Turbo - Keep us Posted . . .

[Simoni]

   I did end up wearing my seatbelt even though most of the speeds were not much over 5 mph.   It only took a few times being thrown into the dash to join the seatbelt club. 

Marina won't wear her seatbelt.  Does not matter if I am driving or her. For a year I fought with her about it.  I did my best, but arguing about it does no good.  So I'll just wait for a cop or accident.  Hopefully, neither will come our way.

[Bluebell]

Marina won't wear her seatbelt.  Does not matter if I am driving or her. For a year I fought with her about it.  I did my best, but arguing about it does no good.  So I'll just wait for a cop or accident.  Hopefully, neither will come our way.

That's very irresponsable of her, Simoni. I can't imagine any excuse of not wearing seatbelt when it can save her life! Did she never see any accident or heard had someone worn the seatbelt, would he/she be still alive? 

Don't waite for that cop or accident, Simoni, set wearing seatbelt as a condition for ever letting her drive.

[Simoni]

That's very irresponsable of her, Simoni. I can't imagine any excuse of not wearing seatbelt when it can save her life! Did she never see any accident or heard had someone worn the seatbelt, would he/she be still alive? 

Don't waite for that cop or accident, Simoni, set wearing seatbelt as a condition for ever letting her drive.

She has to take a safe driving class to get a better insurance rate.  I think videos in that class might do the trick.

[Photo Guy]

Hey, I just read this thread, after being away from the forum for awhile.

Turbo, it sounds like you and and VWRW are doing great! ...Fantastic!

I'll phone you soon, to say hi.  Best of luck,  Doug

[Turboguy]

Thanks everyone.   She has completed her tractor driving school and has now mastered a few more in the pickup truck and is doing great. 

We applied for her social security # yesterday and seemed to have a nasty effect on the S.S. office's computer.   They had to reboot, log on a few times and call their computer wiz to get it wrapped up.  At least we hope it is filled out properly and will be arriving in the mail in a few weeks.  Not much else new.  She survived a Haloween haunted house and she will get her first view of Trick or Treat night tomorrow.

[catzenmouse]

Are you SURE that's VWRW?

Looks like a Pennsylvania farm girl to me. Where's the fur coat? Where are the pointy toed high heels? I think you're pulling our virtual legs here...

Ken

[Photo Guy]

I'm not sure that is actually her either. She looks VERY American. And look-
she's driving with one (American)hand, like she needs a free hand for her
cell phone. ...Wait a minute. Please train her to drive without
a phone in her hand. LOL.  As a professional driver, I'll state the
obvious. Take her to a large school parking lot on a weekend.
Set up orange cones and have her do various parking maneuvers,
over and over again. That'll train her for parking at the market
and shopping mall. Have her pull up to objects, so she knows
the exact dimensions of your car. Get her to park exactly in
the middle of a parking space. After she does these exercises
a few dozen times, she'll be an expert, and confident.
As for your stick shift, I won't make any innuendos. ;-)  Doug

[wxman]

Turbo,

Is that the 2007 Lada convertible that VWRW is driving? 

[vwrw]

The farm girl was me   . But those photos were really ugly; even I could not recognize myself so I asked Ray to remove them.
People usually are more friendly and pay less attention to those with who they have more things in common than to those who are different. That is why I am trying to do my best to be mousy or at least looking like majority of women here.  However, my grace, gait and straight back still catch  much of unneeded attention even when I am dressed like the farm girl…I would like if surrounding people stop to notice me for 6-8 months and by that provide me an opportunity to watch them. 

I behave strange. For example: we could not switch on subtitle and had to invite a person to fix it. When Turbo said the person is coming I went at other room and was sitting there while the person was at our house…is it idiotism? I was sitting at the room and laughing at myself and trying to understand what is the matter. Why I avoid communicating with people. It is not me. Nothing similar ever happens with me in interaction with Russian speaking people at least last 12 years.

I am curious is this only me who became shy/bashful after arrival to America or other FSUwomen felt something similar?  Did anyone notice that in similar situations but among American people his fiancée acts in different way than she acted among FSUpeople??

[wxman]

vwrw,

Don't change who you are just to fit in. Once people in your community get to know you, you will be accepted for who you are. Think about if the shoe was on the other foot, and you lived in a small city in Russia, and Turbo moved to your city. People would first think of him as that "American", but over time would get to know him as "Turbo".  You will do just fine, let it happen naturally and just be yourself. In 6 months you won't be that shy girl from Russia. 

[KenC]

VWRW,
Lena was a bit bashful when she first arrived too.  Don't worry too much over it because you have much to adjust to.  You will be fine and yourself sometime soon.  It is all a little overwhelming in the beginning and I can certainly understand you wanting to avoid being put in a position where you might look less than you truly are.  But believe me, when I say you will look back on this experience and laugh about it later.
KenC
(BTW you didn't look "bad" in the photos, just more "American" than we expected)

[Bruce]

It is only natural to observe cultural differences prior to attempting to interact in a different culture.  Wait till Turbo takes you to the big city and you try to interact with "other" people, or at least observe them  .

[Simoni]

…I would like if surrounding people stop to notice me for 6-8 months and by that provide me an opportunity to watch them. 

