Ladies, why did you decide to search for a mate abroad?

[Globetrotter]

Ken C,

I think like you...and for me an 11 year age difference is a stretch.
I'm 56 and probably soon-to-be ex squeeze is 45.  The last one would be 51 now and I was thinking that was perfect.  And you're right, Lily would last about 30 seconds here and have her pick of older, younger or anything she wanted.

[TigerPaws]

While I agree that Lily would be a prime pick if she were here in America, the simple fact is that she is not so it is a mute point. She is in Russia so she has to deal with that one simple fact and while a service like match.com is worth a try she will have to cull the keyboard Romeo's quickly.

TigerPaws

[AnastassiaAsh]

TigerPaws, we all have different experiences, that's why i wrote "and it is strictly my opinion". That's great that you know some very generous men. That gives us women hope. 

[KenC]

Ken C,

I think like you...and for me an 11 year age difference is a stretch.
I'm 56 and probably soon-to-be ex squeeze is 45.  The last one would be 51 now and I was thinking that was perfect.  And you're right, Lily would last about 30 seconds here and have her pick of older, younger or anything she wanted.

Globetrotter,
Sorry things are not working out as planned.

All Lily wuld have to do is walk down Michigan Avenue and she would have a full dance card!
KenC

[TigerPaws]

AnastassiaAsh,

There are a number of men on this forum who have said they are assisting their ladies family as we have over the years, additionally I personally know a number of men married to Russian women who have and are assisting with the families back in Russia.

Maybe your experiences are different but all of the men I know and have met have been extremely generous to their ladies and her families.

TigerPaws

[jb]

Lily,

Not to put too fine a point on this, but not every man here is an ego maniac looking for a trophy bride 30+ years his junior.   I'm sure you could date the TP's and the T/G's if you wanted to, but I think you are a lot smarter than that.  Those relationships are built without mortar between the bricks.  Better for you to stick to your principals than to date someone without any.

[Jazzyclassy]

Lily,

Not to put too fine a point on this, but not every man here is an ego maniac looking for a trophy bride 30+ years his junior.   I'm sure you could date the TP's and the T/G's if you wanted to, but I think you are a lot smarter than that.  Those relationships are built without mortar between the bricks.  Better for you to stick to your principals than to date someone without any.

Absolutely ,I waited for this  message:) to come

[Lily]

  Lily, 99% of the men responing to your profile will never come to meet you, as a suggestion ask the men in the very first e-mail/letter if they have their passport and would be willing to travel to Russia within a month. 

 

TP, I appreciate your openness, indeed 

However, it would definitely be not a good idea to ask in the first letter whether they are ready to travel to meet me. Meeting would be considered after some time of meaningful communication when people realize there is some potential, and that they are definitely, undoubtfully want and have to see this person by all means.

Also, I am far from belief that a man would go to Russia just to meet me, without having to travel for business, for instance. I coud come to him instead, as far as he is not the USA. That's why I don't search the USA, a little chance for a visa for me.

[TigerPaws]

Also, I am far from belief that a man would go to Russia just to meet me, without having to travel for business, for instance. I coud come to him instead, as far as he is not the USA. That's why I don't search the USA, a little chance for a visa for me.

My misunderstanding that you were looking to America.

TigerPaws

[AnastassiaAsh]

Lily, this thing can work for you with men from US.

You can (have to) address this issue in one of the first letters. You just have to word it differently. Doesn't mean you want him to come right now, that will be foolish. Just say hypothetically, in general, how he looks at all this. He should think about it himself. Because normal American Man wouldn't want to correspond forever either, especially if he likes you a lot. So it is OK to ask at first, you just have to know how and make sure he understands. That's all, it is only smart and reasonable for everybody. Don't cross the US just for that, I bet you will end up finding a man from here....hehehhe 

[Turboguy]

I won't argue a bit that if she were in America she would have to beat off serious suitors with a stick but of course she is not. 

Personally if you try Match.com I would be prepaired to waste a ton of time with Armchair romeos that are never going to make the trip.

The biggest mistake I see you making is you say you are staying away from Elena's models because of all the competition from younger women.   VWRW mentioned a while back to me that she had been listed there and a few other places and the quantity and quality of the men she heard from through Elena's was head and shoulders better.  She says the men there were more not spoiled and had realistic goals and expectations.    I think you are making a big mistake to boycott the best site that has created the most marriages and success stories.   Rethink that one.

[vwrw]

I had four reasons that I begin to look for good man abroad.   My heart was free and since I wanted to find a man I could look for one in Russia or one from another country so why not look for one from somewhere else.

