Question for the experts

[Deacon_Blue]

Hi,  Total Newbie here

Been contemplating taking the plunge into looking in the eastern block for a woman of my dreams.  Just wanted a reality check from the experts on the board

I'm 39, (probably 40 or 41 when I finally decide to go or not) Divorced, 3 kids.  I wouldn't rate myself particularly good looking but no troll either. Pretty well off financially.  Been lurking here for a bit so I have read many of your posts and I am pretty ok with the requirements of what I may choose to embark on. 

I'm a pretty realistic person, Of course I would love a 21 year old trophy model but I also realize that is not going to happen an probably not something that would last long term.

Now the question I have,  I don't mind kids at all.  In fact I figure if I do decide to go this route I might as well make two people's lives better then just one.  (not to say these women are desperate or anything).  So do you think someone such as I would have better luck with women in their mid 20's to upper 20's with a child or a nice lady in their low 30's without

Just curious
Thanks in advance

[I/O]

So do you think someone such as I would have better luck with women in their mid 20's to upper 20's with a child or a nice lady in their low 30's without

Just curious
Thanks in advance

No expert, however based on your description of yourself/situation, I would say based on my anecdotal observations, unquestionably you would have more interested choices in the "High 20's with" than the "Low 30's without" group. (Your own 3 children, whether they live with you or not is a number which could be quite daunting for a lady who has no children of her own)

There is, for one reason or another, a lot of women in Russia and the FSU who have found themselves alone with a child. Welcome to the board BTW and I'd suggest you give the FAQ section a good working over if you have not already done so.

I/O

[Jazzyclassy]

am not an expert either but I would like to share my opinion here,  Are your kids living with you  , if so you should not expect to find a woman in her late 20 ,  better search for the woman who is 35-39 , cos really  you gotta be realistic

[2tallbill]

No expert, however based on your description of yourself/situation, I would say based on my anecdotal observations, unquestionably you would have more interested choices in the "High 20's with" than the "Low 30's without" group. (Your own 3 children, whether they live with you or not is a number which could be quite daunting for a lady who has no children of her own)

There is, for one reason or another, a lot of women in Russia and the FSU who have found themselves alone with a child. Welcome to the board BTW and I'd suggest you give the FAQ section a good working over if you have not already done so.

I/O

good post I/O I will second his opinion,

Welcome to the forum

Read, Read, Read and read some more, I did. There are many many women 28-35 that have a child who are attractive, clever, interesting and exciting. I would not recommend any woman even to men with movie star looks to consider a woman who is under 26. Personally I think a woman who is at least 30 would be better.

Just my two kopecks

Bill

[TigerPaws]

With 3 children it is going to be difficult at best, I highly suggest that you limit your search to ladies 29 to 34 who already have a child at least as old as your youngest or very near to that age.

TigerPaws

[Lily]

So do you think someone such as I would have better luck with women in their mid 20's to upper 20's with a child or a nice lady in their low 30's without
 

Deacon_Blue,  

Age has nothing to do with her personality. Just do your search and let women search you.

Suggest presenting yourself attractive and interesting, if you want a high quality woman to give you her second and third look among other eligible guys.

[TigerPaws]

I would not recommend any woman even to men with movie star looks to consider a woman who is under 26. Personally I think a woman who is at least 30 would be better.

Just my two kopecks

Bill

Bill,
I was with you right up to your last statement and I very much disagree but that is a discussion for another thread. Now if yopu are refering to this gentleman directly then I agree.

TigerPaws

[Deacon_Blue]

Kids live with their mother, I get them every other weekend.   Oh one other thing I forgot to mention.  Wherever I decide to look I WILL speak the language at least somewhat fluently

[2tallbill]

Deacon_Blue,  

Age has nothing to do with her personality. Just do your search and let women search you.

Suggest presenting yourself attractive and interesting, if you want a high quality woman to give you her second and third look among other eligible guys.

Lilly is correct in that you need to present yourself as best as possible and more importantly as confident as possible. If you can make a woman laugh then you are even more ahead of the game.
Show that you are clever, and have a sense of humor, and can be a good father to children then what woman can resist you??

just my two kopecks


Bill

[Jazzyclassy]

So you want to learn russian? well you need to  start now then , cos it is rather difficult language I should say, you actually can learn some basic phrases , that will be very pleasent for the woman  , well if you have a wish to learn russian it is always good
rather brave decision to learn russian:)

[2tallbill]

Kids live with their mother, I get them every other weekend.  OH one other thing I forgot to mention.  Wherever I decide to look I WILL speak the language at least somewhat fluently

One last thought to consider, there are many women in the FSU who are not fluent, but understand English fairly well. If a woman says that she has a medium understanding of English then it is likely that her understanding is better than that. A woman who says she is fluent in English likely has a degree that shows her fluency. A woman may understate her ability because she does not have a degree. I have seen this many times.

