Interesting situation

[Mir]

Recently started corresponding with a few ladies.
Two girls are now at the top of the shortlist.
They are quite different in age (one is 29 and the other 23) but then the similarities:
Both are from Russia,both work and live on their own with their parents in a different town nearby who they visit every weekend,neither has been married or has children,both speak good English. Well nothing unusual in all this but: They both live in the same small Town in South, not only that they live in the same street and in the same building!!
Now there is no way I can visit and meet both of them where they live can I?

[funkola]

  Are they aware of each other?

Send me a pic of the 29 year old, maybe I can be of assistance.

[Makkin]

Hello,

  More details please...

   You are a way too positive of a  person to not be able to pull this off but they may not be as positive about it right?...lol

Makkin

[Mir]

Oh I foregot to mention they are both called Natalie!

As far as I know they don't know each other.

[I/O]

Oh I foregot to mention they are both called Natalie! As far as I know they don't know each other.

I sense another of those "How to do it" debates appearing on the horizon.  In answer to your question, if in fact they don't know each other, which frankly, I'd be surprised if this was in fact the case, unless you have suicide tendancies, no you can't pull it off. 

The dogs are already howling in the distance, but bluntly I've seen this so many times and result is all too often, one guy in Russia with time on his hands and no lady to share it with.  Nothing wrong with communicating with both or more, but if you are setting up one on one visits yourself, this system is so fraught with hazzards that IMHO it isn't worth it.

Kuna sort of pulled it off recently to an extent, but he had a pretty high stress trip and I doubt most would have the energy to do what he did, and...........he also had to face the fact that someone was going to get hurt to at least some extent.

Mir, frankly, from the moment you knew where they both lived you should have made one of those tough decisions that we all need to make at some stage.  You have taken the "Line of least resistance" to date and that will bring nothing more than problems in the longer term. 

I'll venture the advice to make a decision one way or another now and move forward.  Otherwise you will go around and around in never decreasing circles.  Dupliticious behaviour is beyond my tolerance level and that is exactly where this are heading IMHO.

I/O

[Mir]

I/O

I understand where you are comming from.
I knew the city they lived in but not that they lives in the same apartment block till last week.
It is a multistory building and they live on different floors.
I don't want to give them the run around but was just wondering it might be worth meeting them before deciding which one to pursue.
I have never tried visting several women on the same visit but many here think this is the best approach and it makes one wonder.

[Kuna]

mir,

My advice (which can be freely rejected because I'm a novice) is to NOT WMVM.  It's possible to meet several girls on your trip and it's maybe even possible IF they live in the same building but it's NOT possible to do it at low stress.

With the benefit of hindsight I should have focused on the girl that was always of most interest to me and committed more time to her.

I'm not disappointed I met others while in UKR, but if I could have had more time with Ms D I would have loved to do that.

I think it depends on the objectives for your trip... Are you looking for marriage aqnd a committed relationship?  if you are I believe (now) it's best to focus all of your efforts on "the one" that you are most interested in and treat others as Plan B.

Kuna...

OK...  flip the coin.  If you want to meet both it's easy.  Don't worry that they live in the same apartment.  it's got nothing to do with it yet.  you can meet them in cafes or restaurants and after you meet both you'll know the one you want to commit to.  Once you've done that it's really important to let the one that you're not interested know it wasn't "fireworks" and then revert to spending all you time and efforts on "the one".

Final comment... 23 is VERY young.  it'd take an exceptional 23yr old to keep a man of you intelligence and sophistication interested for very long.  29 is a much better age for you!   

again,

Kuna

[I/O]

Mir Yes many do consider the visit many thing the way to go and I am inclind to agree to a small extent with some very strict criteria.  The multi story apartment block will make no difference.  There will only be a few girls in that block who are delving into the online thing and it is very likely they know each other if not even encouraged each other into this idea. At least, that is my experience.

Personally, when I ditched the vist many thing was when I made some serious progress, however, I acknowledge there was a deal of knowledge gained from previous experiences.  It simply didn't produce a desirable result in the bigger picture.

If you persist in going down this line, then you need to keep everything VERY "arms distance" in your communications and the fact they both live in the same building suggests to me that you would need to phess up to both of them that you are not visiting them exclusively.  Frankly, I give you about a 1% chance of making that work.

Kuna has given you some sound advice here and I agree completely with the aspect of pick your mark and treat the other/s as a plan "B" for a backup.  Nobody gets hurt or mislead and you can relax in the comfort of intact integrity.  There is, IMO no downside to that approach.

I/O

[Elen]

Now there is no way I can visit and meet both of them where they live can I?

There is no way that you could visit both of them without them finding out that fact next minute after you appeared at a door step of "competitor" So either you should choose the only one of them to vivit or you should say them both honestly that you are going to meet not only "her" and let them decide what to do with such information

[Mir]

Kuna and I/O

Thanks for the sound and sincere advice.
I have always kept things at arms length till the first meeting. In other words when I girl comes on strong (as some do) in a new internet relationship I am quick to tell them look this is just friendship that may or may not lead anywhere.Lets just know each other till we meet.After the meeting go home and think about what we have and then decide the next step.
Still I think I am a novice myself in this game.Very early in my quest I ran across two girls who in retrorespct were the best I have met so far. My indecisiveness and the feeling: 'well I have just started looking and surely there will be better ones just around the corner' resulted in loosing both of them.

[Elen]

Well how are you going to answer at question is she the only one you are going to visit here ( Such a question pops up in 99% cases before or which is worse after ) you arrived)   

[Mir]

PS

One of the girls ended up marrying a friend of mine, she decided to be a housewife and is a treasure.
The other went to US and has become a successful dentist earning over $300,000 per year and she just married a doctor.

