Time for some Humor!!

[2tallbill]

***Warning political joke***
***Warning political joke***
***Warning political joke***

If you get indignant anytime somebody makes fun of Hillary please go on to the
next joke.

[2tallbill]

BC posted this in another thread. I thought I would add it here

[2tallbill]

No shirt............

[BillyB]

Here's a popular one most of you probably already heard of.

An old couple were sitting on the porch one afternoon rocking in their rocking chairs. All the sudden the old man reaches over and slaps his wife.

She says, "Well, what was that for?"

He says, "Thats for 30 years of rotten sex!"

She doesn?t reply and they start rocking again.

All the sudden the old lady reaches up and slaps her husband.

He says, "What the hell was that for?"

She says, "That?s for knowing the difference!"

[2tallbill]

Put away the jaws of Life!!

[2tallbill]

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation
ensues:

Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, children,
grandchildren, and great grandchildren.

Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a
motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."

Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"

Man: "What sins?"

Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"

Man: "I'm Jewish."

Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"

Man: "I'm 92 years old . . . I'm telling everybody!"

[Ste]

Little Johnny comes running out of his Granny's bedroom and exclaims to his mum "Mum, Gran has a Prawn sticking out her private parts!"

Mum, concerned, opens her mothers bedroom door and gran is naked on the bed, asleep, smiling with satisfaction, her clitoris standing proud and erect.

Mum, in explaination mode, hiding her embarrassment says to wee Johnny "No, Johnny, that's just her clitoris...."

Little Johnny says, indignantly, "Funny, it tasted like a Prawn....."

Tones Lowered 'R' Us....

I thank you....

[2tallbill]

  Ste you are waaaaayyyy to wicked!!!!!!!!!!!

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company.

One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her
husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said the woman to the lover,"into the closet!" and she pushed
him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the
bedroom discovered the man in the closet.

"Who are you?" he asked him.

"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.

"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.

"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,"
>the man replied.

"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards!"

[Bruce]

The Amish Farmer:  An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking fromhis  pond, with his hand. The Amish man shouts:"Trink das wasser nicht.Die  kuhen haben dahin gesheissen."  Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows have pooped in it."  The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English."  The Amish man says::"Use two hands. You'll get more."

[Bruce]

Subject: A bottle of Merlot

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.  So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman who is seated over there." .and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.  The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants "   After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.  It read: "Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen , Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are , would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back." 

[2tallbill]

Red neck neighborhood watch

[2tallbill]

Bike for sale...........

[2tallbill]

My exwife was a vegitarian, not because she liked animals but
because she really hated plants..............

[2tallbill]

Disney's desperate housewives

[2tallbill]

Look the kids found some new kittens..........

Note this joke originally from AK Mike

[2tallbill]

Not everybody finds the same things funny.........

[2tallbill]

Great business ideas..........

[2tallbill]

Ikea seems to be into all kinds of stuff

[2tallbill]

Golds gym..........

[2tallbill]

Ace really is the place.........

[2tallbill]

Save money on wedding rings ...........

[2tallbill]

Better than Spock???

[2tallbill]

Is this their back up plan?

[2tallbill]

works on the neighbors cats as well.........

[2tallbill]

Q#$%!#$!!!