Flight over Nikolaev

[HiTech]

The day before.
 Wednesday February 28 2007

I had just finished shopping for several gifts, Texas T-shirts and shot glasses. I decided to run 1 more search for a backup plan to list ladies in Nikolaev. I hit the view new ladies search. The first lady on the list was a good looking brunet but the picture was at a distance. I opened the profile and looked at the 2nd picture and think to myself, Boy that pose looks familiar. Suddenly the realization sinks in, it is a picture of Inna.

I have that bad pit of the stomach feeling. I have been conversing with Inna for 2 months, She was supposed to meet me at the airport in less than 48 hours. Why would she suddenly have brand new agency photos on a service I had used to send her flowers for valentines day. My mind is racing and my emotions are doing aerobatics. At this point I am not sure how to proceed. I give a friend a call who is in the business. He is totally surprised that the service I used would do this.

We form a game plane to confront Inna and the service when I am on my visit. I spend 2 very long hours finishing packing form the flight the next day. It was very hard for me to organize, my mind just would not stop thinking about those pictures. I had printed them because they were the best pictures I had of Inna.

I slip under the covers at midnight. I can’t seem to sleep longer that 15 minute intervals. In the morning I am up at 6:00 and do my final packing. I head to the office, I just have to check the new sight of Inna’s listing to see if anyone has emailed Inna. Open the page and Ahhhhhhh , no one has. I pick up a Rose to give to Inna when I arrive, the game plan was to buy one rose in every airport I stopped in.

On a side note mailing tubes make great containers for carrying roses, just rap them in floral paper and have one of those little water tubes on it. They arrived 2 days later in perfect condition.


The Trip

I get to the airport 2 hours before my flight, about 30 minutes before departure they announce a 1 hour delay, No problem I think I still have 1.5 hours to make the connection in O’Hare. We board 1 hour late and I proceed to spend the next 3 hours on the tarmac waiting for weather in Chicago. I am very tall guy, and sitting in coach is always a pain. Not to mention starting a trip where my emotions are in full after burner.

In Chicago I have to reschedule my flight to Warsaw for the following day.  I also have to contact Inna to notify her of my change in schedule. I stay awake until midnight to call the service in Nikolaev. The service notifies Inna of my new schedule , and Inna will meet still meet me at the airport. This settles me some because I know Inna has a difficult time taking off from work. If she was not interested I believe she might have made an excuse.

I sleep fairly well. When I awoke, wanting to get a handle on what is going on, I spend some time rereading a portion of How to marry a girl like me. When  reading an idea hit me. I make a list of all the positives I know about Inna.

The list.
Some of these items in retrospect I now view differently.

1. She was worried about me having a warm coat.
2. She called me a knight in a phone conversation.
3. She was spending 4 hours in a taxi to meet me at the airport.
4. She took off work to meet me.
5. How she described her cat to me.
6. She had answered any question I asked her in emails, and asked a lot of her own.
7. She described the last meeting she had of an American to me.
8. She had found an apartment for me (I will not ever do that again on a first meeting)
9. She had told her mother about me.
10. She never missed a phone call
11. She had agreed to use another email address and had debated it with me.
12. She had asked about price of the apartment.
13. She had once said to me on the phone “So you are a real man” referring to how much I hate shopping
14. She had asked me very directly about my willing ness to get a visa if we hit it off.
15. She was worried and had asked about who was taking care of my cats.


As I was writing the list I start to realize that Inna was doing a lot of thing in the book “How to marry a girl like me”. And was showing signs of being very interested in me. As I write this Trip report in real time, I am still not sure what is considered being a good host, but all my gut is telling me that Inna is very interested in us working out. So I ponder and try to come up with an idea on why the new pictures 2 days before we are meeting. Here is my guess. Inna and I had talked on the phone via an interpreter. She had some how seemed more distance in our last conversation. The day of our last phone conversation she had read the following email from me.

Hello Inna,

I hope you and your mother are doing well. In our letters with each other we have discussed life goals.
I find myself wishing there was a way that I could know how you feel about things. What goes threw your mind when you think of us meeting. I know it is possible that we might not get along with each other, but I hope with all my heart that we like each other as soon as we meet.

