How long would you like your relations to be developed?

[Nat]

Ok, comment for the poll First of all, please feel free to ask me questions if you don’t understand, what I mean with the question of the poll, because I feel that my English is not brilliant
Second, why do I post this poll? The matter is that I heard different opinions on this issue from both W men and FSU women. As I can see, this question is quite vital on this forum too. I personally had quite a negative experience with this issue (we had different points of view on it, as you can guess )... So I would really like to know your opinions Let’s try to make it a little bit more clear

[BillyB]

My little head say I want to serious relations to develop as soon as possible but my big head tells me to make sure I know her well enough.

Nat, could you please tell us what FSU women are saying on this issue since you've heard their opinions already?

[Fester5]

Nat,

O.K. I'll jump in and be the first one to give my opinion.

If I understand your question correctly, my answer would be a couple of months.

I say that because I think that you can learn a lot about a person from sending letters. I also think that there is something romantic about it too. (I'm a hopeless romantic, I already know that.  ) You can learn a lot about a person and after a few letters you might learn something about someone that you didn't know. That information might lead you to believe that this might not be the one? (Does that make sense?  ???) I'll give you an example. A good friend of mine told me about her friend back in Kyiv and gave me her address. We wrote together a few times and then she mentioned to me that she had a cat and that she loved cats. Well, for me that doesn't work because I am allergic to cats. We talked about it for a while and she didn't want to give them up. So, we parted ways. If I would have got one letter from her, then fly directly to Kyiv to meet her, I would have been a little disappointed. In the end, it worked out very well because I did meet up with her when I was in Kyiv and she took me around the town. It was fun.

Back to your question. My other point is that if you are not planning a trip to the Ukraine until November, but you start writing in January, that leaves you a lot of time in between there. You never know what could happen.

I hope that answers your question.  

Cheers,
Fes

P.S. By the way, I think your English is pretty good. Much better than my Russian right now.  

[Nat]

My little head say I want to serious relations to develop as soon as possible but my big head tells me to make sure I know her well enough.

Hehe, the question is – which of them to listen to, isn’t it?

Nat, could you please tell us what FSU women are saying on this issue since you've heard their opinions already?

Well, I can tell of course, but the matter is that everything depends on a person. Some people take decisions quickly and some need a lot of time to consider everything. I know two completely different opinions: one girl was upset that her bf wanted to get married as soon as possible, the other wasn’t happy that her bf still didn’t propose, though she thought they knew each other quite well. So, there’s no universal solution

I say that because I think that you can learn a lot about a person from sending letters. I also think that there is something romantic about it too. (I'm a hopeless romantic, I already know that.  )
You can learn a lot about a person and after a few letters you might learn something about someone that you didn't know.

True I think it's much easier to learn each other via email, because it's a more comfortable way to share opinions, thoughts, likes and dislikes... I mean not only romantic relations, but also friendship in generall. Of course, it's only my opinion, someone can dissagree

That information might lead you to believe that this might not be the one? (Does that make sense?  ???)

Absolutely.

I hope that answers your question.  

Thank you for sharing your story Yes, it answers it completely

P.S. By the way, I think your English is pretty good. Much better than my Russian right now.  

[jinx13]

 Nat,

 I answered "as long as it takes to get to know her very well"  I don't think marriage is something to rush into, we are talking about marriage right? I was married before to an American woman, we did not live together before marriage because we were trying to be proper as she came from a strict family. This was a big mistake, it became obvious we had many more problems when we lived together, things were fine when we were dating, but when it comes to daily life and problems you must face together, it's a different story, you get to see the 'real' person.

 Unfortunately most men that are searching for a woman in Russia/Ukraine don't have the option to live with the woman, most of the time they must make a decision on marriage after only meeting the girl a few times. Men with higher income and flexible time off from work can spend more time, they are the lucky ones. Some even move to the girl's home country for a few months and get to know her better this way, this is an ideal situation, but doesn't happen very often.

 I am lucky that I met my g/f in the U.S., she is Ukrainian but has a visa and Green Card, she doesn't need to marry to live here so we don't have that pressure, well except from family and friends, but that's normal    We have been together over a year, and have lived together for 3 months now. We are both very happy, but no marriage plans at the moment. We are still getting to know each other, even after a year we are learning and living in the same house you learn a lot!    

 As long as it takes, in my opinion there is no timeline for love and marriage, it's different for all people. I hope I answered some of your questions   poka - David

[I/O]

I can't see any clear single answer to this question and I wouldn't be surprised if the opinions of the FSU ladies might be slightly skewed by the calibre of men they have seen or met from western countries. (Yes perhaps a self evident statement) But I think there is quite a few guys who visit the FSU creating the impression they wish to marry imediately.  I am not sure if this is in fact the case or if many of these guys are to an extent playing games.

I'm fairly patient with most things and this exercise was no different in the initial stages.  At the end of the day, even if the embassy proceeds as expected (Still waiting for a final answer) it will be at least nine months after initial meeting before mine and I are married and the initial meeting was nine months after intitial letter communication commenced. I suspect mine and I have been fortunate enough to perhaps have more time together than many do in this process having now had several periods of time together.

For some, I guess this would seem slow, but of course I was married before and although would like to be again, (Obviously) I am quite comfortable in my own skin and therefore was and am in no rush.  Fortunately my partner is also fairly patient and it is an amicable situation.