I am curious is this only me who became shy/bashful after arrival to America or other FSUwomen felt something similar? 

What you are feeling is natural, VWRW.   15 months ago, hours after landing in NYC, Marina was shocked when strangers at a restaurant walked up to her and said "I like your boots."  And no matter what she did, people noticed her and said nice things to her.  She did not like it at all, and thought they were being insecure.   It's just a cultural difference.  So yes, you had better get used to it.

We have this saying in American..."you can run but you cannot hide."

But there is good news.  A year and a half later Marina smiles and says "thank you" when some stranger says something nice to her.

[catzenmouse]

VWRW,

 Like other's have mentioned what you are going through is very normal and expected. And like KenC said you just looked much different than what we expected. Take as much time as you need to build your level of comfort around other people and situation.

 There will be a lot of feelings both good and bad going through your thoughts in the near future so just try to realize that it is part of the natural process involved and that you will be fine.

Ken

P. S. It is also very important to remember that if anything goes wrong it is Ray's fault (no matter who is really to blame it is still his fault)! 

[ScottinCrimea]

You spent a good part of the summer with Ray in the Caribbean, and you weren't among FSu people there.  Did you feel the same sense of shyness?

I can understand how you would feel uncomfortable being in a place where you don't feel that you can show yourself in the best light.  Some people don't like to be seen as lesser than they are.  It can be a mistake to hold off until you can appear as your "perfect" self.  No one expects that but you and you will find it easier for people to want to get to know you if they can see that you have some flaws, be it language or whatever, because they will feel more comfortable around you with their flaws.

[Jumper]

am curious is this only me who became shy/bashful after arrival to America or other FSUwomen felt something similar?  Did anyone notice that in similar situations but among American people his fiancée acts in different way than she acted among FSUpeople

yes its very VERY normal..
and part of a big adjustment.

(i lived in another country before, and took me about a year to feel myself again, mostly because of my language skiulls taking that long to get acceptable or comfortable)


anyway-
 my wife was this really outgoing ,happy,fun person with lots of family and friends in the FSU..
the word shy could NEVER have been used to decribe her.


She moved here, with decent english, yet initially would hardly speak to anyone.
and yes would avoid situations where she could have interacted and made friends.
was sort of taken off guard, and shocked when so many people (women)would just come up and genuinely compliment her on clothes, shoes, or appearence in places like the store, mall ,or restaurant.


It wasn't long before she adjusted to this,
 enjoyed the compliments ,, and the fact it was easy to make friends here.

her initial problem was she was afriad to speak ,
sher knew it might be incorrect ,and she would be understood, but perhaps sound "stupid"
I told her, our arae is full of immigrants for many different countries,,
noone would mind , or make a judgement about her as a person, on language
and her english was far better than many people that live here,long term.
i also pointed out  the ONLY way to get better was to actually actively seek out converstation , not avoid it !

tough to do? yes! and i understood this.
but once she started interacting ,just a bit,
 her natural outgoing personality overcame the language insecurities.

You will do just fine VWRW!!
 it will take very little time,,but may seem like it is slow.


one thing that made my wifes steps more quick and dramatic, was she
was approached by a mary kay representative..

i advised her to do what she wanted  ,
that cold sales are difficult and uncomfortable..

but that the experience itself would probably be good ,
as even if she dint like doing it ,or ever sell anything.
it is easy enough try ,,and walk away from if you decide it isn't what you want to do.
 in the meantime she might make a few friends from it ,
and going to thier meetings and interacting coulsdnt hurt anything.

Sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone is the quickest way to improve a situation.

would i advise anyone to try this?
not really.

but i'm pointing out that her self-imposed "forced" interaction,
 made a leaps and bounds adjustment in a few weeks,
it regained a lot of her natural self confidence quickly ,
and did make a few friends from the experience that she still is close to years later. (none of them sell mary kay anymore ,or attend the weekly meetings)


so i guess i'm  saying thart simply jumping in, is the  quickest way to get back to feeling like yourself..

you've already made it to the side of the pool,
carefully  sticking your toe in, to the feel the water ,
wont get you immersed as quickly as just jumping in..

but jumping in, is sometimes uncomfortable and scary..
everyone is different,, many will stick their toe in , and gradually
dip into the water.

neither way, is right or wrong..?
it is just a different in lenght of time untill you are swimming ?


you have time....   

[Bluebell]

 15 months ago, hours after landing in NYC, Marina was shocked when strangers at a restaurant walked up to her and said "I like your boots."  And no matter what she did, people noticed her and said nice things to her.  She did not like it at all, and thought they were being insecure.   It's just a cultural difference. 

I find this really strange. That RW find strange if a stranger says something nice to them, that they are shocked and uncomfortable with that instead of being pleased. Lily, Blues Fairy, Jazzy, is it really like that in Russia?
I have received so many compliments in my life from strangers, women and men and with one exception, never found it unpleasant. The only time when I felt uncomfortable was in Cyprus when in a hotel, one of the hotel stuffs told me in front of my then boyfriend that I was so beautiful. There I felt her comment exaggerated, out of place, even suspecting that she did so in the hope of a higher tip. The woman was definetely an Eastern European.

