Age Gap - bull's eye

[Elen]

You see yourself that age do matter
So when you claimed that ages didn't matter for you, you should stress that's it's so ONLY for dating but not for marriage Because in marriage there are enough other things except chemistry which matter and for which age has critical line

You males can do fine in establishing that line for women You just have difficulties to accept a fact that such lines do exist for males as well

 So my friendly advice for you personally - try to find a wife when you are still under 45 ( if you wish to have own child in family) Because after that line it would be hard for you to find a women even in Russia , because women have their own ideas ( Jazzy explained them to you here) how age could matter for a man who pretends on a role of father.

[Crow331]

Chemistry is still the deciding factor, but because I want a baby, yes, age is a factor. But not for the reasons described by others. If I didn't want a baby or if I already had a baby, chemistry is the same for dating or marriage ... either you have it or you don't.

I stick with what I say ... it's chemistry that gets you together and keeps you together.

OH and men can create babies all the way into their 70's or more, look at Hugh Hefner! So I think the age of a man is less of a factor, but I'll take your advice and get someone pregnant in the next 8 years!

[Elen]

Chemistry is still the deciding factor, but because I want a baby, yes, age is a factor. But not for the reasons described by others. If I didn't want a baby or if I already had a baby, chemistry is the same for dating or marriage ... either you have it or you don't.

I stick with what I say ... it's chemistry that gets you together and keeps you together.

OH and men can create babies all the way into their 70's or more, look at Hugh Hefner! So I think the age of a man is less of a factor, but I'll take your advice and get someone pregnant in the next 8 years!

Well nobody says that chemistry is not obligated factor - it's just marriage is more than that and "chemistry"  has a tendency to transformation with ages

As for your statement that males could create babies into their 70s as well - then it's just males' viewpoint at that "issue" Women have another ideas because for women it's also about RAISING that created baby

 PS I adviced you to find a WIFE. 
 You for sure would have more time to make pregnant somebody ( "theoretically" because thank to modern medicine women have rather good control over this "problem" and actually it's THEIR final decision but not males' one about pregnancy)   than to find somebody who would wish to build a family with you where that created baby would be raising 

[BC]

Crow,

I took a sec to read your profile at the site you posted.

You MUST live in the L.A. area and be between the age of 25-37. I am not looking for a long distance relationship

Seems like a pretty strong requirement.. what changed your mind?

Just a reminder, many guys (and gals) get into trouble when they compromise the basic values they seek in a partner.

[CaptB]

I.O.,

I don't think it is condescending to mention to Jazzy that "one factor" for differing views "is" because of where we are at in life (as related to age). I am not trying to change or influence her current choice concerning age gap. My original choice was to to keep age difference to no more than 6, 7 years...........if any age difference at all. Here in the states I dated several women a few years older......also. I don't want to change Jazzy's mind......only pointing out that perceptions can change with time.


Capt B

[I/O]

C/B

For the record, your earlier post in this thread wasn't the target of my attention.

I/O

[KenC]

I/O,
Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion here, just as everyone is also entitled to disagree with another's opinion.  That is the basic premise of an open forum, is it not?  I think you are getting a bit too protective here IMO.  I don't see anything condescending about saying "I felt the same when I was your age and you may change your opinion later in life."
KenC

[Crow331]

Crow,

I took a sec to read your profile at the site you posted.

Seems like a pretty strong requirement.. what changed your mind?

Just a reminder, many guys (and gals) get into trouble when they compromise the basic values they seek in a partner.

I wrote that ad a good 5-6 months ago just to sort of see who was out there. I figured out that many of the ads were fakes. By putting L.A. ONLY it was easier for me to delete the fakes when I got responses from (fake) people not living in L.A.

