league and age gaps

[jb]

Excellent observation, BC.

[vwrw]

VW, I've seen the 'I'm here to learn' statement from both you and TG a couple times now.. It really does not make sense..

..-and it kept nagging me.

You are committed to each other will marry and that's that.. what in the heck is there for you two to learn about age gaps?  In the end is something you two are going to have to deal with.

Picture a couple buying a car, the sales pitch stops as soon as you drive it off the lot.  The time to investigate and learn about damn car is before you sign the check, not after.

It seems kinda senseless sitting around discussing all possible aspects, hypotheticals, angles, etc of things that may come to bear or not as it pertains to your relationship, really a lot of wasted energy on all sides.  If you hit a rough spot down the line and can't resolve it yourselves maybe that is the time to 'learn', maybe not here but with a good marriage counsellor.

In the meantime, I'll suggest for the third and last time in the last year or so, that it is high time to take your relationship off-forum completely. Surely you don't need tens and maybe (in the future) hundreds of others to follow and criticize every twist and turn of your relationship.. or?

In very simplistic terms: Don't bogart these threads!  [img]http://www.msnemotions.org/emoticons/uploads/smokin.bmp[/i





BC, Frankly, I hesitate if I should answer your question. So as, mostly it is obviously that you read my post with desire to find fault and flaw into my personality.

To support to my conclusion about your intention …  in reply #191at this thread I said: “Guys, all the “what ifs”, with your help, I had analyzed during the first three months of relationship with Turbo, and came to conclusion there is high degree of certainty this relationship will work out. It has been almost a year as I see that I have made the right conclusion.  So, guys, do not waste your breath!!”

And after the words of mine you came to tell me about the car and the marriage counselor…what for ???

I am here to learn your mentalities, how you interact with each other, and many more objectives that I do not want to tell.

[jb]

Frankly, I hesitate if I should answer your question. So as, mostly it is obviously that you read my post with desire to find fault and flaw into my personality.

vwrw, you, and your man T/G, have already been weighed and measured on your own personalities exhibited here, you were found lacking in virtually every category, i.e., character, honesty, wisdom, and intelligence.  Personally I think the bulk of the RWD, especially the "OMBs", would just like to see the two of you just go away and not clutter every thread with your utter nonsense as you try over and over to justify your existence around here.  I think most of us now find you guys laughable, idiotic, and totally without merit.  Why don't you do us, and yourselves a favor,,, disappear.  How long do you want to be the town clown?

[KenC]

VWRW,
You and Turbo continue to play games here at RWD.  You both say that you are here to learn from the people with experience, but that is BS as I see it.  You two are just attention seekers and need to put yourselves into as much controvery as possible to feed your need to be in the spotlight.  It usually goes down something like this:

Someone shares a difficulty in an age gap marriage.
Turbo:  That will never hapen to us because of bla bla bla
VWRW:  That is not an age gap problem at all

Why even bother with you two if you have all the answers?  Because you keep putting yourselves in the middle of EVERY age gap discussion!

BC's car analogy is right on the money too.  You obviously miss the point entirely.
If you already "bought the car" (your decision to marry is final)
Why would you want to know more information about the car? (want more information about the potential problems as it matters not to your decision)  Besides, Turbo will always just deny that it will be a problem in your case any way.  Why waste our time?  What is it you hope to learn?  (You two seem to have all the answers anyway)
KenC

[Turboguy]

Ken, sometimes I think you can't read other times I think you just must not have much of a memory.  Talk about creating controversy to be in the spotlight we could never keep up with you. 

As far as most of the comments just reread the last few pages where the same things have already been discussed a million times.

As far as the comment about VWRW saying it was not an age gap problem she was right.  Everything you said happens in most every relationship between an AM and RW.  You are the one who keep harping about the difficulties of an age gap relationship but can't give a single example. 

I agree with BC's analogy about the car but let me give you one.  If you decided to drive to Seattle would you think it was abnormal to try to get directons and ask about road construction. 

jb, thanks for your comments.   The last I looked there were twice as many people who had you on ignore as both of us put together so that sort of indicates a possibility that twice as many people would like to see you disappear.   Frankly I enjoy your posts most of the time.   I know you think your wife is wonderful.  Personally I think she is better than that.   I think she must border on sainthood because living with you has to be something well beyond most womens ability. 