My last recommendation is to buy a pimsleur language program. You will not be able to learn fluent Russian from it but you will impress her that you are trying.

Good luck Udachi!

Just my two kopecks

Bill

[Kuna]

DB,

There are no experts here but there are plenty people with strong opinions.  

I can't comment on a ladies feelings about you already having 3 children but I can comment on the ladies opinions of FAMILY.  Family is good!

If you're around the 40 mark (like me by the way) you probably need to think of the lifestyle that you want after marriage before you start thinking about the age range of the lady.

A mid-20's girl may simply be in a different stage of life... that would raise a risk.

Once you understand yourself thoroughly make a list of all the things you seek in a woman but leave age till last. Some men here have found success chasing girls 20 years younger than them but again, it might raise a risk.  If you're 40(ish) would there be anything wrong with a very attractive, loving and caring 30 year old?  

You need to think if you'd like to have more children.  A woman without children is almost certain to want them therefore 30 or so might be the cut off. If she already has kids and you're not specifically wanting more maybe you can look up to 35...

The wider the age gap you seek the more difficult the search will be, and in many cases the higher risk the relationship will be.

Don't underestimate the beautiful of a FSUW who is 30+.   Many men don't need a mid-20's girl to make them happy.  If you do it CAN be done - but expect some extra hurdles.

Welcome to RWD... You've found the best resource on the web if you intend seeking a FSUW for marriage.  

Kuna

[BC]

Kids live with their mother, I get them every other weekend.   Oh one other thing I forgot to mention.  Wherever I decide to look I WILL speak the language at least somewhat fluently

I would suggest you first evaluate your family 'dynamics', especially if there will be another child involved.  Can get quite tricky to say the least.  A lot depends on your relationship with your ex and kids.  Your ex, with primary influence over your kids, if not also happy with your new union can cause things to get very uncomfortable in short order.  I assume there is also bi-weekly contact with your ex so something else to consider.  A new partner will likely insist on her child being first in the 'pecking order' and may not readily accept your ex still being somewhat in your life.

How long have you been divorced?  What are the ages of your kids?

[2tallbill]

So you want to learn russian? well you need to  start now then , cos it is rather difficult language I should say, you actually can learn some basic phrases , that will be very pleasent for the woman  , well if you have a wish to learn russian it is always good
rather brave decision to learn russian:)

Learning Russian is incredibly difficult but not impossible

Here is my theory,

Learning Russia is like trying to eat an elephant. You can not eat an elephant
in a day. But if you eat an elephant sandwitch every day then eventually you
will eat the entire thing.

It is the same with learning Russian, if you work on it a little bit every day
then like the elephant you will eventually learn it (or eat it).

Learning Russian is very difficult, English words are formed primarily with the tongue
and Russian words are formed primarily with the lips. If you find a woman who can
speak both you can be assured that she is a good kisser. LOL

Good luck,

Bill

[Shadow]

Deacon Blue, my non-expert opinion.

The arrangement with current kids and with the ex should be very clear. Your FSUW will not mind the kids, but will definetely mind you running errands for your ex in your kids favour. If it is a matter of just pick 'em up and dump 'em after two days there will be no problem, but if you are a good parent you might spend more time on your kids than you know yourself.
For the FSUW every minute you spend on your kids will feel like spend with your ex, and that can be a deal breaker.

As for your choice, keep your options open. Write those who have a profile and picture (note the order) that seems interesting to you and be honest on all matters.

[BC]

Learning Russian is incredibly difficult but not impossible

Here is my theory,

Learning Russia is like trying to eat an elephant. You can not eat an elephant
in a day. But if you eat an elephant sandwitch every day then eventually you
will eat the entire thing.

It is the same with learning Russian, if you work on it a little bit every day
then like the elephant you will eventually learn it (or eat it).

Learning Russian is very difficult, English words are formed primarily with the tongue
and Russian words are formed primarily with the lips. If you find a woman who can
speak both you can be assured that she is a good kisser. LOL

Good luck,

Bill

I speak several languages, but have yet to master RU to any great degree.  After 5+ years I can barely communicate, but do understand enough to surprise my wife from time to time. LOL

I'm learning the most from our 3 yr old.

I think in another 4 or 5 years I will be able to carry on a decent conversation... about the same amount of time it would take to eat that elephant.

[Deacon_Blue]

Thanks all

So I am hearing stick with 29 to 30 something,  I would have to assume maybe a year or two younger if I look in the rural area's. 

Thats pretty much what I thought.  I'll stick within 10 years

As for the children dynamic,  Yea I thought of that.  My kids however are really inclusive of other children and as for resources I'm anal that children (even other then my own) get everything they need.  If it becomes a problem,  actions speak louder then words.

