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Author Topic: Large age difference  (Read 74831 times)

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Offline Bruno

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Large age difference
« Reply #50 on: January 30, 2005, 11:17:31 PM »
What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?


The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.

:-)))

Offline tim 360

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« Reply #51 on: January 31, 2005, 04:02:41 AM »
Far too much noise about this topic.  The "great debate"???  You can talk the horse to death.  Everybody has their measurements, calipers, prejudices, and opinions etc.  And it is really quite simple.  There are some guys who are in their 40's, 50's, and 60's who would be considered both attractive and desireable to women 20 or 30 years younger in any country. 

Almost always these guys will be fairly to extremely successful in their culture.  Fairly smart, literate, charming and fairly good looking.  And whether the prevailing currency is Dollars, Euros, or Seashells...they have got some currency and assets.  I think our buddy Ken C is one of these.  Although many of you may not be.

I have never seen women either younger or older fall in love with an older guy who is poor and stupid,  but I would guess it is possible,  albiet rare.

Women?  You know when they are interested and you should know that they couldn't care less.  Unless, perhaps one is delusional.

 

Marriage?  There are no sure things in marriage--debate it all you want.  Any marriage is a gamble.  For one thing...people change.
"Never argue with a fool,  onlookers may not be able to tell the difference".  Mark Twain

Offline Albert

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« Reply #52 on: January 31, 2005, 04:53:38 AM »
Kevin posted:  "OK, I'll bite, and not be offended by either answer: Do we look good together or look like daughter/father? Photo attached.  Kevin C."

 

I think you do look like daughter/father.   And, many of the other photos posted on these sites look like daughter/father.

But, I wouldn't let that stop you.  I am sure myself and many of my RW/UW dates also looked like daughter/father.  It just can't be helped.

George Burns used to say he didn't date women his age . . . . cause there weren't any.

In my case, the women my age look like my mother, so I am forced to go younger.  I would actually like to find some closer to my age, but those aged women are not computer savy for e-mailing and generally not as English savy as the younger gals.

Offline Jack

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« Reply #53 on: January 31, 2005, 11:45:54 AM »
Albert, have you thought of maybe running personal ads in many of the smaller size cities, say 50,000 and less as well as many of the smaller villiages and cities from 1000 to 20,000 people. A great many of these ladies may also not be so computer savy but sure know how to write a letter. I'v seen some pretty good results.

 

Offline BC

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« Reply #54 on: January 31, 2005, 12:04:52 PM »
The ads in the local papers do get looked at.  I remember the women in the kitchen discussing them quite regularly.  Towns of 100,000 are pretty 'small' by their standards and there are a lot of towns this size.

Offline TigerPaws

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« Reply #55 on: January 31, 2005, 12:12:48 PM »
KenC & Jack,

 I am going to agree with your statement "If you are a jealous type guy, DO NOT seek a young and beautiful wife" you as a man need to feel secure about your relationship otherwise you are doomed to failure.

Offline TigerPaws

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« Reply #56 on: January 31, 2005, 12:20:52 PM »
Albert,

 When I am asked by someone I know where to look in Russia for a lady I usually ask what he is looking for, what dose he want in a relationship if he could have exactly what he wanted. That question is often met with a blank stare because most men have never thought about looking for a lady that way. Once a man can answer what he wants then he can decide how to go about finding it and what compromises he is willing to make

  

Offline 5150

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« Reply #57 on: February 01, 2005, 04:30:49 AM »
I agree with Jack about advertising in small town. My wife is from a town of 15,000. She saw my ad WITHOUT picture & responded. In the next issue she saw my ad WITH picture & was REALLY glad she responded:cool: I think if I was doing this again I would DEFINATELY hit the smaller towns. During my first visit in Lugansk my friend Victor told me if i was looking to get MARRIED I should stay away from the LUgansk city girls & hit the small towns & villages. He even volunteered to introduce me to ladies from there. The only possible drawback might be they might not know English. In my case my wife was is fluent.

