I'm a total newbie... but jumped on a plane to FSU anyway! I found a winner!

[Gator]

Hi Maxxum,

Congratulations.  

You did become engaged quickly, something I usually advise against without knowing any particulars.  However, you impress me as someone who travels in the fast lane, moves quickly in life, bypasses a few hurdles, and almost always makes a good decision.  So a quick engagement fits your personality.

And now that you are engaged, I wish you the best.  And that is sincere, so don’t throw it back as that would be bad luck.

Let me address some of the questions raised between you and Jack. 

Personally, I do not read where Jack attacked you explicitly, although one could infer such from his writing.  And such is inexcusable at your time of celebration.  And if Jack keeps writing, it may become explicit (law of holes: when in a hole, stop digging).  

Jack's advice is thoughtful and valuable, and comes with more experience than perhaps anyone else who posts regularly.  So I am giving Jack the the benefit of the doubt, even if he is usually more eloquent.  I think (and hope) Jack is making the point to take one’s time - not to you but to other newbies who may be encouraged by your optimistic, fast-track approach and try the same.  Jack and the others who have been around this venture for years and years (and many do not sell tours) have seen many train wrecks that started with your same approach.   Yet, there have been many success stories (my interpreter became engaged on the second day and 10 years later, she is still happily married.  

Also, you and Elena are about the same age (8 years difference).  This is radically different from the 65yo -27yo couple here who recently became engaged on their second meeting and drew some flak.  

Hope this enough said. You still have much more time to get to know your woman better.  

I do like your style, defending your woman, protecting your family.  RW like the same in their men.  They do not want a weenie no matter if he is a nice guy.  They do relish gentlemen, so do not be a combative pig.

About your woman’s apartment.  Many times apartments have been inherited, so owning her own an apartment is not a red flag IMO.  The fact that Elena makes $1,200 every four weeks is remarkable in her line of work, yet I know one woman who lives in a smaller city than Samara and makes $800/month as a hairdresser, which is comparable, especially if your woman works long hours because she has no children.   A car can be questioned, dependent upon the make and year of the car.  Sometimes these are gifts from past RM boyfriends.  So what!  With regard to any questions, I would follow the Russian advice, “past is past”.   Besides, I would venture your past has not been lily white.  Look to the future, something you are doing.  

As far as looks, your Elena is beautiful in my opinion.  I like blue eyed, raven haired women.  I like all women.  I do know she is better looking than you.  Do not take offense as that puts you into the club that every AM here is a member of, even pretty boys such as AJ, because the RW are so beautiful.

About whether you are hung or not can be determined if we ever meet.  Those contests are rather distasteful to me, yet maybe I will not have to unreel much to win.

Again, congratulations and sincere best wishes.  These relationships will take much work, so be prepared.  And also be patient.

[jb]

I'm glad it wasn't me who swung the clue bat this time.  In fact lately I've been checking mine at the door as I come in.

I applaud anyone who uses a little good common sense to find his life's partner, most matches which follow the common sense rules are good ones.  Proposals based on a few phone calls and emails with only 4 days of face time are not, (IMHO), even within the common sense geographical area.  They are way out in left field somewhere, and we call these guys "One Week Wonders".  Very rarely do these relationships pan out.

I wonder if MaxxUSA would recognise a red flag if he saw one.

[timothe]

I don't know if this is a red flag situation, but I saw nothing "out of bounds" about Jack's comments.  I will disagree with one premise of Jack's however.

I don't see anything wrong with seeing one person on the first trip and then subsequently deciding on that person without visiting others.  It's not necessary to have every item in the buffet before fixing up the plate you take home for leftovers. 

One of the most common lessons I have learned in my years of therapy is that when someone has the power to instantly make your blood boil, you better take a good hard look at what caused the reaction because there is probably some truth to it. 

My advice to Maxxum is to use these next two weeks to really get to know your girl.  If you still have doubts while you are on the airplane flying home, then plan another trip.  Since you have the means to do it, I'd suggest you take as much time as necessary to be certain in your decision.  There is no need to go through with the marriage just to prove the naysayers wrong.  (and I am not saying there is anything wrong with the woman...I just think you should carefully examine Jack's post for validity)

[catzenmouse]

Dave,

 I hope that you have truly found everything you ever dreamed of. I hope the same for your lady as well! Congratulations to both of you and you are more than welcome to give me a yell with any questions any time.

