Large age difference

[Turboguy]

I can relate to that Ken.   My primary target was to find a gal older than the one I found too.    Sometimes things just happen. 

I was actaully in the engaged catagory without even knowing how old my gal was.   I never asked and she never told me.   The first I knew her age was when she sent me the 325 form for our visa.   I had guessed she was within a year of what she turned out to be.   Actually I was falling in love with her before I even saw a photo or knew her age.   She was sending me instant messages on her cell phone and I was getting hooked on her personality, thoughts, sense of humor and ideas about life and things.    I had made up my mind I wanted to visit her but had not bought the tickets yet when she got a friend to e-mail me some photos.   Once I saw the photos I couldn't wait for the visit.  Once I made the visit I was totally hooked.

[Turboguy]

PS. Ken,  I have a bigger age difference than you do and I still don't think that matters.

[Jack]

Same here Ken. I put a self imposed 12 year maximum age difference on the women I was seeing. The first ladies I met were 10-12 years younger. It did not take long to realize that on average most Russian women had a few years maturity on her American counterpart, such as a Russian woman of 24 or 25 being at about the maturity level of an American woman 27 or 28 (and don't even talk about the overall difference in appearance!).
 
So before long I had extended by self imposed maximum age difference to 15 years.
 
Although I cannot say this to newby's and men with little experience, with men who have met several Russian women I can honestly say to them, and do, "When you meet her, you will know it". 
 
When I met her she happened to be 20 years younger. Do I recommend men to seek ladies who are 20 years younger than themselves? No, and the reason is that successful marriages with this many years age difference are the exception, not the norm. It takes two special individuals to make such relationships work.

[Turboguy]

I can second what you said about when you meet her you will know.  I have met a lot of Russian gals.  I met ones that were nice and I enjoyed their company.  I met ones that were very beautiful and I could have spent a lot of time admiring them.  I met ones that were sexy and definately were desirable gals.  I met some that would have meshed well with my life style.  

When I met Luda is just sort of seemed that we were perfect for each other.  It just seemed right.   That does not mean that she can't drive me crazy sometimes with her hard head and unique way of looking at life.    She is not perfect, but neither am I.  I can't predict the future, but I would not want to be thinking about a future without her. 

[Elen]

И жили они долго и счастливо, и умерли в один:shock: день:?

[Turboguy]

That's funny Elen!!!!

[Elen]

It's not me:D it's the end of all our fairy tales:D

[Son of Clyde]

Gee Ken what are you reading in my statement?

It was not directed at anyone specific.

I have a 20 year difference with my lady.

[OhioGuyRob]

I simply don't accept that you can put some arbitrary age restriction and say 12.25 years is acceptable but 12.26 is not.

I am 46 and I have young children, 3 of them to be specific.  The OLDEST is not yet 10.  Most women even 10 years younger than me have either grown children or children in there late teens.  The percentage of them who want to be actively involved in raising children again is pretty small.  I have a LOT more in common with a woman who has a 6 year old than one who has an 18 year old (or older)  that woman and I are at RADICALLY different places in life.

[Turboguy]

I agree with you totally.  Of course I have to say that.  My kids are older than my fiancee.   I think everyone is different in their needs and the way they are.   I think too that a lot of FSU gals are much more mature than American gals the same age. 

[jb]

Turboguy,

Good luck, long term.  I think you are kidding yourself, but good luck anyway.

You seem to have allied yourself with the thinking of TigerPaws, he is so wrong.  I will be around when the empire falls apart. All the Pre-nupt's in the world won't help you when the judge rules it's not in the interest of the vows of marriage, she's too young, too uneducated, and hasn't the English skills to descern the subtle differences in a legal document like this.   You just don't know what awaits you while you think you are so safe.

Better move to a "community property state", establish residence. and declare pre-maritial property.  That way you can protect pre-marriage property.

My kids are older than my fiancee.

God~! How sick is this?

Some of these guys are so out of touch, I hope the newbie is smart enough to figure this stuff out.

[OhioGuyRob]

Amen to that.....  Life is a LOT more difficult there than it is here.  Women have to put up with things that most americans cant even concieve of.    Huge disparity in pay, sexual harassment that goes far beyond what is defined as harassment in the US.   A system of justice that doesnt enforce child support.  They often are litterally fending for themselves, by themselves.  This makes them very strong, self relient and they dont have time to feel sorry for themselves.

Inspite of all of this, they remain wonderful, feminine, giving, caring women.  The good ones (non scamers) just want to love and be loved by a good man.  Imagine that!

 

[Turboguy]

Hi JB,

We shall see.   I think any realtionship like we do has a risk of falure.  Frankly I don't think my gal has much of an idea how much I do or don't have.   She knows I have a business but not much more.  I am sure with me running over every 6 weeks she knows I am not  the poorest guy around, but I don't think it is a case of me having bought her.

