Any suggestions on guiding this guy?

[Muj]

Bruno,

Yes, I wonder of mentality.  DKMM offers some explanation as he finds Joe's behaviour not atypical of the FSU community here in the US.

The normal marital issues require only a patient ear. 

[Muj]

BillyB,

Thanks, a source for her if neded in the future.

http://www.russianwomenabroad.com/PAGE371.html

[DKMM]

C'mon Mir, had to resort to communist propoganda?  Sheesh.

[Mir]

DK

Cold war is over, communists are no longer a threat to USA (and I doubt they ever were).

Not everything is great in USA, every place has its advantages and disadvantages

Maybe you will learn with age,maybe you never will

[Elen]

I wouldn't expect non-Americans to quite grasp how life here is better for a single mother and her offspring than in the Ukraine.

 For sure for those who have no wish to move to America by any means they have ( including marriage to somebody they don't love at all) it's very hard to grasp how life in alien country on  some welfare ( or how those особия are called) without a support of family and friends could be better   - just another priorities in life I guess


PS As for my peronal life experience you asked about  then I was raised by only mother. I guess life was not easy for her but as for me I had happy childhood. And what I recall from it is my grandmother first of all but not some toys, dresses and etc I had or had not in those times.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Though to oter hand if that woman manage to find somebody else  more rich ,not such stingy and who she could love some more ( for his money ooops personality   )  than a future for her child could be better

So boys what do you think where such a woman would have more chances to find somebody of such a kind - in America or returning back to Ukraina ( temporary) to continue her searching for "true love" and "better future for her child" abroad? 

 I ask just because I read not for once that American males "afraid" ( so to say)  to deal with FSU women who moved to America on K-1 visa and then dropped their husbands short after relocation? ( reasons of divorse don't matter for males too much like I got it)

[DKMM]

I was talking about someone who has nobody to help them.  If that is the case, what is better, living in UA on $37 a month in a dump?  Or living on public assistance here which for a single mother is good for about $1000 a month for the basics, plus subsidized apartment, healthcare, food etc especially if she's willing to work.  Thanks to low unemployment, everyone can get a job, even those with little english.  A single mother with even a crap a job gets subsidized baby care and her earnings + welfare would be closer to $1500.  Tell me what should someone choose if they had their baby and nobody else??

Elen, did you know Russian/English translators are in such short supply here?  A basic trained nurse who can speak both can work at the hospital near here for starting $5-6000 a month.  Not a bad start. 

If she's a good person and her marriage doesn't work out, she can find another man here easily.  A good single mom is actually sought after in this country.  Americans like kids, the only developed country in the world with a positive birthrate proves it.

[Elen]

First of all the girl is not a poor orphan with no family as I got it.

Secondary I can't say what would be better because numbers of money as well as level of life style are too depended on particular society things ( I just guess that "feeling" you are at a bottom ( or close to it) of society  is not the most pleasing thing even if that bottom is better in comparison to what you had back in home - though is it really  "better" is a question as well. ) That's IMHO , just an opinion of a person who sees not much advantaches of life in alien society and  who does not see a life here  like a hell.

Thirdly I have not idea who would raise her child while she struggle with gaining money - some babysitter I guess  I just know it's hard to do without babushkas/deduskas - such a Russian mentality you know

As for how it's easy for such girls to find a husband there then  it was a question to boys . If it's easy then why do boys bother with all that business with trips, visas, scammer, Fat Juries and etc ? There are enough divorced former K1 brides in America with green cards I guess


-----------------------------

Elen, did you know Russian/English translators are in such short supply here?  A basic trained nurse who can speak both can work at the hospital near here for starting $5-6000 a month.  Not a bad start. 

May be it;s so .  But to be a translator in America demands perfect knowledge of English first of all , some specific skills ( which not everybody posseses even with a good grab of foreigner languag, ask Stirlitz - he is an "expert here  )  and in addition in America knowledge of  only two languges is not enough at all to gain a good position of translator ( that's what I was told by those who lived there)

As for nurses then this ocupation demands special sides of personality which FAR from everybody possess ( especially people from FSU  with their mentality  вас много , а я одна  )
 

[Mir]

Americans like kids, the only developed country in the world with a positive birthrate proves it.

