Reactions of Friends and Relatives

[Donna_Pedro]

I will put it this way - I never worried whether my husband's family would accept me. Its them actually who should be worried about being  accepted by me. Whether they like it or not - I am already here,  so they can choose - try to please me and there will be peace, or at least parity, or go to h..ll.  Hopefully, those few family members that Mr.Pedro has, are open-minded enough to accept his choice or at least make no comments.

[Photo Guy]

TigerPaws,
You have my sympathy. It's a shame to lose old friends for such a bad reason.

Bruce,
You sound like you have a great group of supporters around you.
You're a lucky guy.

[TigerPaws]

Thank you Photo Guy,

 Were they friends or simply people I have known? It really dose not matter, my lady and I are very happy together and get along with just each other very well. As I said most of the men were very curious, it was their wife's who were the problem, just like so many other AW. Which is why amoung so many other reasons we looked to the FSU for something better.

 

[KenC]

My experience is more like Tigerpaws than jb's and I think it is due to the age difference.  jb's Etna is more his age and therefore more acceptable.  Being in the company of highly educated people also may help with acceptance.  What I found is that American's are terribly ignorant about Russia in general.  A jazz singer at a local lounge once made the comment to Lena, "You must be so happy now that Russia has gotten rid of communism, your country can now have some culture".  Huh?

Besides the ignorance, there seems to be a lot of built in resentment to all things Russian due to the brainwashing effects of the cold war.  Being Russian, I was always aware of this during my high school and college years.  You just cannot expect 50 years of brainwashing to disappear because the political climate has changed a bit.

More over I have found the AW to be extremely jealous of Lena.  Especially the single women close to my age.  In truth, I really don't blame them either.  Younger, better looking and better educated what's not to be jealous of?  I remember running into a flock of these crows 6 years ago when Lena had just arrived.  We were in a local restaurent/lounge when I noticed a table of women that were once friends of me and my ex wife.  Their collective jaws hit the floor when I walked in with Lena.  They made sure to all come over and just about throw themselves at me.  Yeah, right, whatever.

Most of the guys I know and a few of the more secure women have accepted Lena with open arms.  Giving her a chance to memerize them with her wit, charm and intelligence.  In most part the women felt extremely threatened Lena's presence because they worried that their hubby's might take a look at what they were missing.

KenC

[TigerPaws]

 because they worried that their hubby's might take a look at what they were missing.

KenC

 I think what you said here has a lot more to do with this issue tham most AW would ever admit to.

 

[ConnerVT]

How much bonus points ? :D:D 

Only partial credit.  Most of these are contemporary re-quotes, especially considering the paraphrasing along the way.  I tend to think jb may be correct, attributing it to ol' Sam Clemmons.  Always thought of him as a bright man.

anano -- Thanks.  That sentiment is one that passes through my mind several times each day.  I hope you find the one who does the same for you. 

To get back on topic, many of what has been written is well on the mark.  I have a closer (7 year) age difference, so it's not that extreme -- except for the AW reaction.  As my wife is very tall (as am I), we usually get noticed when we go out in public.  Some of the looks my wife gets from AW would kill.  She finds it a bit funny most of the time.

My closest friend married a RW (more specifically, the maid of honor at my wedding).  There is a larger age difference for them (about 20 years).  Although he is younger than me, his genes have given him a full head of white hair since he was in his early 20's.  The reactions he has experienced meet the full range of what has already been discussed here. 

[Turboguy]

 because they worried that their hubby's might take a look at what they were missing.

KenC

 I think what you said here has a lot more to do with this issue tham most AW would ever admit to.

 
[/quote]
I think you are right on Tiger Paws.   I think that most of these women are so far nicer than their American counterparts that any woman might worry about their husbands getting ideas. 

I can tell from your answer that you realize that if you loose any friends over your choice of a wife, they were never really your friends anyway.

 

[anono]

hope andrewfi is reading this. he may think i'm "flailing around" here, but i guess i'd rather be flailing around here than wasting my time with AW like i did for years before i discovered the real women of the FSU.

i can just see those jaws dropping because that describes what will happen once i return home with one of these ladies. they will throw themselves at me, just as described above. i bet i can even name them, i can see their faces already.