[I/O]

but do understand enough to surprise my wife from time to time.

Yes, I quite enjoy that bit also. To see a Russian's mouth drop open in surprise is quite a buzz. The more I learn the less I tell her I know.

Just on this language thing for a moment, I am more than supportive of those who do learn other languages, I have a little of three.  I have long thought money can buy a ticket to travel, but language is the ticket to freedom.  Nevertheless, I am far from convinced the guy learning Russian is a high priority in this pursuit.

Certainly a little Russian is a big help when visiting with family and friends etc.  Nothing worse than sitting with a group looking like a stale bottle of booze because you can't be involved in a conversation.  However, I think there is more important matters to deal with in the first instance. I can't ever see myself becomming particularly fluent in Russian and from where I sit right now, I don't see it as necessary.  Time will show.

I/O

[MaxxumUSA]

DB,

I am a father also.  I have custody of my son and also have my ex's other children in my life.  Total of 3.  They are 14,16, and 17 years old.

I am 39 like you.

My fiancee is 30, never married, no children, smart, speaks english, and of course is beautiful.  She is not here yet - but will be in about a month.

One thing others have not mentioned yet is that if you meet this type of woman - she will almost certainly want to have children with you - as my Elena does with me.

I was not 100% sure either way before I started this endeavor, but I was definitely open to having more children with the right woman.  So I'm very much looking forward to starting a family with my girl.

May I ask what drives you toward a search for a woman from FSU?

[Wayne B]

DB, I am a father of 2 children. I have always been up front with the fact of having children when I started my search...I also was very open with women that I would have more children in the future.... I have met many women with/without children through the years and the fact that I already had children, never seemed to be a problem....My wife and her family have always been interested in knowing about my children... My wife is becoming very close to my daughter....my son is near 17 and we don't see as much of him, because he is busy with his friends....'imagine that'  My wife does not have any children of her own, but she very much desires her own children....So, in time maybe we can share this gift together      One more thing...The relationship between my ex and her husband is a good one with my wife and I...and for that I am happy

[TigerPaws]

Deacon_Blue,

I would highly recommend that you find a lady who already has a child, a lady who has the wisdom and maturity to understand and cope with what she would be getting into. Please, please take your time with with this, being that you have just started read the FAQ section at least twice.

Looking for a lady from the FSU can be a great experience and the rewards can be unbelievable just take your time, ask a lot of questions and you will be fine.

TigerPaws

[TigerPaws]

DB,

I am a father also.  I have custody of my son and also have my ex's other children in my life.  Total of 3.  They are 14,16, and 17 years old.

I am 39 like you.

My fiancee is 30, never married, no children, smart, speaks english, and of course is beautiful.  She is not here yet - but will be in about a month.

One thing others have not mentioned yet is that if you meet this type of woman - she will almost certainly want to have children with you - as my Elena does with me.

I was not 100% sure either way before I started this endeavor, but I was definitely open to having more children with the right woman.  So I'm very much looking forward to starting a family with my girl.

May I ask what drives you toward a search for a woman from FSU?

MaxxumUSA,

You know your lady best so take what I am saying with that in mind, my lady had no idea how difficult it would be dealing with my two children  while in the end things did work out the first year was a struggle for her. My lad thought she could handle teenagers but she found out that she had bitten off more than she thought and it was very, very difficult for her. Of course we made it through those difficult time but she cautions you that your lady will need a lot more support and your time than you can possibly imagine.

As for understanding you will be a father again, good for you, I figured I had done that before so I could do it again and I was right it was easier and more difficult all at the same time, but I knew going into this that there would be a child in our future and I was ok with that.

TigerPaws

[MaxxumUSA]

Well TP

My son who lives with me is the 14 year old.  Occasionally we spend time together with his older brother, but the two usually hang out together at my ex's.

My son usually spends weekends with his mother - his choice.

My son has his moments.  I am concerned about how the family unit will change.  I can see it going very good and smooth, or maybe not.  Knowing the two of them, Elena and my son, I have a gut feeling that things will be very smooth.

My son has dealt with and liked my last GF's very much.  And they liked him.  There has never been a problem thus far.

Either way...  I am excited about the whole move.  In 4 weeks I'll be there to pick her up.

[SANDRO43]

Learning Russian is very difficult, English words are formed primarily with the tongue and Russian words are formed primarily with the lips.

Nonsense. Deacon_Blue, welcome, but don't start lip-strengthening exercises based on that premise .

[TigerPaws]

Either way...  I am excited about the whole move.  In 4 weeks I'll be there to pick her up.

MaxxumUSA,

Good for you, going to be with her at that time this will be one more feather in your cap as to how much you think of your lady and believe me she will thank you for being with and accompying her to her new home.

TigerPaws