Negative Impressions at Home

[Kuna]

Last night I had my first experience of negative reactions because of my blossoming relationship with "my girl".

I was at dinner with some friends and a girl I would consider to be one of my best friends passed off a comment about MOB's. I tried to ignore it but a repeat of the comment forced me to state my case and stand my ground...

In hindsight it should have been expected because this girl has often thrown grenades into my "new relationships" (event though we've never had a relationship ourselves) and I suspect it was driven out of jealousy more than anything.

I wonder what other peoples experiences are with negative reactions at home and whether you took the time to prove them wrong or just "wrote off" the "narrow minded ones".

[BillyB]

In hindsight it should have been expected because this girl has often thrown grenades into my "new relationships" (event though we've never had a relationship ourselves) and I suspect it was driven out of jealousy more than anything.

You should ask that woman and ask her if she's jealous in front of everyone.

If a guy listened to and believed all the negative things said to pursuing any kind of relationship, foreign or domestic, he wouldn't be married.

Kuna, if you found a great woman, you will make some of your friends envious and some women jealous. Everybody else will simply be happy for you.

[jb]

Kuna,

I can't answer your question directly since I married in Russia and presented my wife as a "fait accompli", although I will tell you that everyone loved her when they finally met her after the fact.  I wouldn't worry about a few sour grapes from anyone, old g/f's , or old g/f's who never were and maybe wished they were,,, you are the one who has to live with Ms.D if you decide to go that route, not them.  Why sweat it?

Small potatoes in my view

[Vaughn]

  The strongest criticism in our case came quietly, and not publicly, from my younger brother-in-law - he was convinced that practically ALL foreign brides/husbands coming to the land 'o plenty were in it
solely for the green cards - he was speaking from his own observations and out of concern for my daughters and me. We'd been burned badly in a short term 2nd marriage on the rebound back in 1996, and in light of that, I appreciated his candor. There was little point in me trying to prove my case, as we were engaged at that point and moving ahead with our plans. I just thanked him for the input and let it go.

  From co-workers I often heard, "But why Russia?" to which I replied, "because that's where she lives."

[jb]

"But why Russia?" to which I replied, "because that's where she lives."

Good answer...

[timothe]

Last night I had my first experience of negative reactions because of my blossoming relationship with "my girl".

I was at dinner with some friends and a girl I would consider to be one of my best friends passed off a comment about MOB's. I tried to ignore it but a repeat of the comment forced me to state my case and stand my ground...

In hindsight it should have been expected because this girl has often thrown grenades into my "new relationships" (event though we've never had a relationship ourselves) and I suspect it was driven out of jealousy more than anything.

I wonder what other peoples experiences are with negative reactions at home and whether you took the time to prove them wrong or just "wrote off" the "narrow minded ones".

I never had my feelings hurt much in these situations because I was absolutely convinced that my friends were fearful and unadventurous.  My experiences in Russia were so phenomenal (despite the initial "failures") that I couldn't possibly get offended by people who never took the plunge.  I've softened up a bit since then, but I still love to tell my Russia stories to pretty much anyone that would listen to them. 

My current ladyfriend Olga and I once travelled to Kislovodsk for a vacation.  We lived in a sanatorium and everyday, we went out on some excursion, usually by bus.  One day, we were walking with another couple when we ran across a guy who offered horseback rides.  While we were waiting for the horses to return, Olga spotted two very large black horses in the forest, just sorta hanging around.  When she asked why we couldn't ride these horses, the man told us they were wild and could not be ridden.  It was only then that I realized I had never seen a wild horse.

Usually, the MOB talk ends completely after I tell that story and it is replaced by curiosity.     

[Kuna]

In hindsight it should have been expected that this person would say something sooner or later.

This is a "friend" that once told one of my dates she was "too young and too immature for me" while I was out of the room, and then she found out that the girl I was dating was a year older than her BUT looked 10 years younger.

When she made the comment last night (something like...  "I think it's ridiculous you have to go and buy a bride") I reminded her that she also criticises me for being single after 3 years and (in her opinion) after dating too many girls.

I also have no shame for the process I followed because it closely resembles Internet Dating and from what I saw it's impossible to "buy a bride".

Frankly I couldn't give a damn what people think...  I'm big enough and ugly enough to defend my decisions... but I would be furious if my girl gets friction from so called friends at home.

The lingering question in my mind is whether it's best to "dump any offensive friends" or grit my teeth and let my girl prove them wrong when she arrives.

Just thinking out loud,

Kuna

[BillyB]

Dump anybody that would think about sabatoging your relationships.

[Jazzyclassy]

To my mind you should not dump friends. Unless they are crossing the line too much

what your friend did just expressed, as you all here said jealousy and concern and her worry about you

Never let go friends, they knew you before this girl came and capture you, and finally you will live  with her not your friends and , they will change their minds when they see her alive for example, but you should accept their  oppinion!

That means you were friends with them cos they were licking your ass so to say , were always telling things you wanted to hear, and when they suddenly start having their own oppinion which does not go together with yours, you'll dump them??? well that is weak and that means they never were your real friends then

Well that is how I think:)

Ok for example  some of my friends also told me why you have chosen this boy why not russian , look you had so many male russian friends why  this boy in particularly , some of them started to ask these questions too, well I just let them  speak and when they finally met him they liked him a lot, so there is no question , you should be patient with friends
and one more time do not dump them , just cos someone in the forum tells you to do so that is just ridiculous, think yourself finally, well of course if this friend is not stopping and keep telling you only negative then it is necessary  that you should not communicate for sometime but that is just individual cases

[Jazzyclassy]

And yes I actually suppose that my boy's friends also told him such kinda things

just I accept it I understand

You gotta be more understanding and patient really that will do  good and wont lead you to those actions which you will regret

You can not just throw away friends , it is so hard to gain friendship and it takes time to meet them to know them to finally get along with them, you should value your friends:)

[funkola]

That means you were friends with them cos they were licking your ass

That is a real friend!!