[Elen]

I only hope that the maing idea of yours to marry Russian/Ukraine gilrs is not to make jaws of your ex-s and friends' to drop :?

[anono]

removed--- it just isn't worth it....

[KenC]

Elen,

You are almost making a good point, I think.  Wowing your friends and ex should not be the motivation here, only a side benefit.  For some reason, I never much considered that angle and I was a little uncomfortable with it when it did happen.

  With all the ignorant and desparaging comments that will come your way, you really have to have rather thick skin when you marry a RW.  This is especially true if there is a big age difference.

KenC

[anono]

well, guess i will have to say part of what i deleted. i have been writing TR's now for two years. not once has the idea i was doing this to make jaws drop mentioned. i made my post above in response to another post.

i am doing this to find a good lady to spend the rest of my life with, dropped jaws never played into the equation. a compatible mate does.

i do not have an ex-wife so it would be kind of hard to see her non-existent jaw drop.:cool:

[corncrowe]

i do not have an ex-wife so it would be kind of hard to see her non-existent jaw drop.:cool:

 

I do have an ex-wife and I don't think her jaw with drop either because she was (is) a very attractive blonde, texas oil, with her own life.  So I don't need to prove anything to her or anyone else...

Jon

[anono]

 So I don't need to prove anything to her or anyone else...

good point, wish i had added it to my post. thanks corncrowe.

 

[corncrowe]

 So I don't need to prove anything to her or anyone else...

good point, wish i had added it to my post. thanks corncrowe.

 
[/quote]
You're welcome anono.  We never need to justify our actions to other people.  If they don't like it then f*ck'em...

I live my own life and don't plan on letting others decide who I marry...it's not interesting.

Jon

[anono]

You're welcome anono.  We never need to justify our actions to other people.  If they don't like it then f*ck'em...

I live my own life and don't plan on letting others decide who I marry...it's not interesting.

:dude:

 

[corncrowe]

You're welcome anono.  We never need to justify our actions to other people.  If they don't like it then f*ck'em...

I live my own life and don't plan on letting others decide who I marry...it's not interesting.

:dude:

 
[/quote]
Did you visit my Kiev photo section yet?  I should put more out there, but you've seen Kiev before.  We were probably there at the same time this year.  I am trying to get back over in September, so maybe we can visit?

Cheers from Texas!

Jon

[anono]

hi jon, i basically live in kiev when i am not on the road so i know it well. even was a host to J on her first visit here.  i know her capitol city better than she does...lol

when i get home, i may add to your photos.  i will be back again in september so yes, we should meet...

robert

[KenC]

Anno & Corncrowe,

Even though I agree with the f**k 'em if they don't like it comment, it is not very realistic in real life.  You are not the only one to consider here either.  What I did and what you are in the process of doing is not conventional and there will be more than enough BS to over come, believe me.  Both me and my wife are strong and independent enough to follow out own hearts, but it is not as easy as you may think at this point of your process.  Hell, just you marrying a foreign woman and her moving to a different country is qualifies you both as unusal.  But there is another angle to consider: Your future wife will face a tremendous amount of social isolation as it is and any additional negativity will just add to the burden.  Even though there is an element of excitement in starting a new life in a strange land, it is not for the faint of heart.

KenC

[corncrowe]

Anno & Corncrowe,

Even though there is an element of excitement in starting a new life in a strange land, it is not for the faint of heart.

KenC

Ken,

I did by moving to Holland and the UK a couple years ago, so Galina could live in Europa and be closer to home.  I know first hand how difficult it can be moving to a strange country and not knowing anyone there or having a safety net. 

It is daunting to say the least for those individuals who must know where they will live, buy food, get telephone and electric service, etc.  Some people are more adapt to change than others and this also goes for FSU women.

Change will happen.  It's how you approach it, embrace it, and deal with it that determines if you will succeed or fail (in life, love, and most everything).

My experiences moving to Japan, the UK, and Holland were all somewhat different.  I don't think there are adequate comparisons between the various cultures that I could say which was easier, less stressful, or less transition to become acclimated. 