If things go well between us, I look forward to meeting your mother, She must be very special to have raised a daughter like you. I also want you to know I am only traveling to Nikolaev to meet you. I know some men travel to meet a lot of ladies at once, but to me that seems unfair.

Dear Inna , there are so many things I wish to know about you, simple things like what does your home look like, who are the people you work with, it just is very hard to discuss simple things in letters.

I have so much to say and ask, but I just can not seem to put the words on paper. So today will just be a very short email because we will again talk soon on the phone.

Sincerely
Dale


This email is the first time I had told Inna that I was traveling to Nikolaev to only meet her. So is it possible the service had told her that most men plan on meeting more than one lady on a visit? And that when she read the email after putting up a new profile, she had felt guilty? And this was the reason she was so distant in our last phone call? It is now 4 hours to my flight, snowing outside so I hope the flight leaves on time. 18 hours to my meeting Inna for the first time.

3:30 PM Friday.

Sitting in the Chicago international terminal. I am surprised when standing in the baggage line to meet 2 gentleman on the same quest that I am on. My mood is surprisingly calm. My arm pits smell, no clean shirt, I must save the extra shirt I have in my brief case for meeting Inna. My game plan is to freshen up in Warsaw.

As I sit here I am pondering about when my eyes opened, and I had no doubt about what I wanted. It is really such a simple thing. A feminine strong woman who wants a man to be a man. She must want a caring man, not some politically correct version of a wimp. How did we get to a point in the USA where so many women act like they want to be a man. What I want is a version of my mother’s ideals with different personality traits. My mother was born in 1925 and has the family ideals of Ukrainian women. I feel like a huge hangar door has been opened in front of me. Suddenly every thing I have always looked for in women is possible to find. After lunch in Chicago I picked up my 2nd rose. The store clerk had a big smile when I told her where the rose was going. Suddenly she could not help me enough. Yes romance still lives.

For lunch today I had met a business acquaintance.  Matt and I had a great conversation about creativity and romance, I would bet that most creative people become romantics as they get older. I am also in disbelief how much I am enjoying writing this as I travel. Normally I really dislike writing, is it possible that I finally have something worth writing about?

I have always been a very analytical person. But this quest I am on seems to have awakened in me something new. A passion and joy for life that has been missing for the past years. At last I believe again that it is possible for me to find a wife who will want to have children and create a family.

Bruce, one of the gentlemen I had met in the baggage line, was on his 2nd trip. It sounded to me like his girl could not decide. I must say I could not see going on a 2nd trip to see the same lady if we had not already made a decision to go for it.

Sunday 4:30 AM.
Dam sleep is hard, went to bed around 9:00 PM, up at 3:00 am, so much for ambient sleeping pills. It has been a very interesting day, but I am confused. I see some mixed signals from Inna. When I met Inna at the airport, customs was a major pain. They politely relieved me of $120. We looked into each others eyes , I smiled and she did also. But somthings are not quite adding up. She had said she had seen the apartment, but obviously when we arrived she had not seen it. The computer that was suppose to keep me connected to the outside world does not work. I will have to solve that issue tommorow.

Inna and I had had dinner in the apartment, Some type of salmon, and a wine she had chosen on the way from the airport. The fish was good, but the wine was way sweeter than I could drink, I forced some down to not insult Inna. We were generaly having fun, using the electronic interpeter to communicate. But when I asked Inna how long she wanted to stay she said 8:00 pm.

It seemed very strange to me for her to choose such an early time, I had just flown ˝ way around the world to meet her, and she was ready to leave at 8. At 8:00 Inna ask me to walk her some place to call a taxi. Taxi and busses are the norm for Nikolaev, They normally cost around $2 for anywhere in the city with no tipping expected. As we walk out side I have to try make her understand that I need to go up and down the apartment stairs to make sure I can find my apartment back. I was completely disorientated and sleep deprived plus the apartment did not have a number on it.

Outside it is completely dark with no exterior lights at all, once again the outside door has no labeling on it, and after several trips back and forth I feel I can find my way back. But at this point I have no idea how long of a walk it is to the taxi place. Most of the apartment buildings are entered from the back / alley side with an unlit tunnel to get to the back side. These tunnels are very dark and intimidating the first time you use them. Once on the street side of the tunnel I spot a red and blue sign on each side of the tunnel. Good a landmark I can use.