[ScottinCrimea]

Ken, sometimes I think you can't read other times I think you just must not have much of a memory..... You are the one who keep harping about the difficulties of an age gap relationship but can't give a single example. 

Either your denial is growing or you rmemory is shrinking, because I seem to have read many very specific examples of difficulties of age gap relationships given both by KenC and several others, myself included.  It just goes to show again that you are only hearing what you want to hear.

[jb]

jb, thanks for your comments.   The last I looked there were twice as many people who had you on ignore as both of us put together so that sort of indicates a possibility that twice as many people would like to see you disappear.   Frankly I enjoy your posts most of the time.   I know you think your wife is wonderful.  Personally I think she is better than that.   I think she must border on sainthood because living with you has to be something well beyond most womens ability.

Since there is no way your relationship with vrwr could survive the trials we have faced in the past 5+ years, you have no right to comment,,, remember please,,,, you are still a newbie in the process of success.

As far as how many members "ignore" me,,, that's a badge of honor I think...  It reflects how many idiots are delusional, AND DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE TRUTH.   Too bad you are one of them.

[KenC]

Ken, sometimes I think you can't read other times I think you just must not have much of a memory.  Talk about creating controversy to be in the spotlight we could never keep up with you. 

As far as most of the comments just reread the last few pages where the same things have already been discussed a million times.

As far as the comment about VWRW saying it was not an age gap problem she was right.  Everything you said happens in most every relationship between an AM and RW.  You are the one who keep harping about the difficulties of an age gap relationship but can't give a single example.

Are stupid?  (That is a rhetorical question) At first I ignored your request to itemize the problems yet again, because they have been identified ad nauseum, but even after I do list them again, you sit here and lie through your teeth that I didn't.  Please put me on ignore because you obviously do not read anything I write any way.  You have all the answers, so why even ask the questions.  Let me think, hmmm, your buddy PG had the same attitude.  He too had all the answers right up until his relationship blew up in his face.  I see the same outcome up the road for you.

I agree with BC's analogy about the car but let me give you one.  If you decided to drive to Seattle would you think it was abnormal to try to get directons and ask about road construction.

 
What the hell good would it do?  You would ignore the directions any way.
KenC

[Turboguy]

Either your denial is growing or you rmemory is shrinking, because I seem to have read many very specific examples of difficulties of age gap relationships given both by KenC and several others, myself included.  It just goes to show again that you are only hearing what you want to hear.

Put a stethescope to your own memory doc.   My question for the 30th time was about issues people had faced with an age gap relationship prior to old age.   Yes, thing like I could live to 105 and she could spend 15 years changing my diapers and wiping the drool from my mouth have been discussed a million times.   Ken would be a perfect example of someone who could answer my question.   He has stated a million times that the age difference had created a lot of difficulties in their relationship.   Perhaps she has to change his diapers and wipe the drool, but I really thought he was referring to other things and I was interested in what things he had experienced.   Ken's answers were not bad.  I just personally think that men hitting on her is not all that age gap related.   I have a feeling as pretty, well built and stylish as many of the RW are it would happen regardless of the age gap.   Still I do appreciate that he did his best to answer my question.  It was the best information I got to my question and there was good information there.

Since there is no way your relationship with vrwr could survive the trials we have faced in the past 5+ years, you have no right to comment,,, remember please,,,, you are still a newbie in the process of success.
/quote]

I have no doubt about that at all jb.  As I said your wife has to be nearly a saint.   VWRW as strong as she is could not make it a week.

As far as how many members "ignore" me,,, that's a badge of honor I think...  It reflects how many idiots are delusional, AND DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE TRUTH.   Too bad you are one of them.

Sorry to disappoint you but neither VWRW or I have you on ignore or have ever had you on ignore.   I have never had anyone on ignore.

[vwrw]

jb, I cannot already imagine my life without reading your full of wisdom posts. And I do NOT care if you like or dislike my presence here, the most important thing is that I like your presence here.
I guess I am selfish, LOL…

KenC, You obviously miss the point entirely. The one thing which does not let me to say that you are scatter-brain is the doubt that you have the brain :-)
Well, I will do one more attempt to explain (with sincere hope my doubt was mistaken) about last 6 months I have been coming here to learn your mentalities, how you interact with each other, and many more objectives that I do not want to tell.

