What are our chances??

[Tarzan]

Hello!

I would really like some advice about a RW that i am getting serious with.
I found her on one of the free sites and we have been emailing since Oktober.
We met in early January and I go back in early March. Our meeting was fantastic and I must say that it was the most romantic time of my life. I believe she is one of the  “good” ones.
She never asked for anything and did what she could to make my money last. She could hardly keep her hands of me.. We both felt we had a very deep connection and we can talk about anything. We both think far ahead with each other in mind.

I am 32 years old and live in one of the Scandinavian countries. She is 31 and has a small child. I like children and will gladly care for her. She has two higher educations and is very intelligent. It was this that triggered my interest. She is in to art, music and theatre. These things are of high interest to me also, but I have no education in these areas only personal interest made over the years. I have office job in a technical company and I am educated for this.

I have been dead honest from the start, how things work here, what I want and so on.
Also I think she has more knowledge about the west that average since she has been to the USA with her work. And she told me she did not like it. Personally I think the European mentality is a little closer to the Russian mentality.

She is big city girl and I live in village. I have my own house which can be sold if needed
I can live in city if this will become a problem.

I have spent a lot of time learning about Russia and educating my self in how thing are there. It has helped me avoid many easily made mistakes. I have been thru my share of scammers and bad sites. Still I read about so many people getting burned by these Russian beauties.
All internet seem to be full of things that went bad. I have many examples from my country too. All can of course not be blamed on the girls. I know many men which should not have chosen like they did, or could not stay with any girl no matter where she came from.

All I can say is: I am one of the good ones my self. I dress nice, am handsome, respectful, intelligent, gentleman and so on. These things may not help me at all but I would really like to know what you people out there think of our chances?  Is there something you suggest I do when I go to see her in a few days? I know there are no guaranties for anything and it may be just as likely to break up with a local girl after 3 years also, but still what do you think?

Thanks,

Tarzan.

[Mir]

I think your chances are excellent.

[catzenmouse]

I agree with Mir. Seems to me you are a good match. The country life may or may not be a problem if and when she comes to your country. I would wait until you have both had some time together there before you decide to move to the city. She may decide that she likes the country.

Best of luck!

Ken

[BC]

You have common interests, can communicate and seem quite 'into' each other in person.  Your GF has traveled and acquired some impressions of the 'outside' world. You have learned from past mistakes and scams.

You are standing on solid ground IMHO.

By the way.. Welcome to RWD!

[Kuna]

Tarzan,

Firstly welcome to RWD.  I'm happy that you seem to have found your "Jane"...   

I'm a newbie but going through the same thought process as you are so I might comment on my current situation.  I read your post and see many positive things in what you said but I'm trying not to concentrate on the things I DO know - I'm trying to concentrate on the things I don't yet know.

I feel that the best way to discover reality isn't to focus on the good, or the understood. I think reality is best served but trying to identify and understand the bad things (there are ALWAYS negatives), or the things not yet understood.

I'm hoping to have my girl visit me in Australia for a month long visit so she can see the environment I live in and meet my friends and family. This will give her ample opportunity to understand more than if she didn't have the opportunity.

I'm also intending on going back to her in Ukraine to live as a couple for a little while.  Unfortunately I will only be able to spend a month there but if I could spend more time I would.

I'm doing this not to prolong our final union, but rather to give us both a chance to discover more than we already know.

Knowledge (and experience) is power (IMHO).

If you feel like you've reached the point where you know her inner-self... and you're confident that your marriage will be a success, then you're probably ready for the big decision.

Being certain is the most important thing, and I don't think I can't be certain without spending time with her that doesn't feel like a holiday.

Best of luck,

Kuna

[BillyB]

I would really like to know what you people out there think of our chances? 

Since she can't keep her hands off you, I'd say your chances are pretty good for things to progress. The biggest hurdle you might face is if the father of the child won't allow the child to leave the FSU. The mother would have to make a choice and most likely it won't be you. You need to talk to her about that issue.

[joty]

i agree with billy b it will be a hurdle to bring her child. 

[timothe]

Welcome to RWD, Tarzan.

If I could offer any advice at all, it would be to simply be yourself and to treat this relationship like any other relationship you've had.  You're probably very excited now because you've been longing to see this woman again. (which is good)  Enjoy the experience and while you are with her, try to imagine your life together.  Don't be afraid to talk with her about your imaginations as well. (both good and bad)  In the long run, the more time you spend communicating, the more certain you will be about your future with the lady and the child.  

Good luck to you.
  

[Tarzan]

Hello and thank you all for all responses!!

It is very good for me to get so many positive and informative comments on my situation. This is my first posting on any forum although I have been looking on many different forums regarding RW. It is always interesting to get some fresh eyes to look at things.

I would like to add some info and comment further on what being said:

To “Kuna”: I agree on many of the things you say. Especially about learning to know each other and spending time longer than just a weekend/holiday. But to focus on finding negatives and problems.. I do not know if that will work for me. My own life quality has improved greatly after learning a few years back, how to look positively on most situations. Of course there will be problems and qualities about her could be without, but for me I rather want to take the problems if they occur. Would be problems with local girl also but different ones I guess.. I have done quite a bit of reading and I am aware of many possible problems that have been posted on different forums..