[Jazzyclassy]

         That means you were friends with them cos they were licking your ass


That is a real friend!!       

Well I meant you know who always agrees with you , just I like that expression:) I did not mean to hurt anyone

[Muj]

Billy , I agree on supporting your woman and your love.  So far we experience no confronting comments.  Yesterday we attended a ski party some were curious and others polite.  Eventually friends pick each other.  I expect I may lose some friends and met new ones, the result of any change in life.  

[ScottinCrimea]

Sometimes it boils down to a choice and you must choose between offending your acquaintenances and offending your wife.  If yoiu don't choose your wife every time, you don't deserve her.

[Muj]

Obviously

[Jazzyclassy]

well yeah guys it is the easiest way to hurt friends ,

and what if his wife leaves him then what?

Better never do things which you will regret, if she is real caring understanding wife , and amazing friend she will never put him on choice between her and his friends , she will always support him and understand

if she is offended on some stupid statements made by those friends that means she agreed to be something they called her......

[Jazzyclassy]

What if his relatives could express their opinion about her, well not knowing her and it could be negative to him, so what will you advise to  get rid of them too? not to communicate with them too?

[Thor]

Last night I had my first experience of negative reactions because of my blossoming relationship with "my girl".

I was at dinner with some friends and a girl I would consider to be one of my best friends passed off a comment about MOB's. I tried to ignore it but a repeat of the comment forced me to state my case and stand my ground...

In hindsight it should have been expected because this girl has often thrown grenades into my "new relationships" (event though we've never had a relationship ourselves) and I suspect it was driven out of jealousy more than anything.

I wonder what other peoples experiences are with negative reactions at home and whether you took the time to prove them wrong or just "wrote off" the "narrow minded ones".

Your posts are very interesting Kuna. I had the same exsperince as you several times, but only girls make this bad comments to me. The men admire that I go abroad to look for a girl...They think it is very cool. Girls comments that there are so many avaliable singel girls at home, why go abroad to look for a girl...My reponds is that I am looking for a very special girl and that I have high demands for this girl. That upset them a lot of course:)). Then I tell them that the most beautiful girls lives in FSU....I think that the girls are just jeaulous and dont like that local men go abroad to find a wife. They belive that the local girls (very often some of their girlfriends) are not good enough and this makes them very angry..One girl told me that I should not look at only beauty, and that is thrue of course. But this only my choice not her choice....Also I am very proud of my wife and when I meet some of this girls who critise me I always speak about my wife, how nice she is, how beautiful she is and so on. Then they respond that when she comes to Norway they will teach her to be not so nice and teach her about how western girls are...They want her to demand that I do a lot of things in the house (wich I already do of course..), and so on..

[Kuna]

Thor,

I think you're right... it's just jealousy but I'm sure the people that meet my girl will see her sweet nature and startlingly bright mind!

On the topic of "to defend or not defend"... of course I would defend her in every situation.  If people don't understand I can forgive them... if they're rude I wouldn't just wouldn't accept them!

muj made a good point.  Some friends may leave my 'circle" but new ones will come. 

Kuna

[Jazzyclassy]

   muj made a good point.  Some friends may leave my 'circle" but new ones will come       

Then do not worry about that too much if you already know what you will do in this case


Me personally I would think many times before telling my friends off, and actully who cares about their opinion , once again you will live with this person not them, and there is nothing to prove here to anybody, that is life:)

[Kuna]

Jazzy... I'm far from worried about "it" but I'm curious about other people's experiences...   

[Jazzyclassy]

There is one of my best friends and she told some not good things about my boy , so what I am not bothered , she just always wants to be the best so  I let her be it, the main thing it wont affect my private life and wont spoil our 20 y.o friendship   just wont tell her things that's it

[Mir]

If your friend tell you some bad things about your bf then there are two possible reasons:

1. She is jealous and in this case she is not a friend.
2. She is sincere and giving advise as she is concerned for you, in this case she should be listended to and not ignored.

Only you can judge what is what.

[Rvrwind]

You are much more generous than I.
If I want advice on my personal relationship from anybody friend or not, I'll yank their chain & ask for it. If I don't ask best to keep their mouth shut because I won't hesitate to say what I think of their buttin' into my personal buisness.
I have a low tolerance level for such people, friend or not & most of my friends know me well enough to know better than to butt in unasked. I ain't much for being politically correct in such situations.

[Jazzyclassy]

   Only you can judge what is what.           

Absolutely


and what I am saying is just I do not actually care about her point of view am sorry for this:)
yes she is my friend but  with time I realised we became different, we changed and we got different interests and stuff and view on life , but cos of this long term friendship it is just hard to cut everything off and I value friends and I know it will be hard for me to have new ones as I am working and studying I simply have no spare time to go and meet new friends, and well I have few friends not many and am not trying to have them many , but I value them so much and no matter which point of view they got it is their problems , they already proved to be my friends and we will just try not to talk about personal things and have fun together as we always do, finally she will have to put up with my love , as I am putting up with hers:))))

Honestly it is not that important , I let her think what she wants
the main thing it will never change my opinion about my boy