Maxx's rules of marital success by "being the man" with a RW wife.

[LatinSwede]

What ever happened to "Shut up and make me a sandwich!"?  How about "Daete menya piva!"?:? 

[Bruno]

What ever happened to "Shut up and make me a sandwich!"?  How about "Daete menya piva!"?:?

The 6 december 1865, the thirteenth amendment to the US constitution have abolish slavery... for everybody, not only for people of color...

[Maxx]

Bruno, it is rather rare that a man writes softly about his soon to be ex when his marriage is about to end. It does not mean that he was not without his tender moments in regard to her. He loved her. I like Bean, he just made a common mistake that he admitted to. That is to continue to feed the ungreatful Russian she-bear. Eventually he ran out of marshmellows. If he had followed my rule about controling the money she would have more than likely have left him years ago and he would be hundred's of thousands of dollars ahead. She may also have disrespected his kind and giving nature and seen it as a weakness. IMO many Russian women expect a man to stand up to them and say "No". Of course they don't like the "No" either but what can I a guy do? Frankly they should do nothing as in "shrug your shoulders".


Maxx 

[Bruno]

Bruno, it is rather rare that a man writes softly about his soon to be ex when his marriage is about to end. It does not mean that he was not without his tender moments in regard to her. He loved her. I like Bean, he just made a common mistake that he admitted to. That is to continue to feed the ungreatful Russian she-bear. Eventually he ran out of marshmellows. If he had followed my rule about controling the money she would have more than likely have left him years ago and he would be hundred's of thousands of dollars ahead. She may also have disrespected his kind and giving nature and seen it as a weakness. IMO many Russian women expect a man to stand up to them and say "No". Of course they don't like the "No" either but what can I a guy do? Frankly they should do nothing as in "shrug your shoulders".

Maxx, the story of Bean or your own story is similar to mine story... we have choose the wrong girl... this can append in Russia or in USA... It is us who have make the wrong choice, it is us who have make the proposal... crying on the past problem change nothing to these past... We only need to learn make better choice...

Mr Bean saying that his story is typical is a wrong signal who implies that all RW are like this... maybe he think so because he continue make the wrong choice... but believe me, you have hundred of thousand FSU women and one is not the other... If now, he become a control freak, he can certainly loose the next wife, same if she is a good one.

The problem in not in the woman but in our choice of women... this need to change...

[Maxx]

The truth maybe someplace down the middle...

Bruno said:

Mr Bean saying that his story is typical is a wrong signal who implies that all RW are like this...

 

Bruno, I hear two versions about this. I'll call them Bean's verses Jet's (somebody contact Jet, OK?)

Bean and several other well established posters have said that it is usual in the majority of couples they know that the RW are uncontent and complaining about their lives. They are demanding to the extreme etc. One fellow said of a get together that of the 4 couples his R wife and he met with the RW were out side smoking and complaining about their husbands and their husbands were inside saying they never wished they married them. Another guy, CaptB a friend of JB's, said that in he and his wife's visit with another RW/AM group that of the 3 other couples one seemed all right, the other complained about her husband and their marriage looked shaky at best and the other RW said she was going to leave her husband once she got her Green Card and move to California.

I have an old INS statistical study conducted in 3 cities I am researching that when I am done will post on this board. It says that between 30 to 40 percent of all marriages to immigrant woman are a sham. The immigration attorneys and women's rights advocates dispute this study. However they are NOT calling for an updated study. I wonder why?

Then there was Jet's mention recently of all the couples he and his wife met (about 10-20 couples). His accessment of their marriages was that the vast majority are A-OK. I respect Jet so I wonder if he is traveling in a crowd of RW/AM couples that are not typical of the one's Bean's, CaptB's and the other fellow's are.  

So I wonder if the truth is somewhere down the middle with Russian women. It's more like flip a coin, 50 - 50.

Maxx 

[Bruno]

I have an old INS statistical study conducted in 3 cities I am researching that when I am done will post on this board. It says that between 30 to 40 percent of all marriages to immigrant woman are a sham. The immigration attorneys and women's rights advocates dispute this study. However they are NOT calling for an updated study. I wonder why?

30 to 40 percent... not so bad when compare with local marriage in US where the divorce rate is 49% or with Belgium where we have a divorce rate around 56%... yes, local marriage lead to 49% divorce by year... superior to these of foreign marriage...

So I wonder if the truth is somewhere down the middle with Russian women. It's more like flip a coin, 50 - 50.

There is not russian women... there is only women... at the basic level, a russian women need the same that a american women... the only difference is that you can have a better russian women that a american one due to your good living standart... if you like the black color, go to Africa... for a cow and a few pig, you "buy" a top model... of course, having a top model in your own home is not a easy task...