Second, I find the idea of a relationship with a foreign man intriguing do to the cultural differences in the countries which make men less predictable and the romance more interesting.

Third,  I found it more challenging because I did not know English at all which made it much more attractive for me. 

Forth, Since I do not want to have children I think the opportunity for me to earn money to care for  myself in my old age is better in countries other than Russia.   Russia is much more unpredictable.   I have seen everyones savings wiped out in a short time.   Even though the economy is doing well right now I do not feel Russia has stability and that anything could happen in the future.

[Hub]

Always quite interesting to read debates between the genders.  In many cases we see the men telling how it is and (although there are exceptions) the women ignore the point about how it is and respond with how it should be.    Nothing can be accomplished when the focus is changed like that.

Also, we see many cases, for example,  where a man states a position without including any specific numbers, and the woman responding will include some extreme numbers and even claim that the man stated these extreme numbers.  Again no logical discourse can occur when this happens.

Here are a couple of examples in this thread.


Tiger Paws said:

I will be very honest Lily most men under 55 years old who are in in good health, take care of themselves and have a good income, who are looking for a Russian lady will have little interest in a lady of 40 no matter how well she has taken care of herself.

It does not matter if it is right or wrong that is the reality and many men feel the same.


Jazzy replies:

according to your statement and to all the things which we've seen here in many forums, only 16-18 girls ok ok girls up to 20 are in demand the others can berry themselves into grave and die.

important factor that old men should stick to the women close to their age if possible.

[Hub]

I think Lily is getting a lot of false info here regarding her chances if she could just make it to USA.  Yes, she appears to be an attractive lady and there is little doubt that she is extremely intelligent.

However, most of the guys that many of you tell her would be lining up on the street to date her would quickly shrink away when they learned of the hurdles and costs involved to get her here legally.

All of we adults come with a lot of baggage. Lily undoubtedly has her share.  All of that would come out in due time.  Then she would be just another highly attractive, highly intelligent woman with her standard baggage, plus a lot of extra baggage with respect to the immigration, costs and assimilation issues.

With some exceptions, both men and women involved in these cross cultural potential romances have to make some accommodation to reality.  For instance, the woman may say she can get a handsome and nice bodied man in her home country near her age, so she wants the same in a western man.  Well such a western man is going to reply that he can get hundreds of women just like her in his home country.  So he is looking for something to compensate for the headaches he will go through; and this something is typically a much younger woman.

In another example; an overweight woman may say that overweight men have no right to expect to find a slender woman.  But the overweight man can just say that if he would accept an overweight woman, then he can find dozens at the local supermarket every day of the week.  Again to compensate for the headaches he will go through in getting a foreign woman into his country; he wants more than just what he can find at home.

Women can indignantly say that this just isn't right; but that does make it not true and real.

I think it is a disservice to Lily to advise her to investigate sites where most of the men know nothing of the problems, headaches, and costs involved in getting a FSU lady legally into the USA.  She will most likely simply waste a lot of time messing around with virgins (knowledge wise).

I understand Anastasia went that route and was successful.  But, on average, I think this was quite an exception.

Best if Lily concentrates on guys who know what they are getting into.

[Lily]

I think it is a disservice to Lily to advise her to investigate sites where most of the men know nothing of the problems, headaches, and costs involved in getting a FSU lady legally into the USA.  She will most likely simply waste a lot of time messing around with virgins (knowledge wise).

I understand Anastasia went that route and was successful.  But, on average, I think this was quite an exception.

Best if Lily concentrates on guys who know what they are getting into.

Do you really think that getting the loved one inti the country is that really burdensome and scaring? If my eventual fiance is scared about the filings, I could easily assist him, in case it is about the USA. It's my profession, after all, and he could benefit from this    Also, if that guy deals every day with complicated things at his work, I doubt that a K visa filing would be a daunting task for him. If and when it should be the USA, I am sure there are minimal assimilation efforts for me required. Guaranteed no culture shock. 

[Jazzyclassy]

      Also, we see many cases, for example,  where a man states a position without including any specific numbers, and the woman responding will include some extreme numbers and even claim that the man stated these extreme numbers.  Again no logical discourse can occur when this happens.
       

If you are here for a long time you should or at least read the forum for sometime, you can obviously see the line many men stick here,  this prejuidce and well known statement can be read in almost every topic here that something like  women older 25 have nothing to count for in this international dating . So what are you expecting from normal women to think about such men? I mean I could have understood that if it was like 2 of 100000 of men  but it occurs that every 2-d man wants a young lovely babydoll for himself, I consider it to be the greatest curse in our 21 century!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finallly maybe somebody can do something about it, or I will die and that sort of thing will progress and progress , I gues that is what will happen unfortunately:( 

[Jazzyclassy]

Personally my experience showed me that there are so many normal guys out there ,guys like 25-30 and like 35 y.o. they were not searching for 18-20 , they were searching for the women close to their age, so I would like to show that Lily's situation is not bad, she is going to be very successful , she looks amazing , plus with a nice character , maybe not american  some european guy her age would gladly  become her hubby .

