Looking to interview recently married AM/RW couples

[Todd]

Hi all,

Kate will be coming to the US in the next couple of months, and I thought it would be nice to tap some of the collective experience and wisdom of people on this board.  I was wondering if any couple would be willing to have a roughly 30 minute call to discuss what was some of the biggest challenges in the first 3 months of coming to the US and what were ways you found around them.

Specifically, we are looking for couples who don't have children (as they add a whole layer of complexity) and who are both relatively fluent in English (as Kate speaks more correct English than I ever will.)

As a little background, I am 37 and Kate is 25.  She is finishing up her PhD in history/philosophy, and I am strategy consultant.  We will continue to live in Boston after she comes to the US, and our house is roughly a 10 minute walk to the subway.  Kate has never been to the US, and I am actually the only American that she has ever met.  (So, she must thing we are all chocoholic nerds.)  

Please send me a PM if this is something you would be willing to do, and, thanks in advance.

Todd

[jb]

My wife talks to RW/UW from all over the country all the time.  Once your Kate gets plugged into the RW network she won't lack for ladies to talk to.  

I would say one thing only, keep it light and simple, advice from someone living in the mid-west is not applicably to life in Boston.  Make sure your Kate knows to take things with a grain of salt.

[chuckinwdc]

My wife talks to RW/UW from all over the country all the time. Once your Kate gets plugged into the RW network she won't lack for ladies to talk to.

I would say one thing only, keep it light and simple, advice from someone living in the mid-west is not applicably to life in Boston. Make sure your Kate knows to take things with a grain of salt.

In my experience and that of several other men that I know, making sure the wife takes things with a grain of salt will be difficult. I have found -- and JB your experience may be different -- that Russian women in the States tend to put an awful lot of credence on what other RW in the States say about almost anything, up to and including American politics, cultures and customs.

I'll give you an example. I happen to have an advanced degree in political science, and my 20-year career has been spent working in Washington, D.C. in government affairs. Well, recently, a RW friend of my wife told her something about U.S. government that is just plain wrong. Absolutely no way could I convince my wife that her friend could be wrong. <sigh>

For some reason, if another RW says something -- particularly if she's been here for a longer period of time -- then it's often accepted pretty much as gospel.

So, I think encouraging your new wife to take other RW's comments with a grain of salt is good advice, but be prepared for that falling on deaf ears.

Chuck in D.C.

 

[jb]

Chuck,

My wife is the polar opposite, she isn't gullible at all. We have met such women, but her opinion of them is low.  There is a clutch of RWs living here, my wife considers most to be uneducated boors and doesn't even want to be around them.  Even to the extent of avoiding the all important birthday parties.  She has made some friends among the RWs she's met via the internet so when the phone rings it might be a call from almost anywhere.

Not unexpectedly, our friends, and the circles we socalize in, consists mostly of the other college staff and instructors.  Old friends whom I've known for ages were accepted without question, however, any new people coming into our life are examined very carefully before getting the RW seal of approval.  Just because something was said by another RW doesn't make it gospel, heck, even the things said by me are not considered gospel.

[chuckinwdc]

My wife is the polar opposite, she isn't gullible at all. We have met such women, but her opinion of them is low. There is a clutch of RWs living here, my wife considers most to be uneducated boors and doesn't even want to be around them. Even to the extent of avoiding the all important birthday parties. She has made some friends among the RWs she's met via the internet so when the phone rings it might be a call from almost anywhere.

Not unexpectedly, our friends, and the circles we socalize in, consists mostly of the other college staff and instructors. Old friends whom I've known for ages were accepted without question, however, any new people coming into our life are examined very carefully before getting the RW seal of approval.

Good to know you don't suffer this problem, JB.

Also, I'm sure you didn't mean to imply that my wife is a gullible and uneducated boor. For the record, she has two advanced degrees from respected universities in Ukraine and she held a professional job with high responsibility there. Here, she is attending the University of Virginia at night, so I don't expect that anyone would mistake her for uneducated.

And I wouldn't go so far as to describe RW who tend to give too much credence to the comments of other RW as gullible or uneducated. The women whose husbands have told me they also experience the same problem include a biophysicist, and in no other instance are the women uneducated boors, in my opinion.

In my view, it's more attributable to cultural factors, rather than to faults in character or a lack in educational attainment. The United States is a new world to them, and it seems natural to me that they will reach out to other RW and give considerable weight to the comments women who share the same cultural foundations.

Chuck in D.C.

[jb]

Chuck,

It was not my intention to piss you off, or to insult your wife.  Since you devoted two paragraphs to these issues, I assume you read my post wrong.