Offline Muzh

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« Reply #58 on: February 02, 2005, 10:43:08 AM »
[user=26]5150[/user] wrote:
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But in any case I've realized I'm going to have to put up with her. Also I'm sure when she arrives here in America she will probably grow up quite a bit seeing she won't have mommy to run to when trouble comes.

 

My friend, you have my sincerest condolences.  May the force be with you.
"Mr Putin is discovering that global finance is more frightened of the US Securities and Exchange Commission than Russian T90 tanks."

Offline 5150

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« Reply #59 on: February 03, 2005, 04:40:17 AM »
Gee, thanks Muzh.

Offline 300spartans

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« Reply #60 on: February 10, 2005, 03:23:01 PM »
 
KenC,

 Yours is a successful marriage without a doubt. You have elsewhere said that failed marriages indicate character failings. I used to think you meant that the WM were at fault. The more I have thought about it, and in all the cases I know of, the predominant defective character was an unscrupulous FSU woman with an agenda. Where the marriage fails for 'legitimate' reasons, in most of these cases the man has a wallet shortcoming. Some are guilty of over promoting their finances or house or city before the woman comes West. Your own wife may be no better or worse than most FSU females. She is a loyal wife to you because she has a very comfortable life, does not have to work, drives her own Mercedes, and also does not have many domestic duties. My own fiancé "tried it on" to get me to do more than my share of housework. I am still doing all the money earning, but she does most of the cooking and does some limited cleaning. These young women are not like their mothers. There are compensations, these ladies know how to look after themselves and take care of their man. Divorce can strike any man at the least expected moment, including those that think everything is going great, and those that think like this are hit hardest emotionally. FSU women seem to initiate almost 100% of divorces with Western husbands, at least based on the individual cases I know of.

 
JB,

 Your sceptical take on things seems to contradict your happy marriage of three years to an FSUW. Do you have prior bad experiences? I like your comment about if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. This saying has at times haunted me for almost eighteen months, because my own relationship is almost too good to be true. Except if I factor in financial and western residency considerations. One day when we argued, my young UW said, you could not have got someone as good looking and as young as me in your country. I reflected and answered truthfully, if I had been willing to spend the same amount of money on her as I have spent on you, I probably could have.

 
Scott Jay and 5150,

 I agree that going ahead with an FSUW of any age is a risky proposition, but with very high rewards. Especially where the age gap is bigger. 5150, maybe you should think hard about whether to bring her West - maybe live with her again in the FSU before deciding. Better to end it while she is still in the FSU if you know it is going to be a disaster. In my own case the age gap is over twenty years, though I am eighteen years younger than her father. Also, her last long-term partner was a lot older than me. Like most UW, my lady shows some volatile personality characteristics at times. These have actually considerably lessened and improved in the west. So the West brings out the worst in some women, and the best in others.

 As long as the WM's finances remain good he probably has nothing to worry about. Also, avoid all women who flirt with other men, such as making eye contact with strange men.

 

Re this age gap where 90% of guys say they look younger than their years stuff. Why do we men have to keep saying this? Is this evidence of some sort of self-delusion? I look my age, but I look ten years younger than FSU men my age. In fact, most FSU men my age are already dead. Who cares if people notice the age gap - they will be jealous. My own experience in the West thus far is that only one woman in her eighties has been nosey whilst my UW was with me - "why did you go to Ukraine" etc. Next time, I will deflect any such questions. When alone and before I went to Ukraine, I had many negative comments and warnings. Also, my UW had many negative comments from well meaning relatives such as her babushka. He is too old for you. I only know this because my fiancé told me. KenC, it is almost certain that your wife heard similar advice out of your earshot, or in your earshot if you don't speak Russian. 