[Mir]

Ellen

If such a question is asked then my answer will be no, you are not the only one I am visiting.

[Elen]

Ellen

If such a question is asked then my answer will be no, you are not the only one I am visiting.

Don't you think then that it would be better to clarify situation BEFORE you arrive because you can;t be sure with reaction and it could happen that a fact you didn't say that before ( STRIGHT) spoiled everything?
( You see girls tend to live in illusions as well And illusion that she is the only one is on top of a list ( even if you did nothing to build such an illusion )

[funkola]

Just tell them what the deal is and see both of them. If they are not reasonable about it then it may save you a trip. Unless you have told each of them they are the "only" one they need to be mature enough to understand the situation. You are looking for a wife. Don't limit your choices this way. If they can't handle the truth then that is some useful info.

I have never been to fsu but I have dated as many as 5 women at once. 3 of them knew the score, another probably did but pretended she didn't and the last one was a psycho, but a lot of fun otherwise.

Point is you can do it and it might be a great adventure. This could be good maturity check for them.

[Elen]

You see a result of such check could be take in wrong way What you see like a   "maturity"  could turn into only a wish to get out from FSU by any means and " non maturity"  could be only a wish not to low standart in finding husband, which is not such a bad thing at all

So .... I don't envy you boy  ... this business is really "slippery"  and honest behaviour does not lead to result in many cases

[funkola]

You see a result of such check could be take in wrong way What you see like a   "maturity"  could turn into only a wish to get out from FSU by any means and " non maturity"  could be only a wish not to low standart in finding husband, which is not such a bad thing at all

So .... I don't envy you boy  ... this business is really "slippery"  and honest behaviour does not lead to result in many cases

Yea I know.      That is where he will have to use his best judgement. But I would still try to see them both, assuming he doesn't have  favorite. My vote is just be straight with them and like so many of you say "have a backup plan".

[I/O]

I have never been to fsu but I have dated as many as 5 women at once. 3 of them knew the score, another probably did but pretended she didn't and the last one was a psycho, but a lot of fun otherwise.

Point is you can do it and it might be a great adventure. This could be good maturity check for them.

Yep. I've seen this argument put forward too many times to count and IMHO it is totally phuct.  There is not one shred of evidence that a woman who is prepared to meet a dozen men and accepts men who are doing the same is more mature than a woman who opposes this idea. 

The basic premise of many going to the FSU is they want to translocate their dating program to another country.  I think people should have a big reality check long before going and get some kind of picture in their heads of what the hope to get out of this.  Just wandering around dating this one and that one in the hope of tripping over someone suitable is a very very long and expensive way of doing it.  If anyone is going with some hope of finding a life partner, then they need to get a lot smarter than that IMO.

The meeting several approach can and does work in many cases, personally I don't have a lot of time for it, because it almost invariabley leads to duplicitous behaviour.

Again, I would come back to the KenC plan put forward many many threads back.  Pick out one to meet and also form an association with a marriage agent.  You can use the agent to fall back on for meetings if the first one goes south, you can use the agent for any logistical support you need along the way.  Front load your trip with meetings and leave the back end open.  During the back end of the trip, you can either go site seeing, with or without a lady you have met along the way.  It just makes too much sense and again, there is NO downside.

I/O

[funkola]

Yep. I've seen this argument put forward too many times to count and IMHO it is totally phuct.

If so many people are putting that idea forward maybe that idea is not the one that is phuct. 

Some of you guys and your rigid rules are quite frankly...yawn...

[Elen]

My vote is just be straight with them and like so many of you say "have a backup plan".

Are you suggest to be stright in all cases  and tell back up women that they ARE back plan ?

[I/O]

If so many people are putting that idea forward maybe that idea is not the one that is phuct. 

Some of you guys and your rigid rules are quite frankly...yawn...

Funkola:  I would suggest that you go over there and just get a tiny bit of experience under your belt before sweeping the "Been there done that" opinions aside.

People with rigid rules are usually the ones who know what they are talking about because they have the "Miles on the clock".  The ones who still argue there is 6 million ways to do it are generally the ones who are still trying.  There is an infinite number of ways to fail. 

I notice that Mir is just smart enough to realise that and is at least making an attempt to avoid some of the pitfalls. 

I/O

[funkola]

No I would not call a girl a back up plan. Those are the words of others around here. But I would not have a problem telling a lady that I had visited someone else before and we weren't compatible. I mean really, aren't these girls doing the same thing? Looking for a husband. I am sure they have dated other men or written other men in their life. It's not a big deal unless you make it one.

[funkola]

Funkola:  I would suggest that you go over there and just get a tiny bit of experience under your belt before sweeping the "Been there done that" opinons aside.

People with rigid rules are usually the ones who know what they are talking about because they have the "Miles on the clock".  The ones who still argue there is 6 million ways to do it are generally the ones who are still trying.  There is an infinite number of ways to fail. 

I notice that Mir is just smart enough to realise that and is at least making an attempt to avoid some of the pitfalls. 

I/O

Your way is not the only way. It doesn't matter how many years you have "over there". It doesn't make you any kind of expert.  You know what works for you, that is all. So typical on internet forums where someone gets there feathers ruffled because someone disagrees with them. You gave your opinion, I gave mine. There was no need whatsoever for you to make it personal and tell me my idea was phuct.

[GregfromGa]

How many trips has Funkola ever made to wherever? And were there any women involved?

[GregfromGa]

How many trips has Funkola ever made to wherever? And were there any women involved?

I'm sorry I just reread your post and I see you have never been to the FSU. That explains your mindset on some of this. You have much to learn if you continue down this road.