One block down the street was the taxi / buss stop. It was in front of a new complex called the City Center.
It consisted of a super market / mini mall, bowling ally 2 restaurants and a pool place. I had a hard time convincing Inna to go to the market with me before I left, I just need to purchase some drinking water.
I do not think she quite understood how I was in a completely foreign place with no knowledge of the language, and was not exactly comfortable using the store by my self. It seemed to me she was in a hurry to go some place.

The Supper market was not as I expected. It was almost exactly like one in the US. The cashiers sat in secretarial office chairs at the checkout lane. Plastic discount cards were very popular. One difference was when purchasing produce, they do not have the scales at the check out lane. Instead they have someone at the produce counter weigh and barcode your produce. I found this out when buying bananas, the cashier looked at me funny and pointed, she finally gave up and ran back to get it weighed herself.

So at this point I can not quite figure out the situation with Inna. In the taxi ride from Odessa, she slept in my arms for a while. But last night on our walk to the taxi I got the sense she had something else she was in a hurry to accomplish.

Her bio was also not 100% accurate, obviously she smokes, not a problem for me, but it is another bad sign. Overall we had fun, but something is amiss.

I talked to Betty, (Manager of the dating service and not her real name) before going to bed. Her office is very close so at least that will not be an issue of contacting her. I am glad that I found out about Inna’s new profile, followed by the delayed flight. It has given my time to put my emotions in check.

Written Tuesday March 6,2007

Sunday March 4

Inna is supposed to call at 12:00 today. I talked to Betty around 8:00 this morning she will be coming to meet me in my apartment around 9:00, it turns out that her grandfather previously lived in the apartment I am in. As I am standing out side on the balcony having a smoke, this drop dead gorgeous brunet is walking buy. My thoughts were wow, this is a true stunner, tall, slender, black mink coat with her hair flowing down its sides. The brunet turns down the ally and the realization strikes me, this must be Betty.

Betty shows me the main street of Nikolaev. The Macdonald’s down town, turns out to be a common meeting spot, there is only one in the city. She shows me the flower market. We talk a lot about “The Business” and about the general conditions in the Ukraine. I describe how the Great Depression is similar to the state of affairs in the Ukraine. I can see the economy is building in the Ukraine. I assure betty that 10 years from now things will be very different in the Ukraine. But she and others I have talked to are extremely pessimistic about the future.

We discuss gun laws in Texas. She ask me if I carry or own a gun. Discuss how the 4th amendment is the ultimate right to keep the government in the hands of the people.

Inna calls at 12:00 noon. She will met me with Olga (her interpreter) at 1:30. As I am waiting outside the apartment for Inna there is a 70 year old man having a smoke. I pull  my Winstons out and decide to find out if he will trade one. He shakes his head and just gives me one of his non filters.  I show him my pack and suddenly he looks excited, he takes a deep breath tries to speek, but to no successs, One more breath, he pats his chest and says “vieeeet naam” . I understand what he was trying to tell me, smile at him, and this huge grin spreads across his face. I pulled out my electronic translator and was trying to find out when he was in Vietnam, finally understood he served in 1962.

The taxi shows up at this point. I wave for Olga to come to me so I can converse with this gentleman.
Olga gives me a really strange look, like why are you talking to this guy. She eventually comes out of the taxi and I found out he was a paratrooper in Vietnam. He had fought against Americans. He just wanted to show me, mostly I could sense it, that once we were enemies and now our countries are friends.

The 3 of us go for lunch, we stop at a coffee house, and have coffee and some snacks. Next we go bowling at the city center. It is interesting watching other people bowl. Most people have obviously never bowled before, and there styles are very unique. After bowling we have a beer and make plans for the evening.

Inna will pick me up via taxi at 9:00 pm and we will go out with out our interpreter to a Disco named Dilutions. They ask me what the word means and I describe it as a complex word similar to dreams or visions.