In short, you have good girl and b!tchs everywhere...

For coming back about the topic... "being the man"... if i remember the time of my grandfather, yes, the man was the boss... but not in the way of waiting beer from his wife... in these time, being man mean respect of women... who give his sit place in bus to women now, who open door to women now, etc ... find a real man now is very difficult... you can easily find jerk or eunuque...

[Nando]

[Maxx]

About a month ago, my Russian wife of 10 months staged a "spousal abuse" scenario, complete with 911 phone call and purported "injuries" that were bogus (an old bruise, a swollen knee that often swells because of earlier surgery, etc.). I'm to have a hearing this coming Thursday, and it's going to be largely her word against mine.
 
I wonder what steps you may be taking that I haven't thought of to build a good defense. I believe that my wife has been "coached" into this "green card girl" behavior.

[/size][/font]
  

Maxx

[supdood]

Small wonder men on this forum are looking for wives in economically depressed countries halfway around the world.

My single experience dating an FSU woman was that she was much better than me handling money, far more practical than me (i.e., less impulsive in spending habits), inhibited in her sex drive, and could be frighteningly silent when angry.

No matter where I go to prospect for a wife, I want her to be strong-willed and self-directed, the kind of woman who can make a good life for herself with or without me.  Whoever/wherever she is, I hope we'll make fantastic children and grow old together, and have lots to talk about over coffee when we're old and grey...

...and still getting it on!

[Goldtop]

I guess I'm fortunate. My fiancee (who has her visa and will be arriving soon) has said she plans to bring a good sum of money. She wants to help out with the initial expenses - decorating, clothes, furniture, school ect. She is also buying her own airline ticket here - she figures it's all our money and it doesn't matter who pays.

[Bruno]

The 49% failure rate is based on a lifetime of the people. About half (49%) get divorced sometime in their lives. The other half (51%) stay married for the next 30 to 70 years. That is until they die.

Right... below the original text :

By now almost everyone has heard that the national divorce rate is close to 50% of all marriages. This is true, but the rate must be interpreted with caution and several important caveats. For many people, the actual chances of divorce are far below 50/50.

The background characteristics of people entering a marriage have major implications for their risk of divorce. Here are some percentage point decreases in the risk of divorce or separation during the first ten years of marriage, according to various personal and social factors:
[color="#800000"]
Factors [/color]/ [color="#800000"]Percent Decrease[/color] [color="#800000"]in Risk of Divorce[/color]    
- [color="#800000"]Annual income over $50,000 (vs. under $25,000) [/color]  [color="#800000"]-30[/color]    
- [color="#800000"]Having a baby seven months or more after marriage (vs. before marriage)[/color]  [color="#800000"]-24[/color]    
- [color="#800000"]Marrying over 25 years of age (vs. under 18) [/color]  [color="#800000"]-24[/color]   
- [color="#800000"]Own family of origin intact (vs. divorced parents) [/color]  [color="#800000"]-14[/color]    
-[color="#800000"] Religious affiliation (vs. none) [/color]  [color="#800000"]-14[/color]    
- [color="#800000"]Some college (vs. high-school dropout) [/color]  [color="#800000"]-13[/color]  

So if you are a reasonably well-educated person with a decent income, come from an intact family and are religious, and marry after age twentyfive without having a baby first, your chances of divorce are very low indeed.

Also, it should be realized that the "close to 50%" divorce rate refers to the percentage of marriages entered into during a particular year that are projected to end in divorce or separation before one spouse dies. Such projections assume that the divorce and death rates occurring that year will continue indefinitely into the future-an assumption that is useful more as an indicator of the instability of marriages in the recent past than as a predictor of future events. In fact, the divorce rate has been dropping, slowly, since reaching a peak around 1980, and the rate could belower (or higher) in the future than it is today.

I would suspect marriage where people from different cultures, languages and hardly know each other have a higher much higher rate of failure.

Not sure, a lot of marriage die because the fire ( love ) extinguish slowly... one day, you wake-up near a unknow women... since foreign relation ask more daily work, if the marriage resist to the first stage, he can last more long since both partnerhave learn to accept the difference of the other... the initial cultural shock is a big test to foreign marriage and allow a better understanding for later... of course, this is only true in case where one of the partner have not some hidden agenda...

[Captmonk1]

[user=322]calcowboy1[/user] wrote:

All I can say is WTF....

I cannot imagine anyone having a succesful relationship following these rules.  Maybe I am just different, however, if you have to have these rules in the first place, maybe you are married to the wrong person.  I would never be married to someone where I would have to incorporate these rules.