 
Prenup issue. I know of two recent cases involving a UW wife with one baby or more born to their loving Western husband. In both cases the UW ended the marriage. One UW got 25% of the man's entire assets after a five-year marriage, and in this case the man was more than twenty years older than his wife. The other UW wife got 75% of the man's entire capital; and in this case the man was just two years older than his wife. This marriage was shorter. Neither had a prenup. Good luck to the naïve trusting souls out there. My prenup might be thrown out in court, then again maybe not, especially as signing one was originally my fiancé's idea and also we discussed it several times whilst still in the FSU.

Offline NWKid

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« Reply #61 on: February 10, 2005, 07:23:01 PM »
Too many guys get fixated on an age range, and it is Always down, never straight across.  Sure, you may start with good intentions but after looking at page after page of eye candy, the lower age limit drifts slowly, but inevitably downward.  Hey, 25 year old girls are hot, but 18 year old girls are even hotter!  I understand.  I've broken my own age limit rules. 

Yet, lets for a moment try to sort fantasy from reality and ask the question, are middle aged RW really that bad?  I went to one popular website and looked around. Take a look:

http://www.angelika.net/ladies/fx4670.shtml
http://www.angelika.net/ladies/xu5741.shtml
http://www.angelika.net/ladies/zc1803.shtml
http://www.angelika.net/ladies/si9901.shtml

OK, that took me about 5 minutes to find them.   So, the answer is no.  RW can be as beautiful as anyone could possibly expect (IMO).  If you combine that with wisdom and maturity that age often brings, it's not a bad package, is it?  So why are guys drooling over women half their age?  What's the reason for that (he asks, rhetorically)?  You might just want to ask yourself that question.

Offline KenC

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« Reply #62 on: February 11, 2005, 04:50:43 AM »
[user=150]300spartans[/user] wrote:
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KenC,

 Yours is a successful marriage without a doubt.
Quote
So far (5.5 years) so good, but any marriage can go sideways for a multitude of reasons because people change over time.
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 You have elsewhere said that failed marriages indicate character failings. I used to think you meant that the WM were at fault. The more I have thought about it, and in all the cases I know of, the predominant defective character was an unscrupulous FSU woman with an agenda. Where the marriage fails for 'legitimate' reasons, in most of these cases the man has a wallet shortcoming.
Quote
I have to respectfully disagree.  From my experience, I have witnessed 4 divorces or very strained marriages involving RW.  All involved men with weak character traits.  Three were with controling & insecure men where there were no financial concerns as the men were rather well off.  These three were in their 40's and married RW in their early 30's.  The fourth was an extremely naive man in his early 30's that married a RW in her late 20's.  There wasn't a lot of money involved in this one, and there was no age factor differences, but there was a huge gap in personalities.  She was a firecracker and he was a dud.  This was the one RW who may have had an agenda.  But I really think that he acted out of character while in Ukraine (out going, attentive and fun) and then resorted back to his hermit ways once she arrived.
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Some are guilty of over promoting their finances or house or city before the woman comes West. Your own wife may be no better or worse than most FSU females. She is a loyal wife to you because she has a very comfortable life, does not have to work, drives her own Mercedes, and also does not have many domestic duties.
Quote
I can understand how you can conclude this, but it is simply not true.  In the time that my wife has been here, I have suffered a severe financial set back.  It was during that time that my wife stood shoulder to shoulder with me and skimped penneys to get through.  Never did her love waver.  I cannot say the same for my ex-wife (American).  Now that finances have "normalized", of course she will share in the fruits of my labor.  Loyalty is a huge deal to me.
Quote
 
 Also, my UW had many negative comments from well meaning relatives such as her babushka. He is too old for you. I only know this because my fiancé told me. KenC, it is almost certain that your wife heard similar advice out of your earshot, or in your earshot if you don't speak Russian. 
Quote
My wife has had nothing but encouragment from her family regarding me.  Her Mom thinks we are the perfect match for each other.  I am very welcomed into Lena's family.  But Lena has heard the negative comments you speak of from her peer group here in America.  They cannot seem to accept that ours is a marriage based on love and not money.  They are always on the look out for cracks in the story.
Quote
KenC
 

You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies-Thomas Jefferson

Offline 300spartans

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« Reply #63 on: February 11, 2005, 11:34:07 AM »
You wrote:

_________________________________________________________________

I have to respectfully disagree.  From my experience, I have witnessed 4 divorces or very strained marriages involving RW.  All involved men with weak character traits.  Three were with controling & insecure men where there were no financial concerns as the men were rather well off. 

