An AMAZING week

[Kuna]

Cheers Bill.  I appreciate your good wishes! 





A benefit of good English.

Well, I just spoke to My Girl as she went to bed in her apartment for the last time and she said something that gave me gerat comfort.

"Kuna,  you will have to be very patient with me if I feel depression".

She knows the changes in her life will be huge and she knows she won't always feel good about leaving Ukraine and I really appreciated her being able to tell me she will feel down at times and I need to be supportive and patient.

I wonder if women with less developed English skills also know the problems they will face but can't express it as well...  I dunno... 

We're very excited but both very mindful of the changes we are introducing into our lives.

[ScottinCrimea]

Kuna, whether they know English or not, it is still hard sometimes to express your feelings with something so radically life changing.  It's perfectly normal to mourn the passing of one stage of our lives as we enter a new one. Patience and understanding is necessary in very large measure.  I remember when I first moved to Ukraine - it was bad enough that I didn't know the answers, but even worse that I didnt' even know the questions.

[baldrick]

All you need now is for Australia to win the Rugby World Cup...................

[Kuna]

baldrick...  It's grand final weekend here this weekend and it's probably best that she doesn't arrive till Tuesday... but sadly I think the World Cup will be an uphill battle from here... Injuries are going to take their toll.   

[Kuna]

Well...  My Girl arrived in Moscow today and her sister met her so they could both go over to the Embassy to finalise the visa.  She said it was "no problems" and was able to get her visa label in her passport and leave without any waiting.

She bumped into the lady that helped us through the process and had the chance to give her our thanks.  She wished My Girl happiness and after she said her farewells it was off to pick up her (our) nephew and nieces from school and then back to the house.  She says she's a bit tired but knowing her she will again "Sleep till blue" (or is it "sleep like blue"???) and after a "prolonged pause in the prone position" she'll be back to her wonderful best.

When I called back a few minutes ago they were just getting the children ready to take them to their dance classes and after that it'll be back to the in-laws house for dinner and a sleep.

There's nothing much else to report at the moment... We're still coming to terms with the speed and efficiency of the process for us.  She leaves Moscow on Sunday and after a long flight she'll be in my arms on Tuesday.

My (our) apartment is pretty much ready now...  Carpets were professionally cleaned today.  Tonight I scrubbed the walls and cleaned the skirting boards and light switches etc.  On the weekend I'll stock the fridge with some familiar goodies for her and make one final pass over the place to make sure it's spotless for her arrival.  Of course I know it won't be spotless enough but at least I'll feel better if I put the effort in now.  Cleaning also beats the heck out of sitting around waiting for her arrival! 

Last weekend I emptied out any pot plants that were looking sad and threw out the old potting mix.  I know she wants to plant flowering plants for our balcony so I wanted to make sure everything was ready for us to go out and choose what she wants.  It's interesting that what she refers to as a "Chinese Rose" is a hibiscus - so I think definitely we will have a few in pots in the near future.  I remember in her apartment she had one growing on the window sill in her bedroom so it might be nice if we have a few here.

Well it's now 111 hours to go...  AND COUNTING! 

Kuna

[HiTech]

Kuna: Are the hours going rapidly or slowly?

HiTech

[ScottinCrimea]

Last weekend I emptied out any pot plants that were looking sad and threw out the old potting mix.

Does your lady approve of you growing this stuff in the house?    

[Misha]

Cheers Bill.  I appreciate your good wishes! 

A benefit of good English.

Well, I just spoke to My Girl as she went to bed in her apartment for the last time and she said something that gave me gerat comfort.

"Kuna,  you will have to be very patient with me if I feel depression".

She knows the changes in her life will be huge and she knows she won't always feel good about leaving Ukraine and I really appreciated her being able to tell me she will feel down at times and I need to be supportive and patient.

I wonder if women with less developed English skills also know the problems they will face but can't express it as well...  I dunno... 

We're very excited but both very mindful of the changes we are introducing into our lives.

Patience is what I need in the morning when waiting in line to buy my coffee before going to work. Trust me, the word patience only scratches at the surface of what you will need in the comings months.

Even if a woman speaks English, it is still her second language and there will still be a great deal of culture shock. Expect tears, more tears, being told that she is miserable and that it is your fault, maybe a thing or two thrown at you, more tears. After a while, it will seem to go away, then it might come back.

If you are very lucky, it should go away in a few months, but I would expect the signs of culture shock to last at least a year. If a woman does not speak English, then it is harder and more stressful for her.

Also, even for those of us who lived in the FSU for months or years, we always knew that we were going back home eventually. This is a permanent move on her part, and that makes it harder as she will be away from friends and family. If someone gets sick, it is harder to visit them and when she is lonely, she can't just drop by for tea.