Not true.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_birth_rate
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_population_growth_rate

However US has the highest birth rate and highest population growth rate among developed countries. But that is due to the large number of coloured and hispanics among its population. If you take the case of European descendants then it will not be any different from European countries.

And besides how does this prove that American men like children fathered by others anymore then men of any other nation?

[Mir]

Two men, one American and an Indian (not American Indian) were sitting in a
bar drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American," You know my
parents are forcing me to get married to this so
called 'homely girl ' from a village whom I haven't even
met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want
to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that
openly, and now have a hell lot of family problems."

The American said, "Talking about love marriages...
I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I
deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of
years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter,
and so my father became my son-in-law ,and I became my
father's father-in-law. My daughter is my mother,  and
my wife, my grandmother. More problems occurred when I
had a son. My son is my father's brother, and so he is my
uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a
son. Now my father's son, i.e. my brother,  is my
grandson.

Ultimately, I have become my own grand father,  and I am
my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems....*
**
* Give me a break!!"*

[BillyB]

I guess noone leaves a good husband,why should she?

Zhena, there are many women who sleep with men, including ugly ones, for personal gain. They have no problem sleeping with new men every month or everyday. Yes, women are capable of lying, cheating and stealing for personal gain, even if it hurts their husband. Women will not stay with a good husband just because he is a good husband. Some women come to America with their visa mule and will only move on as soon as she finds a new man, obtains a green card or someone gives her sympathy for her sob story and take her in their home to support her.

He didnt say how he treated her,did he?

Yes he did, he took her shopping regularly and she bought expensive designer clothes among other things she wanted. His daughter also loved her new mommy and they walked hand and hand at the store the day before she packed up and left the house to move in with her new friends. He also sent her hundreds of dollars every month while she waited in Ukraine for her paperwork to get completed. The man in turn got criticize by others, even by me, by giving her impressions he's rich.

I absolutely agree what Mischief wrote in that old topic. We r women see this under other light...

RW at these forums regularly disagree with what each other is doing and thinking. Mischief was wrong while most members mood changed as soon as they found out ccdr14 could prove he spent massive amount of money on his wife with credit card statement on where he shopped and money transfers to the Ukraine. As soon as ccdr14 came out and said in the thread "the judge awarded no protective order", drmbear, who is taking in his wife, said he wrote a threatening letter. But who does mischief believe? drmbear, but if there was a threatening letter as drmbear says, the judge would've awarded a protective order. I find it amusing drmbear would come out and say that there was a threatening letter after the judge did not think so.

I do find drmbear and his wife guilty of helping to destroy anothers couples marriage when they gave an easy way out to a woman who told them a story. It's been a year now and I wonder if they are still supporting her, she moved on to a new man, or kicked her out because they themselves got tired of her?

If these men talked about here are terrible husbands based on one sided stories from the wife of these men and we feel it's our duty to save their wife, do we continue to save the next wife the man marries and the next or do we make it against the law for certain men to be married?

[MaxxumUSA]

I am going to start a whole new thread asking what people (Men AND Russian Women) what they have done to prepare for marriage.

I'm curious to know how many people have prepared themselves to be married...  To anyone!  Not to mention a partner from another country which requires much more ...  well...  patience, time, money, etc.  more of everything is needed.

It seems to me some of the men who seek partners would not be happy with any woman regardless of circumstances.  Same for women.  I will create this new thread in Married so maybe we will get advice from the successful people?

I am truly curious about others past experience preparing for the commitment of family and marriage.

- Maxxum  (Dave)

[Maxx2]

- Maxxum  (Dave)

-Maxx  Dave also, but no relation

About this situation. No wonder the USCIS has given up deciding whether their is marriage fraud or false abuse petitions and has thrown in the towel by granting them all (almost).

