The Distance Factor

[Icarus]

Im curious to how the distance factor impacts a FSUW commitment to the relationship.

For some lucky guy, fortunate enough to live in Europe, travel to Uk/Ru can be relatively simple.

For myself, and Kuna (Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi), travel from down under to th EU is not only an expensive trip, but about 14-18 hours (a rough estimate).

It would be very difficult for us to simply fly over at the drop of a hat. Could this possibly make those from further away less attractive as a mate?

Are the efforts that some of us make, really appreciated, do they pick up on our sincerity?

Ick

[Shadow]

You should not think about a woman 'appreciating' the effort. So you flew half way around the world, but when you meet she feels absolutely no chemistry, you are not what she expected to meet.
Should she 'appreciate' the effort, date you for the time you are around and let you down (if you can even accept it) after the trip ?
Or should she 'offend' you by telling the truth, giving you a clear mind and chance to make the best of the trip, who knows leading in to meeting the right woman ?

For her it does not matter if you live next door or flew half way around the world. If there is no love, there should be no relationship. And for you it should be the same. If you feel that the relationship must succeed because you made all this effort, expect a train wreck later on.

So instead of asking women to appreciate your effort, ask them to be honest in spite of whatever effort you had to make to meet her.

[macman]

Posted by: Icarus

For myself, and Kuna (Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi), travel from down under to th EU is not only an expensive trip, but about 14-18 hours (a rough estimate).

Greetings Icarus - This is about the same time that it takes from the central U.S., and I'm thinking probably similar in costs too.  I'd like to compare r/t air fares 1300 - 1600 peak travel times to Moscow.  During the later fall and winter cut that in half. . .

For her it does not matter if you live next door or flew half way around the world. .

If there is no love, there should be no relationship. And for you it should be the same. If you feel that the relationship must succeed because you made all this effort, expect a train wreck later on.[/quote]

Shadow, I agree with the first statment - however, "no love"?  You mean no physical chemistry, right?  There's a difference in my book. . .  I bet you ask the married vet's on this board and they'll all tell you love takes time to build. . .

Maybe even a lifetime!

mm

[TigerPaws]

Icarus,

 Please no flame intended but the other posts are right on target, if you are expecting something then either change your attitude or give up this endeavor. If you are concerned about the costs you are destined to fail, something like this is not to be done on the cheap, you need to expect to make several trips over to the FSU.

TigerPaws 

[Shadow]

Shadow, I agree with the first statment - however, "no love"?  You mean no physical chemistry, right?  There's a difference in my book. . .  I bet you ask the married vet's on this board and they'll all tell you love takes time to build. . .

Maybe even a lifetime!

As I consider myself married I know the difference and that both can be built in very short time. I am one of the 'lucky' Europeans as far as the FSU is concerned, but flew halfway around the world to meet women before.

Once you meet a woman who loves you, you will understand the difference.  

[macman]

I agree, you WILL certainly know the diference; although - love at first site is rare - even lust a first site is unrealistc.  BUT, love is a verb and an action and a dedication that takes time.  Unfortunately, I don't believe there is a woman alive that will not, from time to time, bring out the hoola-hoop for you to jump through to prove this love. 

Your mission - find a woman that brings one or two hoops out at a time - NOT 25 or 30 -

mm

[Shadow]

Unfortunately, I don't believe there is a woman alive that will not, from time to time, bring out the hoola-hoop for you to jump through to prove this love. 

I do believe, as I have found one. 

[MaxxumUSA]

Are the efforts that some of us make, really appreciated, do they pick up on our sincerity?

Ick

Ick,

My first visit to russia I think was for me.  My second visit was for "us".  My third visit was definitely for her.

She appreciated that third visit very much.  She knew it was difficult for me to travel due to work commitments.  She missed me terribly and wanted to see me.  So I went to her.

She definitely appreciated that third visit.  She does acknowledge the sacrifices I make to be out of the country with her.  Of course there are benefits for me as well.

[Kuna]

Ick,

A few things... 

1. The ladies won't consider the extra distance until they think about the annual travel to and from their families...  I thought My Girl would see it much more negatively BUT she has been riding on a train for 19 hours to visit her family in the past and sees the flights from Oz as "not much worse than that".

Her mother did have an issue with the distance because she told me she was worried she would have grandchildren that didn't know her.  We talked about it and I've assured she will visit us when she wants AND our (future) children will most definitely be spending some holidays with the family in Moscow. (Her next question was "Will you teach them Russian?"   

2. As for time to get there for us... Dude... I hate to break this to you but connecting flights don't depart at perfect intervals...  From your city you'll have to transit to Cairns or Brisbane...  From there you'll probably do Singapore, KL or Bangkok (which should be avoided at all costs), then it'll probably be Vienna or Frankfurt, then you're off on your final leg (hopefully) to the bigger cities or an additional transit to get to the smaller ones.

My first trip was a 29 hour travel... Because of poor connecting flights my last trip took about 40 hours.

