Time for some Humor!!

[2tallbill]

***Warning political joke making fun of Democrats***
***Warning political joke making fun of Democrats***
***Warning political joke making fun of Democrats***
***Warning political joke making fun of Democrats***
***Warning political joke making fun of Democrats***

If you are super sensitive about such jokes skip to the next joke


Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?
 
Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:
 
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah,raises the knife, and charges at you.
 
You are carrying a 40 caliber Glock, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

..............................................................
Democrat's Answer:

 Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is thi s street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day, and make this a
happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

..................................................

Republican's Answer:

BANG!


Southerner's Answer:



BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! Click

Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?'

Son: "Can I shoot the next one!"

Wife: "You're not takin' that to the Taxidermist

[acrzybear]

 "Wife: "You're not takin' that to the Taxidermist"

[2tallbill]

Notice

[2tallbill]

peer pressure.......

[2tallbill]

New Drug

[2tallbill]

Only us.........

[2tallbill]

Smells like..........

[2tallbill]

Some people thought Jack was slightly reluctant to show his committment to Jill. Jill says that no, Jack was just shy...............

[2tallbill]

Hope springs eternal..........

[2tallbill]

re·dun·dant      /rɪˈdʌndənt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ri-duhn-duhnt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective 1. characterized by verbosity or unnecessary repetition in expressing ideas; prolix: a redundant style. 
2. being in excess; exceeding what is usual or natural: a redundant part. 
3. having some unusual or extra part or feature. 
4. characterized by superabundance or superfluity: lush, redundant vegetation. 
5. Engineering. a. (of a structural member) not necessary for resisting statically determined stresses. 
b. (of a structure) having members designed to resist other than statically determined stresses; hyperstatic. 
c. noting a complete truss having additional members for resisting eccentric loads. Compare complete (def. , incomplete (def. 3). 
d. (of a device, circuit, computer system, etc.) having excess or duplicate parts that can continue to perform in the event of malfunction of some of the parts. 
 
6. Linguistics. characterized by redundancy; predictable. 
7. Computers. containing more bits or characters than are required, as a parity bit inserted for checking purposes. 
8. Chiefly British. removed or laid off from a job. 


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Origin: 1595–1605; < L redundant- (s. of redundāns), prp. of redundāre to flow back, overflow, be excessive. See redound, -ant]

[2tallbill]

Who has a bad attitude?

[2tallbill]

I wonder why he seems a little short?

[2tallbill]

I am pissed, I always thought this counted...........

[2tallbill]

A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.



After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"



"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."



"That's right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her Breasts.
"Do you know what I am doing now?"
he asked.

"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might indicate breast cancer."

"Correct," replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked,
"Do you know what I am doing now?"



"Yes," she said, "You're getting herpes: which is why I came here in the first place."

[2tallbill]

I said to sit!

[2tallbill]

Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a
carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth. One of my sisters lives
in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are
prostitutes in Dallas.

I have two brothers: one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at
Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is
currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three
children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in
Longview. She is a part time "working girl".

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancé and look forward
to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and
honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Hillary Clinton for
President?

Signed,

Worried About My Reputation

[2tallbill]

Old joke that has been around a while

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met
by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still
cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

Hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically
speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately
result in death.

[2tallbill]

If you build it will they come?

[2tallbill]

Antidote

[2tallbill]

note to self.........

[2tallbill]

Children...........

[2tallbill]

Gotta love those Tiger Fans..........

[2tallbill]

Florida the Mountain State?????

[2tallbill]

It's important to keep a positive attitude!

[2tallbill]

Easter bunny nightmares......