Well... after many twists and turns in my life since my January/February FSU trip I'm about to embark on the phase 2 of my life's great adventure.
For those that don't know I went to Germany, Latvia and Ukraine earlier this year to retrace my family history. While on my trip I met a wonderful girl in Ukraine and our relationship has continued to grow after my return home.
She's lived and studied abroad for a few years and is now back in her hometown but her family is now in Moscow. I didn't get to meet the family on the last trip but they're all currently awaiting my arrival in her hometown so we can all learn more about each other.
One of the big challenges I've had is managing my career and making some changes because extensive travel will not be conducive to a happy relationship.
Since my return from Europe I've spent a lot of my time training and coaching a few key staff in preparation for my exit and 2 weeks ago I tendered my resignation after finding a new opportunity that substantially reduces my travel without sacrificing too much of my current lifestyle.
Even though I have a 3 month exit clause in my current contract I've negotiated a an open ended consulting agreement so I'm now able to leave my current role without abandoning the work we've done over the past "several" years. Now I'll return to my girl for almost 1 month and am sure I'll savour every moment with her.
She is spectacular... She is everything I had dreamed of and she never fails to do things that assure me that I'm both incredibly lucky and unbelievably fortunate. She's sweet and gentle but at the same time she is tenacious and steadfast. Our time apart has not been easy for her but she never complains and always speaks of the future with realism and logic.
Her English was "OK" when we started writing and it was good when we met. Now her English is better than many of my staff (who admittedly are immigrants themselves) but she is determined to have "perfect English" on arrival in Oz.
I read here once that a good girl will never accept money (before meeting) and even though My Girl and I are in a committed relationship I've found that she still takes this to the extreme. When she went to Kiev for her medical I sent the money for the clinic and included a little extra to make her trip easier. On receipt of the money two things happened:
1. She almost cried on the phone because the additional money was unexpected and to her it showed I was genuinely interested in her comfort;
2. She got angry because she said she doesn't want me to send more money, she just wants me to return to her.
Recently she had some documents translated so I asked her how much it cost ($100 by the way) because I would send some over to cover the costs. She said there was no need, she'd saved the extra money from the earlier Tx and paid from that.
She writes to my mother regularly and is starting to build their relationship, and we spend around 2 hours per day on the phone just catching up on the normal things. The emails have never stopped and she reminded me recently that is was now over 200 days since we'd started writing and we'd now racked up over 1000 emails back and forth. We can't SMS between UKR and Oz so she's worked out a way her SMS's can turn up on my email and my emails arrive on her phone.
I've had some letters translated that I've emailed to her mother (via her brother-in-law) but this morning was the first time I've "talked" with my future MIL (fMIL). As usual I was up early so I could catch My Girl before she went to sleep and instead of her answering, her mother answered the phone. While FMIL speaks no English we actually got enough across for me to understand My Girl was out with her sister and brother in law, and for a few minutes FMIL and I shared a strange but comfortable conversation. I guess I was surprised to hear her happiness at my call and I now feel much easier about our first meeting in less than a week.
While visiting I am taking FMIL for lunch one day (with a translator) so we can talk, share learn and understand without My Girl having to translate for us. I'm looking forward to this because I want her to understand my intentions and give her the opportunity to ask any questions she wants.
One of the best things I did in our communication was to send over my old digital camera because My Girl has turned into a shutterbug. She sends photos of things that might seem innocuous but they've helped me continue to develop my understanding of her life. Everything from her office (adorned with the cards from the flower deliveries I've sent) to her bus stop (because I want to see everything in her life) have enriched my understanding of her and her environment. When friends come to her house she takes photos and because we're both avid "foodies" we frequently send pictures of our "kitchen creations".
Recently I asked her if she needed anything and I would send it over. (She LOVES cosmetics... "clinique" to be specific ;-) ) All she asked for was a T-Shirt I wore while I was there because she wanted to wear it at home so I am "wrapped around her all the time". My Girl is tiny... and I'm a "big unit" so I can only imagine what she looks like in it! No, I haven't seen a photo of her in it because she says it makes her "comfortable, not beautiful".
I'm rambling a little but wanted to share with others just starting out that this pursuit is not one
filled with scammers and bad women. Sure you must be careful but if you're prudent in your planning and realistic in your search you CAN find a great girl.
At first some of my friends were a little sceptical but over time those "opposed" have been "disposed of" and those with an open mind have actively participated in my long distance relationship.
I depart on Wednesday but have 2 days away (for business) before I can relax and let the excitement take over.
While away I should be able to post a TR but I'm not sure it'll be rivetting for those starting their search. My Girl will be working for much of the time and I'll play "house husband", relishing the opportunity of having a fairly normal days together.
After this trip we'll actively and aggressively pursue the Visa process and we hope she'll be in Oz with me by Christmas. After that it'll be marriage and hopefully children.
RWD has been an incredible resource for me... Yes, I've posted a lot but I've much learned more. It was easy to have misconceptions before my first trip and I'm sure I will discover more reality on this journey.
Thanks to those that have selflessly shared their experiences, ideas and opinions. Metaphorically you are the "big brother" we all need on this journey!
Kuna
