was was an ego trip. My ego trip to have that hot young tight body hanging all over me. I could have made it last for probably 10 maybe 15 years but after that it would have gotten real hard to hold on to her. I damn near did go for it, but then I woke up & thought of the future & that scared me to death.

By the way itstime - she was good in bed, no doubt about that & a very quick learner!!!;)

In a way I envy those who can make it work with a large age difference & a young hotty but like I said it don't happen all that often. When it comes right down to it I don't regret the choice I made, I have a friend, a partner, a wife, a lover & a concubine all rolled in to one. I still maintain that women over thirty are more mature & able to make a more informed decision on there choices in life.

What more can a guy ask for?

RVR

Canadian Cowboy
[/quote]
Rvrwind

 Luck has very little to do with making a good selection of the availabe ladies, I passed up a number of girls who most likely would have made excellent wifes and partners because for whatever reason something just did not feel right. 

 I will agree that up to a point age dose factor into the equation but in the end I place the burden on the man to make the relationship work. As for your comment  "It has everything to do with the choices & sacrifices she made.

She stepped out of her own per group to be with you. She probably lost some friends & family over it. She also quite likely stands up to much ridicule on an almost daily basis. If not spoken, silently acknowledge, a look, a stare. It is not easy for a young woman to be with a man old enough to be her father."

 I very much disagree with your assessment, my ladies sister still lives in Moscow and is finishing up her degree at the university, besides being very attractive and 26 she is with a gentleman 18 years her senior by her choice as are many of the girls she knows. Here is Florida there is no such animosity among our circle of friends and acquaintances, maybe some jealousy from some of the AW's because they are fat and butt ugly. As for loosing friends, sure that was bound to happen but not because of being with me it has something to do with being 6000 miles away. Maybe fate decided to deal me a good had this time around because my lady no longer has much family except for her sister as all of her immediate family passed away withing the past few years.

 As for your contention that  "It is not easy for a young woman to be with a man old enough to be her father." blanquet statements like this are simly wrong, it all depends on the lady as I said my ladies sister is very happy as are a number of her friends and classmates with their "older" male friends, lovers and husbands as are the couples we know here in the states. Statements like this only show perjudice and an intolerance of the choices people make which contradict someones preconceived ideas.

 

[Ste]

Does anyone think there is any correlation with regard to the circumstances surrounding the age difference?

For example, between those men that deliberately look for young women, and those for which it was a twist of fate?

Nadia and I met on ICQ in a vain attempt to teach me Russian (I half learned at Uni, was a bit of a pinko!) she had a boyfriend and I was a single father really expecting never to have any romantic liaisons ever again! Things grew between us and niether of us cnsidered the age difference a plus or a minus, it's just there is one!

This is where I'm supposed to say how everyone says I look younger etc be we all know it's bollocks. These are the things you want to hear! Meet up with old school friends and see how old they look. They're saying the same thing about you! The guy that used to sit next to me is now about 20 stone (280lbs - 120kgs?) and honestly looks 60. I'm 44 BTW.

WRT to aging, try http://www.deathclock.com I will live to 93, and Nadia 71. So I will outlive her by a few months, probably die of a broken heart.....

Ste

FEDERAL WARNING: Some folks have tried Deathclock and found out they should already be dead - view at ur peril!!

[KenC]

You too are a lucky man but believe me it has nothing to do with the choices you made. It has everything to do with the choices & sacrifices she made.

She stepped out of her own per group to be with you. She probably lost some friends & family over it. She also quite likely stands up to much ridicule on an almost daily basis. If not spoken, silently acknowledge, a look, a stare. It is not easy for a young woman to be with a man old enough to be her father. The fact that she is & has been for some time testifies to the strength of her character & her solid commitment to you.

Richard,

I have always maintained that I am a lucky guy, but it is time to define where the lucky part is in my relationship with Lena.  Both Lena and I were lucky to have found each other.  She was always open minded to an older guy.  Actually, she prefered a guy at least 15 years older.  I agree with you that luck had nothing to do with my final decision to marry Lena.  That decision was based on a lot of logic, common sense and emotions displayed by both parties (Love). When the only valid reason not to marry is some arbitrary and vague concept of the acceptable age difference that comes from the unknown general public, then I think it is stupid not to marry.

Of course, Lena has made tremendous sacrifices to be with me, but the concessions were mostly the same as any RW that moves to America.  She didn't get any heat from her family about our relationship in any way.  As I previously posted, Lena's parents were very supportive of our relationship.  Sure, some of her friends questioned the age difference, but the "protests" were in passing conversations and quickly answered and forgotten.

Yes, there has been a strange look or two.  Yes, there has been a few young men that seem to want to challange the fact that a guy twice their age has picked a plum from "their" tree.  So what?  What strangers think of my marriage is of no concern to me or Lena.  If they don't "get it", it is their problem and not ours.  Any beautiful woman will attract attention regardless of their age.

I also think that Ste hit upon something in his post when he wrote:

Does anyone think there is any correlation with regard to the circumstances surrounding the age difference?

For example, between those men that deliberately look for young women, and those for which it was a twist of fate?