I think she should not stick to this american dream thing, cos we've eaten so many cases here , like a newbie is writing his introduction here : Yo man , just poped up to this site , wow such a russian hot chicks I would love to have like some young  hot ukrainian girl help me how to do that, to propose her the 1 day I meet her or after 1 week?...... and so on , we 've seen such guys here plenty , thank you very much we no longer want to see such things and such disrespect towards russian women  in general

If anything I think Lily wont be alone at all, with her nice sense of humour and love towards life:) any single smart , decent nice man would dream to be with her

[Blues Fairy]

With some exceptions, both men and women involved in these cross cultural potential romances have to make some accommodation to reality.  For instance, the woman may say she can get a handsome and nice bodied man in her home country near her age, so she wants the same in a western man.  Well such a western man is going to reply that he can get hundreds of women just like her in his home country.  So he is looking for something to compensate for the headaches he will go through; and this something is typically a much younger woman.

Hub, you are contradicting your own statement highlited above.  If he wants a higher quality woman to compensate for the headaches of bringing her to the US, she may as well want a higher quality man to compensate for the headache of relocating to the US, dependence etc.  It's a two-way bargain, in which neither is entitled to bigger "compensation" than the other.   
   

[Lily]

 Well such a western man is going to reply that he can get hundreds of women just like her in his home country.  

I think that this does not adequately reflect the reality, although I may be wrong on this. In theory, this man may be able to get someone at home, but still has not find the one for himself. Some answers to that are in the thread "Experiences with American Women'. Some men are choosy, and they have all rights to be it. They want a quality woman. Given that I have quite a lot to offer, I think I could probably compete with Western women for the Western men who don't have this RW thing.

[TigerPaws]

Personally my experience showed me that there are so many normal guys out there ,guys like 25-30 and like 35 y.o. they were not searching for 18-20 , they were searching for the women close to their age, so I would like to show that Lily's situation is not bad, she is going to be very successful , she looks amazing , plus with a nice character , maybe not american  some european guy her age would gladly  become her hubby .

I think she should not stick to this american dream thing, cos we've eaten so many cases here , like a newbie is writing his introduction here : Yo man , just poped up to this site , wow such a russian hot chicks I would love to have like some young  hot ukrainian girl help me how to do that, to propose her the 1 day I meet her or after 1 week?...... and so on , we 've seen such guys here plenty , thank you very much we no longer want to see such things and such disrespect towards russian women  in general

If anything I think Lily wont be alone at all, with her nice sense of humour and love towards life:) any single smart , decent nice man would dream to be with her

Jazzyclassy,

The numbers of American men under 35 who are seriously looking for a lady from the FSU is really very small, additionally other's on this forum including myself have said tiem and time again that girls under 24 to 25 are generally not the best choice for men to seek out.

As for your assertion that American men have been and are disrespecting Russian women you are being overly broad in your assertion and you are showing your true feelings about international relationships and maybe American's in general.

As for Lily she has already said she is not looking to America for a gentleman so any references to American men are nothing more then an attempt to air your views on this group as a whole.

Lily ma be a great person but that is ill relevant to the larger discussion of any woman's (Lily's included) ability to attract the attention of a gentleman in America (not other countries) if she is over 40 years old. I am sure there are many ladies in Lily's position but their chances of attracting a gentleman near their own age is far more limited than a girl in her mid to late 20's. In very broad and general terms (American) men in around 35 are going to be looking for girls in their early to mid 20',s, men who are in their early 40's will look to women in their mid to late 20's, men who are in their mid 40's will look to women in their late 20's to early 30's. Men in their late 40's will look to ladies in their mid to late 30's. Once a man (again American) is over 50 he will begin entertaining the idea of a lady of 40 and after a man is 55 an attractive woman of 40 stands a good chance of garnering a gentleman's attention.

Jazzyclassy you do not have to agree with mine or anyone else's thoughts on this but like it or not those are the cold hard realities.

TigerPaws

[I/O]

Lily: Not all western men are obsessed with a sub 25 year old piece of armcandy.  Sure, no argument from me that the majority of guys you will strike on any website will be that way minded.  BUT the majority of guys on websites never get off their dime and go anywhere anyway. 