To “Billy B”: About the child, the former husband already knows and does not care. She has been alone since before the child was born and the father has no part in their lives.

To “timothe: Exited! You bet.. I am counting the days and can hardly sleep at night..
I have been honest with her and her with me too. She has been looking in to going to language school to learn my language while we wait. And I do not think she would even have considered this if she did not have serious plans in mind..

Tarzan.

[Kuna]

Tarzan,

I'm only a novice and I know how easy it is to get caught up in the excitement so my suggestion is to help you keep you feet on the ground...  It might seem like I'm trying to spoil the fun but I thik a logical mind is necessary in this search especially as the adventure is exotic and exciting.
Just my thoughts... good luck,

Kuna

[ScottinCrimea]

Kuna makes a good point about learning about the negatives as well as the positives.  It's not the positive things that ultimately keep a couple together but the lack of significant negative factors.  As an extremne example, it's no matter if we have a lot in common, if she's great in bed or even if she's a great cook, if she likes to sleep with other men, we're not going to last.

[Kuna]

Scott,

EXACTLY...  I just know from my previous relationships that I am now looking for LESS BAD rather than MORE GOOD.

It doesn't matter how awesome the good times are, if there's anything I don't know that would turn out to be a significant negative in my relationship I could not continue.

It doesn't mean I go into relationships picking at anything negative that arises... I just like to look at the union logically before I get too excited about the good stuff.

All the websites associated with this pursuit tell us all of the wonderful things about Russian women... sometimes we're left to ourselves to discover the difficult things.

Nothing is ALL good...  it just depends if we can tolerate the bad stuff.

(by the way... I told My Girl what to expect of me in certain situations.. things that some could see as negatives... and tried to act as naturally as possible while we were together because putting on my happy face isn't realistic.  Something that I'm VERY conscious of in my own "log distance relationship" is that we will only spend limited time together stretched over several months.  At home you get to see a person more frequently and in more situations.  I just want to be as realistic as possible.)

Just my approach.. not right or wrong...   

Kuna

[Tarzan]

Ok, ok. I understand what you guys are trying to tell me. I will keep my feet on the ground and my eyes and ears open. We have talked about negative sides about ourselves, but this is not so easy. First of all it is not always what you think of yourself that other will see. If you ask a good friend about your good sides chances are you will be surprised about what they tell you. Also can be that one person thinks a certain quality is good but another person could disagree. Anyway, I know that we are in for some deep talks when I see her in a few days. Still I think we need to keep at least some focus on romance also. I have been my natural me with her and I did not put up fake smiles or come on to her the hard way. I gave her space. It was our first meeting and we used the time to get to know each other the best we could. After writing with her and talking so much on the phone I did feel that she was like I had imagined when we met. She was like I thought. Everything was very easy and there was not any embarrassing moments.

Of course I know there is so much more to discover about her and after each phone call and email I feel that I am getting a little more info every time. But so far I have no red lights flashing…


Tarzan

[I/O]

we have been emailing since Oktober. We met in early January and I go back in early March. Our meeting was fantastic and I must say that it was the most romantic time of my life.

Tarzan If I could just make one tiny observation from my small experience, the second meeting together, is sometimes far more revealing than the first one believe it or not. 

On paper, the two of you seem to have thought through who would make a decent match and so forth, it seems you have a level of chemistry and mutual attraction, therefore, now is a good time to really drill down together on the practical things which are important and necessary to both of you.  The stronger the romance, sometimes, the more clouded other things become.  Of course the opposite can be true, but there is no downside to you both being a little hard headed and considering all the practical matters.

All the best, we will follow your story with interest, Oh, BTW smart move getting involved in a forum such as this, there is some guys here with vast experience and if you direct intelligent questions to them, they are all too willing to help.  Have a good read through the FAQ section as it is quite short and much to be gained from it.

I/O

[Shadow]

Tarzan. you have met her, and probably her child as well.
If you did not have the chance yet, right now it is time to meet her friends and family. Take some time to be 'introduced', try to communicate with them, often it is not needed to speak the same language.
Try to catch as much of her life as you can, as this will tell you a lot about what kind of person she is, what her goals and intentions are.
Depending on where you live and where she has lived, the village might be a problem for her. At first she will enjoy the nature, but unless you are able to work from home and spend a lot of time with her, she will be lonely and probably bored. So find activity for her, or move to or near a bigger place. However this depends on the person and chances are she will get used to village life quickly as well.

[Turboguy]

I think the villiage thing may be something that may be a little overblown as we think of things to worry about.   I am sure any RW would consider where I live as a villiage and my former fiancee came from what we would call a large city and she loved it here and from the discussions I have had with VWRW and the impressions I have she will also like it here.  She comes from what we would call a fairly large city as well.