Maxx

[Zhena]

I do find drmbear and his wife guilty of helping to destroy anothers couples marriage when they gave an easy way out to a woman who told them a story. It's been a year now and I wonder if they are still supporting her, she moved on to a new man, or kicked her out because they themselves got tired of her?

I guess that marriage was destroyed almost from the start and the friends interference didnt change much. Why the two people who hate each other should live together? The sooner they divorce,the easier it is.
Personally I never was given any advice to that girl to divorce her husband. But sometimes she tells about that intention in the future cos of his attitude. Of course she wont come to live with me,no.
This guy,her husband,is a millionaire. So I cant welcome his unwilling to pay for his own babys health. I cant find anything positive in this,only negative. And she DOESNT lie about that for ceratin-I know exactly.

[Zhena]

I agree with DKMM.

First of all the girl is not a poor orphan with no family as I got it

She is as shes family is very poor,in the village and have 3 other growing up daughters who need the money. She never owned a flat,she rented it.

Thirdly I have not idea who would raise her child while she struggle with gaining money - some babysitter I guess   I just know it's hard to do without babushkas/deduskas - such a Russian mentality you know

Yes. Many americans have the babysitters,nothing strange about that. If she has to work,there is no choice.

As for how it's easy for such girls to find a husband there then  it was a question to boys . If it's easy then why do boys bother with all that business with trips, visas, scammer, Fat Juries and etc ? There are enough divorced former K1 brides in America with green cards I guess

For certain,its much easier for her to find a man here than in Ukraine.

As for nurses then this ocupation demands special sides of personality which FAR from everybody possess ( especially people from FSU   with their mentality  вас много , а я одна  )

I didnt get about the FSU people,whats wrong with them that disturbs them to be the nurses?

[DKMM]

Now this is really getting way off topic but I hate to break it to you mir, the US has the only white population in the world that is not declining.  The unit of measure that counts is the total fertility rate per woman, which is 2.09 in the US.  The white fertility rate is at 2.0, while that is not growing its still the highest in the world (depends on who you call "white" though).  this information is not hard to find.

Elen, yes single working moms here use daycare (or pre-school) while mommy works.  Near me there is a daycare/ pre-school that is Russian/American and is run by babushkas as Russian as you are.  I doubt its the only one in the country.  As to alien, there are 20 million + Americans of Russian descent, surely this isn't one huge expat group???

Yeah its not easy to be a nurse and a translator I'm sure.  But that's why they get paid a lot.

Zhenna,
how do you know this guy is a millionaire?  I hear that term used a lot by RW that don't understand what it means.  Usually someone with that much money would never allow their credit to be screwed up by making their wife commit fraud.

[Mir]

but I hate to break it to you mir.......

I don't know why you hate to break it to me? but If what you say is true (and altough you have quoted no supporting reference I have no reason not to believe you) then it is great.

I agree that the growth of US population has nothing to do with the topic here

[DKMM]

I tend to overuse that term...

maybe off topic but that growth will obviously occure more smoothly if loser dad's would actually support their women.

And might i throw in, for some reason RW seem to have quite above the 2.0 average children here.  I see it all the time.  Its easy to spot the russians, just look for a tall thin mom that wears very fashionable clothing, usually seen in pairs(where do you think i got this idea in the 1st place?)

[Muj]

BillyB, no intent to break up the marriage.  She's more than uncomfortable.  Why not seek advice of experienced members on the forum to help (possibly) rectify a difficult situation.  In respects I believe this guy is wants a good marriage and family but is grossly misguided due to his lack thereof. 
DKMM, I agree.  Enjoy a walk on along the river in the couv.  A Russian speaking person may feel at home.  Many husband and wife walking more than one child all nicely dressed.  Also, I have some personal experience here .

[Elen]

For certain,its much easier for her to find a man here than in Ukraine.