[ScottinCrimea]

Sorry guys, there was no condescension in my statements about how our perceptions change as we grow older.  Everyone is getting a little too defensive and protective here. In fact, if you read closely you will see that I was supporting her in her personal preferences.  My comments were meant to help her understand why we, at a different stage in life, have our different opinions and preferences.  I didn't say that hers was wrong and ours was right, only that they are different and that is perfectly okay.  So tell me, CaptB and I/O, don't you ever look back on some decisions you made or "unchangeable" oinions you had when you were younger and wonder what the heck you were thinking/smoking?

[Daveman]

When I first seriously considered this whole idea, I was near to 40 and sat down and thought very long and hard about what was realistic and what might be workable.  I read and dismissed much of the nonsense about all these Russian women in their 20's marrying men 30 years older and such.  My conclusion was that given I would still like to have children, it almost had to be a lady of less than 35 but not younger than 28 for general compatability reasons. Thus I was prepared to accept someone of up to 11 years difference, but my ideal was perhaps more like 7.

the more I read of your situation, the more uncanny the similarities become.  It's almost like I'm boarding the same train, on the same tracks, simply two years later.  Just shift both ages up by a couple of years, and you have my situation, sans the 'roos of course. :-))  I guess though that in this pursuit, we are bound to see others in similar situations, but even what you describe later in the post is exactly what we went through in the beginning. 

The history is posted well enough elsewhere, but surfice to say I was rather surprised to receive contact (Serious contact) from a Lady of 23 (at the time) and although I communicated with her, in my opening response, I advised her that I did not consider there was ANY possability of a romantic relationship.  I did not give my reasons, but I think she was just smart enough to figure out why I was thinking this way.

Perhaps she played me like a fish with a carefully baited hook.   Who knows.  But over time she gradually convinced me that there was the possability of a workable relationship which could be based on genuine love and respect.  There is and I am glad she persisited, all be it very cautiously and VERY politely.  She always said that she was happy to remain friends, but also made it clear enough that if I was willing, she considered there could be much much more.

I am the first to say that I have and will long have some reservations about the effect an age gap can have on certain aspects of the relationship.  That is simply being realistic.  My conclusion was ultimately that those aspects would need to be managed watchfully.  Eventually I became comfortable enough with the idea and thought WTF, I am in.

She says now, if ever the subject is discussed, "We have will the fine marriage, you will look, I will see you" LOL  Translated...(We will have a fine marriage, you will see because I will show you) BTW, I don't think it is all up to her to prove to me it will be fine.    Time will show, I'm glad I'm in this, but I am realistic enough to see some difficulties in the future. I don't think an age gap relationship is for everyone and I do think those who get involved in such a relationship need to spend a lot of time working through various issues before they get too lost in the romantic aspects.  At the rate our visa process is going, it will be well in excess of 2 years from meeting to marriage and frankly, I think that is plenty soon enough.

I/O

The problem with me, is that *I* have a problem with the age difference, not her.  I have this incredible amount of guilt associated with exactly what Jazzy mentions, dying years earlier and leaving her alone.

When I discussed this concern with her, she told me, translated, "Any amount of time with you is worth a lifetime with anyone else."  That's so incredibly romantic.  It just blew my heart completely out of my body.  But, she says that NOW, when I am alive!

I can handle her losing interest in me over time and wanting to leave.  That part of it is a gamble, but the pain would be mine, not hers.  When I think of her distraught over my 'early' demise, relationship wise, it just bugs the hell out of me.  I'm torn and waffling back and forth.  I have to decide to go "all in" or "all out".  I don't mean "all in" as jumping into marriage, but "all in" into the 'process of the relationship'.   

It's not fair to her to remain in a state of limbo, really, because it's causing problems in our communication.  She can feel me withdrawing sometimes and she doesn't really understand why.  All this other crap I've been talking about "rudeness", "stubbornness", etc, is exactly that. It's crap. It's nothing more than and idiot looking for reasons to end a relationship because he can't come to terms with his "guilt" issue. 

