Age Gaps - A different perspective

[jb]

T/G,

I absolutely love this thread.

To borrow a phrase from an old song.  *Old Folks Boogie*, lyrics by
Paul Barrere, and Gabriel Paul Barrere..."Your mind is writing checks your body can't cash". 

[Zmejka]

Zmejka, comparable in what way?

I didn't meant to say that russian women are in any way better than asian or others. I wanted to stress that in asian culture women are usually more submissive to men, due to the way they were brought up, that's why having a husband who is a lot older could be not so uncommon. So i find this comparison of relationships between AM-RW and AM-AW (asian) not relevant.

[Zmejka]

No, not DonAz.   There is another Don

I think here're the posts of that Don, in 2 threads
http://www.russianmeetingplace.com/forums/showthread.php?p=9141#post9141

http://www.russianmeetingplace.com/forums/showthread.php?p=13534#post13534

[Turboguy]

Thanks Zmejka,  That is the same Don but not the posts I saw.  He also has some at RWG.

I won't disagree that RW have a little different mentality than Asian women but from a standpoint of are there couples with similar or more age difference there are a lot of those marriages with even more age difference which is what I was referring to in my post.

Thanks jb.  Both my mind and my body are doing fine.  I thought we were questioning my mind here more than my body.

Thanks Viking.  Nice comments.  Well except for the suggestion that VWRW should ride a camel topless.  She was giving the locals enough of a thrill as it was. 

Ken, I can understand your point of view and I have never said what I am doing is right for everyone and I would not encourage others to do it.  I do think it is right for me.  I do think it is right for VWRW.  That is what is important.

Without going back through the threads I think it was you who commented that I went on the tour and met older ladies and ended up with VWRW who was young.  The age had nothing to do with anything.  If The inner part of VWRW was transplanted into one of the older ladies and vice versa that is who I would be involved with.   I fell for VWRW without regard to her age one way or the other not because of it.   I don't even think about her age. 

My thoughts are that if you think age was the reason I will say this.  A woman can be very attractive at 25 or 35 or 45.  I see older women who are as pretty as younger ones and have figures that are equally good.  Young women often loose their beauty very quickly.  One who is still attractive at 40 will likely still be attractive at 50.  Seeking a younger woman would usually be for her beauty, or because you wanted to have children which VWRW does not.   I fell for VWRW because she is VWRW, not because of her age, her beauty or her figure.   It seems like everyone here finds that hard to believe.  I think those who can't believe it are confusing love and lust.   I am in love not lust.

[Gator]

T/G,

I do not know your story because I went a year without reading forums and rarely opened RWD (my loss).  The more I read the more I see a pattern. 

You may make comments to justify the relationship to yourself, yet please do not try to deceive us that age does not matter to you.  If you would just say that you are driven towards young women (but need more than youth and beauty), I could be more supportive.  It is after all your personal choice and I am not here to judge people’s choices, only to learn from you (and be amused too, which you are accomplishing very well).


In reading the thread about age difference on the forum cited by Zmejka, I note:


1.  There was your ex-fiancee: “My former fiancee who was here last year for 89 days was 34 years younger than me.”

2.  Before your ex-fiancee: “there was another gal I was pretty interested in before I met my fiancee was 22 so that would have been a 40 year difference."

3.  After the ex-fiancee but before your First Dream tour, “If I end up with who I hope I will and think I will, the difference will be exactly the same [35 years]. Well, technically 4 months more. I am off to Russia tommorrow with high hopes.” (March 2006)

4.  I do not know what happened between March and September, yet I do know in September you did the First Dream tour of several cities of Ukraine and met many, many women 20 years or more younger than you.  Although these many women are relatively young and more age appropriate, somehow none interested you enough to follow-up.

5.  Soon after the First Dream tour, you go to Russia again and meet VWRW (38 year difference).  And


Here is what else you wrote in that thread:

“go on any dating site and check out the older gals. these gals look great at 25 but don't age that well. I won't say you can't find an attractive older gal. There are a few. Heck find yourself a nice one about 20-30 years younger and by the time they turn into a babuska your eyesight is so bad you won't know it.”

“As I said, us old farts who are chasing young things are too hard headed to worry about what anyone thinks anyway. We're hopeless to be honest about it ….”