[vwrw]

From jb: As far as how many members "ignore" me,,, that's a badge of honor I think...  It reflects how many idiots are delusional, AND DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE TRUTH.   Too bad you are one of them.

vwrw: so the fact that neither Turbo nor me ever pushed your ignore button means we are smart, lucid and we want to hear the truth.     I am agreed LOL…    

[Photo Guy]

KenC,
Let me see if I understand your point of view about large age gaps.

You basically said you were head over heals in love when you
first met your wife. And then as time went on, you tested your
relationship and tried to find every possible reason not to
marry the girl, in the context of being logical and pragmatic.
...You couldn't find a reason to throw her back. She passed
all of your tests. Everyone should follow your example
and criteria. -and dare not challenge you about that.

Okay, so you were very impressed by this woman and
remained cautious, trying to eliminate any chances
of failure. I get that. Newbies understand your caution.

And on the other hand, you and your wonderful wife are
a shining example of a large age gap succeeding, an example
of one happy couple.

I think the bottom line with you is that you are an
example of a successful couple with a large age gap.

You should be encouraging newbies to view an age
gap as not being a definite hindrance. If it wasn't
a hindrance for you two, then it may not be for some
other couple. 

You are in no position to judge the level of caution
of other potential couples/marriages. The fact that you
do make these outsider judgments, exposes you as having
an overly inflated ego, an unreal sense of self-importance.

If you were truly as cautious as your pose, you would NOT
have married her, with such an age gap. That's the truth...
-doug

[Misha]

KenC, You obviously miss the point entirely. The one thing which does not let me to say that you are scatter-brain is the doubt that you have the brain :-)

I am new here, but this is a bit low. Ken did provide a very nice list of the challenges faced by a man in a marriage with a large age-gap. I was quite impressed by Ken's honesty. He did provide a number examples that he faced over the last 8 years. They were very honest and quite realistic in my opinion.

[Turboguy]

Gabaub,  I am sorry you see it as a low blow but the low blows are going both ways right now.  I personally think it would be far better if everyone stopped the low blows.

Here is a thumbnail version of ken's comments.   I will follow it witha short version of my thoughts on it and I really do appreciate that he took the time to answer.   It is bedtime for me so I will make this short.

VWRW,
Just for you, I will go through Kuna's list.

[) As Scott says you will slow down much faster than vwrv. 

2) You're going to have to face constant speculation and sometimes ridicule because you've not broken the social norms...
3) Men are going to look at you and look at her and think they can get a bit of "stuff" on the side. 
4) She may strike a great opportunity in life (business, career, etc) and really want to grasp it.  You may not be in a position to travel with her and keep up with her because age has caught up. 
5) Whilst your life is winding down hers will be speeding up. 
6) You will get tired of socialising with her friends because they do things you don't understand or appreciate.  Everyone should have friends but if you tie her to your friends

The truth is that you will not be accepted by either age group of friends.  In the older group, the guys will be fine and you may even get a few "atta boys" but their wives will make sure you will not be involved in their social circle in the future. 
KenC

1.  Doesn't answer what I asked about
2.  All AM-RW face that.  Read Maxxim's latest thread if you disagree.
3.  Ditto
4.  Not what I asked about.
5.  Not what I asked about.
6.  Good point.  Exactly what I asked about but I think it is the case with a lot of AM-RW relationships but yes, it could be more pronounced with an age gap relationship.   

Bedtime.  I have a big golf day tomorrow.  Nite all.

[I/O]

You basically said you were head over heals in love when you
first met your wife.

P/G: I am not here to defend KenC as he is big enough and ugly enough to do that for himself, but that is BS of the highest order. In every post I have ever read of KenC's I have NEVER seen him state anything of the sort that he was in love or even close to it when he first met with LenaC. Never.

about last 6 months I have been coming here to learn your mentalities, how you interact with each other

VWRW: Most well understand that. Your style is very typical of modern day psych students. They are becoming oh so predictable. Try being different and you just might rise above the pack. You basic problem here as that you still live in the delusion that you are just a touch smarter than everyone else. You might be a touch smarter than Turbo, I doubt that would be any great achievement, but you WILL learn when you get to the west full time, there is some pretty smart bears out there to compete with and you will have to lift your game measurably or you'll get fried before lift off.  Think about it.