Ordering drinks in the Ukraine is different than America, you not only have to say what and how, (I.E. rocks, or  neat or with water) you also have to tell them how much. Normally drinks are either 50 or 100ml. They get out there beaker and measure each drink as if you were in a lab class.

We are seated at a very nice booth table on the 2nd level overlooking the dance floor. We walk to the bar to see what type of scotch (Whiskey to the rest of the world) they have. As we return some one has taken our seats. Inna promptly kicks them out and we sit down. We talked & drank, Inna ordered a salad, it was one of the best I have had. A Russian couple asked if they could sit at the other ˝ of our booth, Inna said “Da”.

I saw that Leonev and I smoked the same cigarettes. I gestured to trade an American Winston for a Ukrainian one. No difference between them that I could tell. Later I offered to buy a whiskey for Leonev, he was drinking water, but he refused.

Inna and I then danced, and like always I was sweating when we finished. As we got back at the table Leonev gave me some of his water seeing my parched state. I then performed the disappearing dollar bill trick for them and like normal there eyes lit up in surprise. For some reason magic goes across very well in the Ukraine. Most people acted as they had never seen magic before.

The trick completely broke the ice. Next Leonev showed my how he had built the waterfall in the men’s bath room. He does very nice work, and I later found out that he does both the design and instalation.

Around 12:30 I am sitting with Inna and I realized that all my senses are telling me Inna is not “the one”. In retrospect I think it was because of mer reactions to my open ,friendly and outgoing nature. It just seemed like work being with her, verses being relaxed around each other. There was no doubt in my mind that I did not wish to pursue a relation ship with Inna. Had we had an interpreter that evening, I would have told her then. Instead I decided to wait until me were meeting for lunch the next day.

Monday afternoon Inna , Olga and I go shopping for a sim card, Olga ask why don’t I also buy Inna a sim card, I thought It a little strange but for $5 and really not going to ask why. At lunch as we easy into conversation Inna suggest we take a trip to Odessa. This was the opening I used to Tell Inna I had decided we would not work. Olga ask me if I really want to tell here that right now.  I’m not exactly sure so we let it go for a bit, but then another question comes up and I say Olga , we need to tell her now. Inna’s reaction is benign. I can tell she is disappointed that we did not work, But I also know that we can’t. I’m not positive but I think Olga was working extra cash behind the scenes. The price of my flat was $30 a night above the listing on the web sight. Twice Olga had called the landlord about the computer and Olga always seemed to not wish to give me the landlord’s number.

It always felt like something was going on behind the scenes. A few times Inna & Olga would have to leave for 10 minutes for a phone call together. Never an explanation, they would just come back and continue.

As were eating Leonev and his girl friend happen to once again sit down at the table right next to us. We smile shake hands. Leonev tells me he also designed the interior of the restaurant we were in.

I am lucky to have read a lot of trip reports & advice from others who have been on the quest. My emotions were telling me to try make it work with Inna. After having invested 2 months of writing emails to have to end it abruptly was only a logical choice and not a heart felt one. With out the knowledge of others my first trip would have ended in complete disaster.

The day before Betty had shown me the women she had in her agency. I was only attacked to one but Natalia was on the young end of my age criteria , 26. I thought Natalia was drop dead gorgeous, but in her pictures she looked very sassy. When showing me Natalia Betty had commented that she was a very pleasant girl and not what her pictures portrayed.


Prior to my final lunch with Inna, I gave Betty a call to set up a date Monday evening with Natalia. I had decided that I will just go out for dinner and have a fun evening meeting Natalia. Was a total switch of thought process from meeting Inna. Now I was just out to have a great week in the Ukraine.

In preparation for the meeting , I make my first solo purchase. Off to the flower market I go and purchase 3 roses. I found out later I had paid top dollar for them and the price was negotiable. But live and learn , I had no idea of what the price was suppose to be.

Betty and Natalia arrive at my apartment on Ukrainian time (20 minutes late). I have to be reminded by Betty to take there coats. We sit down and I make some tea and coffee for them. As we talk I realize how Inna was either very closed, just a dating girl, or was not attracted to me. In contrast Natalia is inquisitive. She tells me about her first email exchange. How she had not gone with her friends to Odessa for a vacation because this American “gentleman” who she was writing had said he was flying to visit her that week.