Another influencing factor is time and distance.  Certainly, there would be few who travel to the FSU from greater distance than I, but I do have an advantage of more than average available vacation time, thus I can and have made several trips and in so doing have figured out some less travelled routes which make it slightly easier.

That is just one insight.

I/O

[Zhena]

Many girls are disappointed and give up only because a man thinks too long time. Most of the girls I asked sure that if the man likes them,he will decide everything in the first meeting already. Of course,he may take some more trips to see her,but the girls expecting for the promises and future plans. Otherwise,they dont see a sense to waste their time.

[IAmZon]

Physical attraction may last an instant and blow away. A long term partnership takes time to be validated.

We think (hope) the best, but that needs to be verified with time and experience.  And the mixture of the two is always going to give a different solution.  One pair may come together and share a "knowing" rather quickly.  Another match may progress in a more practical way.  It takes all kinds

[Nat]

Thanks for sharing opinions

Many girls are disappointed and give up only because a man thinks too long time. Most of the girls I asked sure that if the man likes them,he will decide everything in the first meeting already. Of course,he may take some more trips to see her,but the girls expecting for the promises and future plans. Otherwise,they dont see a sense to waste their time.

Yes, you formulated it just perfectly, 100% true If there are no clear plans and intentions from the first dating, it will for sure disappoint most of women.
May be I told it in a little bit wrong way, because that girl who I was talking about (who was upset because of a rush) was upset because they never met and exchanged several mails before he proposed, so it was kind of illogical.
But after there is a mailing and finally a real life contact, of course it’s better to decide if you are going to develop relations with this very person or you are going to continue your search…

[Globetrotter]

Well, as long as it takes.  We've known each other for over a year and have spent 6 weeks together in England and here, as she has a business visa.  She'll come again soon for 2 weeks and I'll go home with her for a week.  We have a great attraction and chemistry and share thoughts and ideas.  We say..."We'll see maybe in another year, maybe sooner."  There's so much to discuss, and she's never been married.  You can get into lots of trouble marrying the girl next door who you've known all your life, having gone to the same school and church.  This venture is magnitudes more difficult, and the cost of failure can be horrific.  Language, culture, distance, all can breed any number of problems and misunderstandings.  However, optimists here (me too) think the rewards if done right with the right person can be worth the trouble.  Anyway, she and I are on the same page, and in no hurry.   

[Nat]

Hmmm, you know, may be the main question was a little bit too narrow. I was reading the answers and suddenly realized that internet dating is so different from real life dating, that it includes much more options
How long since the first mail should it take to know each other well enough to meet in RL? (it was the question which Fester5 partly answered )
How long since the first RL contact should it take to make a decision to stop communicating with other women (if there are such) and to develop relations only with this woman? (I think that was the question which Zhena answered and I supported in the next message )
How long since taking this decision should it take to actually start serious relations or to propose? (that was the question of the poll )
Complicated, isn’t it?
Anyway, the option “Only after I know her very well - even if it takes a lot of time” is winning now It’s interesting – will something change on the weekend, when there’ll be more visitors and more opinions here

[I/O]

Nat You are quite right, written introductions or in this case internet introductions do offer many more possibilities than "On Street" meeting does.  I am not sure if all of these are good, but they do exist.

I happen to believe that much more of the deeper matters can be learned from written communications, at least in the early stages than can be learned from face to face discussions.  Many will argue otherwise, but I say to them, be honest with yourself.  When there is language barriers, which there often is in international relationships, it is very much easier to spend the time writing a letter and review your words before sending that letter.  Face to face requires a good understanding of each others words as they arrive at first.

Thus, although my fiance' and I had planned to meet long before we actually did, the enforced delay was extremely helpful for us.  Certainly, there was much to learn after meeting and the style of our letters has certainly changed now, mainly because we do know so many details of each other's daily lives. 

I strongly feel and she does also that if we had never had the long period of written communication, we may well have rejected each other early after face to face meeting.  Fortunately, even though we had many trials and tribulations we had that wealth of knowledge and trust to refer back to, which allowed us to work through many issues.  Had it been left until face to face to deal with all of these things, I very much doubt success would have prevailed.

How long? How long is a coil of rope?  For us the decision was pretty much made before meeting although certainly never discussed in those terms.  Meeting for us was more of a case of confirming what we already knew and ensuring there was not something we had completely missed along the way.  Therefore, the final decision to spend our lives together was made quite quickly after face to face time together.  Within a few weeks.

To address the concerns of your friends who say that men sometimes take too long and appear to be not serious.  Yes this is sadly often true.  But another factor that should be considered is that many, maybe more than half of the men who seek a wife from another country have been married before and as such are likely to be very cautious.  Nevertheless, I do think any man should be open and clear with his plans.  Even if those plans are demonstating that the end to end process will take a long time.

Bluntly, the divorce rate in Russia and some other FSU countries is quite high and as such I have noticed  (This is my opinion only) that many FSU couples are far too quick to marry.

My extra 2 cents into this......

I/O

[CaptB]

Q: How long would I take?


A: As "long"..........as it takes.


Capt B

[Zhena]

How long since the first mail should it take to know each other well enough to meet in RL?

Individual-but usually 1-3 months.

How long since the first RL contact should it take to make a decision to stop communicating with other women

Again depends-but usually 2 weeks-a month

How long since taking this decision should it take to actually start serious relations or to propose?

If everything goes well-the guys make a decision to propose on the third meeting or even on the second. On the first meeting its somewhat a hurry
Now,following from my own and others girls experience,I can say that too long relationships usually(not always though) failing.