As far as the pre-nup goes.  Originally I was one of those romantic types and did not want one myself.    It is something I am going to do and going to try to do properly but preserving my assets is not something that is that big a deal for me.  It is only money.   I am not worried abot feeling safe.  Thanks for the advice.  I appreciate it but am happy where I live. 

[jb]

Turboguy,

Frankly, I don't think it's a good idea to keep the FSU woman in the dark about assets.  You say she has no idea as to what you have, or don't have. I suspect it would be a perfect reason to throw a pre-nupt out the window if you decieve her up front. A wife has the right to know, and should know, exactly what she's getting into. Don't lie about this.

Your lawyer should advise you on this, if he has advised you to lie, I'd fire him in a heartbeat.

We have already figured out TigerPaws, don't fall into the same trap.

[Turboguy]

Thanks JB.  I appreciate the comments and suggestions.  No, I am not going to hide anything from her.   She doesn't seem to have much interest in what I have and It has never come up.   I would not hide things from her.   Actually there are some things I wan't to talk with her about on this subject when I see her next week.

Actually I am going to have to find a new lawyer to do the pre-nup.   Mine does not do family law. 

[jb]

Turbo,

Then she is just "unexposed", probably has no idea of what she's getting into. But that's no excuse to take advantage of her.  

Please explain it all to her before the "I do's".

[Jack]

Turbo, what is the age difference, not sure, something like 35 years, is that right?

And I thought I discovered the fountain of youth.

Here is the way I look at it. Those are a lot of years. For the marriage to last five years I think has about a 2% chance. But if it last 1 year, if it last 2 years and they were good years, then who is to say it was not worth it.

Look, if we live to be 60, or 70 or 80 years of age in the grand scheme of things we are here for a very short time. If you or any person can get 1, 2, 3 good years with someone in your life, so be it. If you can get 5, 10 years, even better.

I think the adds are really against you with so many years but if you get one, two good years, then you can laugh at your critics, although I think it is all of our goals to try to build a lasting relationship. And I will say again as I have said before, if my marriage of over 5 years ends next week, they were the best damned five years I had and I would do it again in a heart beat.

[Turboguy]

Thank you JB, I will,  I don't plan on keeping her in the dark.   I don't have enough liquid assets to hide anything offshore or onshore.   I have assets but they are mostly in my business and some real estate.   She is going to be helping out some in my business if she wants to so she will have a perfectly good idea of everything before she takes any big plunges.   I am a very above board guy.

[Turboguy]

Yep, right on Jack.   People can be the same age and still not work out.   My whole life I have dated gals 20 and 30 years younger and never had the age diffence seem to have much effect.   If it works fine.  If it doesn't well that is the breaks of the game. 

There are things that bother me but the age difference is not one of them. 

 

[anono]

as far as pre-nupts go, you have to be sure the lady has her own lawyer, that there is a certified tranlator involved and her lawyer will be sure she understands whatever she is signing. if you use your lawyer as her lawyer "poof", down the drain your pre-nupt goes, it's a conflict of interest.

while any contract can be challenged in court, if she has her own attorney, preferably one fluent in russian and english, and it can be proven she understood what she was signing, then it makes it a very difficult challenge.

[BC]

anono.. go get m@rr!ed!

[Turboguy]

Thank you for the advice Anono.   I think a Russian speaking lawyer might be hard to find around here but I should be able to find a translator and will make sure she understands what she is signing.

BC is right, good luck on finding the right woman.  We want to see you here posting visa and prenup questions.

[anono]

i'm working on it!  ;-)

[Turboguy]

I don't really think my gal thinks too much about money or is too money oriented.  I had been talking about working on my house and putting in a new bathroom.  Today she basically asked me if I owned the house I was working on or rented it.   Actually how she worded it was "Is it your house you work on or is it your masters?"   I thought her choice of vocabulary was funny.   I should have written back and said I don't have a master but that will change when we get married.

One of the many things that conviced me that my gal was not too money oriented or out to see what she could get is one time towards the end of my first trip we had been running around and she was dropping me off and going home in the cab that we had come back from dinner in.   I asked her how much she needed for the cab and she said she did not know.   I handed her 500 roubles and she looked at it for a second and handed it back and said, that is too much, give me 200. 

I really don't think she has much idea what I have or don't have and I don't really think she cares.   I have tried to tell her some but I think money issues are so different there that it goes right over her head.

[jb]

Turbo

Is Jack onto something here?  35+ years??  Are you really that much older than her?

I guess I'm just too old fashioned.

Down here in Texas we'd call you a sex offender and make you drive around with pink license plates.