I really, *really* care about this girl and my heart says "IN IN IN", but then my mind says "If you really love this girl, you can't put her in a situation that you KNOW is going to hurt her some day, even if everything else is wonderful".

I had this talk with a lady friend of mine here in America. She said this is just my Piscean nature of "feeling other's pain".  Great, that's useful. I don't even believe in astrology. 

I'm not asking advise here, and I'm certainly not passing judgment on anyone who has decided to 'go for it' in an age gap relationship.   I guess I'm just kinda purging my soul.  It's a decision that I am solely responsible for. I have to come to terms with it in my own way. 

We are still in the process of "knowing" each other, and gaining that common language, so these could all very well be moot points in a year.  But, I have to decide to go all in, or all out in this process itself.

Well, anyway, maybe just throwing this crap out in the open will force me to get a grip.

Dave

[Crow331]

You see yourself that age do matter
So when you claimed that ages didn't matter for you, you should stress that's it's so ONLY for dating but not for marriage

Oh and after I re-read this thread, I noticed that I did say it was a never a factor in who I DATE

"Age has never been a factor in who I date ... I have dated as much as 15 years older or 13 years younger ... it's all about chemistry!" 

[ScottinCrimea]

I'm trying to find a way to say this so that everyone will understand what I mean, but I'm not having much success, so everyone, lease cut me some slack on this one.

Dave, I understand your concerns and the best way to start is to tell you about my experience:  I was a divorced guy with sole custody of four children.  I was dating a very nice woman who was maybe 10 years younger than me but very mature and intelligent with a law degree.  We got along great and at one point I had to decide whether to go "all in" as you described.  I felt guilty that having to help raise four children would hold her back and limit her lifestyle.  I made the decision to cut it off.  A few years later we met and chatted about the whole thing and I explained to her my reasons for cutting it off.  Her response was, "That should have been my choice."  That hit me like a ton of bricks because of course she was right.  Now you have a young lady who, by all of your accounts is mature, intelligent and level headed.  She has already told you her feelings on the matter.  This is a very poor analogy, so please forgive me, but if someone offered you half a candy bar would you say, "No thank you, I don't want it unless I can have the whole thing."?  You worry about her being distraught about your "early demise" so you are willing to make that "demise" much sooner by bowing out now.  Does that make sense?  If you're worried about the guilt, just concentrate on giving her more love in the time you have together than most men give in a lifetime and you will have no need for guilt or regrets.

[Admin]

The problem with me, is that *I* have a problem with the age difference, not her.  I have this incredible amount of guilt associated with exactly what Jazzy mentions, dying years earlier and leaving her alone.

When I discussed this concern with her, she told me, translated, "Any amount of time with you is worth a lifetime with anyone else."  That's so incredibly romantic.  It just blew my heart completely out of my body.  But, she says that NOW, when I am alive!

I can handle her losing interest in me over time and wanting to leave.  That part of it is a gamble, but the pain would be mine, not hers.  When I think of her distraught over my 'early' demise, relationship wise, it just bugs the hell out of me.  I'm torn and waffling back and forth.  I have to decide to go "all in" or "all out".  I don't mean "all in" as jumping into marriage, but "all in" into the 'process of the relationship'.   

It's not fair to her to remain in a state of limbo, really, because it's causing problems in our communication.  She can feel me withdrawing sometimes and she doesn't really understand why.  All this other crap I've been talking about "rudeness", "stubbornness", etc, is exactly that. It's crap. It's nothing more than and idiot looking for reasons to end a relationship because he can't come to terms with his "guilt" issue. 

I really, *really* care about this girl and my heart says "IN IN IN", but then my mind says "If you really love this girl, you can't put her in a situation that you KNOW is going to hurt her some day, even if everything else is wonderful".

I had this talk with a lady friend of mine here in America. She said this is just my Piscean nature of "feeling other's pain".  Great, that's useful. I don't even believe in astrology. 