[Makkin]

Hi,

  Congratulations and hope you the very best with your girl.

  Makkin

[Kuna]

HiTech,

To be honest it's emotionall confusing because time speeds up and slows down all the time.

The first week after she had her visa interview dragged SO slowly... I think I was bracing myself for a long wait that could have dragged on for 10 months.  The week after that it went back to normal because I think I'd accepted the long wait.

When we got the news that the visa had been approved in 16 days time started to speed up VERY MUCH...  and then as the news sunk in it slowed down again... to a point now where this last week feels like it's taking an eternity.

I'm sure when she arrives it'll change again but the confusing thing is that you might expect excitement to equate with time speeding up.  It hasn't always happened like that.  I'm hoping life will return to a normal pace quickly so we can settle into a routine that is fulfilling rather than confusing.



Scott...

The plants are her idea.  Can I assume most RW don't want "stuff" growing in the house?  I've tried to explain the size of our balcony (7 metres x 5 metres) and the way we can create a "Garden Room" outside but I've been told we will bring plants inside.   

Patience is what I need in the morning when waiting in line to buy my coffee before going to work. Trust me, the word patience only scratches at the surface of what you will need in the comings months.

Even if a woman speaks English, it is still her second language and there will still be a great deal of culture shock. Expect tears, more tears, being told that she is miserable and that it is your fault, maybe a thing or two thrown at you, more tears. After a while, it will seem to go away, then it might come back.

If you are very lucky, it should go away in a few months, but I would expect the signs of culture shock to last at least a year. If a woman does not speak English, then it is harder and more stressful for her.

Also, even for those of us who lived in the FSU for months or years, we always knew that we were going back home eventually. This is a permanent move on her part, and that makes it harder as she will be away from friends and family. If someone gets sick, it is harder to visit them and when she is lonely, she can't just drop by for tea.

gabaub,

Excellent points... and I hear you.  When I first joined RWD similar comments from the old hard heads (*looks at KenC and jb*) rang in my ears and actually made me think about the value and emotional cost of marrying a RW.

I feel fortunate to have found someone with some life experience that she can refer back to and I'm hoping that will make it a little easier for her.  She studied on Gemany for 2 years and had a very difficult time adjusting. I think this time she is probably more aware of the challenges and is hopefully more prepared.

On the things you mentioned:

Language:  She speaks very good English now but it adamant she "must speak perfect English".  We'll enroll her in classes as soon as she settles in a little at home and thankfully the college she'll go to is only a short ferry ride up the river.  There's no better way to travel in my city so this will help her with her English language abilities AND the ferry terminal is one place in my city where you can hear Russian and German language on a regular basis.  With luck she will make some friends too.

Oh, by the way... on language... even though her English is quite good I notice she struggles a little when she is very tired.  I've suggested we get Russian language movies to help her relax but she is adamant that it is best for her if she only speaks and hears English.  This is entirely up to her but it reminds me of the difficulties she will undergo.

Culture Shock:  The change will be dramatic for her and I suspect the worst thing will be the inactivity from leaving a demanding job in UKR and coming to a place where she will be starting from the bottom again.  This is something I don't have a solution for other than giving her the freedom and support she will need to start building again.

It's funny you say it'll take a year.  She's also said it will take her a year to feel normal (based on her German experience).  My only concern is that she will try to take on too much once arriving because she has a long list of things that all are tagged with a "Priority #1" tag.  Again, all I think I can do is give her the freedom and support to find her own level of activity and commitment.

I've made some big life changes too and am still settling into a more "normal life".  I've left a job that required constant travel and at times find it difficult when I talk to former colleagues and hear of the work we used to do together.  I guess we both need to find our new level.

Missing family:  Again... We may be advantaged by the fact that when she studied in Germany her mother moved to Moscow to be with my SIL2B and family.  Since returning to UKR My Girl only sees them once or twice a year and tends to keep in touch by email more than phone. I've been very conscious of the possibility that she will be missing family but they're already lining up assorted visits and holidays - and I expect her to be in touch with friends daily on the phone at least for the first few months.  We expect all of the family to be in Oz for our wedding (before Christmas) and her 12 year old Nephew will probably be here over Christmas.  We intend starting a family in the "not too distant future" so her mother will come for a few months (but My Girl insists a month will be enough    )

I can't help but think she will miss her family and friends but she insists it won't be a big challenge for her because she's experienced it before... and "it is not big problem. We will visit them and they will visit us.  You will see all with be OK".   


Finally, I think something she will definitely miss is the sights, sounds, smells and tastes of her home city.  My city is vastly different from hers even though it's a similar size. 

Still... I know both of our lives are about to change dramatically and it will take a big effort on both our parts.  I think we're prepared but we won't really know until after she arrives and the changes settle in.

