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Author Topic: Time for some Humor!!  (Read 255257 times)

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Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2725 on: August 04, 2018, 06:24:49 PM »
are you sure he wasn't German and saying no, nein?


Und schließlich zehn.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online krimster2

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2726 on: August 04, 2018, 06:32:03 PM »
vielleicht langsam bis zehn

вы думаете, что любой из этих людей, даже российских, подозревает, что я русский?

вот как я могу создать американскую личность
Я могу взять напрокат

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2727 on: August 05, 2018, 01:50:35 PM »
Heard a comedian give spiel about his sex with an airline stewardess.
Don't remember all of it, but two funnies . . .

She: The back door will be closed at all times.
She: Do not attempt to exit until we have come to a complete stop.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online msmob

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2728 on: August 07, 2018, 12:35:28 AM »
Continuing on the aircraft theme

ML reminded me of a Quantas pilot / maintenance staff 'Gripe sheet' and some excerpts from same :

http://www.guy-sports.com/months/jokes_qantas.htm


Online tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2729 on: August 07, 2018, 07:56:51 PM »

Online tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2730 on: August 10, 2018, 01:43:18 PM »

Online tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2731 on: August 13, 2018, 12:43:45 PM »
A 72 yr old man was sitting at the end of the bar having a gin and tonic when in walks this really gorgeous 19 yr old blonde.
She sees him eyeing her and goes over and tells him "I notice that you are interested in me. I'll do anything you like...anything that you could possibly imagine in your wildest dreams. It doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it might be. I'm willing for $300 plus another condition."
 Surprised, the old man asks "What is the other condition?"
She tells him that he must state his request in only three words.
After a moment in thought, the old guy says OK, takes out his wallet,  peels off six- fifty dollar bills and lays them down on the bar.
So the girl says "what would you like me to do?"
And the old man replies..."paint my house".

Offline ML

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Kissable areas on woman's body
« Reply #2732 on: August 17, 2018, 12:49:35 PM »
Talk show host:  How many erotic areas are there on a woman's body to be kissed?  Let's ask the men sitting in first row.
First man:  3
Frenchman in back yells out:  9
Second man in first row:  2
Frenchman yells out again:  9
Third man in first row:  4
Frenchman repeats:  9

Host:  OK, now let's ask some women the same question.

First woman:  1
Host: And where is that?
Woman:  My mouth.

Frenchman yells out:  OK, 10.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2733 on: September 06, 2018, 02:23:47 PM »
Went to airport this morning to pick up a friend.

As he came into luggage area, he said: "Well I finally joined the Mile High Club . . . Solo Division."

Not exactly sure what that was, but I didn't shake his hand.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Offline GQBlues

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2734 on: September 06, 2018, 03:18:05 PM »
Nike executives and shareholders alike were diagnosed to have succumb to Colin cancer.
My wonderful rebuttal to the Prague Spring thread is now *relocated* again (being actively hidden, lol) in *Anything Goes* section, titled: Willy Waving. Hurry before she deletes it altogether. LMAO! Enjoy.

Online msmob

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2735 on: September 06, 2018, 11:40:34 PM »
If ever proof was necessary that someone's idea of 'humour' being absent ...

The REAL humoUr is laughing at those 'outraged'..

http://www.thefader.com/2018/09/04/colin-kaepernick-nike-just-do-it-campaign-tweets



« Last Edit: September 06, 2018, 11:52:35 PM by msmob »

Offline 2tallbill

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2736 on: September 09, 2018, 03:39:35 PM »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

Offline Jumper

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2737 on: September 10, 2018, 11:52:33 AM »
.

Online tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2738 on: September 11, 2018, 01:45:19 PM »
Supply your own tag line for this one.
Mine---- Camping tent for the affluent exhibitionist

« Last Edit: September 11, 2018, 04:08:07 PM by tfcrew »

Online tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2739 on: September 11, 2018, 01:56:25 PM »

Never proposition a statue!



Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2740 on: September 11, 2018, 03:40:10 PM »
Supply your own tag line for this one.
Mine---- Camping tent for the affluent voyeur

Voyeur is one who likes to observe others; not one who likes to be observed.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2741 on: September 11, 2018, 04:11:39 PM »
Voyeur is one who likes to observe others; not one who likes to be observed.
Hi ML...glad you are knowledgeable about those things fixed it

Online tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2742 on: September 12, 2018, 05:21:32 PM »
Tonight's Psychic Convention has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

Offline ML

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Woman in hardware store
« Reply #2743 on: September 14, 2018, 12:15:32 AM »
While installing a new door, the man noticed one of the hinges was missing.  He asked his wife if she would go to hardware store to pick one up. She said she would.
While waiting for the Manager to finish serving another customer, her eye caught two beautiful bathroom faucets - one for the sink and one for the bath tub.
When the Manager was ready to help the wife, she asked, "How much are those faucets?"
The Manager replied, "They are gold plated faucets and very expensive!   $5,000 each! "

The wife exclaimed, "My goodness, they are really expensive – certainly out of my price range! "

She then proceeded to describe the hinge the husband had sent her to buy.
The Manager said he had them in stock and their price was $3.49. He went to the backroom to get them.
From the backroom, the Manager yelled, "Ma'am, you wanna screw for the hinge?"
She shouted back, "No, but I will for the faucets."
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2744 on: September 15, 2018, 10:31:49 AM »
12 year old girl comes home and tells here mother that they viewed film of woman giving birth during sex ed class.

She said:  "I don't ever want something the size of a watermelon coming out of my body ! "

Mother replied:  "Then don't put something the size of a pickle into your body."
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Offline ML

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Hickory dickory dock
« Reply #2745 on: September 17, 2018, 10:01:35 AM »
A flat-chested young lady read an article in a magazine that
stated Dr. Bumbutu, in Africa, could enlarge your breasts
without surgery. So she decided to go to Dr. Bumbutu to see
if he could help her.

Dr. Bumbutu advised her, 'Every day after your shower,
rub your chest and say, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want
bigger boobies!'  She did this faithfully for several months, and
to her utter amazement she grew a terrific D-cup rack!

One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a
panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't
recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle
aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said,

'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked
'Are you a patient of Dr Bumbutu's?'
Yes I am.  How did you know?'

He winked and whispered, 'Hickory dickory dock'..
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2746 on: September 18, 2018, 07:51:41 AM »
The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the Cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.
 "Howdy, stranger..."
 "Howdy, Sheriff..."
 
 The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon.
 
 "Hold on, Mister..."
 "Sheriff?"
 "Did I just see what I think I just saw?"
 "Reckon you did, Sheriff...I got me some powerful chapped lips..."
 "And that cures them?"
 "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em."

Online tfcrew

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2747 on: September 20, 2018, 06:02:43 PM »
On a cross country flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they'll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.
 
 Forgetting to turn off the microphone, he then says to his co-pilot, "What would feel good right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob."
 
 Everybody on board hears it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run towards the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, an elderly lady passenger stops her and says...........
 
 "Don't forget the coffee!"

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2748 on: September 20, 2018, 08:02:06 PM »
On a cross country flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they'll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.
 
 Forgetting to turn off the microphone, he then says to his co-pilot, "What would feel good right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob."
 
 Everybody on board hears it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run towards the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, an elderly lady passenger stops her and says...........
 
 "Don't forget the coffee!"

Good one !  I have already sent out to my email list.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Offline 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2749 on: September 21, 2018, 04:52:24 PM »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

 

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