I have been married for just over a year to a lovely woman from Russia, and as for the rules go

1) - She pinches every cent of every dollar.  I am the one she reigns in when it comes to spending. 

2) - I have never seen a demanding side of her, ever, period, end of story.  I have had enough experience with North American demanding women, and knew how to avoid that personal trait.

3) - No need to go there, quite happy.

4) - Never seen a rant either.

Either I am just lucky, or I knew what I wanted and happened to find it.  Either way, I am one happy guy.

Cheers!!

Calcowboy

 

I think Calcowboy's wife and my wife stepped right out of the same city. Oh wait...they did!!   

Ditto me and my wife with Calcowboy's 1 thru 4 list and I have only been married for 7 1/2 months. 

Maxx's list sounds like something out of a nightmare to me but I am sure it happens all the time. We have met 6 RW/AM couples in the last 7 months. I would say 4 of the 6 seem happy. 2 suck.

[PeeWee]

Small wonder men on this forum are looking for wives in economically depressed countries halfway around the world.

My single experience dating an FSU woman was that she was much better than me handling money, far more practical than me (i.e., less impulsive in spending habits), inhibited in her sex drive, and could be frighteningly silent when angry.

No matter where I go to prospect for a wife, I want her to be strong-willed and self-directed, the kind of woman who can make a good life for herself with or without me.  Whoever/wherever she is, I hope we'll make fantastic children and grow old together, and have lots to talk about over coffee when we're old and grey...

...and still getting it on!

This is somewhat I was hoping for, sans the children.

 

Peewee

[PeeWee]

I guess I'm fortunate. My fiancee (who has her visa and will be arriving soon) has said she plans to bring a good sum of money. She wants to help out with the initial expenses - decorating, clothes, furniture, school ect. She is also buying her own airline ticket here - she figures it's all our money and it doesn't matter who pays.

I was wondering about this. Don't some of these ladies who are planning on marrying a foreign man put aside some money for their future? If they haven't might it be a red flag that they are looking for the free lunch?

Just a thought. 

 

Peewee

[Maxx]

[user=960]Captmonk1[/user] wrote:

Maxx's list sounds like something out of a nightmare to me but I am sure it happens all the time. We have met 6 RW/AM couples in the last 7 months. I would say 4 of the 6 seem happy. 2 suck.

The two men of those two couples will someday regret comingling their finances with their future ex's. Perhaps a few other men that seem happy may someday feel the same way. Bad things happen Captmonk, but they haven't happened to you so why should you care? You are happy with your success or is it your dumb luck? You are a one-week-wonder if I remember right.

Maxx 

[Captmonk1]

You are correct sir. One Week Wonder and still wondering how lucky a guy (and girl) can get. 

Actually I was in St. Petersburg for 2 weeks but who's counting. Man I wish I had my old trip report.

My wife has been here almost 10 months now. She is on all my bank accounts and a couple of credit cards. Damn the torpedo's!!!

[Maxx]

That's great Captmonk. I am happy for you. I really am. But do you recommend your approach in finding a wife? That is a week or two in Russia and file the K-1? Then get them here and give them everything? I would think to recommend such an approach because it worked out for you would be for your own personal justification and not in the best interest of other's in this risky business. After all you just admitted that among the 6 couples you met that 2 couples seemed doomed. Maybe more.  

While I am asking you questions, do you see yourself as superior to most men (me certainly) in this process? Or that you just don't give a damn because your happy?

Maxx

[Daknack]

Small wonder men on this forum are looking for wives in economically depressed countries halfway around the world.

My single experience dating an FSU woman was that she was much better than me handling money, far more practical than me (i.e., less impulsive in spending habits), inhibited in her sex drive, and could be frighteningly silent when angry.

No matter where I go to prospect for a wife, I want her to be strong-willed and self-directed, the kind of woman who can make a good life for herself with or without me.  Whoever/wherever she is, I hope we'll make fantastic children and grow old together, and have lots to talk about over coffee when we're old and grey...

...and still getting it on!

 

Correct me if I am wrong, but isnt your one experiance with a RW an adulterous one in which you were seeking to have you ex-lover deported?

IMO you are probably the last human being that should be giving advice on relationships on this forum, or any other.  You mention looking for a wife for yourself, I recommend while doing this you cross off the wives of other men in the future.  Personally I think a dirtbag like you has alot of balls judging even the worst member on this site.  Thank you for playing.  We have some lovely parting gifts for you.

[Daknack]

Maxx's list sounds like something out of a nightmare to me but I am sure it happens all the time. We have met 6 RW/AM couples in the last 7 months. I would say 4 of the 6 seem happy. 2 suck.

