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Author Topic: Time for some Humor!!  (Read 282266 times)

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Online GQBlues

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2875 on: October 10, 2019, 09:08:50 AM »
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh. He inquired, --- "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, ---- "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, ---- "What is it?"

"It's a planet," --- replied God, --- and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test 'Balance.'"

"Balance?" --- inquired Michael, ---- "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth..."For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor... Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things..."

God continued pointing to different countries... "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." 

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

"That's Florida, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful trees and gardens, it's surrounded by water, and days filled with sunshine. The people from Florida are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be 'balance.'"

God smiled an all-knowing smile… "I will create California…Wait till you see the idiots I'll put there."
~1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming
~

msmob  (Yes, he really said these)

Online jone

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2876 on: October 10, 2019, 10:40:51 AM »
I resemble those remarks.

 :tongueout:
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

Online Gator

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2877 on: October 10, 2019, 11:38:09 AM »
Living in Florida I agree.  The balance in manifested in other regards (e. g., God made California dry and Florida humid).   

Some of our politicians push my limits.  Remember Deborah Wasserman Schultz? 


We have our share of dregs here.  The dregs migrate southward along the Atlantic coast looking for work and fun.  Some find what they want and settle down.  Some are  rejected for not having work skills or worse, being batshit crazy, and they keep moving southward, eventually reaching Florida.   Once in Florida, some find what they seek and settle down.  Yet the worse continue to migrate southward,  eventually reaching Key West.    And there they stay.     

Online tfcrew

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2878 on: October 13, 2019, 12:37:09 PM »
 What do you call a three legged donkey?
 
 A wonky donkey
 
 What do you call a three legged, one eyed donkey?
 
 A winky wonky donkey
 
 What do you call a three legged, one eyed donkey playing a piano?
 
 A plinky plonky winky wonky donkey
 
 What do you call a three legged, one eyed, piano playing donkey driving a tractor?
 
 Damn clever
Facts do not cease to exist just because they are ignored.  -Aldous Huxley

Offline ML

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2879 on: October 14, 2019, 10:45:10 AM »


God smiled an all-knowing smile… "I will create California…Wait till you see the idiots I'll put there."

I lived in Los Angeles for about 10 years . . . way back when.

It was somewhat jolting for a naive young man from the genteel Midwest.

Mostly I was struck by the seeming 'fakeness' of many people; not even speaking of Hollywood types.

For first time in my life, it seemed that many (most) were very insincere and would not do what they said they would.

Small example:  Car pool . . .  I come by your house on X days and you pick me up on Y days.  No show on their days.  Later explanation:  I just got up too late and had to hurry on to work.  I just forgot you.  I had other things to do before work.

One factor may have been that virtually no one seemed to be a native Californian when I was there.  We all came in from other states.  So I think many had the attitudes of . . . I don't really know and think of fellow workers and neighbors as people that I owe anything to and probably won't even be around for very long.

I don't really know the answer, but I think it tainted me somewhat and made me somewhat more cynical than I would have naturally been.

However, on the other hand, I was able to get university bachelor degree relatively much cheaper than in other states, and the booming economy allowed for rapid career advancement.

So who knows?  But I am certainly glad that I do not live there now!!!
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online jone

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Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2880 on: October 14, 2019, 10:51:54 AM »
I lived in Los Angeles for about 10 years . . . way back when.

It was somewhat jolting for a naive young man from the genteel Midwest.

Mostly I was struck by the seeming 'fakeness' of many people; not even speaking of Hollywood types.

For first time in my life, it seemed that many (most) were very insincere and would not do what they said they would.

Small example:  Car pool . . .  I come by your house on X days and you pick me up on Y days.  No show on their days.  Later explanation:  I just got up too late and had to hurry on to work.  I just forgot you.  I had other things to do before work.

One factor may have been that virtually no one seemed to be a native Californian when I was there.  We all came in from other states.  So I think many had the attitudes of . . . I don't really know and think of fellow workers and neighbors as people that I owe anything to and probably won't even be around for very long.

I don't really know the answer, but I think it tainted me somewhat and made me somewhat more cynical than I would have naturally been.

However, on the other hand, I was able to get university bachelor degree relatively much cheaper than in other states, and the booming economy allowed for rapid career advancement.

So who knows?  But I am certainly glad that I do not live there now!!!

Well, ML,

The good news is that if your friend forgets to pick you up on his car pool days, he gets a five hundred dollar fine for violating the car pool lane.   Either that or he gets stuck in traffic for two hours and gets fired from his job.

LOL
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

Offline ML

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Why does your wife stay with you ?
« Reply #2881 on: October 16, 2019, 11:55:16 AM »
Asked wife why she stays with me.

She: Because you are funny.

Me:  I thought it was because I was good in bed.

She:  See . . . you are hilarious !
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2882 on: October 16, 2019, 03:05:08 PM »


A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy."

The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her naked on the couch.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she replied.

"Needs ironing," he says" "What's for dinner?"
No to Brexit, Yes to a People's Vote on Brexit, THEN a General Election

Online GQBlues

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Re: Why does your wife stay with you ?
« Reply #2883 on: October 16, 2019, 03:31:26 PM »
Asked wife why she stays with me.

She: Because you are funny.

Me:  I thought it was because I was good in bed.

She:  See . . . you are hilarious !

Wifey is spot on, ML. You're a funny guy!  :P
~1. Because of 'man', global warming is causing desert and arid areas to suffer long, dry spell.
2. The 2018 Camp Fire and Woolsey California wildfires are forests burning because of global warming
~

msmob  (Yes, he really said these)

Offline ML

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Big Girls
« Reply #2884 on: October 16, 2019, 04:14:34 PM »
Just saw this pic in Kyiv Post.  Don't know what the ad was about.

Bet a guy would have hard time finding a place of interest on these gals.
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online BillyB

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2885 on: October 16, 2019, 07:00:50 PM »


A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy."


Reminds me of reading a story in a Dear Abby help column. A woman said her grandmother gave her a gift on her wedding day. The card said "For a happy marriage, wear this". The box was empty. The grandmother is a wise woman.
There are people that will pass info about you and your family. Do not share info about yourself or share photos as they can search for you on the internet and distribute what they found since they are allowed to participate here.

Offline ML

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2886 on: October 18, 2019, 05:36:07 PM »
Winston Churchill.  “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Time for some Humor!!
« Reply #2887 on: October 18, 2019, 06:03:25 PM »
More jokes
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Kiss the girl, don't ask her first.

 

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