__________________________________________________________

 KenC,

 Thanks for the reply. My age, and age gap to my fiancé, is pretty close to yours so I am in the same boat. I initially chose to only meet women over thirty, but after being burned by a cunning woman in her forties I decided to lower my limit to twenty five, with surprising results. I immediately met three very attractive women under thirty who were very interested in me. When I chose the forty plus year old I had just wasted two weeks in Kiev trying to find someone who wanted me as a person. Ha, naïve fool I was! Second time around, I decided to show em my assets - a photo of my house. What a difference this made in my attractiveness to FSUW. Turns out I was a pretty desirable guy. Sorry if my cynicism is showing, but these were my experiences based on meeting about thirty five women during my first two visits to Ukraine. Only the last ten got the photo treatment. Though also, I had relaxed and was less anxious to find a wife and instead just wanted to enjoy myself. This attitude change changed everything in my favour. 

 The chances of my marriage lasting five years are probably less than 50% but I am going to give it my best shot and enjoy every day of the attempt. Also, the prenup we will sign will reduce the financial rewards of her leaving, or trading up. I also have had financial setbacks even while still in the FSU and have always discussed these with my UW fiancé. Rightly or wrongly, my policy was to be honest right from the start. With my UW, this has paid dividends, though some FSUW are not so open and honest so this can be a pitfall. My UW claims she cannot understand money matters.

 Essentially I agree with your idea about some men being flawed 
except for one point. FSUW are smart and they know men and what men want. So, why were these FSUW women attracted to, and even marry, these "controling & insecure men"?

 To partly answer my own question. My own UW met only one other WM, according to her. He was much more wealthy than me, but she did not like him (nor he her). So she had the choice of just two WM in several months. In the West, she now has an available pool of thousands if not millions single and married men. Without a doubt, some FSUW women choose and marry substandard men (to them) but have no intention of staying with them a day longer than necessary. The numbers of these women may be higher than the circles you move in.

Same goes for less intelligent and wealthy WM. I know one such man. He is short and he is not intelligent and he does not have money. He is a nice guy with a pleasant personality and he speaks and reads Russian after spending half of every year in the FSU. Yet a Moscow woman married him moved West and lived with him for three years in his less wealthy suburb. At the end of that time she married one of her co-workers, who had ocean views and a Porsche in the garage. Do you think that she left him because he was a controlling & insecure man?

Maybe one reason some married WM become controlling and insecure is because he knows or suspect something about his FSUW. An example would be the unfortunate man who has married a flirt of any nationality.

Offline BC

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« Reply #64 on: February 11, 2005, 12:31:32 PM »
[user=150]300spartans[/user] wrote:

Same goes for less intelligent and wealthy WM. I know one such man. He is short and he is not intelligent and he does not have money. He is a nice guy with a pleasant personality and he speaks and reads Russian after spending half of every year in the FSU. Yet a Moscow woman married him moved West and lived with him for three years in his less wealthy suburb. At the end of that time she married one of her co-workers, who had ocean views and a Porsche in the garage. Do you think that she left him because he was a controlling & insecure man?

Maybe one reason some married WM become controlling and insecure is because he knows or suspect something about his FSUW. An example would be the unfortunate man who has married a flirt of any nationality.
[/quote]

Spartans,

You bring up a good point..

Remembering that men posting on these forums are only a small slice of the pie:

Are women in general 'trading up' for money and status?..
And are men in general 'trading up' for beauty and youth?..

Interesting thoughts..