I/O

[William3rd]

16 pages later- same old sit, different day. The old guys are still old.
The naive guys are still naive, And Senator Craig is still not gay.

Same tired discussion. . . . .

How about arguing about older women or younger men for a change of pace?

[Kuna]

Is it an idiots convention in here today???

Turbo... Why do you never respond to the points that are too difficlt to respnd to?  You suck up the slightest bit of support you get (even if it's from someone like PG) yet any honest advice you receive is automatically disgarded as not applying you you and your female.

You have an amazing capacity to avoid anything valuable.

You claim you've had such wonderful, deep and complex conversations with you Female therefore you know for sure that you two are a perfect match.

I can just imagine what those conversations are like...

Turbo: The sky is a beautiful blue colour today isn't it?
The Female: The sky is yellow!
Turbo: Yes...  you're right... it's a beautiful shade of yellow.

Now let me predict what it'll be like in marriage:

Turbo: I'm worried about you and Bob Smith. Is something going on? Why have you been to interstate conferences with him every weekend for the past month.
The Female: Nothing is going on with Bob. He is just my boss.  Go get us more coffee.
Turbo: *turns around and walks out of the bedroom without another word*
The Female: *rolls over in bed and kisses Bob Smith on the cheek*

Turbo...  you're neck deep in shite and you still can't smell it...  save us from your drivel PLEASE!

[vwrw]

From I/O :
You basic problem here as that you still live in the delusion that you are just a touch smarter than everyone else.

vwrw: And again, it only seems to you. There are some members here that I have found as being much smarter than me (and Turbo certainly is one of them), who is keeping my interest and making me to come to RWD over and over again.  
The day, then I will come to the conclusion I am smartest here I will leave this forum. (Yes, it means never, LOL…) I do NOT need praising, I NEED some knowledge.  

I/O, you see, I am lucid.   

[Photo Guy]

I/O,
He was not even close to being in love?!

KenC posted in '05:
'...I was thunderstruck by a photo of Lena that was posted on a website.  I immediately called her.  I became completely infatuated with her personality through numerous phone calls.  The first time I actually met her, the sight of her took my breath away.  We had instant undeniable chemistry.  It was as though we were made for each other.  After more trips and her arrival to America, we married and have been in total happiness ever since.  But at what point was it "love"?...'

Love?...lust?....infatuation?...   -doug

[Kuna]

Love?...lust?....infatuation?...   -doug

Quite a natural infatuation I'd say... how about you?  I also understand to ensure they had a chance at a real relationship she went to the US on a student visa and they did REAL LIFE dating for a while... how about you?  Do you think Lena is attractive?  Would you be infatuated is someone like her showed you attention?

Doug, 

By Turbo's definition you're much more exerienced than me (you've been in the game longer)... How's your search going?  Found the new love of your life yet?  Got further trips planned?  Would you do anything differently?

If you're not currently searching (or you've given up) maybe you coud just provide all of us newbies with advice rather than throwing spitbombs from the back of the room like a child...

[I/O]

I/O,
He was not even close to being in love?!

KenC posted in '05:
'...I was thunderstruck by a photo of Lena that was posted on a website.  I immediately called her.  I became completely infatuated with her personality through numerous phone calls.  The first time I actually met her, the sight of her took my breath away.  We had instant undeniable chemistry.  It was as though we were made for each other.  After more trips and her arrival to America, we married and have been in total happiness ever since.  But at what point was it "love"?...'

Love?...lust?....infatuation?...   -doug

P/G: Stick to Bus driving, you can figure that out with grunts and hand signals. My toilet bowel probably feels "Thunderstruck" each morning too, but that doesn't mean it is in love with my arse...!!

I/O

[Mir]

KenC posted in '05:
'...I was thunderstruck by a photo of Lena that was posted on a website.  I immediately called her.  I became completely infatuated with her personality through numerous phone calls.  The first time I actually met her, the sight of her took my breath away.  We had instant undeniable chemistry.  It was as though we were made for each other.  After more trips and her arrival to America, we married and have been in total happiness ever since.  But at what point was it "love"?...'

Well well well, and I had the impression he was dragged into a relationship with a much younger woman kicking and screaming.
As I say:'The more people claim to be different,the more they are the same.'