As it turns out the guy never showed. Natalia was left High and Dry, missed her outing with her friends. 
After some tea, and a sample of peanut butter which they have never tried before. We head off to dinner. The restaurant is a very elegant place with only 4 tables. The food is excellent and we talk non stop. Natalia is a very attractive women, but had Betty not described her I would not have chosen her from her picture. 1st she is on the young side of my choice range. 2nd in all her pictures she looks very dead pan. But this is not her personality at all.

At dinner I could tell that Natalia was interested in me do to the fact the fact she was always looking at me and not the interpreter. Looking into her eyes is a lot of fun. Makes my heart just melt. I am totally struck by the difference between Inna and Natalia. Conversing with Inna was a lot of work. She very rarely asked any questions. With Natalia we always have something to say or ask each other. The other difference is Natalia never ask me for anything. Half way threw dinner Betty has to leave to help another client, and Natalia gets her first chance at trying to communicate with out having and interpreter present. We do fairly well with her knowledge of English and using the electronic calculator. During the coarse of the evening we danced a few songs in the Eli of the restaurant. As we were about to leave I look at her and say tomorrow? She eagerly nods yes.

Tuesday.  3/6/2007
I spend the morning browsing the shops, Finally got back online in an Internet café. The main street of Nikoalev is a fun place to hang out and just people watch.  Natalia has English classes at 6:00 today so she will not be able to meet me until 7:30pm. She showed up at 7:25 very unusual for Ukrainian women.

[HiTech]

Pictures

Inna and me

Inna and Olga her interpreter

Olga an interpreter and Natalia

[ScottinCrimea]

Great trip report!  Can't wait to hear the rest of the story. Great advice about the mailing tubes and roses. As one of the more "experienced" members, I can't help but make a few comments:

It's always interesting to hear someone's first impressions about things here in Ukraine.  I have now lived here long enough that I see these things as normal.  When you commented about the apartment entry and the supermarket, I remembered my first reactions to these and many other things that are different from in the US.

It seems that you have done your homework and know how to go about the process and how to spot red flags.  I think many of these girls are coached on what to write and how to respond during letter or phone contact, but as you have seen, the only way to know for sure is to go have a look.  I would give Inna the benefit of the doubt about posting new pictures.  She had only been communicating with you for 2 months and had already met at least one American unsuccessfully so she was not going to give up all other options yet.  Now if she had done this after you had met and there was a mutual interest, then I would be uncomfortable.  As far as the smoking, a lot of women will state on their bio that they don't smoke when in fact they do.  They figure they can hide it when you are there and worry about quitting if you hit it off or else hope that you will accept it after you know her better.

I would never let the girl arrange for the interpreter.  It should be a neutral third party either arranged by you or by the agency.  I think you are right that they were working something out on the side.  That's typical behavior to try to maximize the opportunity.  We would see it as dishonest, they see it as being resourceful.  Like many have said here before, if an FSUW is interested in you, they will let you know it.  Inna obviously wasn't interested in you and had resolved to make the most of the situatin for both herself and Olga.  If you had continued to see her you would have found Olga suggesting other purchases, etc.  You saw the difference with Natalia.  She (at least initially) is interested.  I have my suspicions about why Inna didn't stay so late the first night.  Now it could have been that she was tired, saw that you were tired, and thought she was being polite, but the other two options are that she didn't want to get in the position where sex might be an option, or that she was meeting someone else. If she had a new boyfriend that might also explain her sudden coldness to you.  Either way, you did right.  Anything further would have been a waste of your time and money.  You came there for a specific purpose, that didn't work out, so you moved on.

Enjoy your trip, keep writing, and feel free to ask if you have questions.

[HiTech]

I would never let the girl arrange for the interpreter.

This was going to be in my lessoned learned section.
Also never let a lady arrange your apartment on a first visit.

[Gator]

Hi HiTech,

You were smart to rid yourself of Inna early in the process.  Some men cling to their WOVO woman, ignoring the warning signals, or convincing themselves this is all due yo a barrier in culture and language.

Three bad signs with Inna:

-  A woman leaving at 8:00 pm should have given you a detailed explanation.  You flew 10,000 miles just to see her and she disappears early in the evening.