 Perhaps Jack had good intentions with his original post but when I read it, if it had been said towards me I would have reacted the same as David did. There is nothing wrong with offering caution and asking that someone take a look at all the factors involved. I read Jack's post as a flat out attack on David, his lady, and their choices. Of course, Jack will pick out each word, phrase, and sentence and argue it to make his point. He reminds me of the bulldog (I think it was) in the Jack London stories that will just keep taking a bit more of the throat flesh no matter what else is going on to make sure he gets the kill in the end.

 Jack has a great and vast amount of information and experience to offer to anyone trying to find a woman in the FSU. His tact, well it leaves a lot to be desired, to say the least. That is Jack. Hasn't changed in the many years I've seen his posts on these boards.

 We have a lot of folks with a lack of tact at times. I sure do make my share of posts that many would consider to be nasty or tactless. Just ask Rocky or Alpo...

 The fact here is that David is happy and is sharing that happiness with us. That should be celebrated! Why take a wonderful experience for this couple and turn it into and "RED FLAG HERE, REG FLAG THERE, crap session? Do any of you think that your negative comments are going to change their minds? Do you think that these type of posts are going to get them to "See the Light" of your brilliance? I kinda don't think so. Yeah, my opinion and like opinions we all have them. So to this end...

 I wish you and your lady all the happiness and success that could possibly be found in a life together!

Ken

[MaxxumUSA]

Well...  I have had a day to digest all this.  My girl is off to work for a couple hours here in the afternoon.  I have been debating with myself whether to address some of the issues brought up or to put jack on ignore and not dignify this post any longer with a response.

I will respond, for a couple reasons.  One reason is so that others - new, old, whatever, might learn from my experience.  Second reason is because I come to these forums for discussion.  So I will discuss.

So...  my response to all that has been said.

First, thanks to all who have given their sincere congratulations and best wishes.

Jack, I re-read your post that initially pissed me off.  I am not quite as offended and upset as I was when I first read it, but there are definitely strongly implied insults and criticisms there.  Same with your other two posts after my counter attack.  I have met people like you before.  You are obviously very intelligent and you know how to use that intelligence to your advantage.  Intelligence and tact are two very different things.

As for my woman...  I did not ask her where she got her car from or how she got her flat.  That would be rude of me.  I believe the flat is a rental.   The car is a transportation vehicle and breaks down a lot.  I will be glad when she is with me in USA so I don't need to worry about her getting stranded.  And NO...  she has never asked me for money to fix her car.  She takes care of that herself.  Speaking of money you quoted me that I send her a LITTLE money as if this is a bad thing.  Again...  she has never asked me to send her money.  I sent her a few bucks a few times to help with broadband Internet so we could use webcams more often.  And now we are engaged and I will send her whatever money I see fit to help her.  She is going to be my wife, so what is wrong with me helping financially?  Even if we were not engaged I don't see a problem with sending her (some) financial support.

Jack, I don't recall saying meeting a RW is THE SAME as meeting an AW in the next state.  I would not be here on this board if it was that simple.  But I do believe too many men make too much a big deal out of going to russia and meeting a woman...  just do it.  I said this because I have read many men here wondering when to visit.  Also I have read men that have been on this board and talking to women for many months and still have not visited any women.  I said this to try to encourage people to get off their ass and get on a plane.  I mean...  If I used match.com to meet women in the USA and found one in NYC, it would be a 6 hour ride for me.  Russia is a longer ride, that's all.  This is the context in which I meant my statement.

Jack you also mention that my Elena did not speak english.  If I said this in a previous post somewhere or this is what people perceive, then this is wrong.  When I first met and started to talk with Elena she did not understand my "American" speach very well because she knows English, not American.  I had to learn how to talk slower and she needed to learn a little of my slang.  When we got together on my first visit there was a slight language barrier for about 24-48 hours.  After that we spoke fine.  We have been talking on skype (Voice and Webcam) for an average of 1-2 hours daily for about 3 months.  Our communication is near perfect and we can talk about fairly complex subjects without using a dictionary or translation software.  The HUGE language barrier I referred to was referring to the locals here in Samara and even in Moscow.  I found very few people here speak english which makes even the simplest task difficult without Elena.