[Photo Guy]

VWVR,
I am sorry you removed those nice photos. I like photos. And those were precious moments in time, when you were new here in the US. You appeared very 'American'. You did not look bad or ugly. Best of luck with driving. You will discover it is fun and liberating.  Doug

[groovlstk]

I am curious is this only me who became shy/bashful after arrival to America or other FSUwomen felt something similar?  Did anyone notice that in similar situations but among American people his fiancée acts in different way than she acted among FSUpeople??

VWRW, my wife was the same as AJ's in this regard.

She was and still is (mostly) pretty reserved with my family and friends, although more and more she feels confident and opens up. I find that with one or two guests, she is very outgoing and confident. With a table or room full of people, she's still reserved, mostly because she can't follow more than one conversation at once.

When we meet with our Russian friends, it's completely opposite. She's the life of the party, constantly laughing and joking, everyone wants to be around her.

I know with time she'll bring both halves together, and you will too

[Simoni]

I find this really strange. That RW find strange if a stranger says something nice to them, that they are shocked and uncomfortable with that instead of being pleased.

Not strange at all, but normal.  Read what AJ wrote...

yes would avoid situations where she could have interacted and made friends.
was sort of taken off guard, and shocked when so many people (women)would just come up and genuinely compliment her on clothes, shoes, or appearence in places like the store, mall ,or restaurant.

Marina's experience was exactly the same.

[vwrw]

Guys, thank you for supportive comments and for sharing your experiences. I feel much better knowing that it is pretty normal to feel bashful at first stage of the integration into a new society.   I hope it will be easier with time.  It has still only been a few weeks.   

I often hear on RWD that American men complain that American women dress bad and are fat and other unflattering things.  So when someone says I look more American than they expected I am not sure how to accept that.   

[catzenmouse]

I often hear on RWD that American men complain that American women dress bad and are fat and other unflattering things.  So when someone says I look more American than they expected I am not sure how to accept that.   

Just keep remembering that no matter what went wrong or causes a problem (even if it is something said here) it's Ray's fault. 

[KenC]

Guys, thank you for supportive comments and for sharing your experiences. I feel much better knowing that it is pretty normal to feel bashful at first stage of the integration into a new society.   I hope it will be easier with time.  It has still only been a few weeks.   

I often hear on RWD that American men complain that American women dress bad and are fat and other unflattering things.  So when someone says I look more American than they expected I am not sure how to accept that.   

VWRW,
When women with great confidence(like you & Lena) are put in a position where you may not be confident, it is confusing.  I don't worry about you too much because I know you will be back cocky confident as before in a short time.

The good natured teasing about you looking American was a sign of affection not belittlement.  No one meant to insult you.  In fact, you should take it as a compliment.
KenC

[Turboguy]

We are celebrating the one month mark since VWRW set foot in America.   Things are going great.   I have to believe it has been the happiest month of my life.   VWRW seems to be adjusting well to life in America and she seems to be very happy as well.   :kissing:

I think you hope for the best, try to prepare for the worst and expect something in between.  VWRW expected to go though some difficult times but really I think it has been pretty easy for her so far.   Hopefully it will stay that way.

One of her comments was that people here seem to compliment her in the third person.  Yesterday we went to a Arts and crafts show/sale.   There were a lot of compliments but no one complimented her.   They complimented me on how beautiful my girlfriend was.  That was without her opening her mouth or giving any clue she was Russian.  One lady even apologized for it.   VWRW’s comment was that they complimented her like she is a dog but actually I have seen lots of people talk to a dog and compliment it  like the dog could understand them, so I can’t even say that is true.   

I have the cleanest most organized house in town.  Of course it is so well organized that I can not find a single thing but it sure is organized.   She is happy I can’t find anything.  She likes that I am dependant on her.  With a RW they are dependent on us so much during the early phase that it makes her have a little sense of purpose to have something that I depend on her for.   

Her “HoneyDo list seems to keep getting longer and longer.  Sorry I have not been able to post more on RWD.   As soon as I sit in front of the computer she pops up with her new ideas of things I should do and says Darling, why are you sitting in front of the computer?   Here are things you need to do.   

Basically we are both two very happy people and having a great time and enjoying being together.  Any problems have been minor or practically non existent.   

[Misha]

We are celebrating the one month mark since VWRW set foot in America.   Things are going great.   I have to believe it has been the happiest month of my life.   VWRW seems to be adjusting well to life in America and she seems to be very happy as well.   :kissing:

I am a bit confused. In another discussion forum (RUA), VWRW posts in April (April 26, 2007, 08:05:28 AM) that she was already in America and that it was her third week in the USA.

I double-checked. In a thread entitled: "Re: A woman's life in Russia" VWRW writes: "I have been in America for three weeks. Of course, it is too short time to make any conclusion. So I will not make any conclusions, I just will say I have never felt so comfortable and pleased communicating with new people as I felt in America."

VWRW post is followed by a post by "Turboguy." Clearly the RUA Turboguy and VWRW are the same people as the Turboguy and VWRW here. I just don't understand the discrepancy in dates.