The two men of those two couples will someday regret comingling their finances with their future ex's. Perhaps a few other men that seem happy may someday feel the same way. Bad things happen Captmonk, but they haven't happened to you so why should you care? You are happy with your success or is it your dumb luck? You are a one-week-wonder if I remember right.

Maxx 
[/quote]

 

Maxx is correct here... if you are going to co-mingle finances (and you always should somewhat it only makes sense even if it is a limited basis) get an account that requires BOTH signatures for a withdrawl.

On a second note how many marriages have we all seen get flushed down to toliet that showed little or no sign of failure?  Usually about half in my experiance, because people enjoy putting on the happy face.

[Bruno]

I was wondering about this. Don't some of these ladies who are planning on marrying a foreign man put aside some money for their future? If they haven't might it be a red flag that they are looking for the free lunch?

Don't worry, they spare if they can... they try one time and after learn the lesson... They spot spare money !

My ex-wife was with enough money on bank account for buy a russian car... one year after, due to devaluation of money and bank blocking account, it was enough for buy a russian bike... of maybe enough for a Western car ( matchbox model )...

First, when you have not a lot of money, it is difficult to put aside... second, russian don't trust bank... and last, the value of what i put aside is almost nothing here in our country...

[Maxx]

This comes off as caveman brutish as I meant it to sound. But beneath it is some fundamentally sound ideas IMO.

Russian women like strong men that will stand up to them as one recently told me. So why should a man that has worked his life learning his craft and then working his way up the corporate ladder turn over his paychecks to his wife a woman who has little understanding of Western economics? Or what of a businessman such as myself giving my newly arrived immigrant wife power of attorney over my business account?

Having them "get a job" means that certain steps in regard to her Adjustment of Status has been done. Rather hard to get a EAD card without doing the AOS. So I am not advocating withholding that as some sort of lever for control. The only control I advocate is self control and that means the ability to say "No" when it warrants it.

Getting a job for a RW means

1) They earn their own money that they can be responsible for. I have raised two daughters and their value for money in hand has changed much since it now comes from their own effort. Some RW need to learn this. Others don't.

2) Will learn English faster. It's called English language emersion.

3) Additional money for the household budget and/or less of a draw out of your funds.

4) Tire them out so they don't pester you to take them out dancing everynight. Many RW sleep 10 - 12 hours a day, watch soap operas, put on their makeup and ask their weary husbands to take them dancing or shopping (see #1) when they get home.

5) If the marriage fails then they are not (so) financially dependent on you. Besides if the worst happens it is rather difficult for them to make the case that you were controling.

the exception to the above is

1) The brief time while they are adjusting to their new environment

2) Mutual decision to have children right away

3) University studies    

One has GOT TO comingle finances right before the interview to lift the conditional residency requirement off (getting the Green Card). Not to do this shows the INS adjudicator that the husband is sceptical that the marriage will last once she gets the coveted card. If a divorce then follows then a comingling of finances, especially putting their names on the title of properties, makes the divisions of assets in a divorce much more difficult and costly. The INS knows this. What we need to know is that these marriages are often times shaky and it is best not to rush out on what might be thin ice. Give it time and see how things go.

Also I may add that my experience and that of many men I have talked to that GCG behaviour can be seen easily after several months go by. Before that the whole newness of their environment causes them to be quite conservative and careful. Once they feel confident they start showing their true colors. In other words "give them enough rope". This of course will not happen to good RW who love their husbands and wish to bond a relationship.

Maxx  

    

[Maxx]

Read the above ^

 

Maxx

[catzenmouse]

3) University studies    

One has GOT TO comingle finances right before the interview to lift the conditional residency requirement off (getting the Green Card). Not to do this shows the INS adjudicator that the husband is sceptical that the marriage will last once she gets the coveted card.

Maxx   

Not only for the lifting of the conditions of the green card. Getting their name on at least one bill (phone, power, cable etc) and getting them their own bank account starts the proof that a school requires for in-state vs out-of-state tuition fees. There is a huge difference in the cost.

Ken

[Maxx]

Thanks Katz on that. It would seem the deeper comingling such as names on titles is not neccessay.

Just for clarification. My pragmatic list does not mean no romance. Have all the romance and romantic glow you want. Just keep it from clouding your mind in practical areas. For the less practical of you just think of all the makeup sex if you follow my list :cool: Be the man!

Maxx

[supdood]

Why would anyone get married while anticipating treachery?  Being so guarded about your finances and personal life seems anathema to the desire for someone to share yourself with intimately.