But, as you said, it's not for the faint of heart.

Jon

 

 

[corncrowe]

Anno & Corncrowe,

Even though I agree with the f**k 'em if they don't like it comment, it is not very realistic in real life. 

Ken,

Sometimes it is possible to ignore what other's think about your life and living arrangements.  I must admit that if I were living in my homestate then I would more  than likely want or "aspire" for the blessing of family and friends.  At least to a limited extent that I get some recognition.  But I don't live in my homestate and at some point in the future will probably return to either Holland or Belguim.  I plan to live in both the U.S. and Europa for extended periods of the year.

So because my previous FSU relationship ended recently, I am somewhat free to find someone who shares my life visions.  This may not be so easy because most women want to remain in relative security of "one" domicile.  I may be on an extended search for years to meet a woman who is as mobile as myself. 

...hmmm...maybe I just need a travel buddy....:cool:

Jon

[mischief]

 But there is another angle to consider: Your future wife will face a tremendous amount of social isolation as it is and any additional negativity will just add to the burden.  Even though there is an element of excitement in starting a new life in a strange land, it is not for the faint of heart.

KenC

 

Ken, you're so right… Guys, you should think about your wives in the first place… even if you don't care, she would care! When I came to another country with no family and no friends, I hoped to have another family. And it was so devastating when my husband's family wasn't that happy to welcome me!  I remember crying about that more than once… well, it's water under the bridge now… and I'm very happy that everybody in the family figured out the pluses of having me as -in law… It's important to have a healthy relation with all family members for the sake of your family and future children… If you isolate yourself from your family, they'll blame her not you in that… that could affect your children too…

Especially I needed support when I was pregnant… even the fact that there are ppl who can throw a baby -shower for you is so important!

Guys, give family and friends time to know your wife better… don't push but never give up trying.  

P.S. Ken, we have 25yrs age difference too...

[TigerPaws]

 This whole issue of family and friends is a problem, some will be shocked, some in disbelief, some will accept and others will ignore both of you. In the end it will be up to the two of you to make your relationship work even if that means cutting ties with the past and sometimes family.

 There is no question that seeking a bride from the FSU means you are walking down a different path and there are many who will not understand why you choose to do this. Do not try and explain too much to them as most likely their minds are closed to new ideas.

 We are discovering that another group of people we know and thought we knew are having problems with our decision to take our 3 year old daughter around the world by sailboat for the next 5 to 7 years. They just can not open their minds to the possibilities such an adventure offers, to be able to home school our daughter and at the same time share the world with her, to learn about new cultures and allow her to grow up at her own pace away from the pressures of modern society. What could be better. Hell-if-I-Know.

[Photo Guy]

Mischief,
That was a great post. I appreciate your wisdom.  Doug

[Todd]

It is funny; I actually got my first negative response just the other day.  It was from an exgirlfriend.  With that exception, everyone in my immediate and extended family has been very positive.  My mother, who just last year was dating someone my age, just wants to know when she can expect some grandchildren.  Friends at work are very excited as some of the marrieds have been following my dating misadventures over the past 6 years.  Personal friends have just asked the typical questions that they would ask me about anyone women that I was getting serious with.  How long have you known her?  Do you love her?  Does she love you?  What do you find so compelling about her?  Have you talked about...etc?  Does she have the patience of a saint??? Half my close friends are female, and my best friend is also female.  They have all been very supportive and have offered to talk with Kate and go shopping with her.  My grandmother even wants to teach her how to make my favorite apple pie.

I think that my family/friends are having an easier time with things because the age difference (37 vs. 25) isn't as large as some others in my family. (One cousin is married to someone who is 26 years her senior, and my sister was a widow at 28; he was 65).    Also, neither of us have kids to complicate matters, and Kate is an only child who grew up with her mother, who seems to have a very fulfilling life in Belarus.  Once she gets here, I'm sure her being fluent in English will be a big help. 

Of course, many in my family aren't sure what exactly a Belarus is.  I've gotten "what other cities is that near?"  What country is that in?  Where in Russia is that?