Thanks for your comments.

Kuna

[ScottinCrimea]

Kuna, What we have here is an Australian to English mistranslation.  In the US, a pot plant is illegal to both grow and to smoke.

[Kuna]

Ahhh... gotchya!

 

[jb]

Kuna,

You will know I wish you the absolute best.   Like I/O's thread, your thread requires some gray matter to offer some advice, and I've been so busy lately I have no gray matter to spare.

I want only the best for you,,, do your best, and go for the gold.

[Kuna]

jb,

Thanks for your good wishes.  They are much appreciated as is all of the advice and knowledge you've shared over the past 12 months. I can only hope to have a marriage as strong and productive as yours.



Well...

My girl is now more than 3/4's the way through her travels and she will land in my home town in just 7 hours...  She's been up and moving for 29 hours now and I have no doubt she'll become well acquainted with the crisp bed linen that awaits her.

Early in the morning i will be up and out at the airport to meet her and still I cannot believe how quickly things have happened.

One thing that has struck me about the past 12 months is the need to be in a state of "passive readiness" because no matter how much planning and research we've put into our respective searches there are constant surprises (both good and bad) that jump up every now and then.

I think a degree of readiness AND flexibility has allowed us to overcome a number of hurdles along the way.

I have no doubt more hurdles are ahead of us but i am equally as certain that I have found a truly spectacular girl who will soon be my wife and if we're blessed... the mother of my children.

Our conversations over the past few days have continued to heighten my awareness of the enormity of our decisions and the bravery and fortitude she is capable of.  Whilst she's never doubted her decision to move to be with me in Oz she certainly felt periods of grave sadness at not just leaving her family and friends... but also leaving her country.

I imagine I will be posting much less frequently in future but I will try to return to RWD to watch it's continued growth and prosperity.  It is without a doubt the single best resource available to men like us and provides a valuable forum for discussion and debate.  There's no one way to be successful on this journey but RWD gave me the knowledge that was essential to me finding success.

Thanks to all...

Kuna


 

[jb]

Kuna,

Your last sounded very much like an eloquent "Farewell" address.  I truly hope that is not the case.

[KenC]

Kuna,
Best of luck to you and your girl!!  The fun part is now upon you.

I can only echo jb's post and hope you stick with us.  You may want our input even more now than before.  If for nothing else that a "reality check" occasionally.
KenC

[wiz]

Kuna

Please accept my best wishes for a bright future and happiness.

I hope and wish that your life is not full of problems but only happy times.

Forget our dissagreements and run to the airport man.

Bloody jealouse of you as I have to wait till December for mine to come to UK.

Good luck

[Kuna]

URGENT HELP NEEDED

Well.... who would have thought I would be back so soon begging for help????

I have a kingsize bed and bought a new doona cover for my feather doona...  I wrestled with the bloody thing for 45 minutes before realising I put it in the wrong way.  Next I pulled it out and have put it back in the right way - but now it's all lumpy.

I know I can shake it out to get all the lumps out but I want to stop off for a coffee on the way to the airport and now I'm running short of time.  I wonder if I cold ask the help of the good members at RWD???  If anyone is close and has half an hour to spare (from 5:30am) can I get you to pop over and shake the buggery out of the doona so it lays nicely on the bed?

Cheers, I really appreciate your help!   



But seriously... thanks jb and Ken...  my post wasn't a farewell... more like a "seeya later".

I think things will be very busy in the initial stages (after she gets past the sleep) and I would be neglecting her if I spent anywhere ner the time I currently do in RWD.

I'll be back... I'm sure of that... but a natural reduction in "RWD hours" is just a small change about to occur in my life. 


wiz,  I never realised we had disagreements in the past but now you've reminded me I will forget again.     Thanks for your good wishes!

[jb]

WTF is a doona???

[KenC]

WTF is a doona???

jb,
I am pretty sure it is an Australian hanging sex basket!
 
KenC

[wiz]

Oh I can see

the poor girl shattered from the long flight having to shake up the bloody doona cover......

Com'on Kuna....move your ass and stop panicking..... 

Make sure you go to the right terminal and airport...... 


I love it seen Kuna in a pickle..... 

[Son of Clyde]

Tie me kangaroo down sport.

I just felt like saying that.

[Turboguy]

Kuna,  You know what they say.

Man never really knows what true happiness is until he is married.

But then it is too late. 

[KenC]

Kuna,  You know what they say.

Man never really knows what true happiness is until he is married.

But then it is too late. 

Are you reading this VWRW?
KenC

[DizzyD]

Good luck Kuna.... I don't think she'll be worried about the "doona" cover....she probably won't even see it....

everyone is happy for you

Dizzy