I'm not going to address every single issue...  but those are a few of my thoughts.  I read a post (I think by Maxx) about how to spot a GCG on the other forum.  I did not notice any of those flags in the three months I have known Elena.

One final response about my hours on the board...  My hours here are the same as in the USA.  I work whenever the hell I want to work.  I am the president of a corporation.  I have my laptop and phones with me.  I will be online most weekdays until 2 am Samara time because of my responsibilities.  I take a few breaks from my work for dinner with Elena and ...  well...  some private time with her.    So...  don't you worry jack...  She is getting plenty of attention.  But I must work.  I take time to visit the forums in between other things to give myself a mental break from work.

Speaking of work...  I need to get on a project.

Please do me a favor, Jack...  Don't quote many sentences here out of context and tell me how wrong I am.  I have explained enough for now.

Me and Elena are enjoying our time together.  Life is not perfect but we're great together, a good fit.  What's the problem?

- David

[Jazzyclassy]

Dear Maxxum

Discussions are discussions they may be held all of your life, and you need actually to live your life and not discuss it you know , empty talks sometimes maybe taken as some talks with big great deal of sense

If you decided to marry this nice woman ,  that is your personal choice and nobody can tell you anything , well surely they can advise and so on can point to you the red flags as much as they want , that is only your personal decision and your life

You just need to observe and notice things, bare them in your mind do not rush with some crazy  rude and offensive answers )) though ahahah who is telling you this:))) well it is ok we are all people with feelings and very touching and sensitive natures:P

But reading all these I do not know why guys are very negative here, well yeah I support in someway  JB's post here

      Proposals based on a few phone calls and emails with only 4 days of face time are not, (IMHO), even within the common sense geographical area.             

but well I bet you know this yourself... nothing to tell here more really

To my mind looking at your couple I like  your union and the most of all I appreciate rahter little age gap here(in comparison with 65 and 27 as Gator pointed here) that is just nice:)

About money , you know even if she is going to be your wife, you should not send her money you know  just like that  it is just some kinda test , if you are telling she is working hard and has no problem with her finances so why would you send her any money?

But you know no matter the little period of time , that things are so quick  in your relations.I just wish you all the best really and can feel that you are truly sincere person and I hope  that your wonderful lady is the same

And just enjoy your time with her , I did not allow my boy to surf net too much , only to check e-mails and to observe the  channel , cos he is an admin there ,cos all the time I needed his attention , Da I am like that very demanding person! :heartafire:

The main thing always keep the harmony inside you and then nothing bad will happen ever!

[Wayne]

David,

Are you planning on getting married in Russia?  The K-3 visa and K-1 are taking about the same amount of time now.  Since you seem to be able to travel any time you wish, perhaps it would be best to get married in Russia so her family and friends can attend.  Probably, you could bring your family to Russia for the wedding? 

My Fiancee is also a Hair Dresser, but she can only earn about $300 per month when working full time.  In the Winter, women wear hats to keep warm, so they do not visit the Hair Dresser very often.  Oksana lives in Krasnoyarsk, Siberia and they have a very long, cold Winter there.

When your Fiancee goes to the US Embassy for the visa interview, she must bring with her complete information about your finances, including copies of your income tax returns, W-2's, bank accounts, stocks and bonds, value of your home, etc.  Of cource, the petitition might take up to 6 months to get approved in U.S.A. before it goes to the embassy. 

I think everyone has different ideas about what is beautiful in a woman.  As long as you are satisfied, then be happy!

You write a very interesting report.  Thank's for sharing!  I wish you and your Fiancee all the best.

Wayne

[MaxxumUSA]

Just a quick update.  I found the forums a few weeks after my first visit to FSU.  For those new here they can review this thread to see what I encountered my first visit.

Update to those of you that gave good advice two years ago:  Thank you for your positive input.  Me and my now wife have been together happily all this time.  To date we are extremely happy.  She has been in the USA since Aug 2007 and we married a few months after that here.  We have been through many good times and some very trying times and the common denominator in our relationship has been and is today love and appreciation of each other.

I have the best wife in the world and she often tells me I am her best also.

For those of you who said negative things back when I first posted a few years ago - well...  I said back then only time will tell.  So all I have to say is:  I was right and you were wrong!  Haha  LMAO.

Cheers to all!