You are looking for one and one only.  Personally I think you are off beat by avoiding the younger competition.  When looking, I was looking for someone who could WRITE a profile.  My age of choice was 29-40. (I was 39 by that point) Fancy photos of 20-25 Y/O's became a yawn.  There was millions of them and rarely would I see one who wrote something individual or informative.

Know your own value, understand what you have to offer and also want.  Look the competition in the eyes and tout your worth, NOT your arse. You are NOT looking for the majority.  You are looking for one.  All this talk about the majority of guys are looking for this or that galls me a little because the majority of guys are looking for a fantasy on their computer screen and nothing more.  A very small minority are serious and that's the group you need to tap into.

Recently the son of my lawyer (The guy is about 40) married a lady from Vladivostok area.  He is also a highly credentialed lawyer and I understand she is well educated and around his age also.  Oh my, you should see them together, are they a class act or what....!!!  My lawyer remarked to me, "I couldn't understand at first what he was seeing in a Russian woman, I thought he was mad, but when I first spoke to her by telephone, I understood immediately why he was so wrapped up in her". Kinda says it all.  The really classy guys are not necessarily looking for youth.

Don't look among the majority, look among the minority FWIW.  T/P seems to think he knows what all American men want and he may well be right, but from my observations, MOST MEN have NO IDEA what they want.  They are exactly what you should avoid.  You should, IMO look for a guy who knows exactly what he wants. They will only be found among the minority.

I/O   

[TigerPaws]

Don't look among the majority, look among the minority FWIW.  T/P seems to think he knows what all American men want and he may well be right, but from my observations, MOST MEN have NO IDEA what they want.  They are exactly what you should avoid.  You should, IMO look for a guy who knows exactly what he wants. They will only be found among the minority. I/O

I/O I have (or at least tried) to NEVER use the phrase "what all American men want", many, most sure but never "all".

I will agree with your assertion that "MOST MEN have NO IDEA what they want" I often suggest to men thinking about looking to the FSU for a lady that he needs to decide on what he needs, wants and desires in the lady of his dreams.

TigerPaws

[Jazzyclassy]

Tiger Paws ,you are very self confident and confident about any statement you make, I suppose that's cos you have money , imagine yourself a worker somewhere in the factory doing some dirty job,  imagine many such men in their old age  do you think they have any chance to have a young woman from Russia? no chances at all even if there is huge love involved. You are rich but some part of your America is poor according to people who live there my penpal from Alabama can comfirm( for kind attention of  Ken C please). Obviously those workers can count only on women who achieved things in Russia themselves and came to such point when they want love and attention and they can not get it in Russia so they can go abroad themselves in order to meet the men of their dream.

No matter how much you stress that it is love and mutual chemistry and so on , in the end   it is also about money , as all of us know how much people need  to spend in order to be together . Like I can give my own example everytime we meet with my amazing boyfriend we both spend a lot of money huge sums, we even can not imagine how much it will cost us all those visas and docs and things. We love each other so much but if I did not work and he did not work , our love  would need somehow to beat all those  limits and win , but would it be possible???

Of course you will be always thinking that you are right claiming the reality of our life so to say , though  not  only you are reality , millions of people live in this world and not everyone thinks like you........ thank God

[TigerPaws]

Jazzyclassy,

I try to discourage any man who is under capitalized in both time and money from even thinking about looking for a lady from the FSU, this is not something to be done on the cheap.

Jazzy I do not have to imagine myself working in some dirty jobs, I have been there and done that, which is why I decided early on that I was going to work hard and never have to do anything like that again. Some people have the drive, ambition and ability to drag themselves up in the world others like to wallow in the sewer. Sure America has poor people, sorry but that is their problem, people can make of their life as they see fit, believe it or not a percentage of the poor like it that way, their problem not mine. Jazzy if every wealthy person in America gave way every penny they had there would still be poor people, throughout human history we have had the poor and nothing in our lifetimes will change that.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have never stressed that love will conquer all, personally I believe that is a fantasy, love can carry a couple through a lot but even love can fail under the right circumstances. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jazzy if any given man has the ability to attract any lady then what is your problem. I do not know of any women we have been speaking about on this forum who have been slaves, do you? If the couple is happy so what, it is their life to do as they please, why do you care that my wife and I have a 19 year age difference or that others on this forum have a 25 year age difference if we are happy what is your problem with it? I another man or a thousand men seek and find their happiness with a Russian lady 10, 15 or 20 plus years younger than they are what is your problem with that?

TigerPaws

 

[I/O]

T/P:  A question.  Did you buy some of Yuri's scammer software and set your PC on auto respond?

I/O