I have posted many times that I wished that Lena was older than she is and that I never purposely looked for such a young woman.  Fate brought us together, it is working very well after more than 6 years and I will not apologize for screwing up the general thought process that it shouldn't work.

KenC

[catzenmouse]

We also have a 17 year age difference. I'm 44 and she's 27.

Ken

[Son of Clyde]

Ste, I was looking in the 35 - 39 age range. I have no children and would prefer someone with some maturity and still able to have children.

Since other guys were already in marriages with women 15 - 20 years younger, I decided to look for younger women myself.

I was not swamped with replies but the women who did respond were very nice.

Since I was age 53, only about 60% of the women I wrote to responded to my letters.

[anono]

richard!   my sincere apologies!  i love my country but if i was canadian, i would not want to be confused as an AM...  i am embarrassed at who is running our country and what we are doing in iraq, a place that had nothing to do with 9-11 and is only fostering more hatred and terrorist attacks against americans.

not to mention the diliberate and calculated theft of funds from the middle class by the wealthy. oil companies are posting record profits and no one seems to care. just one example.

 

[Admin]

richard! my sincere apologies! i love my country but if i was canadian, i would not want to be confused as an AM... i am embarrassed at who is running our country and what we are doing in iraq, a place that had nothing to do with 9-11 and is only fostering more hatred and terrorist attacks against americans.

not to mention the diliberate and calculated theft of funds from the middle classby the wealthy. oil companies are posting record profits and no one seems to care. just one example.

And now back to the topic . . . . .

[KenC]

[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:

Ste, I was looking in the 35 - 39 age range. I have no children and would prefer someone with some maturity and still able to have children.

Since other guys were already in marriages with women 15 - 20 years younger, I decided to look for younger women myself.

I was not swamped with replies but the women who did respond were very nice.

Since I was age 53, only about 60% of the women I wrote to responded to my letters.

What was your criteria for making the comparisons with "the other guys"?  Besides having similar ages, of course.  You cannot take one point of reference (similar age) and use that as any type of benchmark.  I am the same age as you, yet I have 27+ years of married life experience that you don't have.  Don't you think that life experiences have a little to do with the success or failure of such an undertaking?  The ability to maintain a  long term relationship, is but only one more variable amongst many others.

KenC

[Rvrwind]

Well I can see I ticked off Tigerpaws just a little. LOL

I will say that I have never ever been accused of predjudice OR intolerant accept towards gays, but lets not go there.:X

Firstly Tiger, I don't write these things just to have something to write & get everybodies dander up. I have been in the buisness with a couple of different agencies & lost count a long time ago on how many guys I've seen come through this process. Before that I researched it for many years during my own search. I started this process back in 1992, so I've been through the mill a few times. You & the couples you know with large age differences are but a mere drop of water in a 45 gallon drum full of water.

I don't say these things just off the top of my head. I have experienced, over & over & over & over & over....I can't even begin to give an exact #  of crash & burns I've seen. What I can though is say that in my experience half of one percent of marriages where the women is under 25 & the man is 20 years her senior, work. The rest die a horrifying death. Why they work well it would be my guess that those very few that make it work are very special individuals. I don't know you & your lady so I can't say but I do know Kens wife & I am quite aquainted with Ken himself as both of us have been members of the other board for a number of years.

His wife is a very special lady. I was very impressed with her from the moment we met. She had poise & grace that is very uncommon for a woman her age. That impressed me as I'm sure it impressed Ken. They are both very special & unique in their thinking & in their daily lives I suspect. I see her only drawback is she calls Yaroslav her freind, I used to too, but I soon outgrew it. LOL

I'm not trying to degrade anybody or their relationship, hell if you can make it work & it works for you, more power to you. I just caution the whole idea that guys should come here deliberatly seeking a woman under 25 & 20-25 years their junior because chances of it working are very slim. That is a fact, not a pipe dream. I've brought a few couples together & am responsible for a number of marriages that are happily working well. Members of this board who hold me personally responsible for bringing them together & that gives me much hope.

I suspect that you & your wife are very much like Ken & Lena & would probably be hard to tell apart except for looks. It takes a very special & tolerant man & a very understanding & forgiving woman to make such a relationship work. I know deep down I can't & I also know deep down that most men can't, but they all like to try & thats when the levy bursts. All I am saying is for guys to go in with there eyes wide open. Keeping up with the Joneses does not work well in relationships.

And now back to the topic . . . . .

LMAO Dan;)

RVR

Canadian Cowboy

[KenC]

Richard,

Thank you for all your kind words about Lena and I.  I have often refered to our realtionship as an aberration.  Success is not the norm.

KenC

[TigerPaws]

I suspect that you & your wife are very much like Ken & Lena & would probably be hard to tell apart except for looks. It takes a very special & tolerant man & a very understanding & forgiving woman to make such a relationship work. I know deep down I can't & I also know deep down that most men can't, but they all like to try & thats when the levy bursts. All I am saying is for guys to go in with there eyes wide open. Keeping up with the Joneses does not work well in relationships.

