Time for some Humor!!

[GQBlues]

SNL can sometimes crank up some pretty funny skits. This one is one of them, LOL.

There's a guy that sprung from the shower that look awfully familiar. Hhhmm, I can't remember where I saw his video...

[tfcrew]

Texas Declares War on the USA
 
President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
"Hello, President Obama " a heavily accented southern voice said.

"This is Archie, down here at the Joes Crab Shack, Houston Texas ,

 I am callin' to tell yal that we are officially declaring war on ya!"   
"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news !   
How big is your army ?"   
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself,

 my cousin Harold , my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart

 team from  Hooters. That makes eight!"   
Barack paused . "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in

my army waiting to move on my command."   
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have at call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Obama , the war

 is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"   
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.   
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm

tractor."   
President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks

 and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to

one and a half million since we last spoke."   
"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."   
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. " President Obama ,

the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We

up an' modified Harolds's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in

the cockpit, and four
boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"   
Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must

tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter

 planes.  My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided,

surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"   
"Oh Lord," said Archie, "l'll have at call you back."   
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. " President Obama ! I am
sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."   
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack . "Why the sudden change

 of heart?"   
 
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a

long chat over a few beers, and come to realize that there's

just no way we can feed two million prisoners.."
 
        TEXAS CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN =

 

Support Our Troops
 
 

[GQBlues]

Heard from an unknown comedian in Lewis Black's Surviving the Holidays' series now airing on the History Channel. This specific one is about American Thanksgiving Day Traditions....

"Now, why is it that someone feels they should overfeed us with Detroit Lions football debauchery on Thanksgiving Day? I mean, yes Thanksgiving is a day to celebrate the art of giving, but Detroit, of all places, have nothing left to give! They're tapped ut for the last 50 years. The Lions vs every other NFL team taking turns beating up on a city's team is about as sorry as the state of the city itself! Maybe Thanksgiving is that one day in the year where it's OK for a man to fall asleep in front of another man.

Seriously, stop feeding us Detroit Lions Football on Thanksgiving Day! That's not traditional. If they want 'Traditional', then they should schedule the Patriots to play the Redskins. This way every year we can watch the Patriots beat up on the Redskins and then watch them take over their stadium! Now that's American tradition!"

Ah yes, American Thanksgiving tradition! The only country in the modern world who finds it appropriate to the killing of millions of living things to commemorate their day of appreciation and giving!"

LOL.

[Gylden]

http://www.digital-cake.net/watch/the-tale-about-a-stupid-husband

[I/O]

 [youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOGcN8QioFs&feature=player_embedded [/youtube]

[Lily]

 Fun video in English about What is Russia (actually commercial, but such fun )

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOPuvTMndIs[/youtube]

[TwoBitBandit]

Я так сильно скучаю по России!!!!
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZvWSzTXf-4[/youtube]

[Lily]

[2tallbill]

Communication problem
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[/size]
[/size]It's too bad Arnold Schwarzenegger had this little misunderstanding because English isn't his native language.
[/size]



[/size]



[/size]He told Maria that the babysitter wanted a raise.
[/size]



[/size]



[/size]Maria said, "Screw her."
[/size]



[/size]



[/size]Any simple-minded semi-literate Austrian could have made the same mistake
[/size]

[tfcrew]

Obituary of the Pillsbury Dough Boy ... Please join me in remembering a great icon. Veteran Pillsbury spokesperson, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch and many others.
 
 The graveside was piled high with flours as long-time friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."
 
 Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, even as a crusty old man, he was still considered a roll model for millions.
 
 Toward the end it was thought he'd raise once again, but he was no tart.
 
 Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.   

[2tallbill]

[BillyB]

My fiancee refers to cats as pussy. I just came across this joke yesterday and couldn't stop laughing.
 
The teacher asks Timmy "why is your cat at school today?" Timmy says, crying, "Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy, 'I'm going to eat that pussy when the kids leave.' so I'm saving him!"

[GQBlues]

[Muzh]

LMAO, that was really good.

[2tallbill]

[OlgaH]

[GQBlues]

One of my All-Time favorite classic re-runs has got to be the show called 'Taxi'. Thank goodness for YouTube, I still get to occassionaly watch some of the show's hilarious moments...Taxi showcased how a bunch of social misfits can actually get together and create a few laughs.
 
While it's said that two of the show's stars had since left this world, it's great they were able to make more than a few people laugh...even now.
 
This is one of the funniest skits on that show...
 


 

[viking]

I remember watching "Taxi" on TV. One of the funniest shows ever. A gut buster.

[tfcrew]

 

[Gator]

Gee TFCrew,
 
That piece of political satire is rather high brow.  The criticism of Obama was mild.  If you like such themes, check out the Capitol Steps, who usually hold no punches.  Thay have made many parodies of Obama such as receiving his peace prize just before deploying more troops to Afghanistan. 
 
My favorite by Capitol Steps:
 

 
 
Here's their parody of Putin when Russia invaded Georgia
 

[Muzh]

Gator, they'll be playing live here in a couple of days.

[2tallbill]

Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your Aunt Betty, It feels great but for christs sake don't look down.
Same guy calls in to work telling his boss he is sick. The boss says how sick are you?
He says I'm getting a BJ from my aunt Betty how sick is that?

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.

[Eduard]

pretty funny!

• Ты хочешь прижаться к телу ? Ощутить лицом горячее дыхание ? Вспотеть от изнеможения ? Входить и выходить, двигаться взад-вперед ? В чем же дело - садись в автобус в час пик ! )

[ML]

Critical manual labor guy calls boss and says:  I'm not feeling very well so can't come to work today.

Boss:  Don't give up so easily.  When I am not feeling well I have sex with my wife and then I usually feel much better.  Why don't you try it?

Guy:  OK, if you say so.

Later at work.

Boss:  So see,  it worked; you feel much better now, right?

Guy:  Yes, thanks.  And you also have a very nice house.

[Shadow]

When you are used to e-mail and typing chat in English, people forget that sometimes English at first meeting can be like this clip....