Travel agents have NO IDEA on how to get you there but if you plan ahead there are much better options...  From here I could go direct into Delhi and then direct into Dnepr, Kiev or Moscow but you'll have an overnight stop on the way back.

When you're ready to travel let me know...  I/O is an Aussie too and gave me good advice on travel...  It's possible to cut hours from the trip but if you're flying at short notice buy a VERY good book!

The travel is a killer but if you see it as an adventure and (as I know you are) you keep yourself mentally stimulated it's not SO bad...

3. Distance makes you a less attractive prospect???

No, not the case...  The girls I met would have been prepared to live in the States or the UK if they found the right guy but the fact that I was Australian was a bit of a novelty. They want to know ALL about our country and I know My Girl feels a sense of excitement at living somewhere "exotic".  Sheeesh... our wedding is under planning at the moment and I want you to know how difficult it is to incorporate wildlife (kangaroos, dolphins, koalas) in our plans!

 My Girl says she's understands my accent more easily than she understands "most" English accents and she struggles with American accents.  I think she means Scottish and southern American drawling accents... but still she says she had no problems picking mine up.

I believe Europe would be the girls preference because it's so close to their homes... BUT there are issues there too.  I found Germany wasn't attractive for some reason...  and don't even talk about Turkey or some other countries!

Distance is a bigger challenge for us than it is for the girls... and realistically a long flight at each end of a fantastic adventure is a small price to pay.

(By the way... the flight home is MUCH longer than the flight there because you won't want to leave!!!)

Kuna

[MaxxumUSA]

(By the way... the flight home is MUCH longer than the flight there because you won't want to leave!!!)

Kuna

No way Kuna...

The flight going there takes me FOREVER because I can't wait to get her in my arms.

- Dave

[macman]

Kuna

My Girl says she's understands my accent more easily than she understands "most" English accents and she struggles with American accents.  I think she means Scottish and southern American drawling accents... but still she says she had no problems picking mine up.

I know you talkin' to me now. . . it is true - American Southern is very difficult for FSUW, partially the slang and partially the drawl.  My former Eesti lady would constantly remind me "please to take the potatoes from the mouth".  After a year or so these went away ~ my diction and her knowledge of English grew equally.

HOWEVER,
We are talking about the distance; I cannot imagine 40 hrs of flying - 14-18 was miserable as I always felt bad for the first two days.  You Bloke's got it harder, that's for sure.  The last few flights we were packed in like sardines maximizing ROI for the Airline.


c ya
mm

[groovlstk]

(By the way... the flight home is MUCH longer than the flight there because you won't want to leave!!!)

Kuna

I'll second this, unless she's coming with you the flight home is a huge downer. And it's 10x worse if you went to meet a woman or women and things went bust. You'll question your sanity, your motivation, and swear you'll never do anything so foolish again... until you're home for a few days and put things in perspective.

I had more than my share of busted trips but in retrospect it caused me to do a lot of soul-searching and I also learned a lot about Russia and Ukraine during these trips. I wouldn't trade my experiences for anything.

And it all comes worthwhile when your girl has her visa in hand and you fly to her to accompany her to her new home.

[Simoni]

It would be very difficult for us to simply fly over at the drop of a hat. Could this possibly make those from further away less attractive as a mate?Ick

Your name- Icarus... we know what happens when you fly.  You are spoofing us, right?

[viking]

Macman

Even us yankess have an accent. I am a New Yawker! Not as bad  as a native from Brooklyn (sorry Bruce)who speak a bit different than someone from Manhattan, but still there is a way with speech no matter where in the US you go. Additionally, I am forever being told when I am speaking to my girl to 'slow down'. And..so..I.. do.

[macman]

That's Funny Viking,

I've spent a little time in NY and folks there got a kick out of my accent.   While in the Coast Guard I boarded a few Russian/Polish Fishing vessels - They commented on how very slow I talked. . .  And I represented the Communications group. . .lol - then they poured more vodka.  No wonder I talked slow.

BUT, there's not one RW that I've talked to on the phone that didn't melt me w/ that sexy accent (much more than the Estonian accent).  I'll take that ANY day.

later.
mm

[catzenmouse]

We are talking about the distance; I cannot imagine 40 hrs of flying - 14-18 was miserable as I always felt bad for the first two days.

You better stick to the Western parts of the countries then. My first trip to Omsk I left DC at 7 PM Thursday and got into Omsk at 6 AM Saturday - take away the 11 hour time change and it was still 24 hours from start to finish.

Now that we've moved to the Mid-West we'll be adding a few more hours to that.

Ken

[macman]

Yea Ken, I enjoyed Estonia for that simple fact; ATL - LGW - TLL, not too bad.  I know that I need to add 4 - 6 hrs for SVO, so more than likely - I'm up to 20 - 24 as well when all is said and done. 

m

[viking]

The accent is very habit forming.  Young hottie, cute pic, cute accent,  hell, almost like a morphine drip.

[MaxxumUSA]

The accent is very habit forming.  Young hottie, cute pic, cute accent,  hell, almost like a morphine drip.

Oh yeah...