Canadian Cowboy

LoL,

 Rvrwind, no offence taken and I am fairly sure KenC feels the same. I will agree with you that most men do not know what they are getting into and either can not or will not expend the time, energy and funds necessay to do a proper search for exactly the type of lady they are looking for (I am sorry to say most men do not have a clue as to what they really want in a lady but that is another issue). I am under no illusion that there are all too many failed AM/RW repationships and the age difference is but one of many factors. Here again I place 80% of the blame on the man, maybe I am old fashioned but I believe in taking personal responsibility for my actions and or inactions, then doing my level best to make things right.

 I am sorry to say that far too many men are not like you in their ability to realize they are not up to the challenge of a younger lady, good for you Rvrwind.

 

[RacerX]

[user=21]KenC[/user] Success is[/i] not the norm.[/color][/size][/font][/b]


[/quote]

I must be missing something here - marriages of short duration (often defined as 5 or even 7 years by the courts) don't signify "success," but merely that the couple has gotten through the honeymoon phase are now making the adjustments that will alow them to have some success later in life.  I'm sorry, but if you guys were talking about stable marriages of say 10-15 years it might mean something, and I would really be impressed with a  RW/AM pairing that lasted 20+ years.  

Not trying to be overly critical, its just all this talk about LONG marriages has me smiling.

[ConnerVT]

One problem with your statistical milepost -- there really wasn't much travel between the US and the Soviet Union 20+ years ago.  May prove difficult to find a test case...

[jb]

LOL, Conner,

I traveled in the USSR 20 years ago and had a KGB buddy beside me everywhere I went, no romance there.

[BC]

I must be missing something here - marriages of short duration (often defined as 5 or even 7 years by the courts) don't signify "success," but merely that the couple has gotten through the honeymoon phase are now making the adjustments that will alow them to have some success later in life.  I'm sorry, but if you guys were talking about stable marriages of say 10-15 years it might mean something, and I would really be impressed with a  RW/AM pairing that lasted 20+ years.  

Not trying to be overly critical, its just all this talk about LONG marriages has me smiling.

It's going to be tough to find someone that will stick around here for 10+ years to let you know what happens.  As time goes on folks will move on.  Maybe other married folks here feel as I do that after a couple of years the marriage becomes quite 'normal' in every way leaving very few RW related things left to talk about. The fact that my wife is Russian really doesn't make that much difference anymore.

I've pretty much said my piece across two forums now, learned what I could and often find myself just repeating stuff I've posted before.

Relevance dwindles..

[jb]

I agree with BC on how things smooth out after a few years of marriage.  Other than all the different languages being spoken here we view ourselves as just another married couple with all the normal and usual family ups and downs, give and take.  We are preparing for both boys to be home for the holiday weekend, so mom is anxious about them traveling, both at the same time, but I'm confident that  will all sort itself out.

Number one son has accepted a new position here in Corpus as an engineer with one of the energy services companies, so he'll be with us until he finds a place to live on his own.  After graduation he wanted very much to remain in Utah, near the rocky mountains, but employment opportunities are somewhat limited there.  Number two son will have to go back the National Labratory at Los Alamos for a few more days to finish up work on a gas dynmics project (he's a physics major), before he returns to university to begin his fourth year of studies.

All pretty much what you's expect from any normal family, the normal sort of trials and tribulations. Except that half of all conversations take place in two languages, no one looking in would see anything extrordinary about life in this household.

As BC sez...relevance dwindles.  My life is probably very different from what the newbie experiences which is why so many times I'm left just shaking my head when I read some of these posts.

[Elen]

and what these former Russian boys think anout american girls? Do they see any differents to Russian ones?

[Seekandfind]

[user=21]KenC[/user] Success is[/i] not the norm.[/b]

I must be missing something here - marriages of short duration (often defined as 5 or even 7 years by the courts) don't signify "success," but merely that the couple has gotten through the honeymoon phase are now making the adjustments that will alow them to have some success later in life. I'm sorry, but if you guys were talking about stable marriages of say 10-15 years it might mean something, and I would really be impressed with a RW/AM pairing that lasted 20+ years.

Not trying to be overly critical, its just all this talk about LONG marriages has me smiling.

 

What are you talking about? Most of the guys who married a RW 20 years ago, have been dead for years.....lol[/quote]

[ConnerVT]

What are you talking about? Most of the guys who married a RW 20 years ago, have been dead for years.....lol

[/quote]Yes, but did they die happy?  That's the question... 

(I know, I know... Don't encourage him...) 

[Elen]

Yes, but did they die happy?  That's the question... 

 

Well with good poison it could be done:P

[jb]

Elen Wrote:

and what these former Russian boys think anout american girls? Do they see any differents to Russian ones?

I'll have to ask when mom is not around.

[Elen]

Now really i wonder who would boys who were born in Russia prefer for their  - how do you put there - soulmates? Would they have the same "problems" with american women like many of you had and prefer to seek for girls in Russia or they don't scare by american femimists

[Ste]

Yes, but did they die happy?  That's the question...  

 

Well with good poison it could be done:P
[/quote]

Well with a good *position* it could be done also!! What a way to go.....

Ste