Offline NWKid

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« Reply #65 on: February 14, 2005, 06:47:15 AM »
I posted this in another thread, but really, it belongs here.  For those of you who think a large age gap is acceptable, here is an opportunity to read what RW are saying behind your back.  The poll at the top of the page indicates the acceptable age difference.  There were 23 respondents and only 1 thought 16+ years was ok.

However, the comments are far more interesting!  If you do not read Russian, use one of the free translators on the web.  Be forewarned that the comments are pretty vicious.  These RW do not pull any punches when it comes to a man writing to an RW half his age.  Yet, this is real.

For those of you who are married to much younger women, I'm not posting this to be disrespectful.  I will guess you, or more likely your wives, have heard it all before.  I don't imagine you need to read this, it will not make your day.

http://www.antidate.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=243

Offline jb

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« Reply #66 on: February 14, 2005, 07:28:45 AM »
NWkid,

Those of us who are able to read Russian, or have a Russian wife, have commented on what the RWs are saying before.  This is nothing new.

And you are correct, they don't pull punches with each other.  They will label a girl a "golddigger" quicker than we will. It seems there is always a few girls who think it's perfectly OK to marry an old AM guy who has money, live with him for 3-5 years while they prepare the "landing strip" for their RM, who is in on the deal.  As far as they are concerned, it's strickly a short term inconvience.

Unfortunately, these girls are usually the ones from the small villages who never had 2 kopecs to rub together and call their own.  It's no wonder that they are willing to prostitute themselves in this manner as a way out of such stinking poverty.

Offline KenC

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« Reply #67 on: February 14, 2005, 07:34:56 AM »
[user=150]300spartans[/user] wrote:
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 Second time around, I decided to show em my assets - a photo of my house. What a difference this made in my attractiveness to FSUW. Turns out I was a pretty desirable guy. Sorry if my cynicism is showing, but these were my experiences based on meeting about thirty five women during my first two visits to Ukraine. Only the last ten got the photo treatment.
Quote
This is kind of a two edged sword.  On one hand the want the woman to know your ability to provide a good life for her (only right) and on the other, you do not want her to base her decision mainly on your finances.  The fact of the matter is that this stuff is all very basic.  A man will most always be attracted to youth and beauty whereas a woman will most always be attracted to a good provider.  It is human nature.
Quote
Though also, I had relaxed and was less anxious to find a wife and instead just wanted to enjoy myself. This attitude change changed everything in my favour.  

My guess is that your attitude probably had more impact than your photos.  Too many guys force things with marriage in mind, rather than just being themselves.
Quote

 The chances of my marriage lasting five years are probably less than 50% but I am going to give it my best shot and enjoy every day of the attempt. Also, the prenup we will sign will reduce the financial rewards of her leaving, or trading up. I also have had financial setbacks even while still in the FSU and have always discussed these with my UW fiancé. Rightly or wrongly, my policy was to be honest right from the start. With my UW, this has paid dividends, though some FSUW are not so open and honest so this can be a pitfall. My UW claims she cannot understand money matters.
Quote
I only wish you the best of luck.  It sounds as though you are doing all the right things.  Not all RW are motivated by money.
Quote

 Essentially I agree with your idea about some men being flawed [/size]except for one point. FSUW are smart and they know men and what men want. So, why were these FSUW women attracted to, and even marry, these "controling & insecure men"?

 To partly answer my own question. My own UW met only one other WM, according to her. He was much more wealthy than me, but she did not like him (nor he her). So she had the choice of just two WM in several months. In the West, she now has an available pool of thousands if not millions single and married men.
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I do know that you will not have a chance in hell of having a solid marriage if you worry too much about such things.  Look at it this way: You take your best shot at making a reasonable decision, protect yourself from being taken advantage of and then make the best of it.  Any marriage is a risk.
Quote
Without a doubt, some FSUW women choose and marry substandard men (to them) but have no intention of staying with them a day longer than necessary. The numbers of these women may be higher than the circles you move in.