Now why can you be completely honest and direct with the members at  Russian meeting Forum and then tell us at RWD in your above post,  “… age had nothing to do with anything.”?

There is nothing to confess.  There is nothing to apologize for in saying that you are captivated by young women.  It is clear that you need more than youth, and in VWRW you have intelligence, beauty, optimism, creativity, visionary thinking and many other desirable traits.  But I doubt you would have ever opened her profile if she were 40.

I know I would be more receptive if there were less BS. And I am the first to admit that I would probably never date anyone my age (Mr. Happy would have trouble).

[William3rd]

Holy Sheis- I KNOW the other Don. . . . I met his wife, too, in August of this year.

What a small world!!!!!

I also know their current situation. Still married but. . . .

[KenC]

Gator,
Thank you very much for explaining what I was so poorly attempting to do!

Turbo,
It is OK to be honest here.  It seems as though you found a great woman in VWRW and she fits you youthful criteria too.

William,
Now you get back here and spill it!
KenC

[vwrw]

Holy Sheis- I KNOW the other Don. . . . I met his wife, too, in August of this year.

What a small world!!!!!

I also know their current situation. Still married but. . . .

William, please, could you be so kind to tell me what after but?

[Turboguy]

Wow Gator, you did a through job of researching my posts.

You are right and you are wrong Gator.   This is covering so many different areas that it is hard to know where to start and some of the real answers involve things are more than I care to share with the board.  I am pretty open about my experiences but everyone has their limits.  

First a few side notes about your comments.  

1.  Some of my comments that you are quoting were somewhat tongue in cheek.

2.  The story of what happened with "I am off for Moscow with high hopes" has never been told on RWD.   It would be the ultimate lesson in why no one in their right mind should ever do a WOVO.  It was by far the biggest disaster of my search for a RW.  I have shared it with VWRW and a few of the members here privately.  Probably the circumstances have changed enough that I could share now it so when it fits somewhere and I have some spare time, I may do that.   It would probably fit into this thread quit well.

3.  There were things that happened in that gap among them were things that led to a rethinking of my priorities.   There was one trip planned that I had to cancel do to a health problem which was to meet a number of ladies including the one who had a lot of promise who was now 23 (I had met her once a month before I met my previous fiancee) as well as a 45 year old and a 40 year old.

4.  At the time I went on Jack's trip I was writing to VWRW.  I had reached the point where she seemed like she could very likely be the person I really had hoped to find but mainly because of the "I am on my way to Moscow with high hopes" trip I did not want to let me expectations get too high before we actually met.  I had reached the point in my feelings for her where I had stopped contacting anyone new and had greatly reduced the other gals I was writing to.  I basically went on Jack's trip with a strong feeling that VWRW would turn out to be the one for me.   I was half hearted in my efforts.  I looked on the gals I was meeting as plan "B" if things did not work out when I met VWRW.  My lack of anything on that trip had nothing whatsoever to do with the ages of the ladies.  

When I said you were wrong, I did not mean you were way off in left field so much as there was just a little more to the story.   Now let me talk about the things you were right on.

Through most of my life I have often dated younger women.  When I was 45 my insanely jealous girlfriend Vickie was 21.  We were together for 3 1/2 years.   Most of the gals I dated after her were between 21 and at the oldest 29.   That was when I was 50 or so.   So, yes, you are right, I am attracted to younger women.  I am sure I am not the only guy who feels that way.  

The part that has not been said was the I had made up my mind this year to put less emphasis on age.   Age difference does not bother me.  I have never felt it created a problem in a relationship.  Both Luda and VWRW have said they did not notice the differences in ages.   I had started to write some gals who were older.  I am not saying there was still not an age difference but not quite as big.  Contrary to my comments you quoted there are some attractive older gals.  

With VWRW I just found something very special and a relationship I never dreamed possible.  He age is immaterial to me.    As I have said before I was not attracted to her because of her age.  I was just attracted to her and found the person I dreamed of finding.  Her age was a non issue one way or the other.   I was perfectly content to find a 35 or 40 or 45 year old woman when I met her.  Had things not worked out with VWRW the three from Jack's trip that I may have gone back to follow up on were 32, 36 and 40.  It was not that I did not pick them because they were older.  32 and 27 are not that much different.   Incidentally had I gone back the order of my interests would have been the 40 then the 32 then the 36.  (My only reason for mentioning that is to point out the one I liked the best of them was actually the oldest.)  I hope this clarifies things a bit.  