I'm not asking advise here, and I'm certainly not passing judgment on anyone who has decided to 'go for it' in an age gap relationship.   I guess I'm just kinda purging my soul.  It's a decision that I am solely responsible for. I have to come to terms with it in my own way. 

We are still in the process of "knowing" each other, and gaining that common language, so these could all very well be moot points in a year.  But, I have to decide to go all in, or all out in this process itself.

Well, anyway, maybe just throwing this crap out in the open will force me to get a grip.

Dave

Dave,

You bring up an EXCELLENT point - and one that couples would do well to consider, and consider VERY seriously.

There are a host of issues.

Perhaps the most significant is a man's death while his spouse still has 20, 30 or 40 years left to live. AND - those years are long after her prime years for attracting a mate.

This issue is NOT to be taken lightly - and compounding the issue is that a young woman of 20 or 25, probably does not yet have enough life experience to really understand the magnitude of a decision to say "Yes" to a life of that sort.

The part about losing interest over time is, as you say, less significant - but important nonetheless. Some mitigation is possible in that we can work out and remain as healthy as possible, thereby trying our best to look good and extend our lifespans. But if anyone has any illusions about the fact of gravity affecting our aging bodies, you need only look at the effects on Clint Eastwood and James Garner in the movie 'Space Cowboys' to quickly realize that, eventually, it catches up to ALL of us - even those with a ton of $$ for surgeries and all the time they want to work out and stay healthy.

My point is - the romantic notions that feel so sweet and fill our hearts with the budding of a new relationship - it DOES wear off - and it DOES change - and men who are 15 or 20 or more years older than their wives WILL (almost certainly) die leaving their much younger spouses and children behind. ALL of this (and more) is a harsh reality that MUST be examined thoroughly - not merely discussed - prior to the decision to become wed to one another.

Sounds harsh, doesn't it? Not nearly so harsh as living it - and it pays to be prepared.

The tender age of the ladies come into play simply because of the additional REALITY, that she has not yet had the time to experience much in life. There WILL be adversity - there WILL be setbacks - there WILL be heartaches - there WILL be mountains to overcome - and how can she yet possibly know how she will respond to all of that? My wife did not - she was 23 or 24 when we met. For the most part, she has navigated those uncharted waters well - but not always. And neither of us know what we do not yet know - so there is more to come.

FWIW

- Dan

[Jazzyclassy]

Dave,

You bring up an EXCELLENT point - and one that couples would do well to consider, and consider VERY seriously.

There are a host of issues.

Perhaps the most significant is a man's death while his spouse still has 20, 30 or 40 years left to live. AND - those years are long after her prime years for attracting a mate.

This issue is NOT to be taken lightly - and compounding the issue is that a young woman of 20 or 25, probably does not yet have enough life experience to really understand the magnitude of a decision to say "Yes" to a life of that sort.

The part about losing interest over time is, as you say, less significant - but important nonetheless. Some mitigation is possible in that we can work out and remain as healthy as possible, thereby trying our best to look good and extend our lifespans. But if anyone has any illusions about the fact of gravity affecting our aging bodies, you need only look at the effects on Clint Eastwood and James Garner in the movie 'Space Cowboys' to quickly realize that, eventually, it catches up to ALL of us - even those with a ton of $$ for surgeries and all the time they want to work out and stay healthy.

My point is - the romantic notions that feel so sweet and fill our hearts with the budding of a new relationship - it DOES wear off - and it DOES change - and men who are 15 or 20 or more years older than their wives WILL (almost certainly) die leaving their much younger spouses and children behind. ALL of this (and more) is a harsh reality that MUST be examined thoroughly - not merely discussed - prior to the decision to become wed to one another.

Sounds harsh, doesn't it? Not nearly so harsh as living it - and it pays to be prepared.