At issue was that "grain of salt".  Please don't read into it something else.  If an RW is easily led astray, or gets a wrong idea in her head, they can be hard headed.  That's the nature of the beast; it's up to you, the husband, to straighten those misconceptions out.

[chuckinwdc]

Chuck,

It was not my intention to piss you off, or to insult your wife. Since you devoted two paragraphs to these issues, I assume you read my post wrong.

At issue was that "grain of salt". Please don't read into it something else. If an RW is easily led astray, or gets a wrong idea in her head, they can be hard headed. That's the nature of the beast; it's up to you, the husband, to straighten those misconceptions out.

Thanks for your comments, JB. No, you didn't piss me off. :-) And I do agree with you that it's the husband's responsibility to straighten out their wife's misconceptions when they exist.

Nevertheless, I stand by my view that RW who tend to give more credence than seems reasonable to other RW is due to cultural factors and not to the other reasons you mentioned. This credibility issue is probably more pronounced early in the RW's time here in the States. I've seen my wife do less of this as time has gone on over the course of this first year of hers here in America.

Chuck in D.C.

[Muzh]

This credibility issue is probably more pronounced early in the RW's time here in the States. I've seen my wife do less of this as time has gone on over the course of this first year of hers here in America.

Actually, this is very common with every diaspora.

[chuckinwdc]

This credibility issue is probably more pronounced early in the RW's time here in the States. I've seen my wife do less of this as time has gone on over the course of this first year of hers here in America.

Actually, this is very common with every diaspora.
[/quote]
That's a very good point, Muzh, and one that I haven't thought of before. Don't tell me those big ears of yours help you think better too!  ;-)

Chuck in D.C.

[Muzh]

This credibility issue is probably more pronounced early in the RW's time here in the States. I've seen my wife do less of this as time has gone on over the course of this first year of hers here in America.

Actually, this is very common with every diaspora.
[/quote]
That's a very good point, Muzh, and one that I haven't thought of before. Don't tell me those big ears of yours help you think better too!  ;-)

Chuck in D.C.
[/quote]
Hey, from one diasporee to another.  What?  I can't hear you!

[mischief]

Hi Todd,

It's a plus that you live close to subway... she'll be able to walk, get around and meet ppl... that solves one of the biggest problems we face here!  I  badly miss  being able to walk around everywhere and public transportation!

Don't be surprised if her English won't stack up here, first of all... I have a major in English but, God is my witness, had such a hard time communicating especially on the phone.

I'm originally from Minsk, Belarus... married for two years now... have a 5months old kid  ... Let me know if me or my husband can be of any help!

 

[anono]

welcome to the board mschief..!!

[Photo Guy]

Welcome Mischief!

Why did  you search for a western husband?

[mischief]

Thank you, guys!  Very nice of you! 

I didn't search for any husband... was pretty happy by myself but my rotten husband put me into irons and dragged me over here.. lol  kidding...  My husband was a client of a company I worked for..  he is the sweetest, nicest ( sometimes way too much, especially to ppl who don't deserve that), the most caring and gentle human being...  He was patient and persistent enough to make me realize that I need him... Voila!

I must say there is something touching about american guys (most of them)... U're so enthusiastic and optimistic about everything... and you are safe, maybe that's why so many FSU women would love to marry you!  I lived in Europe for several years (UK & France) and love it madly - miss it badly! No offence to european guys, they are very interesting, intelligent, charming (french ) but not safe to be a good husbands... to my mind...  Sorry for generalization... never like it but always do it.  :? 

Every human being is unique and special no matter where he (she) comes from... There are so many decent worthy women on the territory of the FSU... so many wonderful ones over here!  An old friend of mine from WI married his neighbor... she is so much better wife than me!  She is a nurse... cooks, cleans, very nice and intelligent, wants lots of children - a dream of every man! Go figure! LOL

[anono]

how refreshing it is to hear the truth from a russian/ukrainian lady.

seems you will soon be going head to head with the RW naysayers here who think the ladies are all desperate and beneath them....and do not like anyone here...

[Photo Guy]

Mischief,
Yes, thanks for a nice post and keep on posting!  Doug

[bob]

I don't know if that is a RW thing or a Woman thing.

I can remember going to an AMWAY presentation that a guy from my job invited me and my EX-AW wife to. She didn't want anything to do with AMWAY. Two years later, she was all out AMWAY after meeting a GF who was into it.

 

[Rando]

Ill pipe in on this one.

My wife has found every stray RW/UK woman in the area and the dumber they seem to be... the more faith she puts in their words...

I have about had it to tell the truth.