[Turboguy]

Sounds like Don is having problems.   Oh well, it happens sometimes.  Tell us more.

[Gator]

Turbo,
I appreciate the candor.

I did not purposefully hunt for witches.  It jumped out as I read the age thread at the other forum.  Guess what, they said the same thing that has been said here one million times, just different men except for you.

[William3rd]

In brief- his wife is one of the sexiest women that I ever met. An interesting mix of Asia and Europe-mostly Asia. She really floated my boat. She could have had any man at the wedding if she were interested but was always hovering near her husband.

The problem that I saw is with her husband. Basically- the stated attitude was "#)%$ her, I can go back to Bishkek and get another one."

He said several unkind things in front of her, wouldnt dance with her, and seemed to be kind of a jerk. However, he was really a nice guy with everybody else.

[Turboguy]

He sounds like a jerk.  I don't know why when someone is lucky enough to find someone really special they don't apprecaite it.   I hope he gets a little smarter. 

[IAmZon]

I have been gone for for 5 days, and I thought about logging into this thread I started and seeing just 3 - 5 posts ... one can never tell.

My intention here was to advance a DIFFERENT kind of discussion on the topic of age gaps that is USUALLY written here.  I hoped it would be a carry over from a real word discussion I had the night before. KUNA's remarks on long term compatibility is a solid contribution. COMPATIBILITY is the broader theme to which age is but a part.

I hope to make one last observation that may similarly hit the mark:

I have just spent four days in the Carebean where I intermingled with many foreign ladies - it apparently has become a passion of mine:) My activities were within the tourism industries ... so Russians; Germans; English; French; and, of course, Dominican where all present. And my introductions were greatly accelerated because of the unique social framework I enjoyed.

My hobby was about "Russian Women", so I was eager to hang out with this group.  But in this particular mix, the outcome was only so-so (the flavor vanilla comes to mind). It did not take long, however, before I met Isabell from Canada who's eyes where so blue that I quite litterally dove into them.  And then Janet from the Dominican; and then Genny from England.

And NOT ONCE did I even think about "age gaps", "league", and the many other pre-condictions that are over-exaggerated in importance to the American mind. 

At the outset of my "Russian Women journey," I have been particularly preoccupied about being on target. The truth?  Where do I fit into?  I see now that my thinking was very uptight and foolish! 

These considerations are in the same category as "keeping up with the Jones".  There very existence is a product of how one's activities, behaviours, and beliefs are CONFORMING to the group.  Gentlemen ... that does it for me! 

Indeed it is all about how initial attraction becomes compatibility.  It is an unique and individual human relationship between a man dnd woman whose circumstance is beyond the reach of generalizations and amature social science.

[Gator]

Rivardco,

If you are saying that there is no mathematical equation to explain why two particular people fall in love, then I agree.   

Isabel from Canada.     The French Canadians are fun people, some of the best in the world. 

[KenC]

rivardco,
When you were trying to find your way to consider what your target group would be in the Russian community, you were uninformed and inexperienced.  You were using the only criteria that you knew: how thing work in your country and culture.  Even though there is some overlap for sure, there is a different set of priorities and considerations in Russia.
 Age is one of those differences.  Does a RW want a man close to her age? Probably most do, but they will also consider an older man and some may even prefer an older man.  Most AW would neither consider or prefer an older man.

My son is 27 years old and extremely successful.  He has acquired a very comfortable lifestyle at an early age.  He is a Good looking and charming young man.  The young AW are standing in line and taking numbers for him.  My Russian wife and I have had many a conversation about his situation in life with regard to dating and relationships.  She looks upon him as a very young boy even though they are only a few years difference in their ages.  She once said "I would have nothing to talk about with a guy that age!"