I can't imagine being with a woman without an accent now.  Technically Elena is my third GF with an accent.  Here in the usa I have had a woman from Hungary, and one from Argentenia - both with accents.

[Wayne B]

viking, the M drip is before one gets on a long flight   Newbies, do not go down this road....unless you have had prior experience....and by all means...do not mix with alcohol.....Why do you ask? Have you ever....had a feeling that something was wrong? Like you had been violated in certain areas....     Just ask macman....and he will tell you is a joke bro

[Icarus]

I feel I should point out to a few earlier comments.

I was never under the impression that just because I would fly half way round the world that any woman that agreed to meet me was in some way obligated to date me. We're a funny breed over here in down under land, but we're not stupid. I would not expect any special treatment by living in Australia then if I was living next door to her. If the chemistry is there, its there.

Like some of you have said, once the relationship blossoms then the travel, effort, distance becomes more frustrating, and when overcome, more appreciated.

Has anyone experienced "love is blind" syndrome, due to the distance? Creating more of a relationship in their mind than what is emotionally, physically etc there.

Has the distance of these "long distance" relationships pushed guys to rush these relationships?

Ick 

[macman]

Yo Wayne. . .

Talk to me!  What is it that you wish to ask?


 

[MaxxumUSA]

Has the distance of these "long distance" relationships pushed guys to rush these relationships?

Ick 

Hmm...  Good question.

For me - not.  I have always wanted to find that one woman to dedicate my life to.  And it seems that she also was waiting for the same.  I don't think it's rushed however we did act when we both agreed on our intentions in life.  And it was and is a short amount of time.

For me..  It did not take me three years of relationship to decide I want to be married to a good woman.  I knew this going into the process.  Same with my fiancee...  she has always wanted to be in a committed relationship with a man that is available in all ways.  The key was that we enjoy each other and are attracted to each other.  Very much.  Besides that...  we really fell in love with each other.  So why wait if all the positive signs are there?

FWIW

[catzenmouse]

Hmm...  Good question.

For me - not.  I have always wanted to find that one woman to dedicate my life to.  And it seems that she also was waiting for the same.  I don't think it's rushed however we did act when we both agreed on our intentions in life.  And it was and is a short amount of time.

For me..  It did not take me three years of relationship to decide I want to be married to a good woman.  I knew this going into the process.  Same with my fiancee...  she has always wanted to be in a committed relationship with a man that is available in all ways.  The key was that we enjoy each other and are attracted to each other.  Very much.  Besides that...  we really fell in love with each other.  So why wait if all the positive signs are there?

FWIW

Dave,

 That pretty much mirrors our experience. There are times in this crazy adventure where you just know it is right and you go for it from there. I'm extremely happy that it worked out this way for us but if it had not I was not in any rush when I started out. It is a very rare occurence when you meet that "right" one on a first or second trip.

Ken

[Kuna]

I feel I should point out to a few earlier comments.

I was never under the impression that just because I would fly half way round the world that any woman that agreed to meet me was in some way obligated to date me. We're a funny breed over here in down under land, but we're not stupid. I would not expect any special treatment by living in Australia then if I was living next door to her. If the chemistry is there, its there.

Like some of you have said, once the relationship blossoms then the travel, effort, distance becomes more frustrating, and when overcome, more appreciated.

Has anyone experienced "love is blind" syndrome, due to the distance? Creating more of a relationship in their mind than what is emotionally, physically etc there.

Has the distance of these "long distance" relationships pushed guys to rush these relationships?

Ick 

Ick,

Excellent questions...

Firstly though.. there IS some novelty factor being an Aussie in FSU.  They don't see many Aussies compared to Americans, Canadians and Poms... (oops, Englishmen).  You will meet people who ask interesting questions about Oz!

Love is blind??? 
Ick, if you write to the ladies for any period of time they will start to feel something before you arrive.  Well, I won't say this happens in all situations but if you have decent writing skills and have a reasonable level of emotional maturity you can expect the girl to know what they want by the time you arrive. 

Of course there are risks in that (if there's no chemistry) but I can say with little doubt that "My Girl" had feelings before we met even though she never articulated them in writing... In fact... we never uttered the words "I love you" until my second trip though the feelings were obviously there.  She told me on the phone that she wanted to tell me something but needed to "see in my eyes" when she tells me.  From my perspective it's like a blinking contest... I don't blink first!   

How did I know My Girl had feelings? her reaction as soon as she got off the train in Kiev (the look on her face)...  The fact that she'd knitted me a scarf said a lot to me...  AND the ease with which we clicked from the first hour together...  It was a cool (but rare thing).

btw... I think some of the things I did leading up to the trip helped with the "attraction thing"...  but I will get around to that in my PM to you...

finally... Guys rushing because of the distance...

I don't think it matters where a guy comes from - if he is on a limited budget he will be tempted to rush in an effort to saving money.  Not all.. but some.  Others rush just because they have no friggin' idea!

I truly believe that the speed at which these relationships evolve is such individual thing but I'd bet that most failures happen because couples haven't taken enough time to get to know each other...

Kuna