Time for some Humor!!

[2tallbill]

blue balls?

[2tallbill]

Not so hot date

[2tallbill]

Help with translation

[Muj]

Good ones Bill

 

[2tallbill]

One more stategy to win her over

[Mamma D]

Smells like a new car! ? 

[2tallbill]

Blonde joke

[Mamma D]

Make a wish...................... :  wallbash:

[2tallbill]

Pretty eyes

[jb]

 A Japanese doctor says, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can
take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him  out looking for
work in six weeks.'
   
      A German doctor says, 'That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one
person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks.'
   
      A British doctor says, 'In my country medicine is so advanced that we can
take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them
out looking for work in two weeks.'
   
      The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, 'You guys are way
behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, send her to Washington
where she will become President, and then half the country will be out looking
for work!'

[acrzybear]

    As I said in another post, defection is looking better and better

[ScottinCrimea]

Wouldn't you just love to see Hiilary try to take on Yulia Tymoshenko?  She would be crawling back to Bill in no time.

[2tallbill]

Rhino

[2tallbill]

Random Questions

IS ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION?

IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN,"WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

[2tallbill]

Charley Brown

[ConnerVT]

A real Mail Order Bride

(and you said they don't really exist)

[2tallbill]

Who designed this???

[2tallbill]

Female IT experts........

[2tallbill]

Engineers

[2tallbill]

Where is HE going???

[2tallbill]

Unreachable

[Mamma D]

May be some truth here..........

Drafting Guys over 60

I 'm over 60 and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. (You can't be older than 42 to join the military.)

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.
Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts! I'm hungry! Where's the remote?"

An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to drink. The average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer, and a jaunt through the desert heat with a beer and an M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly. (Note there are 24 hours in a day and 24 bottles in a case...another convenient way to measure time!)

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.

Old guys always get up early to pee.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns.

We like them almost better than naps.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt now, "Get down and give me ... er ... one."
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his shorts sticking out. He's hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda can rupture an eardrum, and that a baseball cap has a brim to shade eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.

Oh well, he may be OK......

[Son of Clyde]

Who decided that teenagers have to die for their country? Why not have the leaders play a game of chess and the loser has to keep quiet for a dozen years. With George W Bush it would have to be a game he is capable of comprehending.

[2tallbill]

National Sarcasm Society

[2tallbill]

Clearly priceless