The tender age of the ladies come into play simply because of the additional REALITY, that she has not yet had the time to experience much in life. There WILL be adversity - there WILL be setbacks - there WILL be heartaches - there WILL be mountains to overcome - and how can she yet possibly know how she will respond to all of that? My wife did not - she was 23 or 24 when we met. For the most part, she has navigated those uncharted waters well - but not always. And neither of us know what we do not yet know - so there is more to come.

FWIW

- Dan

Of course  that is true and harsh but it is how it is without premises

some of you consider 24 to be young and unexperienced in my life I had a lot of heartbreaks and sufferings and unhappy things not only in love field , I experienced enough to actually talk about my opinion here  and not only here

I think for you guys this age gap will always be sugar sweet dream , as that is your nature unfortunately always to look at better young not wrinkled picture of a woman, no matter how deeply and emotionaly we talk about soul here, for you it is actually  a secondary meaning once again not for everybody but for the majority......


I do not know guys ,like it depends on the woman too , there are women who prefer old men , there are women who prefer young me  and there are women who prefer their age men so  it is just completely individual

And as I already pointed it is some kinda fashion for the guy to have beautiful young very much more younger wife than him to flash her to the other guys boasting - Look fella what kinda chick I got , trying to justify their strong dignity in all the means of this word.......

I hope every one of us will chose what we want for ourselves, you guys will have young girls and I will have my age boy and we all will be happy and discuss things in peace without personal attacks:)))

[LEGAL]

it depends on the woman too , there are women who prefer old men , there are women who prefer young me  and there are women who prefer their age men so  it is just completely individual

For some women the age in their love is in the first place but other women prefer the men with whom they can have a happy family life, they prefer men who understand that the love, mutual understanding, respect, responsibility, selflessness, patience, confidence, compromise,  kindness is the pledge of happy family life and pledge of happy alliance between a man and woman.  When a woman meets her man whom she can entrust her love and life she doesn't take his age before his personality because for this woman the personality of her man, his soul, mind and heart is more important than his age. Lord, bless these women and men when their love lives with your truth and commandments independently of their age.

Olga.

[WmGO]

I like what Lilly had to say. She was quite realistic and diplomatic
at the same time.

I will add that it is important for WM to be honest with themselves
when it comes to age differences. I think that it is important to
guage the age risks and to make informed decisions, and to not make rationalizations to support an already formed agenda.

I think that there is a point at which there is no or virtually no "age
risk". I think that in the 1 to 7, 8 or 9 year age difference there is no or virtually no age risk between WM and FSUW. And I am only referring to those kind of risks attendant with age related issues, not all of the other risks and issues inherant in cross cultural marriages between WM and FSUW. In the 9 to 12 year age difference I think that the "age risk" is still fairly small, although it
is existant. For most healthy and normal men and women it should be insignificant. For those who are not normal or not healthy it could be very significant.

Beyond 12 years the age risk increases at a greater rate than before.

However, as the age difference approaches 15 years, the "age risk" becomes very significant IMO. And anything over 15 years is "high risk" , again in my opinion.

So the WM must ask himself what level of risk is he willing to take?
And why? And the answers to those questions should not be based
on preconceived notions or desires - or agency/industry hype. They
should be based on an honest assessment of self and
common sense reality always bearing in mind that marriage is supposed to be a permanent life time relationship.

That is my 2 kopeks. Your mileage may vary.

[WmGO]

After typing my above post I saw Olga's post and just
wanted to say that I liked it a lot. Mine was more a mechanical
kind of a rule of thumb guide to guage risks (based on a lot of knowledge and experience of the FSU and FSUW); Olga however
pointed out a bottom line spiritual truth. Thank you Olga.

Hopefully noone will now look for 40 year age difference 

[KenC]

Of course  that is true and harsh but it is how it is without premises

some of you consider 24 to be young and unexperienced in my life I had a lot of heartbreaks and sufferings and unhappy things not only in love field , I experienced enough to actually talk about my opinion here  and not only here

All of us had some experience at 24.  I know I had two children and my first business at that age.  But I was still just 24 with a whole life ahead too.