Same goes for less intelligent and wealthy WM. I know one such man. He is short and he is not intelligent and he does not have money. He is a nice guy with a pleasant personality and he speaks and reads Russian after spending half of every year in the FSU. Yet a Moscow woman married him moved West and lived with him for three years in his less wealthy suburb. At the end of that time she married one of her co-workers, who had ocean views and a Porsche in the garage. Do you think that she left him because he was a controlling & insecure man?

A scammer is a scammer is a scammer.  The same things (trading up or bailing out) can and do happen every day with AW.
Quote

Maybe one reason some married WM become controlling and insecure is because he knows or suspect something about his FSUW. An example would be the unfortunate man who has married a flirt of any nationality.
Quote
I disagree with the "flirt" comment.  Most women love attention.  A lot of RW are flirts.  That is a lesson they learned well back in Russia.  Being a flirt does not necessarily mean unfaithful.  In marrying a much younger woman, the guy has to have rather thick skin and not be prone to jealousy.  She is young and hot and certainly will draw attention once she arrives here.  My experience is that most AM just do not know how to handle such gorgous women and some tend to make fools of themselves.
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KenC
You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies-Thomas Jefferson

Offline Photo Guy

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« Reply #68 on: February 14, 2005, 09:11:19 AM »
300 Spartans,
I am not used to writing to so many people at once.  ..300?
Anyway, I just gotta say something about the 'flirting' thang.
I love flirts. There's an art to it. It's just shallow fun.
I find women who flirt are more interesting and often
more intelligent than other women. It shows me also that
they are comfortable with being 'sexy'. Here in the US, most
women do not flirt. That's too bad. I guess it can make
some men feel insecure, but there isn't necessarily a
connection between unfaithfulness and flirting.
I appreciate women who can have fun with their sexuality.
The opposite extreme is way too serious for me.  -doug L.

Offline BC

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« Reply #69 on: February 14, 2005, 09:24:21 AM »
[user=134]Photo Guy[/user] wrote:
Quote
It shows me also that
they are comfortable with being 'sexy'. Here in the US, most
women do not flirt. That's too bad. I guess it can make
some men feel insecure, but there isn't necessarily a
connection between unfaithfulness and flirting.


Don't do like I did in a previous non AW woman.. flirting was fun but we ended up trying to outdoo each other and ended up  flirting ourselves right out of the relationship.

OTOH sitting around watching your mate flirt around gets old quick.

She will get enough attention without even trying so best to leave it at that imho.

Offline Photo Guy

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« Reply #70 on: February 14, 2005, 07:16:09 PM »
Yeah, I see what you mean.
Flirting with each other is a good thing.
Flirting with another person outside of the relationship
is not a good thing.   -doug L.

Offline Son of Clyde

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Large age difference
« Reply #71 on: March 06, 2005, 10:00:43 AM »
I'm not married yet. Hopefully before the end of summer. :)

My fiance is 20 years younger and it does not bother her at all. :cool:

I spent a lot of time worrying about my weight and toning down and now she tells me she likes fat men. Now I have to gain 120 pounds before she arrives. :shock:

 

Offline Elen

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Large age difference
« Reply #72 on: March 06, 2005, 10:18:59 AM »
Quote
My fiance is 20 years younger and it does not bother her at all

... yet:?

Offline Turboguy

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Large age difference
« Reply #73 on: March 06, 2005, 11:22:58 AM »
I think I had better keep my mouth shut about the age difference between my fiancee and I.   She is older than my grandkids though.

Offline Jack

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Large age difference
« Reply #74 on: March 06, 2005, 11:35:29 AM »
There are several guys on this board who are happily married to ladies from 18 to 23 years older than themselves.

And I think each of those happily married guys will say that this is the exception, not the norm.

If a man will take his time, think with the right head, he can probably find the type of loving woman he had always (or first-dreamed) of.

Elen is from the old school that all Russian women who marry older men are out to use them and leave them.

 

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