I still didn't get an answer from boys 
Just MHO
Of course living there now she could find a man in "normal" way, there are plenty of them in America ( I guess)  But.... in reality in vast majority cases people could pick up their "other half" only from their own circle - their friends, co-workers , friends of family. I don't see how a circle of single working mom ( new immigrant in addition) could be wide enough for  finding a husband
So... I don't know statistic but suspect MOB in Ukraine (excuse me for terming - no intention to offence somebody here, just a terming ) has more chances to get a husband 

I didn't get about the FSU people,whats wrong with them that disturbs them to be the nurses?

I think you did get FSu girl of course can work like a nurse but somehow people from FSU are not "famous" with such occupations where great patient with eternal smile at a face ( so to say)  are in demand  Some position of accounter would be better choice

[mspanky]

Elen,

 She could simply apply to match.com or datingfaces.com plentyoffish.(which is is free) or any other dating site. If she is attractive,she will have more men to choose from than know what to do with. One of my cousins who is semi-attractive and late 30's ,met doctors,lawyers,Business men  an IV league college professor on datingfaces.com. All the guys nice looking and trim as she specified,all under 50. After being there for merely 3 months,she had guys even travel to her state to meet her. She eventually settled for a man who is a bank president and they married a couple of years back.. He built her ,her dream house  as she did not want to live in the house he lived in with  his ex-wife. He spoils her like crazy and treats her like a Goddess even though she does NOT deserve it.

[Mir]

Gwad poor men in America,so desprate for women

[Elen]

All the guys nice looking and trim as she specified,all under 50. 

Ah I always suspected that males at sites where Russians were not allowed were different to those who were hanging at Russian sites and in Russian dating agencies 

Anyway point was not in that  I tried to ask males ( those who were looking for wives in FSU)  how they would see such a girl and what chances she would have (in their eyes) Would be those chance bigger because she already is in the USA or they would be lower because she got to the USA in SUCH way ( just a QUESTION without any "assumptions")

[MaxxumUSA]

Elen,

To answer your question:
I would prefer to to not meet a woman that came over (recently) with another man.  If she was in the country (USA) for a few years living a single life (without serious relationships) then I might consider talking with her.  But there is no way I would get involved with this woman until she figured out what she is all about.  I would treat a recently divorced woman from the USA the same.  I don't want to be the rebound guy.

Basically I need a woman who is mentally, emotionally, and physically able to give 100% to a relationship.  I don't think this one is at that point based on what little bit I have read.

Gwad poor men in America,so desprate for women

Mir,
I don't know about desperate...  Sounds like that guy is a bank president and these financial things are probably minor to him.  Maybe he also likes to say and do nice things to the woman so the flow of physical pleasure does not stop.  Who are we to say she does not deserve them when we don't know how much she pleases him.

For instance, I currently live with my son.  We live WAY below my means.  But we still are spoiled silly.  We have everything we have ever dreamed of.  Except a loving woman in the house.  When a loving woman enters our home she will be privy to all of the same privelages me and my son have.  She will be spoiled in many ways compared to life in FSU.

This is by no means because I am desperate for a wife.  It is because this is my normal lifestyle and the way I treat family and people I care about.  My younger brother, for instance, wanted to finish engineering school.  So I helped him to support his wife and four children while he is in school.  Is this because I'm desperate for a brother?  No...  it is just normal for me and I feel fortunate I can provide the help.

Each situation is different.  It's difficult to judge all american men as desperate just because some of us CAN spoil our women.  Quite simply... we are not desperate.  And we (most of us) have plenty of opportunity to get american women.  Speaking for myself...  I started seeking woman abroad to open my options in a general sense...  not only FSU women.  I figure it's a big world and I have no boundaries holding me back from finding my soul mate.  I also sought women in USA.  Just so happens I found my soul mate in Russia.

[Mir]

Maxx

OK I will rephrase:
Men in US are not desperate for women,they are just desperate for good women.
Hope this satisfies

[MaxxumUSA]

Maxx

OK I will rephrase:
Men in US are not desperate for women,they are just desperate for good women.
Hope this satisfies

Better.  Thank you for rephrase.