I think for you guys this age gap will always be sugar sweet dream , as that is your nature unfortunately always to look at better young not wrinkled picture of a woman, no matter how deeply and emotionaly we talk about soul here, for you it is actually  a secondary meaning once again not for everybody but for the majority......

Are you saying no matter how much you may think you are in love with the younger woman, it is still just physical attraction?

I do not know guys ,like it depends on the woman too , there are women who prefer old men , there are women who prefer young me  and there are women who prefer their age men so  it is just completely individual

I agree that there are all types of women with all types of desires.

And as I already pointed it is some kinda fashion for the guy to have beautiful young very much more younger wife than him to flash her to the other guys boasting - Look fella what kinda chick I got , trying to justify their strong dignity in all the means of this word.......

This comment makes small of every man with a younger wife.  Do you not see that?  Or was it your intention to put us down?  Not every man married to a younger woman was seeking "arm candy."

I hope every one of us will chose what we want for ourselves, you guys will have young girls and I will have my age boy and we all will be happy and discuss things in peace without personal attacks:)))

I see no personal attack on you.  Anyone can question the experience of a 24 year old with limited exposure to marriage or even being out of your home country.  I do however see you over stepping your experience and telling others (in a not very kind way) that their age gap marriage is for arm candy and that it is only the allure of youth with love having nothing to do with it.  Your words belittle every couple (not only the man) that has an age gap in their marriage.

Yes, you are entitled to your opinion no matter how baseless and unsubstantiated it is.  My Father used to say, "opinions are like azzholes, everyone has one."
KenC

[I/O]

Ken & Scott:  Perhaps I am a little protective, however that was not so much the intention.  I have seen things swing a little too far each way over the last few days and I see some middle ground which can be struck.  Usually the most livable place in most situations is the middle ground.

FWIW

I/O

[ScottinCrimea]

I/O, I agree but remember that the pendulum has to swing far in one direction first before it can swing back an equal distance to the other side.  Unfortunately, unless it swings back equally to each side the whole thing becomes unbalanced.  I think the last thing that we want here is unbalanced advice.  The solution is for everyone to avoid those wide swings that we have seen a lot of lately in the first place.  Unfortunately there are some here who seem to enjoy the wild ride.  I, for one, have grown weary of it.

As for the age question, my wife and I have a 15 year gap.  I wasn't looking for anyone so young but I couldn't deny my wife's qualities (not just her beauty) and our compatibility.  She could have been 15 years older than me and it wouldn't have made a difference.  As far as the health and longevity issue, I have much more energy than my younger wife and if you look at my arents, they are in their 70's and outrunning most people I know.  The average age of death for my grandarents and great grandparents was around 95 years old.  If anything, I should be more concerned about my wife dying before me!  Maybe I should have looked for someone younger!

[I/O]

Scott:  Ah well, look on the positive side.  If she slips off her perch before you and you are in your 80's perhaps you can go back for another shot and then find one 30 years younger.

I/O

[KenC]

Ken & Scott:  Perhaps I am a little protective, however that was not so much the intention.  I have seen things swing a little too far each way over the last few days and I see some middle ground which can be struck.  Usually the most livable place in most situations is the middle ground.

FWIW

I/O

Sorry I/O,
But I have underware older than Jazzy (with more experience too)  My own kids are older.  The moment we start to give equal credibility to the advice of a 24 YO, that has never been married, never lived outside her home country to members here that have been married for years and have gobs of practical hands on experience I think we have lost it.  If anything we have given her far too much credibility for her very limited experience.  It just isn't sensible if you step back and look at the big picture.  All opinions should be respected but they are not all equal.
KenC

[I/O]

KenC: We are in danger of getting far away from where we should be here because  I think we are pretty much on the same page anyway.  I've probably counseled a particular member in this "Experience vs Validity" subject more than most. You are exactly correct, all opinions are NOT equal.