-  A woman not asking questions is either not interested in you or of low intelligence.

-  And the most important, you are not feeling anything.  It is work to be with her.  This is your internal computer at work, factoring all the tangibles and intangibles and saying "NO".

Looking at the woman  next to you in the avatar, I can see where this is going.  Natalia is an attractive woman and seems much more relaxed and personable in her photo than Inna.

[Daveman]

HiTech,

Enjoying your trip report.   So far it seems that you have your head on straight.  It's excellent that you also tried your hand at relating with the locals like that on your first visit.  My impression is that both Ukrainians and Russians are quite the friendly lot if you make an effort to communicate with them. Their kindness can amaze you completely.  Very glad (and impressed) that you took that step.  Sounds like you are too! :-)

I agree that getting away from Inna was good thinking and a great example for others who have yet to make the trek.  Looking forward to the next chapter!

BTW, Welcome to the board!

Dave

[timothe]

It always felt like something was going on behind the scenes. A few times Inna & Olga would have to leave for 10 minutes for a phone call together. Never an explanation, they would just come back and continue.

The first and only time I used a translator, (she was the 15yr old daughter of a married woman I met on ICQ), my ladyfriend and the translator went to the bathroom together during a meal at a restaurant.  As soon as my translator got back, I took her aside and told her that since I am paying her, she's working for my best interests and that there would be no more "powder" sessions with my ladyfriend.  The young girl didn't mean any harm....she was simply doing what my ladyfriend suggested.  But I had felt like I had to put my foot down. 

You did a good job in getting away from the first one.  I wasn't so lucky on my first and allowed myself to be held hostage for 8 miserable days. 

I'm enjoying your trip report immensely.  Thank you for sharing your story. 

[START2]

Welcome HT.
  Reading your report brought back some memories. my first time to niko was by chance. While my friends worked I loaded up a bag and hopped on a marshrutka and ended up in Niko. Ended up staying a few days. I'm sending a pic here to see if you ran across this place. It's called Dixie BBQ. It's between Mc'd's and the Ship Builders monument and of course the taxi stand and bus stop. Place had pretty good food and music. Is it still there? This was probably 3 years ago. That disco you talk about was great fun. I actually met a couple gals there and stayed my time in their flat near the walking street not far from the flower market. I'll vouch for Mcd's being a hot spot after hours . Lots to see.

[START2]

Anyway, sounds like you're doing what any logical thinking guy should do. Enjoy your stay. Nikolaev is a cozy town. Watch out for the little street urchins there. You want to feel sorry for them but they'll rip you quick. This town more than any other I've been in. One day I was filming the streets and a small group 5 or 6 were gathering.  I noticed they kept getting closer and closer and I told them to beat it. All of a sudden a shopp keeper comes running out of his store and smacks the biggest kid(maybe 8 or 9 yrs. old) upside the head and told him to get lost. The kid was really crying and I felt sorry for him but later in my stay I saw these kids pic-pocketing. The shopp keeper just looked at me and nodded his head. I had bought some cigars from him earlier and he remembered me.
   Just an inquiry. Are you allowing yourself to shop a little, make a few trips, or are you already decided on Nat for now?

[HiTech]

Start2:

Dixie Is still there, I didn't have much trouble with the Urchins, only one ever approached me, but He did not take no very easily.

Decided on Nata, going back May 12 for another 2.5 weeks,Nata and I are doing Kiev->Yalta->Nikolaev

[START2]

That's a nice avatar of you two. Sounds to me like you got your head screwed on straight and are doing things right. Going back so fast for a visit is excellent. Lots of posts here on Kiev and things to see and do but not Yalta. The water front is great. Famous disco there called Tornado but the real hot spot is actually an american theme club. It's all the way down the  water front (opposite direction of the beach) as you begin to enter walking paths and flower gardens. I was shocked to see all the american memorabilia in the place. It gets packed but it's lots of fun. Maybe someone here knows the name. Go see Swallows Nest as well. Pretty impressive. I guess your gal will know all the particulars about yalta. From Simferopol it's a 2 hour ride by marshrutka. Have a good time.