[Jazzyclassy]

Great to know you are doing amazing

   I was right and you were wrong!  Haha  LMAO       

I like this one     

Is that so important that they were wrong or right? you live for yourself and you should not prove anything to people here

[Admin]

I like this one     

Is that so important that they were wrong or right? you live for yourself and you should not prove anything to people here

>>Is that so important that they were wrong or right?<<

It was important enough to YOU that you took the time to comment on it and endorse it.

Just a quick update.  I found the forums a few weeks after my first visit to FSU.  For those new here they can review this thread to see what I encountered my first visit.

Update to those of you that gave good advice two years ago:  Thank you for your positive input.  Me and my now wife have been together happily all this time.  To date we are extremely happy.  She has been in the USA since Aug 2007 and we married a few months after that here.  We have been through many good times and some very trying times and the common denominator in our relationship has been and is today love and appreciation of each other.

I have the best wife in the world and she often tells me I am her best also.

For those of you who said negative things back when I first posted a few years ago - well...  I said back then only time will tell.  So all I have to say is:  I was right and you were wrong!  Haha  LMAO.

Cheers to all!

That is great news.

I suspect we will have a lot of learnings coming from the recent spate of problems experienced by other members - but it seems like the one overarching message is that it takes hard work to keep these marriages working. Consistent and constant communication and attention are some of the keys - and there are no guarantees.

In any case - keep doing the things that are nurturing your relationship now - and BEST WISHES for a wonderful future together.

- Dan

[Vaughn]

Nice report, Maxxum, and congratulations. I'm guessing you two will be filing AOS later this year,
and I wish you luck with that...

Vaughn

[MaxxumUSA]

Yes - AOS paperwork coming soon.

We did have some rough times.

We conceived in December but unfortunately we lost the baby at about 9 weeks.  This was a big blow to our dreams but we have leaned on each other through our mourning and healing.  Of course we will try again soon.

We had some tough financial times recovering from some things that happened with me early in our relationship but now we are seeing the light at the end of the financial tunnel.  I am blessed that business for me is booming which helps recovery.

We have had a few minor problems here and there other than that but we always cling to each other for support.

Jazzy - I do live life for myself and my wife.  This is one reason I only stop by here every few months to give an update - to hopefully help the newcomers and let them know it is truly possible to find a true love internationally.

Dan - yes I logged on today the first time in quite a while and noticed scott and ken's problems.  Too bad for them, especially scott.  I will post my opinions about that on their threads.

Vaughn - good to see your post and thank you.  I wish you the best in all as well.

I'll hang out here for a couple more hours then I will get on with life with my wife.

By the way - My wife has been doing great.  It took her about 6 months in USA to learn what I consider great english.  She completed technical training which took 10 months for cosmetology - the same thing she did in Russia.  The complete course was in english of course and she passed her final with a 98%.  She is currently working at the best salon in the Albany, NY area and doing great there.

We are both extremely happy and just looking forward to having children together to share our wonderful life with.

- David

[Daveman]

Hey Dave! Glad to see you back around, even if only briefly for the update.  Also glad everything is going well and the relationship is still blooming and growing.  Don't be such a stranger.

Best wishes!
Dave

[Diplomacy]

Great News!

Best of luck to you both, sorry to hear about the loss you had.  It was a very tough ordeal for my sister.  She did have a healthy baby boy about a year ago.

[Ade]

Just a quick update.  I found the forums a few weeks after my first visit to FSU.  For those new here they can review this thread to see what I encountered my first visit.

Update to those of you that gave good advice two years ago:  Thank you for your positive input.  Me and my now wife have been together happily all this time.  To date we are extremely happy.  She has been in the USA since Aug 2007 and we married a few months after that here.  We have been through many good times and some very trying times and the common denominator in our relationship has been and is today love and appreciation of each other.

I have the best wife in the world and she often tells me I am her best also.

For those of you who said negative things back when I first posted a few years ago - well...  I said back then only time will tell.  So all I have to say is:  I was right and you were wrong!  Haha  LMAO.

Cheers to all!

I just read your story for the first time and I got caught up in your enthusiasm and your obvious complete joy at finding your wife. A pity that a few wankers went beyond constructive criticism and had to piss on your parade but hey, looks like you actually got the last laugh.

I hope you both have a very long and happy life together. 

[chivo]

Dave,

I must admit that I was surprised by the return of this thread. At first I didn't look at the date and thought you were currently back in Russia (and forgot to tell me, I mean I'm running out of tequila  ).