I don't give credibility to any opinion until I measure it off against good sense and reason regardless of the age of the author.  I have seen a fair lack of good sense and reason in some of Jazzes posts recently and have told her so.  Likewise I don't see much sense in pressing notoriously hot buttons among younger people for the sake of strengthening our own case.  Ken, your comments usually stand alone for basic good sense.  They don't need to be compared or measured off against an age/inexperience thing.

The moment we try to support our own opinions by aportioning credability or lack of to a certain age group, we place ourselves in position to be shot at.  One of the younger ones would only have to draw a few extracts from a certain (Now non participating) member to have all the ammo regarding stupid advice they want to throw at the older ones.   

The matter that I see as pointless is to continue to push the "You will change your mind over time". We all know that........Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh.   Remember how you reacted when your parents said the same thing to you.  I sure as hell didn't react well.   I might not have said much at the time, but I remember thinking yeah yeah I am not you.

From 17-25 I knew it all.  Got married at 27 and the first thing I learned was that I didn't know Sh_t.  15 years later I still don't know sh_t, in fact probably less.  But shhhhhhhhh ya can't tell the younger ones that. Right and true though it may be, it just don't work tryin' to tell 'em.

That's my take on it anyway FWIW.

I/O

[KenC]

I/O,
It is much more than just age that makes an opinion valid or not.  As you said there were some old timers here that just gave horrible advice.  It is also about experience and speaking of what you know.  And the young lady in question is much too opinionated for her age, experience or what she knows.  She has opinions about how RW live in USA and yet has never been here.  Opinions on marriage and has never been.  Opinions on why older men marry younger women, and yet has no first hand experience.
 Look at the sequence up thread. Dan make a good post about providing financially for a much younger wife and then she follows it up with a post that says any marriage with a large age gap is all about the physical side of things and there is no love involved.  WTF?  Just because someone has access to the Net and knows a few words of English does not make their opinion valid or even sensible.  If she wants to post about life in Moscow, I am all ears.  As for the rest of her opinions, I'll pass,
KenC

[I/O]

If she wants to post about life in Moscow, I am all ears.  KenC

Exactly...!!!  I told her exactly this some time back and IIRC she later made a first class post on her life, the life in general and other aspects of Moscow economics.  I couldn't help but note how she immediately gained a good degree of respect from all.  Everyone was drinking it up because on that subject, she knew her stuff.

I suspect many who come to RWD, at least for a time misunderstand the thrust of the board.  Yes it is a discussion board, but different from others.  Very different.  The key thrust has been to try to give good advice rather than just share opinions. The trick for the wannabes like me is to stir some of the wiser heads into expounding that good advice.  It is not always so easy, but I do understand that you guys get a bit tired of telling the same thing over and over again.  However, I suspect that just goes with the territory.

I suspect you guys who have "Been there done that" (IE long time married to a RW) may not fully realise just how hard it is to get good reliable information on today's scene. Far too much of the information spread in cyber ink is spouted from mouths who have a vested interest in the industry, defensive nationalism or simply no knowledge.  (Off topic)

Back on topic: Age differences and surviving this far in such a relationship, I have noticed that I have had to check/stop myself a few times from dismissing something from my fiance' because of exactly that, the age difference.  I've been there, done that so to say and I can see she has a point but I can also see there is a better way that will cause her less problems.   I have found that I have needed to deliver the message very differently at times. 

She is an excellent listener when it comes to reason and logic, but one of the "never say" lines is, "Yes ok but I have been and done it that way in the past and there is a better way".  My Au/Deutz bluntness has needed something of a smoothing out. (Work in progess)   The personal grief in needing to stand back and watch one you love get her fingers burned even in a small way because she simply DOES need to try and to learn for herself, is almost too much at times.  I see no easy ways around this.  If a silver (magic) bullet exists, will someone post me a carton of them, I have the rifle.

I/O