[CaptB]

William......I agree. Actually I am a little disapointed in the behavior of a few folks on this thread. Everyone is entitled to their opinion........but you don't have to beat a dead horse. Some folks here that I normally consider "respectfull/thoughtful"......are acting down-right nasty. The one thing I am disapointed in on the RWD is that folks are alowed to "attack" another member here without moderation. Those posters were locked-out on the RWG when things turned into a flame-fest. State your opinion.....then let it rest. Going on and on.........like the energizer bunny.......won't change anyone's mind.......it may have the opposite effect (because it has become very annoying).

Age gaps........what is there more to say? Ken C spelled-out many (possible) problems associated with a large age gap......but it did'nt stop "him" from going ahead with it. And just because someone thinks "their" (age gap) relationship is "ok"........lets say it is 25 years.........is that the be-all....end-all limit? Their are just too many factors involved besides "a number"..........as to whether "anyone" will make it or not. My first marriage lasted 10 years......and mostly "sucked". I will tell you now......that the marriage I am in now...... on a bad day.......is almost better than in that "other" marriage......on a good day.
So what is a "sucessful" marriage ? How long is a sucessfull marriage? I will take 10 good years........over 50 of what I had before.

I like how some folks here have a "girlfriend"......but hav'nt even started immigration yet.....let alone marriage.......but are full of knowledge. I have "only" been married 4 years.........and have barely scratched the surface on "success". If I really want to know about what a successful marriage is really all about.........I'll give "Moma D" a call. As I said..........I will be happy with 10 good years.......I can already speak with authority on 10 "bad years". I would'nt even consider 25 years difference........because I did run all of those "later years scenarios" through my brain many times........but that is only "my" opinion on what is acceptable for "me". To some younger guys here.......even a 10 year age difference is too much.

There is no universal right answer to this "age gap" question (whoops.... let me qualify that with a IMHO). There is only......what is right for you. Some folks that are full of themselves.......may be married.....and "divorced"...........in 10 years.......or less. Likewise.....some folks that are being critisized here......may endure longer......despite some of the problems they may face. Who really knows? But I do know..........it really needs to be given........................a rest. But then.......that is only "my" opinion


Capt B

[Turboguy]

Is it an idiots convention in here today???

With a few exceptions like Mir, Gator, PG, VWRW and particularly CaptB, very possibly!

Turbo... Why do you never respond to the points that are too difficlt to respnd to?  You suck up the slightest bit of support you get (even if it's from someone like PG) yet any honest advice you receive is automatically disgarded as not applying you you and your female.

First off Kuna, I have not been looking for advice (for the 20th time), I have been looking for information.   As far as not responding to any honest advice, that one has to make me laugh a little.  Throughout the thread you guys have been accusing me of saying to much, now I am getting it for saying too little.   As much as I have been accused of interjecting my thoughts into every age gap threat that has to be the funniest comment of the thread.  Kuna, I have to agree with William we have a lot of pages of nothing.  I had asked the question of Ken in the hopes we could talk about things that have never been talked about and make it a constructive and helpful  thread.  I am not sure exactly what things you feel I have been avoiding.  If you are talking about Ken's points, most were not quite what I was hoping for.  (a) If I answer point by point saying how those things will effect VWRW and I (in my view) then I will be accused of justifying our lunacy.  (b) it looked to me like Ken had put a lot of work and effort into formulating those questions and I appreciated that and was trying to be respectful.  There may have been a few times that I tried to ignore a few things in the hopes this long, boring and repetitive thread might start to die off on it's own.   If there are things you would like my comment on or you want a point by point answer to Ken's list, please ask again and I will do my best to answer.

You have an amazing capacity to avoid anything valuable.

I thought I was the one who tried to take this into new areas that might be beneficial to people as in my queston to Ken

You claim you've had such wonderful, deep and complex conversations with you Female therefore you know for sure that you two are a perfect match.

Actually Kuna, I have barely scratched the surface and I have played it down more than you realize.   Perfect, probably not, exceptional, yes.

/quote]

[DizzyD]

...My toilet bowel probably feels "Thunderstruck" each morning too, but that doesn't mean it is in love with my arse...!!

I/O

This is not a comment on this thread...  but thanks to you I/O for the line above...
I really enjoyed spewing my morning coffee out of my nose....

DD