Good to hear that you two are doing fine. After meeting you and Elena, my initial impression was that you two would make it. I've seen a lot of unions/marriages where my thoughts were different, that's for sure. The fact that you knew what you were looking for and realized it when you found it seemed to be lost on some people.

Sorry to hear about the pregnancy too, but if it's any consolation, my brother and his wife went through the same thing...twice. It can be trying for any couple, and I know what they went through. In time these types of circumstances can make your union stronger. It's never easy though.

They now have 2 beautiful boys ages 2 and 4, and they seem happy with their family life. Keep the faith.

Continued success in the future, and of course if you're ever back in these parts gimme a holler. I could use the tequila  . Enjoy.

chivo

[goforit]

Just a quick update.  I found the forums a few weeks after my first visit to FSU.  For those new here they can review this thread to see what I encountered my first visit.

Update to those of you that gave good advice two years ago:  Thank you for your positive input.  Me and my now wife have been together happily all this time.  To date we are extremely happy.  She has been in the USA since Aug 2007 and we married a few months after that here.  We have been through many good times and some very trying times and the common denominator in our relationship has been and is today love and appreciation of each other.

I have the best wife in the world and she often tells me I am her best also.

For those of you who said negative things back when I first posted a few years ago - well...  I said back then only time will tell.  So all I have to say is:  I was right and you were wrong!  Haha  LMAO.

Cheers to all!

Congratulations Dan,

I read the entire trip report and thanks for the update. Two years is short time to be together so I hope its stretches into a lifetime. I like your style in terms of just getting up and doing it. Doesn't work for everyone but then again no one way works for everyone or we wouldn't see any divorces on this board.

Take care,
GFI

[MaxxumUSA]

Just another quick update.  I found the forums a few weeks after my first visit to FSU.  For those new here they can review this thread to see what I encountered my first visit and check some of my trip reports for more information also.

Update to those of you that gave good advice a few years ago:  Thank you for your positive input.  Me and my now wife have been together happily all this time.  To date we are extremely happy.  She has been in the USA since Aug 2007 and we married a few months after that here.  We have been through many good times and some very trying times and the common denominator in our relationship has been and is today love and appreciation of each other.

I have the best wife in the world and she often tells me I am her best also.

Cheers to all!

My wife is happily working at a nice hair salon, and I have a new successful business.  We spend a lot of time on the lake during the summer, and traveling in the winter.  We recently visited Moscow, Taipei, and Shanghai.  Well...my wife in moscow and met me in Asia.  We had a blast as usual.

Almost to our third wedding anniversary and still growing closer.

God Bless,
David

[ECOCKS]

Positive and inspiring message David, congratulations!

[Daveman]

David,
I'm glad to hear things are well with you.. I do wish you'd come around more often..

BTW, did you ever get you another Deuce? :-)

Congrats on the 3 year anniv.  Best wishes to turn 3 into 30 and more.
Dave

[MaxxumUSA]

David,
I'm glad to hear things are well with you.. I do wish you'd come around more often..

BTW, did you ever get you another Deuce? :-)

Congrats on the 3 year anniv.  Best wishes to turn 3 into 30 and more.
Dave

Thanks.

Yes - me have many toys again.    All paid for.

- dave

[Gator]

David,

Everything sounds splendid.  And you have reinvented yourself during difficult economic times.  Congratulations!

Thanks for taking the time to update us.  Many who were active posters during courtship have retired to marital bliss and forgot about RWD.   I am glad to know that this is not your case.

[Lily]

Hi David, Elena,

Good to see you here again! 

Greetings from Toronto! Since I was not that lucky in my online search, I just applied for independent immigration and was granted a visa in just 7 months. Now I am permanent resident of Canada, and continue my search here .

 See how brave women from Samara actually are?  :hipdude:

[DKMM]

Thanks for taking the time to update us.  Many who were active posters during courtship have retired to marital bliss and forgot about RWD.   I am glad to know that this is not your case.

I am happy to have fallen victim to this. Lately, when my wife is going to bed early because she's pregnant, I have time to jump on here sometimes.

Its good to hear from you again Maxxum it doesn't seem like 3 years ago... I knew you'd make it fine.

Lily, congrats to you too!  You did it the right way, it will be much easier now.