We have a 26 year old UW friend.  She is beautiful, educated and sophisticated.  She came to America on a student visa arranged by a UM living in this area.  He was in his late 40's and died suddenly from cancer.  That left this girl alone, unattached and very available in the open dating market here.  She was not hurting for money as she was left well provided by her dead boyfriend.  OK total up her assets: beautiful, young, not hurting for money, no need for visa, educated, sophisticated, very good personality, and if I had to guess, a wild woman in the sack.  She could have any man she wanted from the age of 17 on up.  She dated men mostly in their 40's but even had a relationship with a 65 year old.  She recently married a guy in his mid 40's that is living a very mediocre life style.  She was attracted to his charm no doubt, but more to his intelligence and worldliness.  Tell me what 26 year old AW with similar assets that would do this?
KenC

[Photo Guy]

KenC, that makes sense. There seems to be a cultural component to a RW/UW's acceptance of a husband who is quite a bit older. I have known women in the US who also feel that way, but there aren't very many of them to be found.

[David1963]

The problem that I saw is with her husband. Basically- the stated attitude was "#)%$ her, I can go back to Bishkek and get another one."

And I would suspect he will be doing that in the future once she wises up to his attitude.

[El Rock]

El Rock,
You have no idea how foolish your statements are.  Turbo and I have been here for a long long time, me from this forums inception.  You have been here for what? A week or two?  You have no clue as to the back history of what we are speaking of here and yet you are going to tell us how to run this board? Give me a break.  If you don't like a thread, don't read it and let Dan worry about his bandwidth, OK?

I got a chuckle out of your "jealousy" accusation too.  But in making such a ridiculous statement you show your true ignorance of the facts in this thread.  Please take the time and really look at my avatar and tell me what I have to be jealous of?

As for the other forum you suggested; been there done that and have a long history there too(up until getting banned for speaking my mind)  It is you, my fine fellow, whose posting style would fit better there than here.  Stay here and enjoy a more mature attitude that is usually displayed here as opposed to "there", but also know what it is you are speaking of before you start to criticize.
KenC

Kenny , lover of little girls , YOU are the one of commented on my post , so , at should apply to you first , old man  .

Are you one of them "internet board bullies " ?
Well , are ya ?
Classic red neck .
Your  FSU wife should be proud of you .

Are we having fun yet ?

Rock

[jb]

Are you one of them "internet board bullies " ?
Well , are ya ?
Classic red neck .

No, Rocky, I claim that title.  KenC is one of the good guys around here.  I am not.  Just so you know who is going to pick a fight with you if you step over the line.

[Mod1]

El Rock,

 I suggest you refrain from any more posts such as this. It is uncalled for and quite low class. While you may think you are being quite witty recently, in truth, you are not and it needs to and will stop.

Thank you.
 Mod1

[jb]

aw, Mod 1, you are spoilin' my fun here.  I'd love to wring him out, hang him from the highline, and expose his ignorance for the world to see.  Although I doubt my friend KenC needs much defending.  The Rock just doesn't know what a tight bunch we are.  So far he's trippin' my troll meter pretty good.  Why don't you just leave him to me, I need a new project.  I'm getting real tired of the board being all about the dumb stuff T/G does.

[William3rd]

A little more on the 70/26- wife works full time, they live in a trailer-doublewide, of course- and have a room mate who shares expenses. Nice clothes, car, and jewelry, though. . . . he bragged about how if she divorced him, she would have to pay support

He has a friend who is married to a SPB girl-new baby. He thinks she is cheating bc she is not interested in sex. Her story is that she gets up early, gets the baby ready for daycare, makes him breakfast, works all day, brings the baby home, cooks dinner, and he shows up when he wants. She wants counselling and he wont go. etc etc.

But but but- the age difference is only 14 years. . . . .

as for me- first wife- same age AW- I divorced-just didnt work out. Second wife- Thai- 10 years younger-loved money more than family. SHe works round the clock and will probably die a millionaire. But our son hates her.

third wife- wait until my book comes out next year

[jb]

A little more on the 70/26-

Do you mean he's 70 and she's 26?

[Son of Clyde]

aw, Mod 1, you are spoilin' my fun here.  I'd love to wring him out, hang him from the highline, and expose his ignorance for the world to see.

I think the torch is being passed to a newer set of guys who could debate you to the end. I would love to see someone out debate jb. I have no intentions to try because it is rather childish. Sometimes the older you get the more childish you get.